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ORIGINAL: SirKenin

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

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ORIGINAL: SirKenin

Also, I want to add something about the lying.

A lie is a lie. Period. There is no right or wrong way to lie. Lying is wrong. This is especially true in a relationship. Lies will always beget more lies, will eventually be discovered (inevitably) and trust will be broken.

There is no justification for your actions. The simple answer is to not find yourself in a position where you have to lie to begin with. You have lifestyle issues if you find that you have to go around covering your tracks. I do not know how you could live with yourself. The ONLY answer to that question is a lack of conscience, and that fits in with the description of a sociopath.

I guess your rug rats don't beleive in santa then? if you have any... or maybe you just ignore the quesiton so you don't have to lie... but mmmmmm isn't that a lie of another type. Allowing someone to believe something that you know to be wrong.... are you not lying by not dispelling the lie and bringing truth.

Absolutes never seem to apply in ever case!

See, Santa does not qualify as a lie. Santa was a real person, Santa exists in every shopping mall in North America every Christmas, every parent takes on the personna of Santa and Santa is also a legend just like the Greek gods. Just because Zeus did not actually exist as a real person (well, at least as far as we know, anyways), does not qualify the legend as a lie.

See.... Santa is not so much about the person as it is about the concept.

There really is a difference, so I do not think your example applies.

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

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mmmmmm well I am sure one would remember that when a 4 year old rug rat asked is there a Santa mmmmm so does a person say no... and don't give me the BS that there Santa in the greater picture, fact is the 4 year old isn't asking that and wouldn't understand the answer if you say said. As far a 4 year old would be concern.. the question they ask ... the only answer that is truthful is No... so do you say "No" or do you say Yes and lie. There are countless ways people lie... and sometimes it is necessary sometimes it isn't.... some lies have saved a person's life some have destoryed a life... comes down to motivation for the lie in the first place.

Oh, I quite believe there is another answer which is just as truthful and which is geared toward the tender, innocent beliefs that a 4 yo can manage. Having been asked the question when my own ruggies were about 7 or 8, I read them the story of how Santa Claus came into existance.

They got it.

Has anyone ever read the Diary of Anne Frank and asked yourself - would you have given away their location to the Nazi's if they asked?

I ponder such things. It's enlightening.

Celeste

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ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

The Santa example is pretty irrelevant. We're talking about lying to ANOTHER ADULT (one that you're in a relationship with)--not to a child.

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ORIGINAL: Arpig

I have been thinking since I last posted on here, as to why the idea bothers me so much, and basically it boils down to this...I am 46, I did a lot of stupid shit in my day (no, nothing really bad, no buried bodies or unaknowledged children, just a lot of stuff that in retrospect I wish to hell I hadn't). I have no idea if any of that would show up in a background check, but I really have no desire to explain my actions to somebody, a decade or so later. So if you want a uber-Dom you can put through the wringer, then look elsewhere. If you want one who is human, and has his share (or more) of fuck-ups and has tried (and sometimes succeeded) to learn from them...then I'm your man (If you want another kind of love....I'll wear a mask for you - thanx L.C.)

edited for clarity

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ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

His position is that it's not acceptable to lie to another adult that you're in a relationship with. (And basically I agree with him.) Bringing up Santa isn't going to change his mind because he's not talking about lying to children. Imagine one person saying, "I hate fruit!" and then someone else saying, "You're wrong, I know for a FACT that you like broccoli."

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ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

To answer the original question:

Yes, I did background checks on people before I met them. I was upfront about it. Not one person ever said *no*. My owner reimbursed me the cost of his criminal background check. He was very pleased when he found out that I did them.

I was primarily looking for any arrests/convictions and if the person was married/divorced.

Well, since I inadvertantly started this discussion, I guess I'll add something to it

My original comment was just in regards to the fact that a lie is a lie, there is no inbetween. I have since understood that my thinking on that concept is a bit...arrogant to say the least. Anyway...to go with what the rest of the conversation has centered on:

Are some lies necessary?

I believe yes. Some lies are necessary at one time or another. It does not change the fact that it is a lie, but it is necessary.

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To me, lies are bad full stop.
Someone starts telling a small lie, to protect that lie they all too often have to tell a larger one if it looks like the first maybe found out. Having told a couple it is easier to justify more lies, bigger lies.

I have to disagree with this RM Not all lies are BAD. Some are necessary to keep a balance emotionally and mentally. Now that does not mean that I am saying that a person should lie simply because they are afraid of facing the truth, or of telling the truth. Only that sometimes, a lie becomes necessary.

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ORIGINAL: aurora31

Okay a lie is a lie...but what do you do when your significant other who has spent a great deal of time getting ready just for you walks into the room and asks how do I look. You aboslutly hate the color of her out fit. Do you say you look great honey and deal (white lie) appreciating the effort she put into trying to do something special for you. Or do you tell her the truth and negate all her hard work?

aurora


My opinion on this is that if I cannot trust my Lord and alandra to tell me the truth regarding how I look, then who can I trust. I would much rather them say, "That is not flattering on you, why don't you put on X" than to say I look good when I don't and I would definitely not want to be in something that either of them hated. Of course they are also biased too. *g*

Knight's kyra

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The biggest gray area in lies is the lie of omission, and even that falls into the 'will this hurt someone if it is told? or is it just easier' catagories

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Untruths, lies, fables call them what you will they are a part of our lives wether we like it or not, it just comes down to good character and morals that guide their use, for help or hinderence

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The Santa example is pretty irrelevant. We're talking about lying to ANOTHER ADULT (one that you're in a relationship with)--not to a child.

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Motivations, The Comment and Consequences!

Again, I am in agreement. The motivation for, the wording, and the ultimate outcome are always what seperates the 'good from bad' lies...ohhhhhhhh I just labeled it there....

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This is something that I too, would agree with. I don't feel that Santa Claus can be used as a good example here. Telling the little ones a lie about a person is different than lying to an adult about something that is truly serious.

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I don't really care if you once worked as a bomb maker for Hamas, but if you've got an STD or OTD, that's a deal breaker.

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ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Glad you have your priorities straight. You know, if you moved to Iran or some such other Muslim dominated country, you might have the legal and cultural backing to be the type of Master the USA wouldn't allow.