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Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 11:42:32 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		In the thread on relocating and travel, there were several ideas on who pays for it. I thought I had a very firm opinion on it, but after reading some of the others, I'm not so sure anymore.  Who do you think should pay for travel to meet someone?  Who should pay for relocating?

Cali



< Message edited by CalifChick -- 1/13/2008 11:43:16 AM >

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 11:45:26 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		I myself see it as something you do together. If one of both earns more money, he/she can add some more. The one moving already give a big sacrifice, so he/she shouldn't pay all.

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 11:48:11 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_73308/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#73308
Where does money come into it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_85402/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#85402
Money Matters

http://www.collarchat.com/m_86294/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#86294
The control of money

http://www.collarchat.com/m_140655/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#140655
Money and sexism in bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_276420/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#276420
financial decisions

http://www.collarchat.com/m_472811/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#472811
In the beginning, money issues

http://www.collarchat.com/m_876333/mpage_1/key_pays/tm.htm#876339
Who pays, do you split the cost and for what?


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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 11:55:03 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I like to pick up the tab for myself and if it's a first meet, it's going to be for an event I'm going to anyway (Folsom, LLC - something like that) or won't mind attending. If someone can't scrap together the scratch to attend a single event, they're probably not going to be in the space they'd need to be in if they want to be compatible with me. (Right age range, life experience, financial maturity and ability etc). I don't like the idea, at all, of strangers thinking that our home is a hotel and I'm very picky about who I let into my inner circle, so it's a public event or it's not a meet and each party needs to pay their own way.

As for relocation: once we've gotten to the point where that's going to happen, they will come here at their own expense, then be reimbursed for half when they arrive. Their rent will be their responsibility unless and until such time after they have relocated to our area until they move in with us after which, we'll pick up all living expenses. In a nutshell, any potential partner is going to be a long process with us and everyone will have the opportunity to prove their stability to the other family members.



Celeste

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 11:57:53 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline 		I tend to leave the travel expenses to the slave.  Once they are here, however, I don't let them spend a penny of their own money.

Taggard


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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 12:04:40 PM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		Because I make more money than most submissives, when I was travelling to seek a boy, I paid for My travel, the hotel and 99% of the trip ( food etc)---once I had a boy meet Me at a work conference and paid for him to travel to Me there as well as 100% of room and food.
 
I will say, that I will do that no more--it cost Me a fortune and gained Me little.
 
As for relocation, I paid for that and paid for him to go back home, I will never do that again either.
 
This time they will pay to come to Me, I will help with meals and entertainment.
 
For relocation--I may help, but they have to bear the majority of the financial burden.
 
I am not a free ride and will be no longer.  As you can see I am a tad..well let's just say I've learned My lessons the hard way.
 
 

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 12:08:39 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
When I was single, I usually paid for everything.  I always liked having an out, I wanted to go on my own dime, I wanted my own hotel.  I felt that paying for things empowered me and gave me the freedom from obligations of any kind.  In cases where the submissive was more courting me than vice versa, I would sometimes bend those rules.  I was mostly comfortable in the position of paying because it gave me power.

When I relocated my husband I paid for everything, but he didn't have any money. If he had money of his own, we probably would have shared in the expenses. 

Nowadays, as I take my first steps into poly, I feel more comfortable back in my own role of paying for things.  We aren't to the point of travel yet, but the subs I am "courting" I generally want to pay for things - toys, phone calls, etc. That gives me freedom from obligation.  If a sub is pursuing me and I'm not quite sure where I stand on things, then he'd be doing the paying; I think that generally the person in pursuit does the paying, that's just the way it is.  I just generally am more comfortable in the role of "pursuer" rather than "pursued" - but it does happen.

Akasha


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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 12:48:54 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

In the thread on relocating and travel, there were several ideas on who pays for it. I thought I had a very firm opinion on it, but after reading some of the others, I'm not so sure anymore.  Who do you think should pay for travel to meet someone?  Who should pay for relocating?

Cali




I don't think there is a hard and fast rule on paying for travel. I can see it being nice to have the other person travel, but since it would just be a meeting, it's also nice to not be relying on them for your plane tickets. With relocating, it would be nice if both people could chip in equally since, presumably, both people will be getting something out of it. It could also boil down to who is in a better situation to be able to pay for it.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 1:01:02 PM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		in my experience only,  i have never dated or met a man that wanted me or let me pay for anything. Even if i insisted. i guess they like the idea that they are in their own way taking charge and taking care of me.

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 1:03:54 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I think it is entirely situational. Although I am not a big fan of LDR's there are some folks off of this thang that I would like to meet.

It all just depends. If the sub is incapable of paying for air fare...How much is it worth to you to make her acquaitance in person?

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 1:06:43 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		It doesn't have a hard and fast rule for M and I. If someone is coming to town to see me, generally they are going to pay for their own expenses the first time. After the first time, I might chip in to help with travel expenses.

But M's girlfriend Maija might come see us this summer, and if so we will probably buy her plane ticket.  But if she was coming to see just him, it would fall back onto the one coming to visit paying their own expenses.

I think if they treat us as a family and make both of us part of the relationship beforehand, we are more likely to share the expense than if they have interest in only one of us, or the other. But the home situation and how much the person makes makes a HUGE difference.

For me going to see someone, I pay my own way unless I have met the person before, in which case I would let them help.

~E

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 1:14:05 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I would enjoy someone paying everything for me, leaves me more money for suvinerrs and stuff, with the exception that if in paying for everything they get a I payed for it so you owe me( insert what ever the act is here)entitlement complex.

There are people who feel since they payed for you, they're intitled to demand sex and other favors from you.
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

in my experience only,  i have never dated or met a man that wanted me or let me pay for anything. Even if i insisted. i guess they like the idea that they are in their own way taking charge and taking care of me.


< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 1/13/2008 1:15:31 PM >

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 1:16:56 PM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
I only ever paid for my own air fare one time. . . every other time the ticket was sent to me, and all expenses were paid by whomever I went to meet. I have never paid for anyone to come here. . .I have picked up the tab for a meal or two...just have old fashioned ideas about traditional roles I guess


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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 1:27:44 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

There are people who feel since they payed for you, they're intitled to demand sex and other favors from you.


Actually, YHMA, it was something you said in the other thread that got me to thinking.  You said, "I think now whom evers idea it was should pay." What if you both want to meet, you chew over the particulars, and you decide that you should go to his location.  Then it's a mutual idea. 

Someone else said "whoever travels should pay."  So if we decided that he should come here, then he would pay, but since we wanted to go to an event in his location, and I was going to go there, then I should pay??  That doesn't seem to make sense.

I'm just out of a marriage in which I carried the financial burden, and maybe that has made me hypersensitive.  Okay, I'm SURE it made me hypersensitive.  I'm also chewing over some thoughts about traditional gender roles (thank you, Elusive), because I would have never considered myself traditional, but dammitall, it looks like I am in this. 

And it's quite likely, as a good friend likes to tell me, "Overthinking much??"

I've appreciated everybody's thoughts on this.  Thank you.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 1:36:11 PM   
agoodgirl4Daddy


Posts: 336
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline 		how bout this...

you and someone agree to meet, and you get your own hotel room, board your pets, and pay for your gas and put mileage on your car to meet the person.

the person stands you up...... without even bothering to speak to you directly..leaves voicemails (the type that can be left without your phone ringing) or text messages.... 

the person says they'll pay for your trip..but that's been going on for quite some time....and you've not gotten any money in the mail (as initally requested) or sent to your pay pal account (which you've requested...as this person requested).

what do you think?  should this person pay your hotel and travel expenses ....  especially after they've told you they would????

*frustrated girl who is convinced there are way too many wankers in the lifestyle*

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~We do not see things as they are - we see them as we are.~ Anais Nin

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 1:38:36 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		SO's paying for his own travel here (and so will i when i visit him in March/April). we're both co-paying for relocation expenses.

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 1:38:50 PM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		How true! i remember being asked out by a blond blue eyed guy when i was 18 who was here for the summer and studying to be a Doctor at Harvard i believe. When he found out that i wasn't go to fool around with him on the first date. He asked for a refund of both of our cokes and promptly tookl me home. i still laugh about it now.

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i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 1:39:41 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agoodgirl4Daddy

the person says they'll pay for your trip..but that's been going on for quite some time....and you've not gotten any money in the mail (as initally requested) or sent to your pay pal account (which you've requested...as this person requested).

what do you think?  should this person pay your hotel and travel expenses ....  especially after they've told you they would????


So he didn't send the money in advance, he stood you up... do you really think that you will get any money out of this now????

Check!  Reality check please!

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 1:40:13 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agoodgirl4Daddy

how bout this...

you and someone agree to meet, and you get your own hotel room, board your pets, and pay for your gas and put mileage on your car to meet the person.

the person stands you up...... without even bothering to speak to you directly..leaves voicemails (the type that can be left without your phone ringing) or text messages.... 

the person says they'll pay for your trip..but that's been going on for quite some time....and you've not gotten any money in the mail (as initally requested) or sent to your pay pal account (which you've requested...as this person requested).

what do you think?  should this person pay your hotel and travel expenses ....  especially after they've told you they would????

*frustrated girl who is convinced there are way too many wankers in the lifestyle*


I'd have dumped their ass after standing me up the first time.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Who Pays for the Travel? - 1/13/2008 1:42:04 PM   
agoodgirl4Daddy


Posts: 336
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: agoodgirl4Daddy

the person says they'll pay for your trip..but that's been going on for quite some time....and you've not gotten any money in the mail (as initally requested) or sent to your pay pal account (which you've requested...as this person requested).

what do you think?  should this person pay your hotel and travel expenses ....  especially after they've told you they would????


So he didn't send the money in advance, he stood you up... do you really think that you will get any money out of this now????

Check!  Reality check please!

Cali



i'm NOT holding my breath.  this person is someone who posts regularly on this message board, so i'm hoping he "mans up" and follows through on his promise.

i just have to wonder...where ARE the Dominants/Daddies with honor and integrity??  *sigh*

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