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anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 8:24:42 PM

TheOneYouDesire2

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/14/2009
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i entered this relationship with a married Dom knowing full well what i was getting into. knew that i would only see Him as He travels for work, 2 days every 2-3 weeks.
i am still in training and am not collared yet... He craves for me to call Him Master but does not push, He is understanding, sensual and a very caring Dom.
my problem is how to deal with the time apart, how do i deal with all the holidays without Him, how do i deal with the times He cannot contact me. Although He writes me at least once a day, sometimes it's just not enough. i truly care for Him and want to be a devoted slave to Him one day. i cannot complain as you all know, even in my journal i fear writing exactly how i feel. W/we have talked about my feelings, about holidays and He listens. The problem is there is no solution, i don't want to be released from Him, i don't want to be a problem.. yet i would like to find a solution to my problem... Any suggestions?

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 8:43:56 PM

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It is what it is. Just hold on as long as you can.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 8:47:09 PM

Posts: 15659
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Are you willing to spend the rest of your life always waiting for him? Spending every single holiday without him? Only seeing him when he has time for you because he's married?

If that is enough for you to be content with life then I'd say continue to live your life as it is. If this isn't enough for you...well then you have a lot of thinking to do about your life.

I truly wish you the best of luck.

(in reply to breatheasone)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 8:51:05 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheOneYouDesire2

i entered this relationship with a married Dom knowing full well what i was getting into. knew that i would only see Him as He travels for work, 2 days every 2-3 weeks.
i am still in training and am not collared yet... He craves for me to call Him Master but does not push, He is understanding, sensual and a very caring Dom.
my problem is how to deal with the time apart, how do i deal with all the holidays without Him, how do i deal with the times He cannot contact me. Although He writes me at least once a day, sometimes it's just not enough. i truly care for Him and want to be a devoted slave to Him one day. i cannot complain as you all know, even in my journal i fear writing exactly how i feel. W/we have talked about my feelings, about holidays and He listens. The problem is there is no solution, i don't want to be released from Him, i don't want to be a problem.. yet i would like to find a solution to my problem... Any suggestions?

You went into it with open eyes knowing full well what the situation was going to be. There really isn't a "solution" to your problem. Given your situation, you aren't going to get more time, spend holidays, talk on the phone for hours. But again, it isn't something that is suddenly popping up as a shock you didn't know would happen.

What does seem to be happening is that you didn't realize these things would bother you as much as they do. You know what the "solution" is but at this time, that isn't what you want to do. When it starts to bother you enough, you will do that.

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 8:53:14 PM

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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Does his wife know? Do you have any interaction with her?

I ask because, as long as she isn't being deceived, it may be possible to work towards being able to spend holidays together and spending more time in contact. If she is being deceived or doesn't want anything to do with you... well then you have to accept that you are the dirty little secret as much as that sucks but ya knew what you were getting into.

Good luck.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 8:53:54 PM

TheOneYouDesire2

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/14/2009
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i understand that, and i question myself all the time.... do i really want this, can i do this, do i want to spend the rest of my life waiting for him... these questions are in my mind always.
He has told me His life at home will NOT change... so i do know what i got into..

Questions plague the mind!

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 8:54:12 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I can't really offer any suggestions other than not to do it. I did this and it did not work out for me. I always wanted more. More time, more physical interaction, more conversation, more of him than he was able to give. I won't be doing this again. I tried so hard to have it be enough but in the end I couldn't hide my unhappiness at being constantly without him and I asked to be released.

You can try to fill your time with work, friends, activities but there will always be a hole there where he should be. I'm sure there are others that made this work for them but in my case it did not.

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 8:56:00 PM

TheOneYouDesire2

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline

Thank You lizi...it's nice to know someone else was in the same boat and it didn't work... damm this is hard!

(in reply to lizi)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 8:58:21 PM

TheOneYouDesire2

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline

AquaticSub
No she does not know and will not know about U/us or me or His secret Lifestyle.

Yes it sucks and Yes i know what i got into...

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 9:01:16 PM

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

yet i would like to find a solution to my problem... Any suggestions?

yep...send his cheating ass back to his wife.

The only solution is to end the relationship. Face it Sweetie, you will always be alone on holidays. Phone calls will always be made at his convenience, when he has time and privacy. There will always be a great deal of time apart because you are not his priority. His wife and family come first and you get the sloppy seconds. While you are sitting alone staring at a phone that is not ringing, he is with the woman he married, the woman who has his name, the woman he will probably not leave for you or the other women he is seeing (oh come now...you do not think you are the only other woman in his life, do you?)

I have no sympathy for you, as you have chosen your path. I just hope you realize you possess the courage to change this situation because you deserve so much more.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 1/10/2010 9:04:50 PM >

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(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 9:04:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

yet i would like to find a solution to my problem... Any suggestions?
yep...send his cheating ass back to his wife.

The only solution is to end the relationship. Face it Sweetie, you will always be alone on holidays. Phone calls will always be made at his convenience, when he has time and privacy. There will always be a great deal of time apart because you are not his priority. His wife and family come first and you get the sloppy seconds. While you are sitting alone staring at a phone that is not ringing, he is with the woman he married, the woman who has his name, the woman he will probably not leave for you or the other women he is seeing (oh come now...you do not think you are the only other woman in his life, do you?)

I have no sympathy for you, as you have chosen your path.

While i DO feel for your pain, and loneliness, i fear Sirsholly is right.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 9:09:36 PM

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I do have sympathy for you, as you may not have known exactly what it was you were doing; getting yourself into.

However, no man who has to lie about who/what he is to his wife/SO is a Dom. A Dom is someone you can always count on; someone who knows who and what He is and lives up to the respect, love and belief that others have in Him.

They are a rare breed, few and far between, although many will attempt to imitate them.

Drop the poseur, and take your time finding yourself One who is Yours. He will make you feel like you are coming home when you are with Him. He won't be perfect, but He will be responsible, truthful, and willing to admit when He is wrong. You will be able to trust Him. And He will be able to trust you, because you learned from your mistakes, you took your time, and waited for someone like Him.

This is what you deserve, or what you will deserve, once you start demanding it.

Best of luck!

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 9:11:44 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
I have no sympathy for you, as you have chosen your path. I just hope you realize you possess the courage to change this situation because you deserve so much more.

I don't disagree with you often, but I sure disagree with this. She deserves exactly what she's getting, fucking around with a married man behind his wife's back.

I have absolutely no sympathy for her at all. If she's miserable, tough shit. It's exactly what she's got coming.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 9:14:24 PM

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheOneYouDesire2

AquaticSub
No she does not know and will not know about U/us or me or His secret Lifestyle.

Yes it sucks and Yes i know what i got into...

In that case... I really don't have any feeling for you at all. You are helping a man cheat on his wife and are probably deluding yourself into thinking he'll never lie to your or betray you.

While not the worst thing in the world, you've chosen to help someone betray someone else and then have the nerve to complain that you aren't getting enough attention. Either enjoy what you are getting or stop messing around with married men.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/10/2010 9:15:49 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 9:22:17 PM

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

However, no man who has to lie about who/what he is to his wife/SO is a Dom. A Dom is someone you can always count on; someone who knows who and what He is and lives up to the respect, love and belief that others have in Him.

I think xxblushesxx hit the nail on the head with this comment.

Can this guy really dominate you the way you need/deserve to be dominated if you are only getting part of him? If he has told you his home life won't change, then your relationship with him cannot possibly grow beyond where it is now, meaning your submission cannot be nurtured and grow the way it could in a "legitimate" relationship.

Good luck. You're in a tough situation and I believe you will be in pain whether you stay with him or not; the difference is that if you leave him, the pain will eventually fade and you will find someone who will be yours completely.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 9:42:50 PM

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Awww thanks, lucielucie (*lol* typing that name twice is fun!) I hope things are going better for you. I've been keeping up with your thread in general bdsm.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to lucylucy)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 9:45:49 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

Can this guy really dominate you the way you need/deserve to be dominated if you are only getting part of him?

Sounds like he is.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to lucylucy)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 9:50:31 PM

proudblueeyedsub

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/15/2009
Status: offline

Been there, done that, wore the t-shirt. we could only meet once a month at a motel, i even had to pay 1/2. his wife had no clue what was going on. It went on for a few months before i finally called it off, he couldn't offer me what i wanted and needed. i've since found Someone who is single, now i have to deal with long distance and it's a mess too. But at least this one isn't married. i've been on both sides of the fence and would never knowingly enter into a relationship of any sort with a man who has a partner. It hurts you, and her too in the long run. And like someone else quoted, you're probably not the only one he's seeing. That's what happened with me. Learn from your mistakes, move on, find a single One. They're a rare breed Those who will be completely honest and trustworthy but it's worth the wait. No matter how long it takes.

(in reply to lucylucy)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 9:58:05 PM

TheOneYouDesire2

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline

So so true, proudblueeyes, you all have made me re-think what I am doing, not only to me but to her..
To those of you who said those nasty mean things... Thanks a lot...we all are stupid at some point in our lives and learn from those mistakes... but thanks again for pointing that out!

This sub will move on and find someone deserving of me.

(in reply to proudblueeyedsub)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 10:04:18 PM

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

To those of you who said those nasty mean things... Thanks a lot...we all are stupid at some point in our lives and learn from those mistakes... but thanks again for pointing that out!

I don't particularly think anyone was nasty. The truth is that you are actively doing something is going to hurt someone very badly and because of that, it's hard to have feeling for your complainment of not getting enough of him. What I said, anyway, came from the position of having helped someone cheat and only realizing in hindsight how utterly selfish it was. I deserved the pain I got from it. Karma is a bitch.

quote:

This sub will move on and find someone deserving of me.

I am honestly glad to hear that.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

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