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Background Check - 1/26/2006 4:41:22 PM

Posts: 57
Joined: 11/20/2005
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A little question here: How would you feel if a potential sub/slave wanted to run a background check on you? Have you ever run a check on a play partner? I ask because I encountered a Dom, online, who seemed very compatible with me. But then I caught him lying to me. I asked if he would mind if I ran a background check. Guess what? I haven't heard back from him. Imagine that! Sooooo, how do you feel about this issue? Just curious.
~pet~

_____________________________

Whip me, beat me
make me cry.
Tie me up.
Make me fly.

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 5:03:51 PM

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a) You should never ask for info from someone else that you would not be willing to give to them, unless they are a small child

b) Someone can do lots of checks on you without you even knowing

c) I'd consider it a waste of time to run a background check on someone until I'd already spent enough time around them in rt to know I wanted something serious. I recognize most newbies spent a few days or weeks chatting and phoning with someone and make this determination which completely muddies the waters.

If you find it worthwhile, go for it. I'd find it bizarre for someone to want to do all that work just to meet me at a party or for a dinner date.

I'd prefer people hone their own skills of judgement and not chase after a paper trail of doubt.

Of course all the good doms will say "I encourage them to run checks/have safewords/have safe calls because I want them to know I'm safe and care about them."

Cuz obviously no one would LIE.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CaptainsPet)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 6:08:08 PM

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Joined: 11/20/2005
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Thanks for your opinion, Lucky Albatross. I don't think it's bizzare to want some background information, before I meet someone r/t. Why waste time with liars or cheats? My time is more valuable than that. So, why does that "muddy the waters?" I want things clear and true. It was my judgement skills that prompted me to see how a potential paper trail would influence his response to me. Of course, I would never run a trace on someone without their knowledge and consent. But seeing how someone would react to this request, does give me some insight into the authenticity of their words. If they aren't on the up and up, then chances are good they will immediately depart. And that makes it much easier for me.

_____________________________

Whip me, beat me
make me cry.
Tie me up.
Make me fly.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 6:46:11 PM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

A little question here: How would you feel if a potential sub/slave wanted to run a background check on you? Have you ever run a check on a play partner? I ask because I encountered a Dom, online, who seemed very compatible with me. But then I caught him lying to me. I asked if he would mind if I ran a background check. Guess what? I haven't heard back from him. Imagine that! Sooooo, how do you feel about this issue? Just curious.
~pet~

I'm curious about something. If you already caught him lying to you, why bother asking if it was ok to run a background check on him? Seems to me you already had enough background to make a decision on whether or not to go forward with things.

Sounds like a head game to me. I don't play those.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to CaptainsPet)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 6:57:39 PM

Posts: 258
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainsPet

A little question here: How would you feel if a potential sub/slave wanted to run a background check on you? Have you ever run a check on a play partner? I ask because I encountered a Dom, online, who seemed very compatible with me. But then I caught him lying to me. I asked if he would mind if I ran a background check. Guess what? I haven't heard back from him. Imagine that! Sooooo, how do you feel about this issue? Just curious.
~pet~

I have to agree with the others. If you had already caught him a lie...why bother running a check on him? Makes no sense to me. Does not even make sense to ask him about one, since you already know that he's capable of lying to you.

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to CaptainsPet)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 7:00:19 PM

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Not a head game...a hunch. What he lied about was minor. Suspected more was to follow. That's all.

_____________________________

Whip me, beat me
make me cry.
Tie me up.
Make me fly.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 7:02:05 PM

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Joined: 1/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainsPet

Not a head game...a hunch. What he lied about was minor. Suspected more was to follow. That's all.

There is no such thing as a minor lie. It's either a lie or it's not. No inbetween there.

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to CaptainsPet)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 7:02:30 PM

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I am asking.........thats how you gusy put it,

you walk in the dorr to kneel right, gonna give some lovin....
so, what diseases do you have>?
what is the last maraige you had>?
if not a marriage; how many dicks have you sucked in the last thirty days>?

is this a sex site, or what?

tHIS WORKS BOTH WAYS, AND YOU ARE JUST AS NUTS or more nuts than the people you deal with day to day , but you feel or what? is that what makes you holey?

LOL,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 7:06:32 PM

Posts: 188
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline

to pet

I'd do a background check on Him anyway, just to make sure that if you did want to keep a relationship even if it's just friends you'd like to be sure that you are safe .

and if you couldn't find anything on him ask the pit of your stomach and see how you feel and if you don't feel right then you know that things wont go right .

I hope this helps.

Lady Neets

_____________________________

I am not a bitch I am the Bitch and to you I am Mistress Bitch

(in reply to IceyOne)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 7:19:27 PM

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/9/2006
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i once encountered a similar situation of catching a Dom in a lie...but he seemed so great that i wasn't ready to see that there were problems. i spoke to a friend who used to be a police detective regarding how to do a background check. He gave me some sage advice...namely, if i was suspicious enough to want to do a background check than that most likely indicated that there was a serious problem. When i finally pulled the wool out from my eyes i discovered what a lying sack of sh** the Dom really was.

(in reply to LadyNeets)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 7:22:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lyrabelle

i once encountered a similar situation of catching a Dom in a lie...but he seemed so great that i wasn't ready to see that there were problems. i spoke to a friend who used to be a police detective regarding how to do a background check. He gave me some sage advice...namely, if i was suspicious enough to want to do a background check than that most likely indicated that there was a serious problem. When i finally pulled the wool out from my eyes i discovered what a lying sack of sh** the Dom really was.

so, explain the difference...........
everyone is at risk in all life, just larger on the net.
lol
but you go girl

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to lyrabelle)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 7:40:54 PM

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Joined: 1/9/2006
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(new here so not sure how to indicate that i am replying to a specific post). My point, mnottertail, wasn't that there is more or less risk online...rather it was about trusting one's judgment. If it smells bad there's probably a reason.

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 7:43:04 PM

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Joined: 6/22/2004
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Not sure exactly what you mean by a "background check," but if that involves giving you information about where I live, where I work, not to mention things like my social-security number, there's no chance in hell I'm going to let a stranger pursue something like that. For all I know, someone who makes a request like that is a criminal trying to steal my identity.

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 8:33:54 PM

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Joined: 1/5/2005
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Lam has a good point. If you don't trust someone, how can you expect them to trust you to give you "sensitive" information like thier SSN, physical address, or job location. It runs both ways. I wouldn't give you that information in the first few contacts. Hell, I wouldn't give you that information untill we've met a few times and I'm sure things would be going somewhere.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 8:35:48 PM

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

You've already used the best check there is - you caught him out. Funny that when someone doesn't "feel" right to you, they inevitably aren't....

Personally, I wouldn't appreciate what's being implied and would probably suggest we each look elsewhere. Same for references, actually.... But you will NOT catch me lying to you and it's not because I have special "skills" in that department.

I tell everyone to trust their instincts about strangers - yours seem to be working fine!

Focus.

(in reply to CaptainsPet)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 8:59:25 PM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

I am asking.........thats how you gusy put it,

you walk in the dorr to kneel right, gonna give some lovin....
so, what diseases do you have>?
what is the last maraige you had>?
if not a marriage; how many dicks have you sucked in the last thirty days>?

is this a sex site, or what?

tHIS WORKS BOTH WAYS, AND YOU ARE JUST AS NUTS or more nuts than the people you deal with day to day , but you feel or what? is that what makes you holey?

LOL,
Ron

My name is Celeste. That means 'heavenly' not holy. However, if you have the strong desire to call me Your Worship, I'm sure we can work something out. Sanity is subjective, one mans nuts... should be put into a ball crusher. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 9:01:48 PM

Posts: 648
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lyrabelle

i once encountered a similar situation of catching a Dom in a lie...but he seemed so great that i wasn't ready to see that there were problems. i spoke to a friend who used to be a police detective regarding how to do a background check. He gave me some sage advice...namely, if i was suspicious enough to want to do a background check than that most likely indicated that there was a serious problem. When i finally pulled the wool out from my eyes i discovered what a lying sack of sh** the Dom really was.

I totally agree with this statement. If youre suspicious to begin with, then theres a problem. If theres a trust issue there then thats *probably* going to be a bigger problem than anything he did in his past

_____________________________

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde

(in reply to lyrabelle)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 9:03:30 PM

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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Back Ground check

1. If it's sqeaky clean, then it's possible that the person is just really damn good at covering there tracks

2. If there's some dirt, then they've had there hand caught in the cookie jar a few times

Would you want number one or number two?

I only care about a few major things

1. Are you of legal age for sexual participation?

2. Are you a registard sex offender?

3. Are you on some sort of criminaly charged probation?

I'll look at a drivers lisence and do an internet check but that's about it. The truth on everything else will come out sooner or later as you both get to know each other.

With that said, I wouldn't give all my info to a stranger or someone I don't fully know. Giving someone the opprotunity to do a full back ground check on me also gives them a to steal my identity. Trust is a double edge sword. It works both ways. How often would you allow others to do a full back ground check on you?

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to CaptainsPet)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 9:05:26 PM

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

Is this a job interview or a relationship? If you are not a prospective employer, a cop or a creditor you have no right asking for a background check involving confidential information. No wonder you have not heard from him again. You would not be hearing from Me either. I would assume that you have a few screws loose and a few issues to resolve if you wanted to play those kinds of games and move on to someone else. It is not like women are hard to come by. You really do not have a tactical advantage here.

Would you ask a vanilla partner if you could have a background check? And another thing. Where exactly did you propose to get this background check from, or did you even think of that? It is not like you can go to the cop shop and ask them to run a check on him. You can not go to the credit bureau. So, where exactly would you get the information from? The only place to get it would be from him, and you already do not trust him because he lied to you. Who is to say that the information that he feeds you is correct.

You asking for this says that you have no trust in him. You sent him a message. No trust... No relationship. Vanilla or BDSM. Relationships have four cornerstones. Trust, respect, communication and honesty. You violated two of those. So, in attempting to feed your own insecurities you buried yourself.

All it boils down to is head games. He made the right move by bolting in the other direction I think. I would have done the same thing... "See ya" kind of thing. I do not play games, nor do I tolerate them.

< Message edited by SirKenin -- 1/26/2006 9:21:00 PM >

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Background Check - 1/26/2006 10:02:18 PM

KittenWithaTwist

Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I think it's peculiar, quite honestly. I would never run a background check on someone, especially since it would be easier and more personal to go right up to that person and say, hey, have you ever been to prison?

It seems to me that the internet based world is over-the-top paranoid about the world around them. Things happen. Some people are bad. If they're good at being horrible, a background check isn't going to help you. If they suck at being bad, wasting your time with a background check won't be necessary.

Hell, I don't even know what people are looking for with checks. Bad credit or last known addies?

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to CaptainsPet)

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