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Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:02:49 PM

Posts: 32
Joined: 3/19/2008
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I am curious as to the opinion of those here who are slaves. Do you use a safeword with your Master/Mistress? Or do you feel because you are a slave, safewords are not a necessity? Im mainly referring, of course to scening.

Master and I use one, and for several reasons. The foremost is my Diabetes, because sometimes, especially during extended scening, my blood sugar can drop. But it is also there because even as a self confessed pain slut, even I have limits, and for us, the BDSM element is not as essential as the D/s side of our relationship.

Just curious to see what others' arrangements are. . . I had a Domme I was talking to in chat tell me "real slaves" don't use safewords and it sparked a whole debate in the chatroom, as well as between myself and some of my slave and sub friends.

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:06:48 PM

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Joined: 10/23/2007
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I have a safeword in place and I would not hesitate to use it if needed. So far, all pain has been the good kind, but if it wasn't, I'd tell him without qualms. I think he'd rather stop play then take me to the ER for a dislocated shoulder or something.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:08:16 PM

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Joined: 3/19/2008
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OG, just in the few postings Ive had time to glance over, I much admire and respect you. Heck, even like you, as much as one can from a cyber distance.

Blessings to you.

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:09:57 PM

Posts: 11766
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quote:

...Do you use a safeword with your Master/Mistress? Or do you feel because you are a slave, safewords are not a necessity?...

No, and it has nothing to do with being A slave...it has to do with being HIS slave.

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:10:23 PM

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Joined: 10/23/2007
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wow-- thank you very much.

ETA: nice profile and beautiful pictures.

< Message edited by OmegaG -- 4/1/2008 1:12:32 PM >

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:15:35 PM

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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If you mean do I use a word that has been assigned a new meaning for the purpose of a scene that I am supposed to remember in the midst of a scene at a time when I may have difficulty remembering my own name...the answer is no. If you mean do I trust my safety to a pre-determined code word....the answer is no.

If you mean do I communicate openly using words that already have perfectly good meanings that mean exactly what I say...then yes.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:18:21 PM

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Joined: 3/19/2008
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I guess maybe for me it is easy to remember the word I chose when I need a break or things are too much.

At the same time, I am quite sure if I said quite plainly, "Master, my blood sugar is low." He would immediately stop and grab the OJ.

To each their own. I suppose its much like anything else in this world, different strokes for different folks.

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:19:41 PM

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Joined: 3/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

wow-- thank you very much.

ETA: nice profile and beautiful pictures.

Thank you as well. You have a lovely smile!

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:25:38 PM

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Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

laughs reading what erin said

I know I wont have a safe word... I dont need a specific one to communicte EXACTLY what is going on with my mind or body.. my vocabulary is extensive and well applied ... my profanity is particularly creative and colourful ... besides... I have trust that before we get anywhere close to where I would need to use a safe word (if it existed) He would have learned to read me and know how far was it was wise to proceed. I live in the knowledge that sometimes .. there will be nothing I can say or do that could stop Him ..even though that thought terrifies me ... it arrouses me also

That said I have a medical condition that means .. slave or sub.. limits or none...like it or not .. we will simply have to stop if He doesn't want a dead cunt to explain away .. but then that is just as likely to happen while I am sleeping peacefully in His arms as it is hanging screaming from a beam... its crappy ... but its life.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:26:25 PM

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being one who's injured herself in the past, I know that in the middle of pain I tend to become very basic in my communication abilities. I MIGHT be able to get out "Fuck, shoulder, hurt" but I'm not likely to get out "My shoulder isn't possitioned right and I need to move it."

But I've also notived when we are doing something new and intense he will ask me what my safe word is just to see if I've gone beyond communicative. I can see the logic in that (as one time it took a good 30 seconds to find the right answer).

I know that some see safe words as superfluous but also have the ability to communicate if something is amiss. And I've talked with someone who informed me that not only would I not have a safe word, but I was not allowed to talk during play, would always be gagged unless he had other need for my mouth and if something wasn't right I could discuss it with him after. Needless to say that was our last conversation.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:32:00 PM

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Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

And I've talked with someone who informed me that not only would I not have a safe word, but I was not allowed to talk during play, would always be gagged unless he had other need for my mouth and if something wasn't right I could discuss it with him after. Needless to say that was our last conversation.

would you havea similar reaction if your current master said that to you next time you played? .. was it an issue of the degree of trust you had for that guy or simply that you are never willing to be in that state of vulnerability?

am curious becuase in a little under 18 months I have gone from "limits girl safewords or die"..to how I posted above...and that was because of learning lessons about trust and confidence.. interested to read your answers

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:33:59 PM

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Joined: 3/9/2008
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Master doesn't give me a safeword. I've had them in the past but never used them because I am much more likely to say "I am getting dizzy" than "red."

Knowing it was there in past helped me feel better but the more experience I got with sceneing the more I feel that personally I would find the use of a safeword to be more harmful than hurtful. When I am focusing on "when should I call this off" I am less likely to relax.

Of course to each his own. I don't think safewords in themselves are bad. I do think that discussions on what type of communication works in your own specific dynamic (whether that leads to safewords or not) is the key to playing safely.

Of course, I love when I say "my arm is being crushed" and get "deal with it cunt" so maybe I'm not the best person to take advice from.

charlotte

< Message edited by charlotteS -- 4/1/2008 1:36:31 PM >

_____________________________

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to softness)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:37:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

...Do you use a safeword with your Master/Mistress?
Or do you feel because you are a slave, safewords are not a necessity?...

No, and it has nothing to do with being A slave...
it has to do with being HIS slave.

I am outside of bdsm but this makes perfect sense and is beautiful as well.

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:38:04 PM

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Joined: 10/23/2007
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I would wonder who the hell invaded his body. He's far more concerned with safety then I am.

However, hypothetically, by now we've played enough that he knows my feel good sounds and my endurance sounds and he knows that if he doesn't hear sound at all or I start focussing on my breathing that is when I am really not liking the pain.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to softness)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:39:58 PM

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: underhisthumb
I suppose its much like anything else in this world, different strokes for different folks.

That's it in a nutshell. Personally, I think that assigning unrelated words some magical power that is supposed to keep you safe is an extremely poor and dangerous means of communication. I would never play with a dominant who required their use.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:43:08 PM

Posts: 6
Status: offline

I usually just read the forum logs and not say anything. But on this matter I MUST chime in.

There is nothing wrong with having safe words in place. Normally, communication bettween Dom/sub is more than enough. However, having in the back of your mind scenes such as a "rape" scene the sub can say "No" all she wants. I'll still take her as I want and see fit. My partners know that I use what has become the standard for safe words, the good old traffic light. If I ask a sub who is out in la-la land..how she's doing.. and she gives a Green..or can even acknowledge with "I'm doing fine" , then that is good.
If the tempo and intensity grows..and I ask, I may get a "yellow" indicating "I'm on that edge between pleasure and pain. It's ok for now..but.." If I get that response I may back it down a notch.
But the instant I overstep the pain threshold and it becomes intolerable, the sub knows to say "RED RED RED" and all things stop, Instantly. The item causing the pain is attended to and if medical treatment is required it is looked at without hesitation.
I will not play with a submissive that tells me she has no limits, nor will I with a sub that says she will not use safe words. Even if a scene is setup with extreme bondage nad there is a gag involved. I have safety indicators involved. I will usually have her hands placed where I can see them. If she gets into a position that she needs to give a RED RED RED indication without being able to speak it.. The preset indication is her flipping me off. I can see that..and it indicates a pretty strong feeling. All comes to a halt and the first thing I pull out is the gag so she now can speak, and I can then go for what she indicates is injured.
There are no words that need to have a 2nd meaning. If done with forethought, both Dom and sub can have a great scene without any fear of something not being construed incorrectly and ending up with a bad scene. This is just MHO!
Jody (Sir J)

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:43:44 PM

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Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

I would wonder who the hell invaded his body. He's far more concerned with safety then I am.

However, hypothetically, by now we've played enough that he knows my feel good sounds and my endurance sounds and he knows that if he doesn't hear sound at all or I start focussing on my breathing that is when I am really not liking the pain.

thats what I thought... eventually ... if He couldn't use my body to understand my conditon both physcially and mentally ... then I would think He wasn't really paying attention .. or question His intelligence

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:43:56 PM

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Joined: 10/23/2007
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As an adendum, I have told him that something hurt or wasn't right and he didn't ignore me or tell me to use the safe word, he just fixed it. I look at the safeword as just an added percaution. (for example, during breath play I may only be able to get one syllable out so it better be an effective one--- and of course when I say "I can't breath, Sir" he answers back that of course I can or I couldn't have said all that. Sadists!)

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 1:48:56 PM

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
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well, and the guy who said that I'd have no ability to communicate durine a scene was also the one who said our first meeting would go as such: I'd get a hotel room and I'd call him with the number of the room. I'd unlock the door or jam it so that it couldn't lock. I'd strip and blindfold myself so that when he entered the room he'd be able to inspect me at will.

He also was very proud to have found a place where he could download all the music he wanted for free (and I'm huge on intellectual copywrite) so it wasn't a hard decision not to continue.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to softness)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/1/2008 2:00:25 PM

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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No. We don't play with safewords. We play with all the other words already in our vocabularies.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to underhisthumb)

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