Deeply Troubled

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Deeply Troubled

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Deeply Troubled

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Deeply Troubled - 12/31/2008 5:58:19 PM

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

I really do not like feeling like this and its not a constant condition.
How do you deal as a sub/slave with the emptiness inside you as a result of being ignored by your dominant, before it becomes depression?
Also, would like to ask how you might deal with the anxiety that some times arises when you find our self concerned about the well-being of your dominant?

RE: Deeply Troubled - 12/31/2008 6:03:00 PM

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

I really do not like feeling like this and its not a constant condition.
How do you deal as a sub/slave with the emptiness inside you as a result of being ignored by your dominant, before it becomes depression?
Also, would like to ask how you might deal with the anxiety that some times arises when you find our self concerned about the well-being of your dominant?

I've never been ignored long-term. But I've been ignored short-term (a day or so) for doing something that my dom didn't like, such as bringing up something he didn't want to deal with. In the past, my reaction was to concede and sweep my own feelings or issues under the carpet--ie--just 'drop it'-- so as to keep the peace. I don't think that's a healthy response, nor do I think this kind of thing is a sign of a functional relationship. I don't think I could ever accept that type of situation again. But I'm only speaking from my own experiences of course. I don't know your situation.

(in reply to Aszhrae)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 12/31/2008 6:56:45 PM

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

When either of those situations you described comes up, I a) keep myself busy, and b) journal and or talk to others about it. Sweeping my feelings under the rug and "sucking it up" does not work for me. If the ignoring behaviour keeps up, I would reassess my relationship and quite possibly walk away.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to marie2)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 12/31/2008 7:14:33 PM

Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

Master T does not ignore me...but I do know what you are saying. I had a vanilla relationship and it just got to the point that I needed to get away from it. If it bothers you so much, talk to your Dom/Master about it and express your needs and see where it goes.

(in reply to natasha66)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 12/31/2008 7:15:47 PM

Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline

Whatever hobbies you have, get into them. Thats what I did when my last pretty much ignored me. I read, painted, and immersed myself in my job, friends, and other loved ones.

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to MasterTslave)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 12/31/2008 8:58:47 PM

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/27/2008
Status: offline

I keep a journal of all of the good things that happen in our relationship. There are times when contact drops down for a short while and then I pull out my journal and smile in fond remembrance of things that my Master has said or done.

You'll find that it can be easy to torture yourself. However, think about whether your Dom would want you to do this. Would it please them for you to be so insecure? Remembering that it would disappoint my Master for me to fall back on negative self talk has helped me to break that habit. I have other slave friends that I email when I am feeling a little blue and they are a great support network. In turn I support them when they are feeling down, and we also share our joys. It can be very helpful to have friends in the lifestyle that can be supportive of you being the best sub you can be.

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 12/31/2008 9:01:16 PM

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

One time I left my journal out and Daddy not knowing it was a journal, cause it looks like a funny book, picked it up and read it, and then from then one he was like you loooooooooooooooove me, I am imprinted on your heart!

you said so in your journal. It makes me gigle and smile, cause it's true I did, and his sappy tone of voice he takes on when he reminds me is a hoot.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mandyjean

I keep a journal of all of the good things that happen in our relationship.

(in reply to mandyjean)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 12/31/2008 9:20:16 PM

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Hrm. When people ignore me I assume they do not wish to be around me, and I don't fool myself into thinking it will get better. This is not highschool, you do not pout when your other 'ignores' you.... either tell them to get their shit together, or leave.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 12/31/2008 10:45:14 PM

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I wouldn't put up with being ignored. We'd either talk about it and work it out, or he'd be finding himself single and hunting for a new partner if he refused to work it o ut.

quote:

No New Messages
KyttynTheMynx
Evil

Posts: 1983
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: online Whatever hobbies you have, get into them. Thats wh

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

I really do not like feeling like this and its not a constant condition.
How do you deal as a sub/slave with the emptiness inside you as a result of being ignored by your dominant, before it becomes depression?
Also, would like to ask how you might deal with the anxiety that some times arises when you find our self concerned about the well-being of your dominant?

(in reply to Aszhrae)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 12/31/2008 10:46:16 PM

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

Being ignored is very very difficult. It is hard because you don't know the reason and then you
draw up the worst possible reasons why you are being ignored. Having friends that can be supportive is good and keeping a journal may help. I correspond with another slave and we support each other although we have
very different relationships we do understand what the other is going through.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 12/31/2008 11:04:34 PM

Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

~FR~

If given an ultimatum, you can just hit the fucking door. Had an incident earlier this year where between work and managing a household with elderly parents, 17 year old son, 23 year old daughter in college and a few others things. My slave said she felt ignored and either needed more of my attention or to be released. She got back three words "You are released.". She crawled back a month later begging for forgiveness and has been making it up every day since then.

I wonder at these folks that say so easily lay down ultimatums. Even as stern as I am I do not give ultimatums.

To the OP: Seperation from one you love and are devoited to is likely one of the most horrible things you can go through. First, do not blame yourself as an interpersonal relationships takes those involved. Second, keep looking for support such as in these areas and others. Knowing you are not alone in having these feelings helps. Third, purge the feelings out as has been suggested. Journals, blogs, ranting here, internet friends, etc. Fourth, Stay busy as has been suggested. I hope things work out for you. You know a little about me so this will not be suprising: Life is harsh and filled with many lessons. It is that way for a reason. Once you are able use hindsight to take the lessons with you, and foresight to apply them in your future.

Live well,
Orion

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to califsue)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 12/31/2008 11:06:35 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I choose to not get involved with someone who uses those tactics because they don't work and cause more problems.

But if you're already IN that situation, you can either attempt communication and see where that gets you, and/or just remind yourself that this is the place you chose to be in and you should find fulfillment in that.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/1/2009 1:31:42 AM

Posts: 181
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

How do you deal as a sub/slave with the emptiness inside you as a result of being ignored by your dominant, before it becomes depression?
Also, would like to ask how you might deal with the anxiety that some times arises when you find our self concerned about the well-being of your dominant?

I wish I could say that this wasn't an issue for me, but it is. I think the only thing that stops me from getting full on depressed is the knowledge that my Owner adores me. Regardless of how often I talk with Him. Regardless of how often He is around...I know He adores me; that He wants the best for me, and wants me to be happy. My Owner is gone a lot. I rarely get to speak to Him, especially lately, and it's very, very difficult. Quite frankly, it sucks,a nd I hate it. But I knew what I was signing up for. I knew what I was getting involved with. And despite everything, I know He is the One for me.

I'm concerned about my Owner all the time. I think that's really the nature of being submissive and being owned. I worry about His happiness, about His comfort, about His peace of mind...about everything. My top priority is making sure that He feels happy and satisfied, and I worry about those things on a daily basis. However, to keep myself sane, I remind myself daily that He is a grown man. He is fully capable of making Himself happy. He is fully capable of taking care of His own needs. And He is fully capable of telling me what He needs from me to help insure His satisfaction. Master doesn't want me to fail at pleasing Him. He wants me to be happy also; keeping that in mind, it's much easier to realize that He's going to want to give me all the tools I needs to make sure that I'm serving Him in the best way that I possibly can.

I'm sorry if this is rambling and incoherent....I'm incrediblhy intoxicated from New Years!!! I hope yours was great!!!!!!!

(in reply to Aszhrae)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/1/2009 2:43:33 AM

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

I really do not like feeling like this and its not a constant condition.
How do you deal as a sub/slave with the emptiness inside you as a result of being ignored by your dominant, before it becomes depression?
Also, would like to ask how you might deal with the anxiety that some times arises when you find our self concerned about the well-being of your dominant?

Aszhrae

phew, must be a story behind that nick!

I read your profile re swearing off male dominants. In my view it will not be the gender that is the problem base but how you present yourself as a submissive. If you do not create an interesting persona for your dominant to desire to spend time then the problem will persist.

CP

(in reply to Aszhrae)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/1/2009 3:00:41 AM

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

I have never been ignored so I can not relate to your situation but I would not put up with it for a minute,it's childish.

(in reply to Aszhrae)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/1/2009 5:30:22 AM

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

I would talk to my Mistress and tell her how I was feeling.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to Aszhrae)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/1/2009 7:40:43 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If he knows he is going to be too busy for me, he tells me about it in advance. But he also makes time for a minute phone call when he can. If he's stopping to get a cup of tea he'll call and talk to me while he waits for the water to boil. He sends a quick email. If home and immersed in a project, I can always get a hug before he sits down to it.

But if someone doesn't want to make time for me, that's different. In that case I'd stop caring about them since I do not believe in making someone else a priority who makes me an option.

As far as caring about the people you are serving, have you considered that the pain killers he took after the car accident have caused the personality changes? That he's addicted to them, now buying them on the street if the doctor still isn't prescribing them? Because that simple fact of addiction would explain everything you're going through.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to thishereboi)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/1/2009 7:49:03 AM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I don't do the ignore thing unless they are being absolutely obnoxious and nothing else has worked. And even then they would know exactly why I was doing it. And being concerned for the well being of any partner, no matter what side of the kneel they are on, is frustrating when you know there is little you can do to change the circumstances.

And CP... as far as swearing off male dominants is concerned it isn't always the submissive that doesn't present themselves properly or that they happen to not be interesting enough... some men are just assholes, as in this case.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/1/2009 7:56:45 AM

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

When your not happy with yourself it is tough for anyone to be around you. The life a person is required to live pragmatically involves people and events beyond personal control. You deal with them and the 'drama' because you have to. A partner, casual or intimate, shouldn't have to be 'dealt with' and shouldn't be a source of 'drama'. You should want to be with them and not have to 'work' and dig through their drama, except as part of purging it together. Coming home to a drama machine is replacing one energy draining attention whore to another. In these cases, ignoring that source of drama is preferred to coming from one source of 'work' to another source of 'work'. It's no wonder, coming home to situation, than many put that off as long as possible; working late, or stopping off at a pub.

You want to stop being ignored, be someone who people want to be around. Be a person who, if it were you, you would risk breaking the speed limit and going though every amber light to get to. If your honest self assessment is that you aren't that person; you aren't happy with yourself, and the problem is you.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/1/2009 12:53:07 PM

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Sir has ignored me a couple times since we been together, but never at length. If I become the damsel in distress, he will ignore me, after harsh words. I can honestly say each time this has happen it was an action stemming from my clinginess and not wanting to face reality. When this would happen, fortunately for me, his words tended to snap me out of my damsel archtype and I would take back my own inner power. This meant I needed to work on me take care of what was needed for my own health, mental and physical, and show not tell him i have improved. Though those were hard times for me, it was a blessing.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Deeply Troubled

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

1.055