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RE: Background Check - 1/31/2006 10:13:57 AM   
amayos


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

What is "OTD"?


A makeshift abbreviation for 'orally transmitted disease'.


..."It's just a cold sore."






(in reply to Chaingang)
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RE: Background Check - 1/31/2006 10:25:17 AM   
Chaingang


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That's an STD then, so OTD is a somewhat redundant acronym. FYI, them "cold sores" are VERY prevalent...

"The incidence of herpes simplex in the United States rose 30% between 1976 and 1994. Data from National Health and Nutrition Examination Surveys (NHANES) indicate an HSV-2 seroprevalence of 21.9% of the United States population. This rate was higher among women (25.9%) than men (17.8%). Independent risk factors for HSV-2 seropositivity were female sex, African American or Mexican-American ethnic background, older age, less education, poverty, cocaine use, and a greater lifetime number of sexual partners. (Fleming et al., 1997)

If present trends in America continue, researchers estimate that 49 percent of women aged 15 to 39 will be infected with herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2) versus 39 percent of males aged 15 to 39 by 2025. (Fisman, Lipsitch, Hook, and Goldie, Oct 2002).

HSV-1, which is generally considered to be a less serious illness, actually afflicts the majority of the United States population. At the time of puberty, 50% of Americans already test positive for HSV-1 antibodies; over 80% test positive at age 50. (source American Social Health Association)"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herpes_simplex_virus#Prevalence



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"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to amayos)
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RE: Background Check - 1/31/2006 11:18:52 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble


Has anyone ever read the Diary of Anne Frank and asked yourself - would you have given away their location to the Nazi's if they asked?

I ponder such things. It's enlightening.

Celeste







I am a firm believer in the truth, brutal honesty, in my opinion is the only way to live. That doesn't mean that there aren't exceptions to that rule. There are usually exceptions to the rule. Common sense and purpose play a factor in deciding where the exceptions lie.

Lying to an adult is completely different than sheilding a child from a truth that they are not mature enough to handle, or shattering their innocence. Lying to the SS to save the lives of an entire family is different than a lie of omission on your taxes.

As for answering direct questions such as "does this dress make my ass look fat?" ...people that ask questions and want to be lied to are a quandry to me. You know what you see when you look in the mirror. And I am going to tell you the truth, but in a constructive manner. I might say something like " yes it does, but you know how I like a nice round booty." A better question might be..."do you think my ass looks attractive in this dress?"

I have been blasted on more than one occasion for being too honest. Usually by people that can't handle truth and honesty in their lives. The fact is I lived for a long time on the other side of the arguement where honesty was a completely foreign concept to me and having been on both sides of the fence, I prefer the side of honesty. It's not always pretty, but it is always real and I know where I stand with myself and the people in my life at all times.

It doesn't have to be anyone else's path, but it's mine.


_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Background Check - 1/31/2006 12:54:16 PM   
amayos


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From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

That's an STD then, so OTD is a somewhat redundant acronym.


Yes and no. I make it a rule to separate the two, as Herpes can be transmitted via non-sexual mouth-to-mouth contact, or through sharing something orally, even during asymptomatic shedding. Many people likewise don't consider Herpes under STD classification, so I am always sure to make certain they know what I'm talking about. The casualness in which people handle some afflictions is something to beware of.

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: Background Check - 1/31/2006 1:30:44 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress




I am a firm believer in the truth, brutal honesty, in my opinion is the only way to live. That doesn't mean that there aren't exceptions to that rule. There are usually exceptions to the rule. Common sense and purpose play a factor in deciding where the exceptions lie.

.....

I have been blasted on more than one occasion for being too honest. Usually by people that can't handle truth and honesty in their lives.



Looks like we have something in common.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: Background Check - 1/31/2006 3:17:05 PM   
Petruchio


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Joined: 2/6/2005
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quote:

See, Santa does not qualify as a lie. Santa was a real person, Santa exists in every shopping mall in North America every Christmas, every parent takes on the personna of Santa and Santa is also a legend just like the Greek gods. Just because Zeus did not actually exist as a real person (well, at least as far as we know, anyways), does not qualify the legend as a lie.

See.... Santa is not so much about the person as it is about the concept.


That's a brilliant defense of the Santa mythos.

quote:

Having been asked the question when my own ruggies were about 7 or 8, I read them the story of how Santa Claus came into existance.


I was raised by parents who from the beginning told us that Santa was not a real person, but continued to say that imagination was good, and today Christmas is my favorite time of year.

However, I appreciate that my parents valued TRUTH more than they did the mythology of Christmas.

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: Background Check - 2/1/2006 6:59:21 PM   
mtmasterc


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I have been active for the last six years and on this site for a few years, and had to learn the hard way about liers, and cheats, fakes expecialy underage girls. in my opinion the best thing you can do is start a list of questions you want to know about a potential partner and ask them and write them down so you have proof when answers change. I have to agree with others here that if you catch a dom, or sub in a lie it is time to call them on the carpet and get a response. this life is all founded on trust, if the trust isn't there you need to move on you are literly puting you life and freedom in anothers hands and for a sub it is even more important to know and trust that person, I have made a few rules for my self that when I have meet new subs that I live by 1) that honesty is non-negotiable. 2) be 100% open and 3) never ask for something you are not willing to provide, and 4)never just look at looks as you will be disapointed 100% of the time 5) take it off line as soon as possiable. that way there is a grounding in Real Life and makes it harder for some one to lie about who they are. it has taken me a while but I have finaly fould a sub who is exactly waht I have been looking for. as for background checks they can be helpful but remember if you ask them and they say no it is because they are hideing something, we all have things in our past that we are not proud of but I would tell any sub about them when the time was right.

< Message edited by mtmasterc -- 2/1/2006 7:01:56 PM >

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: Background Check - 2/2/2006 5:27:18 AM   
Dracironsgirl


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Joined: 7/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainsPet

A little question here: How would you feel if a potential sub/slave wanted to run a background check on you? Have you ever run a check on a play partner? I ask because I encountered a Dom, online, who seemed very compatible with me. But then I caught him lying to me. I asked if he would mind if I ran a background check. Guess what? I haven't heard back from him. Imagine that! Sooooo, how do you feel about this issue? Just curious.
~pet~

you know ..that is a good idea because i've had the wierdness of meeting some odd people i sholdve checked out more if i had the chance too...no way to really tell online if it's a player or not except time will tell, would be nice to check them out in the begining before too much has been put into it, sounds to me like a great idea and very intelligent too...just one's thought
~kristin

_____________________________

~love a Man in control~

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: Background Check - 2/18/2006 10:22:53 AM   
untamedcherub


Posts: 3
Status: offline
I have tried to read as many of the replies as possible. Still, I may be repeating something said above. If so, I offer my apologies.

I do not think there are shortcuts to getting to know people. Nor are there shortcuts to developing and using good judgment. So a background check in many ways is a dis-service because it creates a false sense of knowing someone. I want to get to know a potential partner in the same way I get to know other friends. I do not let the roles of Dominant and submissive become shorthand for knowing how someone thinks about life, the universe and everything.

I have met two Dominants on collarme who in the course of getting to know each other shared their names, addresses, work information, things about their family and background. I did the same just as I would in the course of developing a friendship. I have respected both of these men because they were willing to take the risk first of being open with me. Plus, they each have treated me as a friend by letting me know it is okay to pick up a phone and call them. As potential sexual partners, the One I will be meeting and I talk about the issues that brings up: physical health, STDs, birth control, etc. Communication . . . communication . . . communication.

What I am trying to say is simple. . . the best "background" check is getting to be friends and learning about each other in a natural rather than artificial way.

Just my thoughts,
untamedcherub

(in reply to Dracironsgirl)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: Background Check - 2/18/2006 11:06:39 AM   
ownedgirlie


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Joined: 2/5/2006
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i am coming in late to this thread...

i did not run a background check, but i did Google him. Since he is known in the community i figured if he was an ax murderer or something, there would be an article on it

As for STDs, we discussed those prior to meeting and he assured me of his clean bill of health. He instructed me to be tested on everything prior to serving him physically, which i was. His words were, "If you have something, we need to get it cleaned up." i liked that sentiment. Fortunately i also had a clean bill of health.

i did like that he was so careful, however, and would not take chances. Since he uses other girls, i have a good comfort level that he won't be transfering anything to me.


(in reply to untamedcherub)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: Background Check - 2/18/2006 11:26:13 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
The only check I'm interested in is a blood screening for STDs. All other information I can verify on my own.

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: Background Check - 2/18/2006 12:30:52 PM   
DestinyCommander


Posts: 30
Joined: 2/17/2006
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I want to chime in with a different take on the subject.

What one person thinks of as protecting himself another may interpret as a lie. For example, if I had a child, and someone in an initial message asked me whether I did, I might choose to hint in the "no" direction. For me, that's not a lie, it's protecting my family. But the person I am telling may infer that I am indeed answering "no" and when I tell her later (or she figures it out for herself) that the answer is yes, she may think I lied.

Whether he lied or not is not particularly relevalent. We don't know what the lie was, so we have no way to judge it, and any attempt to do so is futile.

What is important is the OPs feelings. She feels trust was broken. My issue with that is this: if this is a person she's just met, that trust has to be earned. The thing he was "lying" about may be a "self protection" concern. That's not a bad thing given the number of posers on this website, and shouldn't necessarily invalidate the potential trust. But if there's no way that it could be something like that, then its much more serious. The intent behind the lie is key (and may be impossible to determine).

Other postings by the OP in this thread also tend to indicate to me that she has her own trust issues; that she's looking for a reason not to trust him, and indeed any kind of negative reaction validates and fuels the mistrust. Self-fulfilling prophecy. The lie may well have been imagined. Or not.

In any case, she is not ready for a relationship with this guy, and the background check is irrelevant.

That said, if I felt that I had a near-trust relationship with a sub and she had a little hole in that trust that could be alleviated with a check, I'm all for it provided I don't have to give out any identity-theft-producing information. If the check doesn't eliminate the doubt, the relationship will never work.

-- Des

(in reply to amayos)
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RE: Background Check - 2/18/2006 2:05:31 PM   
ownedgirlie


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It is so very difficult to establish trust in a world of "posers" as was put earlier. Time and again we hear of people lying about who they really are, which on one hand is just deceitful, but on the other hand could be dangerous, no?

i have a friend in another forum...she met a Dom. They spoke in IM and on the phone. He told her all about himself - where he lived, where he worked, even sent her a picture of his home. So she met him. He picked her up and took her out. she was so happy about things, and told another friend in the forum about this man she met. This other friend...happened to have met the same man. Only he didn't really live in that house, or work in that office... my friend called the company where he claimed to work - they never heard of him. she drove to the address he gave her - it was a warehouse.

At some point it becomes a safety issue for some. This girl had been speaking with this man for a month. she got into his car with him, without really ever knowing who he was.

For some, it is hard to rely on instincts. What if you're wrong, after all?

Master found my "interrogation" amusing at best. i met him online and trusted nobody. When i wanted to know his name, i asked "What do people call you?" His response: "It depends who you ask. Some call me asshole." i learned to be more specific with future questions....

(in reply to DestinyCommander)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: Background Check - 2/18/2006 7:11:39 PM   
DestinyCommander


Posts: 30
Joined: 2/17/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Only he didn't really live in that house, or work in that office... my friend called the company where he claimed to work - they never heard of him. she drove to the address he gave her - it was a warehouse.


Just because you feel everything is right, doesn't mean it is. But if it feels wrong, it most certainly is.

-- Des

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 134
RE: Background Check - 2/18/2006 7:51:00 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
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Resurrecting dead threads is a carnal sin....




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Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

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(in reply to DestinyCommander)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: Background Check - 2/18/2006 8:00:07 PM   
DestinyCommander


Posts: 30
Joined: 2/17/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
Resurrecting dead threads is a carnal sin....


Then call me a sinner, baby!

-- Des

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Profile   Post #: 136
RE: Background Check - 2/19/2006 7:33:52 AM   
HoosierScorpio


Posts: 164
Status: offline
I know a few who does a background check and I do not mind it for you ladies got to protect yourselves. There are so many players and wan bees out there you got to do something? I am part of a group who do a sexual offender check and I know another group who does a back ground check on those going to their munches. You got to do something to protect every one and safe guard our lifestyle from those who use it as a way to abuse and hurt those who love this lifestyle. We should be doing more back ground checks on those who you will entrust your life with. It is hard to get out of your restrained and blind for when he is beating the crap out of you. As for myself I am honest and up front the kind of person I am so bring on the back ground checks. You got to remember liars and predators are good at lying so you got to do what you can to protect yourself. :)

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 137
RE: Background Check - 2/19/2006 8:51:31 AM   
sweetnessforsir


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

Resurrecting dead threads is a carnal sin....



this was a well timed resurrection for me . . . sometimes sinning turns out okay too.

s.

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 138
RE: Background Check - 2/19/2006 12:24:55 PM   
RealDeal1963


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainsPet
A little question here: How would you feel if a potential sub/slave wanted to run a background check on you? Have you ever run a check on a play partner?
~pet~


I think a potential sub/slave doing a bit of a background checking is great. Honesty and trust are too important in Ds and a few discreet and simple checks go a long way to establishing that trust. I also don't think it takes a very thorough look to uncover 95% of the liars because those that tell the blatent lies are just looking to take the easy way and won't spend any time covering their tracks any more than they would telling the full truth in the first place.

Also a sub/slave making a few checks tells me she's no dummy and has been just as careful in her past as she is now. Myself, I'd even to offer ways for her to easily confirm what I say is true without banging on all my neighbors doors and see if she follows up. If she does check then I know she's serious.

Having said that, don't expect me to give out my SSN and bank account number on the first date. I'm not stupid either.

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 139
RE: Background Check - 2/19/2006 1:09:17 PM   
IronBear


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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RealDeal1963

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainsPet
A little question here: How would you feel if a potential sub/slave wanted to run a background check on you? Have you ever run a check on a play partner?
~pet~


I think a potential sub/slave doing a bit of a background checking is great. Honesty and trust are too important in Ds and a few discreet and simple checks go a long way to establishing that trust. I also don't think it takes a very thorough look to uncover 95% of the liars because those that tell the blatent lies are just looking to take the easy way and won't spend any time covering their tracks any more than they would telling the full truth in the first place.

Also a sub/slave making a few checks tells me she's no dummy and has been just as careful in her past as she is now. Myself, I'd even to offer ways for her to easily confirm what I say is true without banging on all my neighbors doors and see if she follows up. If she does check then I know she's serious.

Having said that, don't expect me to give out my SSN and bank account number on the first date. I'm not stupid either.


Well said... Mind you I'd probably have a few back ground checks run on her too.

It's all in the game and how you play it.............


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to RealDeal1963)
Profile   Post #: 140
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