DestinyCommander
Posts: 30
Joined: 2/17/2006 Status: offline
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I want to chime in with a different take on the subject. What one person thinks of as protecting himself another may interpret as a lie. For example, if I had a child, and someone in an initial message asked me whether I did, I might choose to hint in the "no" direction. For me, that's not a lie, it's protecting my family. But the person I am telling may infer that I am indeed answering "no" and when I tell her later (or she figures it out for herself) that the answer is yes, she may think I lied. Whether he lied or not is not particularly relevalent. We don't know what the lie was, so we have no way to judge it, and any attempt to do so is futile. What is important is the OPs feelings. She feels trust was broken. My issue with that is this: if this is a person she's just met, that trust has to be earned. The thing he was "lying" about may be a "self protection" concern. That's not a bad thing given the number of posers on this website, and shouldn't necessarily invalidate the potential trust. But if there's no way that it could be something like that, then its much more serious. The intent behind the lie is key (and may be impossible to determine). Other postings by the OP in this thread also tend to indicate to me that she has her own trust issues; that she's looking for a reason not to trust him, and indeed any kind of negative reaction validates and fuels the mistrust. Self-fulfilling prophecy. The lie may well have been imagined. Or not. In any case, she is not ready for a relationship with this guy, and the background check is irrelevant. That said, if I felt that I had a near-trust relationship with a sub and she had a little hole in that trust that could be alleviated with a check, I'm all for it provided I don't have to give out any identity-theft-producing information. If the check doesn't eliminate the doubt, the relationship will never work. -- Des
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