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RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 6:41:36 AM   
IceyOne


Posts: 258
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

mmmmmm really? so... does that mean all lies are bad?


No, it does not mean that all lies are bad. Some are necessary. But I would still not label them as major or minor. They are still lies.

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 6:53:58 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
Here are my personal feelings on the subject. My past is just that.........my past. It has little bearing on the present and no bearing on my future. You want to do a backgroung check? Thats fine. Do it on yourself and send me the results. But if me having an ex-wife or bad credit or some such is a red flag, well, guess I'll just kick over that rock next to you.......... and look!! Lo and behold there is another submissive wanting a Dominant. And there's one behind that bush over there and one in the tree. Well hell, thats tree is full of them. You can't trust someone, thats on you but don't drag others into your insecurity game. You just aren't special enough to be worth that kind of time.

(Disclaimer: This was written to no one in particular. If your panties are in a twist by what I said, well, it may be because there's a bit of truth to it. Go get therapy.)

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 6:57:38 AM   
CaptainsPet


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/20/2005
Status: offline
Hey, you can retract your claws, now. I had clear evidence that this guy lied. I didn't say I still wanted to be with him. What did I want to convince myself of, exactly, according to you? And the "test" was the result of listening to my inner judgement and intuition. I don't think I asked for a pat on the back, or anything else, except people's opinion on a question.


So you had clear evidence that this guy wasn't someone you wanted to be with.

But you still WANTED to be with him, but wanted to convince yourself- so you "tested" him.

Congrats- you just failed the listening to your inner judgement and intuition exam.

And now you're upset cuz we're not all patting you on the back about wanting to do a background check on a guy you've never even met offline.
[/quote]


_____________________________

Whip me, beat me
make me cry.
Tie me up.
Make me fly.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 7:04:28 AM   
Hohoho


Posts: 135
Joined: 3/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Here are my personal feelings on the subject. My past is just that.........my past. It has little bearing on the present and no bearing on my future. You want to do a backgroung check? Thats fine. Do it on yourself and send me the results. But if me having an ex-wife or bad credit or some such is a red flag, well, guess I'll just kick over that rock next to you.......... and look!! Lo and behold there is another submissive wanting a Dominant. And there's one behind that bush over there and one in the tree. Well hell, thats tree is full of them. You can't trust someone, thats on you but don't drag others into your insecurity game. You just aren't special enough to be worth that kind of time.

(Disclaimer: This was written to no one in particular. If your panties are in a twist by what I said, well, it may be because there's a bit of truth to it. Go get therapy.)




I have no problems with ex-wives and bad credit. Hell, that stuff proves you exist, just as you say you do ( not directed to anyone in particular)

For me, I do not research to find what some may call flaws, i research to find facts. I have yet to check credit, haven't made it that far yet. HA!

And you are correct, Doms and subs abound. Find one you can live with.

Peace,
K

< Message edited by Hohoho -- 1/27/2006 7:08:39 AM >

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 7:31:09 AM   
CaptainsPet


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/20/2005
Status: offline
Hey MrDiscipline44,
Why are you taking this so personally, that you feel a need to lash out "at no one in particular"? Nice disclaimer to hide behind. Yeah. And maybe you've heard this quote: "Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it." You see the past does have some influence on our present and future. And if it's rainning submissives, then a sensitive, caring, compassionate Dom like you should have a whole bunch of them And I didn't "drag" you, or anyone else, into my "insecurity game". Uh, I believe you volunteered your opinion, here. And fortunately. you'll never know if I'm "special enough to be worth that kind of time." Oh yeah, but you weren't directing that at me, were you??? Naw, I didn't think you'd be that rude. Not a nice guy like you. And thank you for sharing your personal feelings. Nice profile, by the way. Very nice.



_____________________________

Whip me, beat me
make me cry.
Tie me up.
Make me fly.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 8:24:33 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
Oh my how someone is touchy today.
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainsPet
I had clear evidence that this guy lied. I didn't say I still wanted to be with him. And the "test" was the result of listening to my inner judgement and intuition.

Well, if you had clear evidence and you didn't want to be with him, why the "test" then? Obviously you had enough to go on in the first place with the lie to walk away, the test really did nothing. You played this card (the "test") for no other reason then to amuse yourself. You didn't want to be the one to walk away so you did this so that he would be the one to walk away and you could feel validated. It was a game. He walked away because you were trying to play this game on him. His walking really did not confirm nor deny what your thoughts were. If you truely wanted to do a background check for safties sake, all you need is a persons first and last name and the state they live in and a credit card.

Now as for "statement" directed at me. Well, like I said "Get therapy", honey. The disclaimer was for the part in which I implied that submissives are a dime a dozen, so to speak. What I said was really for no one in particular but of course, you seem to think different. My how someone does have quite the chip on her shoulder.

I have heard and live by the tenent "Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it." That doesn't mean that my past is for anyones viewing, sweetheart. Also, your past has bearing on your future. You may even learn from anothers past mistakes. But to dredge up anothers past to use against them does nothing but show others a lowly little child that can only find comforts in others misery.

I never said you "dragged" me or anyone else into your insecurity game. You showed that you dragged that Dominant into your game though. A game that, conveniently, only you could be a winner at one way or another. Funny how that worked out. Hmmmmm.

quote:

And fortunately. you'll never know if I'm "special enough to be worth that kind of time."
You're right, because I can see from these posts that it would be a waste of my time.

And it is a nice profile, isn't it? I rather like it myself. I took my time in writting it. Wanted to make it clear what I was looking for and all. Oh but wait, you can't see my profile because I turned it off. Oh thats what you're going on about. Is somebody's a little pissy because thay aren't allowed access? Because they were, in effect, told no? Hmmmm, shows more about that person, doesn't it? Do you want me to write to you so you can write me that nasty-gram you were going to send?

Look, all in all, you don't like what I wrote? Too bad. I don't really care. Don't read it, sweetheart. It wasn't meant for you in particular and I can't say I'm surprised you wanted to take offence. Am I a nice guy? Not to those I don't consider worth it.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 8:26:01 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

How would you feel if a potential sub/slave wanted to run a background check on you? Have you ever run a check on a play partner?


Gee pet...for someone who came on here and asked how others would feel about this...you sure seem to be taking on a real defensive and aggressive attitude when you get honest responses. Maybe next time, you should think about that before you ask. You know...the old saying...if you don't want to hear the answer, don't ask the question.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 8:31:55 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
Gee pet...for someone who came on here and asked how others would feel about this...you sure seem to be taking on a real defensive and aggressive attitude when you get honest responses. Maybe next time, you should think about that before you ask. You know...the old saying...if you don't want to hear the answer, don't ask the question.

Oh, you noticed that too? Ok, so it's not just me then.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 8:40:25 AM   
Blkloveman


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/24/2006
Status: offline
What are you looking to find? Should your past be spyed on

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 9:31:53 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
Ok...can't we all just play nice now? Seems almost everyone who posted here had a bit of a chip on their shoulder.

Doesn't matter who started it.

We can learn from each other only if we hear what the others are saying...

Oh, and I think there is a difference between a little lie and a big lie...but, that's just my opinion...

*hugs*

Christina

(in reply to Blkloveman)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 10:23:09 AM   
CaptainsPet


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/20/2005
Status: offline
Your profile, or lack thereof, is probably due to the nasty-grams you fear to get. Considering your attitude and nasty responses to other females on this site, I believe that you're probably wise not to put up a profile. Not like too many women would want to respond to that attitude. And I'm not sweetheart or honey. But it would be asking an awful lot of you to expect any kind of common courtesy, I suppose. Thank you so much for your "pearls of wisdom" though. I find them quite amusing. Everyone needs a good laugh, now and then. Actually, I find this all very enlightening and entertaining. I always love to see how people reveal themselves by what they say, how they say it, and any contradictions that pepper their logic. Very interesting. Please do continue. I'm sure you have so much more you DON'T want to say to me. Guys like you always do.

_____________________________

Whip me, beat me
make me cry.
Tie me up.
Make me fly.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 10:30:25 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainsPet

Your profile, or lack thereof, is probably due to the nasty-grams you fear to get. Considering your attitude and nasty responses to other females on this site, I believe that you're probably wise not to put up a profile. Not like too many women would want to respond to that attitude. And I'm not sweetheart or honey. But it would be asking an awful lot of you to expect any kind of common courtesy, I suppose. Thank you so much for your "pearls of wisdom" though. I find them quite amusing. Everyone needs a good laugh, now and then. Actually, I find this all very enlightening and entertaining. I always love to see how people reveal themselves by what they say, how they say it, and any contradictions that pepper their logic. Very interesting. Please do continue. I'm sure you have so much more you DON'T want to say to me. Guys like you always do.


I think I was just insulted...she called me a guy

/shrug




< Message edited by IrishMist -- 1/27/2006 11:08:23 AM >


_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 10:36:19 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainsPet

Your profile, or lack thereof, is probably due to the nasty-grams you fear to get. Considering your attitude and nasty responses to other females on this site, I believe that you're probably wise not to put up a profile. Not like too many women would want to respond to that attitude. And I'm not sweetheart or honey. But it would be asking an awful lot of you to expect any kind of common courtesy, I suppose. Thank you so much for your "pearls of wisdom" though. I find them quite amusing. Everyone needs a good laugh, now and then. Actually, I find this all very enlightening and entertaining. I always love to see how people reveal themselves by what they say, how they say it, and any contradictions that pepper their logic. Very interesting. Please do continue. I'm sure you have so much more you DON'T want to say to me. Guys like you always do.


LMAO... Truth hurts, huh?

I find it very interesting how you are revealing yourself with the words that you use.

BTW.. she called you "pet" as in CaptainsPet... the nick you choose on here and her "pearl of wisdom" is one of my favorite lines. It seems that you asked a question that you didn't want an answer on. It appears that all you wanted was someone to validate your own opinion rather than give you theirs.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 10:55:30 AM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainsPet


Safety issues are VERY important to me.


quote:

I really wanted to know that I wasn't being manipulated


quote:

Maybe, if the liars and cheaters out there, quit posing and representing themselves as what they are not, I wouldn't feel this way. But I'm not risking my safety with some wingnut


quote:

I still believe safe, sane, and consensual is the way to go. That means I want to know that I am safe, my partner is sane, and we both know each other well enough to make an informed, consensual decision.


quote:

I don't think it's bizzare to want some background information, before I meet someone r/t.


What perplexes me is the appearance of...what's the word...impatience. You want to know it all now. You want to have everything upfront, before you've even met. Does this not strike you as assbackwards? If you want to continue to look for 'perspectives' online, go for it, but do it with the knowlegde that it all means nothing until you've taken the time (and a lot of it), in real life to develop a relationship. That's a constant no matter the format. Relationships don't just spring up, nor does a wealth of information about a person magically appear in a matter of a few (or even several) conversations. All those little quirks that make up a person can only be found out over time.

My own personal opinion is that you're putting the cart before the horse in your approach.

If safety is truly your main focus, then I suggest taking stock of your approach to things. Instead of "Tell me everything upfront and if it passes the test we can have a relationship." Try, "This looks good, I'm intrigued to find out more when we meet. Until then, you're merely an aquaintence I find myself attracted to." All of the above quotes would be taken care of by moving your search offline and into the real world.

For the record, I'd say you were out of line asking for that information if you hadn't even met face to face. What had you given to warrent that level of trust? An online relationship hardly qualifies.

edited for my own assbackwardness.

< Message edited by valeca -- 1/27/2006 11:03:31 AM >


_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 11:08:40 AM   
CaptainsPet


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/20/2005
Status: offline
Sorry Irishmist, my response was directed to my good friend MrDiscipline44. Sorry kyraofmist. I thought it was obvious I was addressing MrDiscipline44. He seems to be the "expert" on this topic. Sorry about the misunderstanding. No harm;no foul. B

_____________________________

Whip me, beat me
make me cry.
Tie me up.
Make me fly.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 11:28:06 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
Ahhh... I didn't catch that your response was to someone other than IrishMist. I thought you were being insulting to her.

Still, you started a thread and then didn't like all the responses that you were getting. It happens all the time. I start threads and write posts and I do not like or agree with everyone who responds. But I try to keep an open mind and learn something even if all I learn is that their way is not for me.

kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 11:54:08 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
Well, sweetheart, you never addressed what I actually wrote so I guess your lack of response makes what I thought about you true. (gee, this looks familar. Kind of like a certain woman that wrote about a Dom and how his lack of response proved her right. hmmmmm)
Test subject A becomes irritated and easily provoked when logic is used against her. Signs of hissy fits and tantrums show a sever lack of ability to cope with situations beyond her control. She then miss-directs her anger at unsuspecting by-standers that make simple comments. She also misdirects attention away from the subject at hand, though this is an unsuccessful attempt. The test subject also never addresses oposition to her points of view, merely gets angry and defensive. Interesting.................

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 12:38:50 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
LOL oh well...no harm done

But I still hold with my original opinion...that you came here, asked a question...and are now defensive and insulting of anyone who does not agree with you. As Kyra said, you need to keep an open mind and not take things too personally.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 1:05:08 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
I'm curious about what this horrible lie could possibly regard. Did he say he'd never been arrested and had? Did he say he wasn't married and he was? Did he say he wasn't involved in organized crime and he's really a leader of the local mob? How bad could it possibly be?

Because to me, there's a point where the lie by itself ends the relationship. And there are other times when a lie is something I can get over through talking with my partner.

If this lie was so horrific, just end the contact, period. Don't deal with the background check. It isn't worth the effort.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Background Check - 1/27/2006 3:31:03 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IceyOne

quote:

mmmmmm really? so... does that mean all lies are bad?


No, it does not mean that all lies are bad. Some are necessary. But I would still not label them as major or minor. They are still lies.



ummmmm Why not?

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to IceyOne)
Profile   Post #: 60
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