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What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 5:48:52 PM

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Hey Everyone,

I'm wondering why you are attracted to a d/s or polyamourous relationship. I decided to put this in health section because I consider this discussion to be along the lines of mental health.

Questions: Were you raped, molested, beaten, raised in the lifestyle or had otherwise weird things happen to them growing up? Or is it your culture or background?

RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 5:53:36 PM

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I think something dodgy happened to me, but it was way before I was able to formulate it so that I could have a memory of it (my memory is otherwise fierce, and terribly early). Unfortunately. I think this is where my thirst for D/s comes from (I hide it well: but Kink should be my second name). I'm starting to accept that I shan't ever find out the whole truth... and that happiness depends upon my self-acceptance.

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 5:53:51 PM

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Daddy drove me to D/s. I never knew it had a name before I met Him. Had some really kinky tendencies from high school on, some rough fantasies that I was never able to tell anyone. He explained that there were tons of others who felt the same way, and I was on my way to learning as much as I could. Five years later, I'm pretty comfortable with where I am.

I have always been overly sensual and physical with people I'm going out with or attracted to, and my overt sexuality may have come from never being told shit about sex when I was growing up. I had to read and learn about it for myself since my family never explained anything to me.

ETA: I also had some rotten stuff happen to me when I was growing up by some of my peer group, and who knows? Maybe part of my enjoyment of this lifestyle is because there is an avenue for controlled chaos, where I can trust and be safe.

< Message edited by Daddysredhead -- 8/13/2008 5:56:47 PM >

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 6:04:25 PM

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It was Zap Comics.

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 6:11:03 PM

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Zap comics? What are those? Something delightfully indulgent I haven't heard about yet!!!

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 6:16:55 PM

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quote:

Questions: Were you raped, molested, beaten, raised in the lifestyle or had otherwise weird things happen to them growing up? Or is it your culture or background?

None of the above.

D/s is who I am. That is all there is to that.

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 6:18:28 PM

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It's the order of your things, perhaps

?

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 6:19:29 PM

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I was never raped, molested, etc, in fact I had, for all intensive purposes, the ideal childhood. Kink just turns me on!

Daddy's Ballerina, e

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 6:20:57 PM

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No, kittin, that was not what I said.

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 6:24:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kolekorin

....Were you raped, molested, beaten, raised in the lifestyle or had otherwise weird things happen to them growing up?...

The answer is no to all the above.

My interest in D/s (I believe) came from an unexplainable desire to explore all things taboo, and to go farther in my exploration than what I feel most others are willing to. Its just that simple.

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 6:27:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kolekorin

Zap comics? What are those? Something delightfully indulgent I haven't heard about yet!!!

Oh my my my. R Crumb underground comics from the 1960s. There were a few other related comics in my Dad's collection as well. We had characters like Captain Pissgums the Pirate, and his Barbed Tongue Clit Lickers. Wonder Warthog who used his snout instead of his whizzled dick and when he sneezed, he blew poor Lois Lane across the city. There was no subject too taboo. There were the nice white boys in the suburbs who had it bad for their round-assed naked jungle bunny. Oh, and some of my first tingly feelings came from the incest comics, and the femdom images. It was all very graphic, very subversive, and entirely child-friendly. LOL.

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 6:27:06 PM

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I have watched the love of bondage manifest in persons who had nothing happen to them by the age they were. They tied anything they could tie up and it moved on from there. I cannot tell you how many times I had to figure out how to get someone or somethings, often a combo of both, freed.

I often wonder why we would consider that bdsmer's have a higher rate of any kind of mental illness, abuse or anything else. I don't even think I would trust research on this because it is often so slanted. I don't know anyone that has been included in any such data finding.

Sometimes we need to stop trying to find a cause and just accept what is, as what is. I think the more important questions would be... and a personal one at that... is your bdsm harmful to your life somehow? If it is all good... why worry about it?

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 6:27:43 PM

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Not everyone who enjoys the lifestyle had bad things happen in their childhood. I don't see enjoying the lifestyle as a mental health issue.
I think there are people here who have mental health issues, just as there are in any other gorup of people.

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 6:28:48 PM

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I had an idyllic, small-town childhood. No abuse or anything. I've been attracted to power exchange as far back as I can remember, back to games involving 'capturing' other kids. It's just me. Once I discovered bdsm on the internet when I was a teenager (I'm 28 now), and knew there were other people out there with my desires, or complementary desires, it was all over.

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 6:42:05 PM

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this is me and this is who I am. Genetics maybe. Always new what I liked, but I probably would have lived without if just fine if it hadn't been for my first serious GF, loved pain.

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 6:50:17 PM

TheLeatherKnight

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I recall quite clearly it beginning when I was 16 and sleeping with my mom's best friend Debra who was 36 and a very horny divorcee'.
Debra loved having her pussy licked and taught me exactly how to do it by holding my head in her hands and guiding it until she came. After a while she would get downright rough with her grasp even pulling hair like reigns, so one night I grabbed her wrists and held her hands to her sides without ever stopping my tongue lashing. She 'struggled' a tiny bit... and then SHE BEGGED.
It instantly lit me up like fire. I began to tease her with my tongue and stop and start and nibble her clit.... and LOVING the sound of this horny, attractive redhead begging me to eat her out.
That is where my love of sexual control began and of course she being older and more worldly, she expanded my mind on the subject of D/s over that next two years.
And mom and dad wondered why I had no intrest in the school prom.... lol

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 7:07:04 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kolekorin

Hey Everyone,

I'm wondering why you are attracted to a d/s or polyamourous relationship. I decided to put this in health section because I consider this discussion to be along the lines of mental health.

Questions: Were you raped, molested, beaten, raised in the lifestyle or had otherwise weird things happen to them growing up? Or is it your culture or background?

My "damage" has nothing to do with my poly or my bdsm activities, as far as anyone can tell.

I have always been poly -- my first romantic relationships were shared relationships. I have also always been dominant. Expression in BDSM didn't happen until I was able to hook in to the community (only because there -were- no groups like the munch groups, etc., that one could go to when I first recognized my interests). If you're interested in more of my story, you can find it in this thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2049544/mpage_1/tm.htm

CFB

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 7:15:25 PM

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Ya know I could use this as an excuse for all the negative things I've ever had happen to me in my life but being that I don't ever play the victim or blame others or use my past as a fault, I won't.

It could possibly be that I grew up in an area where men were men and women were women. Men went to work, cared for the household, took charge. It's what I am used to and comfortable with..but there are just as many parts of my culture I grew up with that I am uncomfortable with.

In the end it comes down to the fact that to everyone else I am just a normal, average human being like everyone else..except that one person who inspires me to submit to him because we are compatible, I feel a connection with him and I find him incredibly dominant in personality which turns me on and makes me want to submit to him in every way possible.

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 7:32:24 PM

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The lack of group effort and cooperation in western culture.

Though Caucasian, I really am more Asian in outlook.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 8/13/2008 7:38:52 PM >

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 9:15:01 PM

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Joined: 2/26/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I have watched the love of bondage manifest in persons who had nothing happen to them by the age they were. They tied anything they could tie up and it moved on from there. I cannot tell you how many times I had to figure out how to get someone or somethings, often a combo of both, freed.

I often wonder why we would consider that bdsmer's have a higher rate of any kind of mental illness, abuse or anything else. I don't even think I would trust research on this because it is often so slanted. I don't know anyone that has been included in any such data finding.

Sometimes we need to stop trying to find a cause and just accept what is, as what is. I think the more important questions would be... and a personal one at that... is your bdsm harmful to your life somehow? If it is all good... why worry about it?

I don't assume that bdsm'rs have a higher rate of mental illness. I strongly suspect, though, that BDSM'rs have a significantly higher rate of something terrible happening during the formative years. I'm willing to bet if we dug around most of the people on this site's past there is something lurking in the depths of their memory they don't recognize as strange or crazy simply because it was "the norm" growing up. Though I do acknolwege there are plenty of people for whom it comes natrually, I'm simply saying they are the exception and not the rule.

Oh, and I'm not knocking the lifestyle by any means. My question is driven by curiousity, the same curiosity that drives me to ask why are the waves at the beach are bigger at 2:30 or why are mexican people statistically more likely to have diabetes. It's interesting to me and helps me understand my world better.

(in reply to kolekorin)

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