RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure?

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RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 12:39:25 PM

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Joined: 3/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught

They aren’t really serious. And of course, many who are lifestyle are either lesbians or not looking for a real man.
There are certainly profiles here of women who are 110 percent truly lifestyle.

You're gonna have a hell of a time justifying this to me and what about the BI FemDommes who are tired of lazy ass "s-type" males who want what they want without having to earn it, work for it, or pay for it. When these types of guys aren't the 99.999% of guys contacting FemDommes of anykind, then you might see a difference between the types of profiles you see.

Sorry the other side of this coin is that most "s-types" men see D/s and SM as a means to get all the kinky sex they want. "If you're a REAL Domme you'll want me" which is how your post really sounds to someone who filters crappy little "requests to serve" that only focuses around the individual's kink rather than anything they could or could not offer the Woman I filter for.

The biggest reason "s-type" males are single in my opinion, is that they refuse to see what it is that the FemDommes they want stuff from actually do.

Edited to add: I have never heard individuals who work hard for who they're with make these complaints....I'll put it out there again...read slaveKal's book...it'll do you a world of good.

boi,
who's tired of reading about guys bitching about what they can't get because THEY aren't working hard enough for it

< Message edited by BoiJen -- 8/17/2009 12:41:07 PM >

_____________________________

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RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 1:29:57 PM

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quote:

I guess you never saw those old porn mags with the pages and pages of listings of females offering services to naughty little boys, huh? Hon.. this is no different. It does not mean there is a larger percentage, it just means there is another way to advertise. Men want it, women provide it.

This was the most obvious answer to me. I mean those adds (and for that matter, real hookers) have been available for some time now. Amazingly, they haven't spelled the end of vanilla, het marriages.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 2:57:44 PM

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heh... maybe he is too pure to have ever read one of those old porn or sex mags.

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

I guess you never saw those old porn mags with the pages and pages of listings of females offering services to naughty little boys, huh? Hon.. this is no different. It does not mean there is a larger percentage, it just means there is another way to advertise. Men want it, women provide it.

This was the most obvious answer to me. I mean those adds (and for that matter, real hookers) have been available for some time now. Amazingly, they haven't spelled the end of vanilla, het marriages.

(in reply to leadership527)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 3:22:29 PM

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Okay story time this just happened and I won't drop names. I just exchanged a few messages on CM with a user and she asks me to add her on Yahoo.com that's legit I thought. We got to talking about limits and if I was owned and if I liked certain things ect ect, perfectly reasonable. Then she asks If I'd like to see her on cam I say of course I would. She then replies it'll cost you $1 on a site. LoL I feel out of my chair.

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 3:27:01 PM

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught

Then it's even worse.

Het Male dominance = relationship

Lesbian/gay dominance = relationship

Female dominance = business transaction

Wrong. Not all Dommes are in it for the $$. I have a male sub friend who's starting out in a real relationship with a Domme, no $$ involved. Neither are all male Doms in it for relationships. Some are but, as a female submissive, I've gotten plenty of HNG letters in my inbox only looking for sex.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught

You know what's happening here? We have defensive women who, rather tha address my question, have taken offense to my post and have decided to insult me.

Plenty of people, both men and women, have answered your question. They just aren't the answers you want. Coming on these boards is like a crap shoot. You never know what you're going to get for answers.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught
Look, I'm sorry. I'm everything you said. I'm whiny. I'm juvenile. Any other adjective you want. Any other label, any other insult, any other ridicule, any other distortion...they're all true.

Look, I didn't really want intelligent discussion. The reason I wrote the post was actually to see if anyone could figure out whether I was whining juvenile asshole. And some of you guys did. You incisiveness amazes me. You figured out the post was BS, so was I, so was everything I said.

And I'm glad nobody was on the defensive.

I gotta go to work.

It didn't take me long. You're very first post sounded like a whining, juvenile asshole.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to lilboycaught)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 3:48:38 PM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
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From: Not your hood
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Oh puhwease I mean seriously...wake up ya'll. All women are pros, no matter what or who they are..how else are we supposed to be able to finance all our shopping sprees?!
As for men..well..they don't do anything but wankin so...well..there's nothing else to say about them.

Bottom line is all women are fucked up arrogant gold digging bitches. There, said it.. feel better?!

< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 8/17/2009 3:53:07 PM >

_____________________________

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RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 3:56:38 PM

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Joined: 7/19/2005
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Does everyone feel pretty good?

This is what I want. Good feelings!

And fun people!

Ha ha! This day is beautiful in the eyes of God!

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 3:59:10 PM

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Joined: 2/15/2008
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Yes, you're going to see tribute ads in the personals, just as the male dominants get inundated by soliciations from Nigeria.

Not too many people go after submissive women's purses for some reason...maybe they assume we're flat broke? :D But with the way this world is going, I'm sure that it's just a matter of time before they get targeted as well.

I occasionaly browse the female dominant ads too, as I'm not picky about the plumbing. and while I did not specifically keyword search for "tribute" I was suprised at the number of lesbian ads that demanded it. Apparently, some people don't think sub women are broke. ;)

Most personal-ad sites are not really good places to be these days, although I know some fun ones where the pro ads and such are kept to a dull roar. You're looking for something relatively rare, a female dominant who is not professional. You'll find her in forums like this, all over the internet, not in the ads. The trouble with a forum is that you'll have to stand out, be something pretty special to catch her eye, I expect ,as there are still more male subs then female doms around. Most people find it easier to just blindly spam the ads, I imagine. The pros have always infiltrated personal ads: ever read the entertainment papers 10 or 20 years ago? Most of them had a personals section. Starting in about the mid-80s sex workers discovered these "lonely hearts" columns and started posting discrete advertisements in them. Now the ads are very blatent, and everywhere. The solution is to stay away from personals..

Some dominant men looking for sub women on CM want a relationship. But a great deal more, no matter what they say in their profiles, are just looking for casual kinky sex. The way I feel about this is that if I WANTED casual kinky sex, I'd pay a professional and have myself done right, not hook up with some amateur and possibly dangerous guy just looking to get off. Others want online only.

I don't understand your comments about female domination being a lifestyle or why this is important to you. To me, this is all about individuals connecting, and creating what happiness then can between themselves, not being a part of some sort of social sexual movement. Tell me, if you had a female dominant who was everything you ever wanted in a woman, would you care about whether she promoted or upheld some generic "lifestyle" or not? I think the premise this this is a lifestyle is a big mistake on your part. If you see it more as individual... fish swimming through poulluted waters with lots of trash and toxins and fish eaters and nets in it to find a compatible fish, you're working with a more realistic metaphor, I think. Fish need to fuck! But there is no "Fish Lifestyle." (Well, as far as I know. Not being a fish I suppose I can't say for sure.)

(in reply to lilboycaught)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 4:07:27 PM

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I added the idea of Tribute to our profile, and mine as a fem domme to see if it would get rid of people. I assumed with all the posts I see about male subs bitching and moaning about tributing dominants, this would be a surefire way to keep people from propositioning me.

Guess what? There are a LOT of people who WANT to tribute for whatever reason. I am getting more mail on my single profile than I did before. And the comment on tribute is, or so I thought, so obviously sarcastic that it would be understood. But no, some of the boys interested in tributing were willing and some were adamant about it. So, obviously with a fan base like that tribute dommes are far from a failure.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to CaringandReal)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 4:09:42 PM

NearlyAcquiesced

Posts: 20
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

It is, in fact, very hard to find partners, and yes, we are all frustrated at times; Submissive women find their email boxes clogged with a thousand cock pics, one word emails ("Hi!"), or rambling posts from weirdos who seem to be auditioning for the next Saw movie.
Dominant Men scan in vain for women who are not emotionally damaged, petulant brats, or couch potatoes looking for a free ride. And of course, "send me money for the priviledge of my services" is not a new profession.

The Op and Tigresse make pretty much the same point- that women charge money for what men want, regardless of the orientation, for no other reason than they can.
Sorry, you have to argue with God about that; it has been this way since time began.

Despite all that negativity- despite the odds, there ARE good people to be found, and the only way to deal with it is to acknowledge that we are all looking for the needle in a field of haystacks.

As a submissive, I was entrenched with emails from older men who wanted to display how wealthy they were, as well. They would boast about their home, their cars, how much they travel and "wouldn't I just LOVE to have that lifestyle?". I felt like they were trying to "pay" me to be their sub. Yuck.

At some point I changed my profile (my other profile) to Domme, and was clear it was all about the money. It was a joke.. my inbox was full AGAIN. Eventually I decided to just go with it, put up the rules, (I don't do tributes, no illegal, I did real life sessions) and things went pretty well. I still weeded the whiners (and crazy people) out because I don't have to to even be PAID for that nonsense, but the market is there, they aren't decieved, and it's win/win.

As far as lifestyle Dommes being on the site? With the supply and demand, maybe there's just no need for many of them to put up a profile.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught

If this, what we have now, is what it’s supposed to be, then it’s obvious that female domination is vastly inferior to male domination. Men seek a person and a relationship. Women mostly just want money.

And this is why you can't find a Dominant woman that fits *your* needs (amused). You are clueless. Have you tried other outlets such as.. oh, I don't know.. local bdsm events?

(in reply to AnimusRex)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 4:14:19 PM

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Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I agree with your perception that tribute of a financial sort sullies the relationship.

Oh, I don't know. I have, upon occasion (well, more than once, actually) paid someone 1k WOW gold for the privledge of being allowed to cum. It didn't seem to sully anything, except maybe my ability to hold a straight face. :D

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Women rule the pussy and men want the pussy.

Quite true, in most circumstances. But a dominant man, if he hooks a submissive woman, really hooks her, can turn that dynamic on its head.... and get her needing it (bdsm sex, cock, release, all of the above) so bad that's she's more than willing to pay him something for it, even if it's only funny money. It's easy: all he has to do is order her not to touch herself or (if she can be trusted) not to orgasm when she touches herself and also not "play" with her in any way for howsoever long it takes her to break and start begging. Yes, most men seem to like sex more frequently than most women, and for most men denying himself her body while denying her...everything might be a bit rough. On the other hand, most dominants have a hell of a lot more self control than most people. And of course, unlike her, he can always go jack off in the shower if he needs a quick release.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 4:23:50 PM

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Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zincpuppy

I think I understand the OP. I'm gay, so I think I can be reasonably objective.

Cool post. There's some new thoughts in it that haven't been spoken before. Thanks for writing it!

(in reply to zincpuppy)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 6:11:54 PM

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught

quote:

Actually, the male dominants don't ask for money because they wouldn't get it.....period. Female dominant profiles asking for money exist because men will pay.

Male dominants exist even though there is no money involved.

See? Which begs the question, would female dominants even exist without money?

Which further begs yet another question: would a great deal of so-called "male dominance" out there evaporate without sex? Things to ponder.

To answer your overall question, OP, yes—dominant women do exist without money, just as they exist without whips or crops or canes. Money is a proxy, a tool and a medium through which dominance and submission can be expressed. It just so happens that for cultural and perhaps even biological reasons we tend to see financial exploitation of the female by a male as a bit of a faux pas.

(in reply to lilboycaught)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 6:12:24 PM

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught

They aren’t really serious. And of course, many who are lifestyle are either lesbians or not looking for a real man.
There are certainly profiles here of women who are 110 percent truly lifestyle.

You're gonna have a hell of a time justifying this to me and what about the BI FemDommes who are tired of lazy ass "s-type" males who want what they want without having to earn it, work for it, or pay for it. When these types of guys aren't the 99.999% of guys contacting FemDommes of anykind, then you might see a difference between the types of profiles you see.

Sorry the other side of this coin is that most "s-types" men see D/s and SM as a means to get all the kinky sex they want. "If you're a REAL Domme you'll want me" which is how your post really sounds to someone who filters crappy little "requests to serve" that only focuses around the individual's kink rather than anything they could or could not offer the Woman I filter for.

The biggest reason "s-type" males are single in my opinion, is that they refuse to see what it is that the FemDommes they want stuff from actually do.

Edited to add: I have never heard individuals who work hard for who they're with make these complaints....I'll put it out there again...read slaveKal's book...it'll do you a world of good.

boi,
who's tired of reading about guys bitching about what they can't get because THEY aren't working hard enough for it

As usual, Jen hits it right on the head. I have seen so many so-called submissive men who are just looking for occasional free sessions. You either gotta give up some cash, or you gotta be willing to give up some manual labor, or some kind of service. If you just want an hour of play time when the mood strikes you, you have to hire a pro.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to BoiJen)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 6:22:24 PM

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Joined: 3/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

As usual, Jen hits it right on the head. I have seen so many so-called submissive men who are just looking for occasional free sessions. You either gotta give up some cash, or you gotta be willing to give up some manual labor, or some kind of service. If you just want an hour of play time when the mood strikes you, you have to hire a pro.

I miss you and the Miss and I cannot WAIT to see you both.

The Ma'am of course sends Her love. But then again...apparently the Female Led Relationship bit isn't actually happening...guess we'll have a chance to test that out at a party huh?

boi

_____________________________

Clips of MsKitty doin' stuff to me. Support the fan club, buy a clip today.

(in reply to slavekal)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 6:23:37 PM

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

On the other hand, most dominants have a hell of a lot more self control than most people. And of course, unlike her, he can always go jack off in the shower if he needs a quick release.

Or He could have her give Him a blowjob without allowing her to cum.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to CaringandReal)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 6:31:38 PM

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

I added the idea of Tribute to our profile, and mine as a fem domme to see if it would get rid of people. I assumed with all the posts I see about male subs bitching and moaning about tributing dominants, this would be a surefire way to keep people from propositioning me.

...And the comment on tribute is, or so I thought, so obviously sarcastic that it would be understood...

I just read it, and I thought the idea of "tributing" towards yours and Fox's wedding was sheer brilliance!

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to VampiresLair)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 6:41:55 PM

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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*laughs*

Sheez, I stopped by your profile hoping ot find the tribute for marriage thing. I'm not even a sub, but I'm big on couples.. maybe I want to pay some tribute too?

I didn't find anything though and I got lost with all the rules in the profile.

61 DAYS TO GO!!!

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to VampiresLair)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 8:54:36 PM

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Think of it this way: There are going to be people who want to take advantage of other people no matter where you go. Whenever I see the whole tribute thing (and I apologize to those who think it's a great thing, but I'm just calling it as I see it), I laugh and realize that there's probably a sucker out there that is going to give that woman what she wants. But at the same time, she has to be giving something he wants, and almost always we have a good idea of what that something is. Sure, a couple of them will scam their way to what they want, and others will actually be very good at it, and even more will not scam but be very good at getting what they want with little being returned. That's all fine.

But why focus on it? Why care about it? I understand if you're being contacted by hundreds of women who all want you to give money, but if you're the one seeking them out, then it's really on you to filter out the ones that are jokes from the ones that are what you are seeking. I get tons of emails from scammers on this site ALL THE FREAKING TIME, and for a second, I get annoyed, and then I delete, block and move on.

Some people will talk about demographics. Others will talk about wants and needs. But who cares? If you are looking for something specific, you have to have something that some woman is going to want, or you'll never find what you want unless you can up the payoff in the game theoretic value of what you have to offer. I run across women who are seeking what I have to give, and sometimes they also want tributes. I stay away from them. Sometimes, they realize they won't get the tribute they want by blanket appeals, so they tone down their approach to take payment from something else, like housework, or painting her house, or whatever. What you need to do is figure out what you are willing to give up to get what you desire. Your chances of just finding some hot dominant who is waiting around her house with a whip and no one to use it on are pretty slim. Not impossible. But pretty slim.

So make yourself more attractive by doing what peacocks do to attract mates. Add feathers, whatever type they need to be. If not, feel secure that no one is probably going to steal your TV dinner you cooked for yourself in the microwave. Well, almost no one. If the smell carries, and I'm walking by.....

_____________________________

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http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to lilboycaught)

RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/17/2009 9:06:41 PM

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Quick, littlesarbonn! Look over there!!!!!!

/steals littlesarbonn's microwave dinner/

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

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