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service - 1/11/2009 9:03:40 AM

lateralist1

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Why do men see performing simple tasks for a woman as humiliating?

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 9:19:52 AM

hereyesruponyou

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Hmmmmm. Guess you'd have to ask one who does feel that way. My pet finds doing tasks for me as fulfilling as he is making my life easier, and pleasing me.

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 9:42:48 AM

herpreciouspet

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i get great pleasure and pride when i am able to serve my Mistress. i only wish that i could do so more frequently.

< Message edited by herpreciouspet -- 1/11/2009 9:43:27 AM >

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 9:49:40 AM

MsStarlett

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I have actually spoken to several subs about this. Haven't actually FOUND one ** who will do a damned thing, but lots of them talk about it. Apparently the joy is not in doing 'manly' chores like fixing the car or mowing the lawn. They find it humiliating to do 'women's work' like folding laundry or dishes. I find that rather repulsive that a man finds anything effeminate to be demeaning. But that's another story. A couple have expressed a desire to be worked hard, outside, in the heat of the day while I watch from the shade and demand that they work faster... but those are the time who live at least 500 miles away, so they know they are safe.

**Actually, Westie works for me and my new boy did a little... before he bolted. *eye roll*

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 10:55:31 AM

LadyPact

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MsS, I hear loud and clear where you are coming from. When clip's here, he does both. I can't tell you how many times he's mowed the lawn, fixed things in the house, along with regular chores like laundry. I don't think he sees any of these tasks as humiliating. I think it's more that he's just a very helpful person who likes being busy.

With that said, since MisterP and I have the house rules set up the way we do, not many of the other potentials have had the chance to do the same types of tasks. The only two who have made it to the level of being brought home had already gone through the stage of My knowing whether they cook, clean, or whatnot. If I consider them subs, they have to offer some kind of service over and above the average play bottom or their own kink. I really don't consider them subs otherwise and they don't last long if they have nothing to offer.

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 11:00:41 AM

lateralist1

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I would expect my sub to enjoy performing small personal tasks for me.
I wouldn't want him working very hard unless I felt that he needed to get rid of some pent up energy that might get in the way of our time together.
In this day and age I just can't understand this demarkation line between women's tasks and men's tasks.
Surely people who live alone have to learn to do everything necessary.
If I'm in an intimate relationship with a man I would expect him to perform intimate tasks for me. I wouldn't even expect a vanilla man to find it humiliating let alone a sub and yet I still get men requesting me to humiliate them by making them perform maid like tasks. I am hoping that some submissives who do feel like this will answer.

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 11:00:44 AM

Venatrix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

Why do men see performing simple tasks for a woman as humiliating?

I keep getting emails from someone I used to play with, telling me he's looking forward to "serving" me soon. What he really means is: I'd like to take you to lunch and, afterwards, have you tie me up and humiliate me, then let me perform oral sex on you. "Service" can be a very elastic term, indeed.

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 11:10:40 AM

CatdeMedici

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quote:

If I consider them subs, they have to offer some kind of service over and above the average play bottom or their own kink. I really don't consider them subs otherwise and they don't last long if they have nothing to offer.

I could not be more in tune with you LadyPact--My home is working one, not a public or private dungeon. Any one who comes in is expected to pull their weight in some kind of task(s)--just because it is an established home does not mean they get to sit around, eat bonbons, just draw My bath and wait to be played with. If value canot be added or it looks like they will add more work than enjoyment, they don't make the cut. That is why it has been so hard for Me to find someone--they have to add value to the house as a contributing member not just a toy for Me.

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 11:46:36 AM

lateralist1

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Again I think I'm hitting a communication problem.
We all have different needs from a person who obeys.
I want a BDSM submissive lover.Perhaps someone who could join me in my business eventually. Not a play toy or a pet or a toy boy or a maid.
My husband is vanilla and has his own business.
I just can't get to grips with the mentality of some men into BDSM.
I was hoping someone could enlighten me.
I understand that some people are looking for a home and family.
Some are just looking for someone who needs their help or someone who is interested in their kinks.
If I could find the right person our whole relationship could be a sort of scene lol.

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 11:49:27 AM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

Again I think I'm hitting a communication problem.
We all have different needs from a person who obeys.
I want a BDSM submissive lover.Perhaps someone who could join me in my business eventually. Not a play toy or a pet or a toy boy or a maid.
My husband is vanilla and has his own business.
I just can't get to grips with the mentality of some men into BDSM.
I was hoping someone could enlighten me.
I understand that some people are looking for a home and family.
Some are just looking for someone who needs their help or someone who is interested in their kinks.
If I could find the right person our whole relationship could be a sort of scene lol.

Welcome to our world!

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 12:14:39 PM

RichieB

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Male oral service subs are a dime a dozen.

Diane

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 12:22:32 PM

chiaThePet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RichieB

Male oral service subs are a dime a dozen.

Diane

But the reallllllllllly good ones are three for a dollar.

Puff Puff

chia* (the pet)

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 12:24:35 PM

PeonForHer

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Why do men see performing simple tasks for a woman as humiliating?

Lateralist,

My first reaction to that question is, "what does it matter, so long as he enjoys the humiliating feeling?" The flip side of such a question, for me, would be, "Why does a woman feel powerful and in control if she does X or Y to me, or orders me to do X or Y for her?" It'd be fascinating to find out, but ultimately, I've concluded, such questions don't matter for my own purposes.

Another, admittedly half-formed thought I have on this relates to that word "humiliation". It's changed, of course, over the years. I'm not at-all suggesting that anyone see their D/s relationship in terms of God(dess)/worshipper - but there was (and still is, in a religious context) a much deeper sense of the word "humility" than is commonly used in the context of BDSM.

I have a feeling that other sense of the word 'humility' is worth investigating especially, as seems to be the case with you, that D/s relationships imply something somewhat deeper and more embracing than is usual.

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 12:36:52 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I do wonder about the "humilating" aspect myself, especially when I consider that there isn't any task around the house that *I* am unlikely to do aside from cutting the lawn!

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 12:44:05 PM

MsStarlett

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I actually enjoy cutting grass, if it's not to hot. It's very good exercise. I enjoy the smell and sense of accomplishment when it's done. And my yard looks much nicer.

Now, when the temps around here start hovering in the high 90s and flirting around 100... I'd be very happy to sit in the shade and watch a man do it.

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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 12:53:12 PM

PeonForHer

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OK, here I go with probably yet another of my famously simplistic questions:

Suppose he demands to feel humiliated to do a job and get a buzz out of it. Why can't a dommie just do something like whip him every now and then (or kick him up the bum or even just give him a tongue-lashing - whatever he finds humiliating)? Doesn't that ever work?

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 12:56:06 PM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

OK, here I go with probably yet another of my famously simplistic questions:

Suppose he demands to feel humiliated to do a job and get a buzz out of it. Why can't a dommie just do something like whip him every now and then (or kick him up the bum or even just give him a tongue-lashing - whatever he finds humiliating)? Doesn't that ever work?

You sweet, sweet man... I suggest you put up a femdom profile, and say you are looking for a houseboy. Then maybe you'll understand.

I love lawnmowing too, Ms S, but I am violently allergic to cut grass! I would need a rebreather to deal with the lawn, not just a mask...and the neighbours might wonder at that.

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 1:00:12 PM

PeonForHer

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You sweet, sweet man... I suggest you put up a femdom profile, and say you are looking for a houseboy. Then maybe you'll understand.

Please stop calling me "sweet" before I get my teeth kicked in! Can't you try to explain, just a little?

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 1:02:00 PM

Venatrix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

OK, here I go with probably yet another of my famously simplistic questions:

Suppose he demands to feel humiliated to do a job and get a buzz out of it. Why can't a dommie just do something like whip him every now and then (or kick him up the bum or even just give him a tongue-lashing - whatever he finds humiliating)? Doesn't that ever work?

With that kind of sub, it's often less stressful, time-consuming, and annoying to do the job yourself.

PforH, you asked Francine to explain. Here's my explanation. Say I want to sit and do some knitting (come on over, Francine) whilst I have my sub do some chores. If I have to get up every 15 minutes to give him a tongue-lashing or a kick up the arse to get the job done, how does that improve my life any if I have to keep interrupting my knitting? In effect, I am no longer his dominant but his sub. That might work for some women who are inclined to be service tops, but it wouldn't work with me or a lot of other dominant women I know. As I said, it would be less trouble to do the job myself.

< Message edited by Venatrix -- 1/11/2009 1:06:40 PM >

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RE: service - 1/11/2009 1:03:56 PM

Lynnxz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

OK, here I go with probably yet another of my famously simplistic questions:

Suppose he demands to feel humiliated to do a job and get a buzz out of it. Why can't a dommie just do something like whip him every now and then (or kick him up the bum or even just give him a tongue-lashing - whatever he finds humiliating)? Doesn't that ever work?

No. They start to prance around and mess things up so they get more attention.