RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/26/2007 7:32:25 PM

Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

The only thing that makes me wary sometimes about younger Doms is the same thing that makes me wary about people my age in general. Younger people are sometimes still in a phase of trying to 'collect' relationships as opposed to working hard to make one relationship last. I am not looking to get married tomorrow, but I do seek someone who is not just interested in me so he can add me to his collection of devoted slaves who mysteriously fell by the wayside, lol. It is the notch in the bedpost syndrome. Having said that, I'm sure there are older men (and women

) who do the same thing.

Inexperience is not a big problem for me. What is most important is a willingness to invest in the relationship, because that's the biggest thing two people can give to each other.

(in reply to digitalsky)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/26/2007 9:27:04 PM

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HardnRuff

I Myself find a young Man yet to have Mastered Himself let alone another , just My opinon

Hey, what a coincidence. I have yet to find 5% of grown, middle aged adults who have "Mastered" themselves, and amazingly enough the vast majority of the other 95% despite whatever flaws, shortcomings, and faults that they have, are in D/S and M/S relationships, quite a few with long term partners.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to HardnRuff)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/26/2007 9:33:17 PM

Posts: 91
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline

I chose to focus more on the thought of mastering yourself than the mention of the OP being a young man. I hadn't really considered HardnRuff's comment as a criticism of young dominants as a whole, although I may very well have been wrong. The point remains.

There isn't much difference in the percentage of male dominants trying to better themselves, the difference lies simply in the perception of balance between age and wisdom.

_____________________________

"We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution."

- Bill Hicks

(in reply to MadRabbit)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/26/2007 9:37:28 PM

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheScrivener

I chose to focus more on the thought of mastering yourself than the mention of the OP being a young man. I hadn't really considered HardnRuff's comment as a criticism of young dominants as a whole, although I may very well have been wrong. The point remains.

There isn't much difference in the percentage of male dominants trying to better themselves, the difference lies simply in the perception of balance between age and wisdom.

The point I was getting at was whether finds a partner is based solely on compatibility and not some overly used one-liner from the BDSM Fortune Cookie box.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to TheScrivener)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/26/2007 9:46:52 PM

Posts: 91
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheScrivener

I chose to focus more on the thought of mastering yourself than the mention of the OP being a young man. I hadn't really considered HardnRuff's comment as a criticism of young dominants as a whole, although I may very well have been wrong. The point remains.

There isn't much difference in the percentage of male dominants trying to better themselves, the difference lies simply in the perception of balance between age and wisdom.

The point I was getting at was whether finds a partner is based solely on compatibility and not some overly used one-liner from the BDSM Fortune Cookie box.

I can certainly agree with that. Putting on your Sunday best never hurts, either.

_____________________________

"We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution."

- Bill Hicks

(in reply to MadRabbit)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/26/2007 10:12:40 PM

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/26/2007
From: San Diego
Status: offline

quote:

The only thing that makes me wary sometimes about younger Doms is the same thing that makes me wary about people my age in general. Younger people are sometimes still in a phase of trying to 'collect' relationships as opposed to working hard to make one relationship last. I am not looking to get married tomorrow, but I do seek someone who is not just interested in me so he can add me to his collection of devoted slaves who mysteriously fell by the wayside, lol. It is the notch in the bedpost syndrome. Having said that, I'm sure there are older men (and women ) who do the same thing.

Inexperience is not a big problem for me. What is most important is a willingness to invest in the relationship, because that's the biggest thing two people can give to each other.

I can certainly agree with that, but it is interesting to note that you are assuming that most people in the scene are into some kind of monogamy. I won't disagree that there are some, but what about the people that are just out there trying to make a beautiful scene with someone? I'm not knocking on monogamy, but I think it is imprecise to assume that every kinkster out there is looking for a long term romantic relationship.

That being said, I would certainly enter into one if the circumstances werere right, but in my opinion, outright looking for your soulmate right off the bat doesn't do anyone a bit of good, and smacks of the kind of desperation and inexperience that most new dominants try to avoid.

< Message edited by digitalsky -- 12/26/2007 10:13:55 PM >

(in reply to goodgirl08)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/26/2007 10:15:28 PM

Posts: 113
Joined: 2/2/2007
From: CT
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: digitalsky

I identify myself as a dominant, but I will be the first to say that there is a LOT to learn. But I tend to agree with the the Scriv, that you have to work that much harder at building your image, because, well, this is the internet, and any personal charisma that you might have in real life doesnt translate very well. But inexperience certainly does. So the question is, how to gain experience if no one is willing to play because of your lack of experience?

Try your local groups, especially if you can find one with a TNG(the Next Generation). You're in Cal so and it sounds like a fairly populous area so I'd suspect you'll be able to find a group you can at least interact with. Maybe you'll find a group you love and can learn from. GoodluckEx

(in reply to digitalsky)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/26/2007 10:34:56 PM

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

Remember too, that with each generation there is a new consciousness spilling forth as well as the youth going through the biological phases of growing up, for instance.

In the coming ages perhaps it wont be such a big deal to be attuned to these parts of our sexuality and so on. A young person could excel at many things. They could intuitively know how to be a really good Dom out of the gate, while they grow to be ever more awesome and experienced. It is plausible to me that some of these young men have the ability to powerfully dominate and be completely safe with it.

Finding the right person to get into it with can be a difficult thing for anyone of any age but it seems that once folks do get together, it really seems to go somewhere at times.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to Exquemelin)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/26/2007 10:58:36 PM

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/26/2007
From: San Diego
Status: offline

As far as I can tell, everything is happening in the LA area, and the only group I could find in my area is very much older. Not that I mind, but I feel that I would be more comfortable with some one my own age, which, lol, brings us back to the original topic. Thank you for the good wishes, tho.

(in reply to Exquemelin)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/27/2007 12:16:20 AM

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I used to be young. Does that count?

(in reply to illawarraMaster)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/27/2007 12:44:19 AM

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

<QR>

I'm a youngin', 21...

I found it so hard to find a woman +5/-3 years who was both mature AND not too worried about getting married that I quit looking. I found so many girls (not women and certainly not ladies) with unfair expectations of men. My favorite was the one with EXTREMELY picky sexual desires, but refused to talk about sex. I can't have that. I have a theory that between 15 and 29 women GAIN THE ABILITY to think without reasoning. (If you're 15-29 and thought that sentence read "15-29 year old women can't be logical" you proove my point.)

I needed someone rational. Someone witty. Someone wise. Someone who could understand that after 1 date I'm still allowed to have one friend (two if I buy her LOTS of gifts.) OK, fine, cynicism stops here.

I met My Pet while engaging in a hobby of mine. Playing world of warcraft. ::blush::. She's proven to be an honest, devoted, obedient, amusing, loving, 37 year old female slave. Sometimes it's VERY annoying about the age difference. My biggest annoyance is I'm still in the educating years. I hate that I can't provide for her 24/7, but those are the cards we've been dealt.

I read a lot of the posts here. I'm sure there are people lined up to call me ignorant, most may be right. I'm reasonable (one who reasons), capable of being very logical, fair, and honest. Many of my ...peers... are young, dumb, and full of cum. I think thats poison to owning a person. Perhaps this is the byproduct of skipping childhood and being treated like an adult since 6.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/27/2007 1:17:32 AM

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear slyboots, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I am quite curious to your post which you state clearly that you have had your fair share of 'subs/slaves.' In my 35th year in the lifestyle, it is often a term used but--it is telling on its own by how you define 'your fair share of subs/slaves.' So, how many individuals have you dominated in a lifestyle mastery sense--not controling, domineering and or selfish sex? I think the term you used was a sexual 'buddy.' [Note-I don't particularly participate in language that is demeaning so I've loosely translated it.]

As a seasoned participant, it has often been a lament that young Dominants do not 'get' any respect that they deserve/deserved. I can tell you seasoned Dominants lament the same thing, especially when they make no effort to show, extend or be the example of respect. The old phrase of 'respect is earned--not an automatic given' is extremely valid and seems a constant for my parents and grand parents, to include me outside the lifestyle and within it. Unless people know me and my reputation and feel good about honoring me with respect personally, I don't expect it. I do not command it. I do not demand it. I think expectations of those new to the scene regardless of age, get caught up in BDSM porn and BDSM stories which the author creates an ideal circumstances -- stories and acting is not life. Life, is a script as you go and what you make of it.

In the position I am in now, sex is your power and not common sense at a young age. Retirement is a million miles and hundreds of years in the future. Mastering is more of how many willing sexual intercourse pleasers one can pimp out and pass around, not much different from prostitution and wreck a young woman's self-esteem, self worth and the like. One can always have sex without a relationship --these things young women know; and you can have a relationship without sex. These things young women know. When women mature--they want both and more heavily into the relationship as that is harder to gain and they can easily have sex with any man. I also know if you are a man, no matter what the age, who has a reputation of treating women like unpaid prostitutes and having no feelings or sensitivities in touch with their realities--you will have your own self to blame. There are many young men who know how to treat young ladies and have the respect of these ladies, to which makes the grapevine.

A guy in high school had such an attitude--that women were just meat to screw and when done being a bully, domineering and controlling--they became wrecks and he'd toss 'em to the side and get a new stable of sex toys (women). Going through women like going through M & Ms he got a reputation and soon no woman touched him. He is alone and miserable because he has yet to learn women may forgive--women do not forget.

Personally, I do not see bedroom domineering/domination/commanding/demanding/brute force/manipulation/head games/threats and such--as being a good person let alone a good Dominant. Nor, just having 'buddies' as counting as submissive/slaves -- they may act that way to just get along but, will they stay with you 30 years down the road, if you have erection dysfunction or loose your body tone or shape? To me, that isn't the sign I would use as being a good man, a good Dominant and or a good Master -- Only thing 'sexual buddies' masters is the sex and numbers. But, you have to remember, I am a senior citizen compared to you that identify as 'young.' I have whips and canes older than some of you guys also. [Chuckles]

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to slyboots)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/27/2007 1:34:33 AM

ECF

Posts: 24
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline

We all can't forget though, that knowing yourself, or being more aware as to what one wants isn't something that is restricted to those of us that are younger (I myself am 22). Even older individuals don't know what they want at all times, or else noone would ever experience what we call a "mid-life crisis," for that is exactly what said event is, a sudden upheaval and displeasure with ones' own self-identity and self-image, at least to me.

I think that every aspect of an individual makes for their own difficulties with being a dominant. At this point in some of our lives, the issue can be with a belief from many that share our interests in the lifestyle and practices that we have no idea what we are doing or what we want. For others the issues on each individual topic such as finding a sub or training one (if such actions are desired) can be personal appearance, financial standing, all sorts of things that every individual differs in, and all of these factors rolled into one big gooey mass makes an individual. Although really I guess we're probably more crunchy than gooey, with over 200 different bones in our bodies. I've never been much of the human consumption sort though so I can't really speak from experience on that.

This is obviously a stereotype, that young doms are by default less experienced than older ones, and its not always true, but then again, stereotypes don't sprout from complete fabrications, and experiences obviously exist that people have which cause them to have these stereotypes in the first place. But I bet a good number of the more seasoned people who will read this can agree that just because you claim to walk the walk and talk the talk for X number of years really doesn't mean jack squat when it comes down to it. People come into their interest in all of this at different times in their lives, and one advantage us 'youngins' do have is that we are figuring out that this is something that we find more that just a fleeting interest at a young age so that we can practice safe, sane, and consenual actions for longer than some by the time we're their age with more time to learn and grow both as individuals and as one side of a D/s relationship.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/27/2007 2:33:09 AM

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear ECF, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Stereotypes are created from a peer judgment of a majority of behaviors/actions/experiences that are associated with [insert what you will, e.g. age, race, religion, society, other countries, etc.]

Those who are not stereotypical are the unique ones and are individualized.

And, it is my belief that those regardless of age coming into the lifestyle/BDSM have a flawed sense of entitlement to respect and benefits of the title of Dominant and not understand that time, experience and patience is required to gain those areas of respect, understanding and skills that go beyond the stereotypical BDSM porn magazines/films.

Adding to your statement, implying that my reference of time in the lifestyle does not mean squat --it may not mean anything to individuals who have not met me in person, interacted with me personally and the like. It is again the example that respect is much more than a demand, command and or an automatic trigger for respect. No different than tossing out how many numbers of subs/slaves I've had or in another post -- 'fair share of sexual buddies.' Where the respect comes from is from substance--not boasts. It is quality and not the guantity of the relationship.

A person can be a technical whip master but, this is not an automatic entitlement that they are Dominant. It is nice to have both but, this too has been something people need to grow into and things just don't happen because of a sudden decision to be Dom or such. Understanding the many recipees to success is a lesson in of itself. And, one lesson is that there are 206 bones in the human body which makes it crunchy for human consumption whereas a chicken has 120. Then all one has to worry is about the recipee for original or crispy.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to ECF)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/27/2007 2:43:31 AM

Posts: 205
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

I don’t know what is young or old anymore, but I am 28 and have Phoenix. I have had a few girls offer up for a short or long term duration before. In the few years before I found out what BDSM was, I still had a LOT of women come to me asking for me to be a dom to them. Unfortunately I had no idea what they were asking, and declined at the time. So there are in fact women seeking young dom men. Where all the ones who were asking me before went off to I would sure like to know. Now that we are seeking, the supply seams to have vanished into thin air.

~Ki

(in reply to digitalsky)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/27/2007 2:53:48 AM

Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: digitalsky

I identify myself as a dominant, but I will be the first to say that there is a LOT to learn.

There's people who are in this lifestyle with a healthy, open, learning attitude, and there's Dominants who won't hear anything anyone else says (hey, they're true dominants right). You can find both among all age groups.

I know plenty of young (and older) Dominants who share your healthy point of view. I think one never stops learning. On the other hand, I also know a few young know-it-all's who won't take any advice. But that's not age related, as I also know plenty of older Dominants who won't take any advice (especially not from a younger Dom) or who will even come up to me giving me the most ridiculous advice (like "you should do bondage only with soft 6mm cotton ropes - completely ignoring the fact that I'm suspending someone, which makes breaking strength somewhat more important than softness - because they once learned that all other ropes will burn your sub) that could endager my subbies life and get pissed when I'm not in the mood to reason with them.

Personally, I try to ignore such people whatever age they are and to seek the company of the open-minded, whatever age they are.

(in reply to digitalsky)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/27/2007 8:20:46 AM

Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: digitalsky

quote:

The only thing that makes me wary sometimes about younger Doms is the same thing that makes me wary about people my age in general. Younger people are sometimes still in a phase of trying to 'collect' relationships as opposed to working hard to make one relationship last. I am not looking to get married tomorrow, but I do seek someone who is not just interested in me so he can add me to his collection of devoted slaves who mysteriously fell by the wayside, lol. It is the notch in the bedpost syndrome. Having said that, I'm sure there are older men (and women ) who do the same thing.

Inexperience is not a big problem for me. What is most important is a willingness to invest in the relationship, because that's the biggest thing two people can give to each other.

I can certainly agree with that, but it is interesting to note that you are assuming that most people in the scene are into some kind of monogamy. I won't disagree that there are some, but what about the people that are just out there trying to make a beautiful scene with someone? I'm not knocking on monogamy, but I think it is imprecise to assume that every kinkster out there is looking for a long term romantic relationship.

That being said, I would certainly enter into one if the circumstances werere right, but in my opinion, outright looking for your soulmate right off the bat doesn't do anyone a bit of good, and smacks of the kind of desperation and inexperience that most new dominants try to avoid.

Oh. Are you implying that about what I wrote?

I think there's a big difference between trolling for a soulmate, and looking to invest in what will lead to a good healthy relationship.

(in reply to digitalsky)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/27/2007 9:12:01 AM

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear ECF, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Stereotypes are created from a peer judgment of a majority of behaviors/actions/experiences that are associated with [insert what you will, e.g. age, race, religion, society, other countries, etc.]

Those who are not stereotypical are the unique ones and are individualized.

And, it is my belief that those regardless of age coming into the lifestyle/BDSM have a flawed sense of entitlement to respect and benefits of the title of Dominant and not understand that time, experience and patience is required to gain those areas of respect, understanding and skills that go beyond the stereotypical BDSM porn magazines/films.

Adding to your statement, implying that my reference of time in the lifestyle does not mean squat --it may not mean anything to individuals who have not met me in person, interacted with me personally and the like. It is again the example that respect is much more than a demand, command and or an automatic trigger for respect. No different than tossing out how many numbers of subs/slaves I've had or in another post -- 'fair share of sexual buddies.' Where the respect comes from is from substance--not boasts. It is quality and not the guantity of the relationship.

A person can be a technical whip master but, this is not an automatic entitlement that they are Dominant. It is nice to have both but, this too has been something people need to grow into and things just don't happen because of a sudden decision to be Dom or such. Understanding the many recipees to success is a lesson in of itself. And, one lesson is that there are 206 bones in the human body which makes it crunchy for human consumption whereas a chicken has 120. Then all one has to worry is about the recipee for original or crispy.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

Very well put, LadyHugs. I hope the OP pays attention to your posts.

It is a given... there are "pump their chest, boast about sexual conquests as though they are actually something to be proud of, consider all sexual partners "subs" and their having "done them" as being "Dominant", know it all, I am Dom/Domme hear me roar" types in all age groups.

I think the key here, gentlemen, is to pay more attention to those who have decades of experience in D/s, M/s or BDSM and forget about the age factor. I'm sorry, but you can't gain decades of experience in anything without aging a bit. That does NOT mean a young Dom isn't Dominant. He/she may be a wonderful Dom who will grasp the concepts of the lifestyle itself long before mastering the techniques of the BDSM side of this. In my opinion, the BDSM side is just the icing on the cake, and we never stop learning new techniques. But, my point here is, we also never stop learning about the lifestyle side of this.

The difficult part is learning and understanding the concepts of the D/s and/or M/s side. There is where the mentoring with an older experienced Dom can be helpful. Any monkey can dress the part and learn to throw a flogger. It takes much more to grasp the concepts of D/s and/or M/s.

I think of another thread right now where an 18 year old girl is talking about going "pro" so she can get money for the "fun things" she wants. How scary is that??? But... according to her... she is a Domme with "lots of experience".

Respect IS earned. Looking for groups who are in your age group is NOT a good idea. You will learn much more if you connect with people who have decades of experience and knowledge to share with you. Will any of them know "the one true way"? Hell no. There is no such thing. But, listen to all of them you can... and glean from them the best of all you hear. But, first and foremost, be willing to listen and learn.

Our clubs here in Denver are very welcoming to young Doms. IF they walk in the door, introduce themselves without putting "Master" in front of their names, and express the desire to learn. The beauty of it is, even those with many years of experience have the opportunity to learn from the young Doms. <smile> A new perspective and insight is always wonderful to hear.

If you run into pompous, know it all, my way is the only way, Doms, then politely move on. You will meet those who are honestly very knowledgable people who are more than willing to share what they have learned over the years.

I am thrilled for all of you who have discovered this so early in your lives. You have a wonderful journey ahead of you. Just accept that if it is all about sex and sexual conquests, you will not get very far. Learn the concepts (as some of you have already shown you are starting to) and don't expect instant respect just because you identify as a Dom.

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

check out: www.enclaveproductions.com
www.enclavewest.com

(in reply to LadyHugs)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/27/2007 9:45:44 AM

Posts: 9
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline

I'm so happy to see this thread! I know, how horrible of me, but it's nice seeing both sides get judged by their age; personally I'm getting rather fed up of being mailed by those who are 50+ telling me that's what I need, being young and relatively inexperienced... I'd welcome emails from people more my age, but they never seem to come:(

Just keep at it, the right person is bound to come along, age regardless!

(in reply to MystressDream)

RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves - 12/27/2007 9:59:15 AM

Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline

I'm 22 (soon to be 23) and a Domme. My pet is 29. Even though by ageI might be young I've had a rough life that required that I grow up quickly. I am done playing the "dating scene" with people who don't understand me and have found my one. I'm completely happy in a monogamous relationship. In the past my pet has liked women older than him due to the maturity level they hold. he didn't want to feel as though he's babysitting a bratty, snot nosed child. Its possible for people who are younger to become Domme's/Dom with it comes learning experience, patience, and mistakes. If the right person is found age doesn't matter. Its whats within the person, what they can bring to the relationship, and if they're open to new ideas and experimentation. But thats just my viewpoint.

_____________________________

Proud owner of rubberpet, the best investment of my time, trust, and heart that any Domme could ever dream of.

(in reply to SlavishStudent)

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: young Dom/Masters with sub/slaves

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.182