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RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 3:04:26 PM

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Okay a lie is a lie...but what do you do when your significant other who has spent a great deal of time getting ready just for you walks into the room and asks how do I look. You aboslutly hate the color of her out fit. Do you say you look great honey and deal (white lie) appreciating the effort she put into trying to do something special for you. Or do you tell her the truth and negate all her hard work?

aurora

(in reply to SirKenin)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 3:16:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

Okay a lie is a lie...but what do you do when your significant other who has spent a great deal of time getting ready just for you walks into the room and asks how do I look. You aboslutly hate the color of her out fit. Do you say you look great honey and deal (white lie) appreciating the effort she put into trying to do something special for you. Or do you tell her the truth and negate all her hard work?

aurora

You can go with something neutral, like...."Wow!"

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~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to aurora31)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 3:20:31 PM

Arpig

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From: Increasingly further from reality
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I have been thinking since I last posted on here, as to why the idea bothers me so much, and basically it boils down to this...I am 46, I did a lot of stupid shit in my day (no, nothing really bad, no buried bodies or unaknowledged children, just a lot of stuff that in retrospect I wish to hell I hadn't). I have no idea if any of that would show up in a background check, but I really have no desire to explain my actions to somebody, a decade or so later. So if you want a uber-Dom you can put through the wringer, then look elsewhere. If you want one who is human, and has his share (or more) of fuck-ups and has tried (and sometimes succeeded) to learn from them...then I'm your man (If you want another kind of love....I'll wear a mask for you - thanx L.C.)

edited for clarity

< Message edited by Arpig -- 1/28/2006 3:21:11 PM >

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(in reply to aurora31)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 3:21:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

Okay a lie is a lie...but what do you do when your significant other who has spent a great deal of time getting ready just for you walks into the room and asks how do I look. You aboslutly hate the color of her out fit. Do you say you look great honey and deal (white lie) appreciating the effort she put into trying to do something special for you. Or do you tell her the truth and negate all her hard work?

aurora

My opinion on this is that if I cannot trust my Lord and alandra to tell me the truth regarding how I look, then who can I trust. I would much rather them say, "That is not flattering on you, why don't you put on X" than to say I look good when I don't and I would definitely not want to be in something that either of them hated. Of course they are also biased too. *g*

Knight's kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to aurora31)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 3:27:10 PM

Arpig

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quote:

I DO insist on HIV tests

Not really the same thing...and a pretty damned good idea actually

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Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Petruchio)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 3:31:20 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

LIES are unacceptable.

I have been invited to run checks and I DO insist on HIV tests.

I was once misled by someone with herpes, and that did not please me.

mmmmmm well I am sure one would remember that when a 4 year old rug rat asked is there a Santa mmmmm so does a person say no... and don't give me the BS that there Santa in the greater picture, fact is the 4 year old isn't asking that and wouldn't understand the answer if you say said. As far a 4 year old would be concern.. the question they ask ... the only answer that is truthful is No... so do you say "No" or do you say Yes and lie. There are countless ways people lie... and sometimes it is necessary sometimes it isn't.... some lies have saved a person's life some have destoryed a life... comes down to motivation for the lie in the first place.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Petruchio)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 3:36:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

Also, I want to add something about the lying.

A lie is a lie. Period. There is no right or wrong way to lie. Lying is wrong. This is especially true in a relationship. Lies will always beget more lies, will eventually be discovered (inevitably) and trust will be broken.

There is no justification for your actions. The simple answer is to not find yourself in a position where you have to lie to begin with. You have lifestyle issues if you find that you have to go around covering your tracks. I do not know how you could live with yourself. The ONLY answer to that question is a lack of conscience, and that fits in with the description of a sociopath.

I guess your rug rats don't beleive in santa then? if you have any... or maybe you just ignore the quesiton so you don't have to lie... but mmmmmm isn't that a lie of another type. Allowing someone to believe something that you know to be wrong.... are you not lying by not dispelling the lie and bringing truth.

Absolutes never seem to apply in ever case!

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SirKenin)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 3:37:38 PM

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quote:

There are countless ways people lie... and sometimes it is necessary sometimes it isn't.... some lies have saved a person's life some have destoryed a life... comes down to motivation for the lie in the first place.

Yep...some lies are good, some are bad...you just have to be able to distinguish between the two and then back it up

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 3:38:24 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IceyOne

Thank you KnightofMists, I understand it a bit better thinking of it in terms of categorizing. I may not agree, but at least now I understand why everyone says I am too closeminded about it lol. I have always looked at the motivations behind lies to determine if they were a necessity or not; and while I may say no to some, the person telling the lie thought the motivation was a good one. That's not to say that I have not been in the same situation, in fact I am sure I have. That's part of the reason why I perfer not to label them...what I think may not be that big of a deal, someone else will; and vice versa.

I will say this though, I came to one huge understanding about myself from reading what you said...I am attempting to place myself above reproach by claiming that lies are lies, and there is no inbetween. You are very good at getting your point across without actually coming out and saying it

And yes...LOL...it hit me just as I was responding to this...but I am going to leave my other response here also.

mmm so you do label them... Unacceptable vrs Acceptable then Uh *G*

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to IceyOne)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 3:40:45 PM

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Thanks Kom...your example is much better then mine was but states the same point. Sometimes a "white lie" can be better the brutal honesty. Again it all depends on the relationship dynamics and weather the perosn involved can handel brutal honesty.

aurora

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 3:43:27 PM

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Joined: 1/13/2006
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quote:

mmm so you do label them... Unacceptable vrs Acceptable then Uh *G*

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Knight of Mists

Yes, I do label them. I may label them differently, but the fact remains that I do.

As I said, I was answering you when it hit me...you are very good at getting the point across

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 4:03:12 PM

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He is very good at getting a point across *s*
The biggest gray area in lies is the lie of omission, and even that falls into the 'will this hurt someone if it is told? or is it just easier' catagories. I have been performing CPR on a person when his son asked if his father was going to be okay. It was pretty obvious he wasn't going to be but the best answer I could give was 'we are doing all we can for him' not a lie but not a whole truth either. I think saying, 'I'm sorry no, your dad's dead as a door nail and beyond any hope' would just be cruel but our responce didn't lead him on either.

My parents went for the direct approuch about Santa, figured I had five older siblings one of them was bound to spill the beans, but it really sucked missing out on that sence of wonder.

Untruths, lies, fables call them what you will they are a part of our lives wether we like it or not, it just comes down to good character and morals that guide their use, for help or hinderence.

denika

(in reply to IceyOne)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 4:10:33 PM

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Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

mmmmmm well I am sure one would remember that when a 4 year old rug rat asked is there a Santa mmmmm so does a person say no... and don't give me the BS that there Santa in the greater picture, fact is the 4 year old isn't asking that and wouldn't understand the answer if you say said. As far a 4 year old would be concern.. the question they ask ... the only answer that is truthful is No... so do you say "No" or do you say Yes and lie. There are countless ways people lie... and sometimes it is necessary sometimes it isn't.... some lies have saved a person's life some have destoryed a life... comes down to motivation for the lie in the first place.

Oh, I quite believe there is another answer which is just as truthful and which is geared toward the tender, innocent beliefs that a 4 yo can manage. Having been asked the question when my own ruggies were about 7 or 8, I read them the story of how Santa Claus came into existance.

They got it.

Has anyone ever read the Diary of Anne Frank and asked yourself - would you have given away their location to the Nazi's if they asked?

I ponder such things. It's enlightening.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 4:20:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

Okay a lie is a lie...but what do you do when your significant other who has spent a great deal of time getting ready just for you walks into the room and asks how do I look. You aboslutly hate the color of her out fit. Do you say you look great honey and deal (white lie) appreciating the effort she put into trying to do something special for you. Or do you tell her the truth and negate all her hard work?

aurora

From my past relationships... not an issue that is likely to arise. My partners have always trusted in the fact that I will be honest... even if it isn't what they want to hear. If it isn't a style or colour they KNOW I think looks good on them then I'm usualy asked before it's bought where possible and if not then she will model it to show off her new clothes reasonably ASAP.... and that applied even in the mostly vanilla relationships too!

Anything being chosen for going somewhere that needs the sort of effort you describe she would already know my opinion on. But if she did choose something I thought she looked dire in then we would simply be late whilst she changed.

Whats more important, a little inconvenience or her trust in her partner/master and also in the fact that when he says "Darling you look absolutely stunning" she knows without any reservation that he means every word?

(in reply to aurora31)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 4:22:41 PM

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Joined: 1/13/2006
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Well...darn...I really did not mean to steal the thread and start something else

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Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 7:09:58 PM

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

Okay a lie is a lie...but what do you do when your significant other who has spent a great deal of time getting ready just for you walks into the room and asks how do I look. You aboslutly hate the color of her out fit. Do you say you look great honey and deal (white lie) appreciating the effort she put into trying to do something special for you. Or do you tell her the truth and negate all her hard work?

aurora

Welllll... I can tell you that I handle it honestly. If she asks how she looks I point out the positive aspects of what she has done. I will first compliment her hair and makeup for example and then I have told her that I feel that the top she has chosen does not really go as well with the rest of her outfit as, say, this top here would look. She then tries on the suggested top and I then tell her how I feel that works better for her that she looks great. When done right she handles it very well.

I do not see any point in lying about it. She is doing it to look good for you and make you proud of her. That, I think, is why she is asking you your opinion to begin with.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to aurora31)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 7:18:14 PM

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From: Barrie, ON Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

Also, I want to add something about the lying.

A lie is a lie. Period. There is no right or wrong way to lie. Lying is wrong. This is especially true in a relationship. Lies will always beget more lies, will eventually be discovered (inevitably) and trust will be broken.

There is no justification for your actions. The simple answer is to not find yourself in a position where you have to lie to begin with. You have lifestyle issues if you find that you have to go around covering your tracks. I do not know how you could live with yourself. The ONLY answer to that question is a lack of conscience, and that fits in with the description of a sociopath.

I guess your rug rats don't beleive in santa then? if you have any... or maybe you just ignore the quesiton so you don't have to lie... but mmmmmm isn't that a lie of another type. Allowing someone to believe something that you know to be wrong.... are you not lying by not dispelling the lie and bringing truth.

Absolutes never seem to apply in ever case!

See, Santa does not qualify as a lie. Santa was a real person, Santa exists in every shopping mall in North America every Christmas, every parent takes on the personna of Santa and Santa is also a legend just like the Greek gods. Just because Zeus did not actually exist as a real person (well, at least as far as we know, anyways), does not qualify the legend as a lie.

See.... Santa is not so much about the person as it is about the concept.

There really is a difference, so I do not think your example applies.

< Message edited by SirKenin -- 1/28/2006 7:19:24 PM >

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 7:44:39 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

I agree with Kenin on this one

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to SirKenin)

RE: Background Check - 1/28/2006 8:24:02 PM

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Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
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1. If it's sqeaky clean, then it's possible that the person is just really damn good at covering there tracks
===========

aaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa

another one like me...a non trusting personage.....

the other-issue here,...is what i found in nevada.......
when they ran a background check on ME they couldnt believe it came back empty.......
i run the narrow line...
i have no felonies. i have no major records...
no drunk driving..nothing!

so MINE is GOING to come back...squeaky clean!

i may seem like some hood to most people on here.......but i am an upstanding citizen...

so there dudes...........

gotcha!

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
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(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: Background Check - 1/29/2006 7:27:10 AM

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Joined: 6/4/2004
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I guess it would depend on the information being requested. You want references from people I have played with? Okay. You want to talk to some people at the local dungeon about me? Okay. Want to see my driver's licence? Okay.

You want to run a credit check, get social security numbers, bank statements, medical records (aside from having an STD/HIV test), or other private information.. I would definately have an issue with that.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to CaptainsPet)

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