zincpuppy
Posts: 5
Joined: 4/17/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lilboycaught
Try two searches:
ONE: Male Dominants--> Seeking Sub Women--> Keyword: “Tribute.” Make the search for all countries, all states. Do this on the basis of when they joined and as a text list.
You’ll note that by the fourth page, you have seen all the profiles that have that keyword in them. And in most of them, it just happens to be incidental. It isn’t referring money.
TWO: Female Dominants--> Seeking Sub Men-->Keyword: “Tribute.” Make the search for all countries, all states. Do this on the basis of when they joined and as a text list.
You have to go four pages back just to cover the profiles of women who have joined since JULY OF THIS YEAR!! And most of them do mean money.
That’s my point. As a submissive male, I had great hopes in the mid-to-late 1990s. It used to be, before the internet, that BDSM personals rarely had any ads from women who wanted to do it as a lifestyle. But with the introduction of the internet it became obvious that the BDSM lifestyle was WAY more popular than anyone had ever imagined. Personal ads from lifestyle dommes seeking a mate were no longer so uncommon.
And I thought the female domination lifestyle was, at last, really starting to come out of the closet. I had long suspected that there were secretly way more dominant females out there than there seemed to be, and that the lifestyle was similar to being gay in the 1950s. People kept it hidden and, in many cases, repressed. But if it could just come out of the closet and gain some acceptance, like homosexuality, more and more people would be out about it. Boys and girls and men and women of this persuasion would go out on dates, fall in love, get married, etc. There would be femdom bars, femdom activist groups...Female led relationships would not be uncommon
But it hit a plateau and, in some respects, regressed. Why? Well, maybe I was wrong about it being its own, independent sexuality. Maybe I was wrong in my suspicion that many women were secretly dominant. Most of the dominant men looking for submissive women at CM want a relationship. A REAL D/s relationship. Very few want money. Conversely, a good percentage of the female dominants, probably a majority, want money. There are pro dommes, money dommes and scam dommes all over the place. And many of the ones who say they’re lifestyle want a tribute.
I think that’s a clear indication that if any trend ever existed to establish female domination lifestyles as mainstream, it has utterly failed. Very few women are actually interested in a real female-led lifestyle, and the minority who aren’t asking for money are often plain women who use it to get attention from men. How truly “dominant” they are is questionable. Same with all these young girls posting to see how much attention they get as a “dominant” female. They aren’t really serious. And of course, many who are lifestyle are either lesbians or not looking for a real man.
If this, what we have now, is what it’s supposed to be, then it’s obvious that female domination is vastly inferior to male domination. Men seek a person and a relationship. Women mostly just want money.
I’m not saying there aren’t women who are on the right track. I know they are because I've talked to them. There are certainly profiles here of women who are 110 percent truly lifestyle. Some even say in their profiles that they’ll be offended by any offer of money or tribute. So they exist. No doubt about it. But c’mon, they’re WAY outnumbered by the others.
And I’m not saying it isn’t better these days. It’s WAY better than it was in the 1970s and 1980s. But it seems to have reached a dead end. And if CM is any reflection of the future of female dominated relationships, it seems to be a dud.
I think I understand the OP. I'm gay, so I think I can be reasonably objective.
First of all, I think so many people misunderstood your post because they read the title, got outraged, and didn't really read the post closely. They thought you were condemning the whole idea femdom lifestyles as a failure.
I don't think that was the issue at all. Rather, as I deconstruct it at least, I think you were asking 2 basic questions (correct me if I'm wrong):
Will female-led relationships ever become a relatively "normal" thing? In other words, will society accept them to the point that, while not wearing their sexuality on their sleeve, most people who engage in these types of relationships won't try to hide the fact? That's one.
Two. Will the sexuality currently outgrow some of ther current dysfuntionality? This can be divided into two sub questions. Though there will probably always be more male subs than female dommes, will the sexuality ever achieve a reasonable parity (as opposed to the serious imbalance of m/subs to f/dommes we currently have)? And, secondly, even if it does achieve some kind of parity, will there still such a very high percentage of females in this sexuality who do it for money (even if they do live a genuine femdom lifestyle)?
There are different ways to look at it. One is to look at the trendline. I'm 36, and maybe it's simply because I've become more aware, but it seems to me that there are way, way, WAY more dominant females around now than there were 15 years ago. If that trend continues, it's a very positive sign for you. Yes, there are more pro dommes, maybe twice as many, as there were 15 years ago. And you have nuisance dommes because of the internet. But the number of lifestyle dommes, as far as I can see, has absolutely exploded. There still aren't nearly enough for all the heterosexual submissive submissive men out there, but the trend is going very much in your favor. That's a positive sign.
On the other hand, I kind of agree that the whole thing seems to have flat-lined in the last 2 or 3 years, and I'm a pretty astute observer of that stuff (believe me ladies, exotic, kinky gay guys like myself have a lot of interaction with dominant females, pro and otherwise).
So you don't like where it seems to have stopped and are wondering, is this it? Is this all the further it will go?
My opinion? No, it will go further. Every trend has to take a rest for a few years, especially trends dealing with human sexuality, which usually take decades, and can take centuries to work themselves out. But I know it can be frustrating.
I would put it like this: female domination (and more specifically the female-led relationship about which you speak) is just a toddler now.
In the 50s and 60s it was a fetus.
In the 70s, it was born.
In the 80s and 90s it was just a baby.
Now it's going through the terrible twos, driving you nuts, even though you love it. And like any toddler, it does things that, well, you know it just can't do when it grows up.
But it will grow up, I can tell. I know you're passionate about this. That's why I took the time to write a lengthy reply. And you're frustrated by the current condition of things. It's understandable, but be patient
You're 50, and I know you might not be here to see it fully grown. But don't give up on it. Don't disparage it. My advice is to be one of the pioneers of it as best you can. This may sound stupid, but there are always going to be submissive males, so you should help things out for the next generation.
< Message edited by zincpuppy -- 8/17/2009 9:36:23 AM >
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RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 
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oh CEEDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Cum here, Sweetie...and bring yer wallet 
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh LaT...where ARE you?
Female domination isn't necessarily a business transaction, and it certainly isn't a failure. You've just failed to find anyone who is interested, and will continue to fail as long as you use that attitude in your search. I seriously doubt any female submissives or vanilla women would be interested in you either, with that approach/mindset.
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