RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want!, Take 2

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 4:05:52 PM

JhonDean

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quote:

I think everyone has conflicts. Some are more aware of them than others, but ultimately everyone does. A person with no inner conflicts has no complexity.

Without complexity, you are right, I am far from complex, a say what you mean and mean what you say soft-spoken generally quiet man that is often alone in a crowd and deeply enjoying the company I am with while being alone.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 4:14:40 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JhonDean

quote:

I think everyone has conflicts. Some are more aware of them than others, but ultimately everyone does. A person with no inner conflicts has no complexity.

Without complexity, you are right, I am far from complex, a say what you mean and mean what you say soft-spoken generally quiet man that is often alone in a crowd and deeply enjoying the company I am with while being alone.

Well I don't know you, I only have what you write to go by, but so far, I haven't found exchanging with you on these boards to be something easy, but rather loaded with really complex words that are sometimes hard to decipher. That said, others don't always see us for how we see ourselves.

And as for my question... do you care to answer it? I am genuinely curious, but again, based on past experiences, I will not hold my breath ;-)

- LA

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 7:12:41 PM

sjskuared

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It's not just a caricature that women look down on. Quite a few times I have heard from women that they don't find sub males attractive and they don't have sex with sub males.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 8:07:14 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sjskuared

It's not just a caricature that women look down on. Quite a few times I have heard from women that they don't find sub males attractive and they don't have sex with sub males.

I don't want to put you on the spot, but I have a feeling that you might not have that much real life experience with women who are dominant and looking for a partner. I'm not talking about ProDommes or Dominatrix.

Dommes look for 2 kinds of partners generally:
- a play partner with whom they will play but not have sex
- a relationship partner, with whom more often than not, they will have sex

Firstly, you have to decide which of these you are willing to be. If you wish to share intimacy with a woman, there are many Dommes that seek a regular man/woman relationship where the dynamics of the relationship just happen to be Female-led. I would be one of those women. Many of the women who post regularly in the Ask A Mistress section are these kinds of women.

But one thing I will tell you, it has nothing to do with whether or not you are submissive and everything to do with how you present yourself. Did you read the link I provided for you?

- LA

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 8:09:54 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sjskuared

It's not just a caricature that women look down on. Quite a few times I have heard from women that they don't find sub males attractive and they don't have sex with sub males.

I think that can be true, as I said earlier, of some of the half-witted women out there - dommes included. But, really, they don't matter anyway. If they hold that attitude, then they're likely to be stuffed up with all sorts of other dismal and spirit-killing inhibitions about sex and relationships, as well. What man needs that kind of migraine in his life?

However, in fairness, I think one can hear this view from certain women because they're still wrestling with the baggage of socialisation that, really, they'd have no trouble ditching *in the long run*. To put it crudely: you make a few noises and strut a bit like an "alpha male", then such a woman can convince herself that she's found a man of whom her parents and schoolmates would approve. I guess that's the equivalent of men who'd like a femdom, but can't handle the look and style of a butch, hoyden-ish woman.

I'm not proposing all this as a source of great hope for 'sub-mankind', note - just as a certain phenomenon that I've noticed amongst vanilla partners.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 8:25:26 PM

LadyAngelika

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And of course Peon, we are all waiting for baited breath for your answer to these questions which were promised a few days ago ;-)

- LA

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/26/2010 2:53:06 PM

PeonForHer

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I'm sorry to disappoint, LA, but I'm not going to answer those questions here. They're good, thought-provoking ones and the thread makes for an interesting read - but the atmosphere of the forum as a whole doesn't feel conducive to me right now.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/26/2010 4:25:01 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I'm sorry to disappoint, LA, but I'm not going to answer those questions here. They're good, thought-provoking ones and the thread makes for an interesting read - but the atmosphere of the forum as a whole doesn't feel conducive to me right now.

No worries. We all have to do what makes us comfortable. ;-)

- LA

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/26/2010 6:55:13 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I'm sorry to disappoint, LA, but I'm not going to answer those questions here. They're good, thought-provoking ones and the thread makes for an interesting read - but the atmosphere of the forum as a whole doesn't feel conducive to me right now.

Peon,
Sorry to hear that you're not feeling good about the forum right now. Of my fellow male subs, your opinion is one of the ones that i most respect and enjoy reading. Hope you'll be back in full participation soon.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/26/2010 10:27:40 PM

cloudboy

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I like to roll (if possible) with the connection before me. I tend to shy away from ornamental descriptions and promises.

I close out thinking of Patsy Cline's line, "cause after all he's just a man."

---------

On a side note, I'm wondering when Pollux is planning to change his white shirt. I mean it is 2010.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 5/26/2010 10:30:11 PM >

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/27/2010 12:05:49 AM

omkfY

Posts: 104
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quote:

What motivates you to be submissive?

I don't believe motivate is quite the right word. Drives probably fits better for me, since I consider my submission to be closer to a biological imperative than a stick & carrot motivation.

quote:

Why do you identify yourself that way?

The label is a close fit. Not all submissives' philosophies and kinks mesh with mine, but we're more alike than not so it is a convenient reference.

quote:

What are you searching for in a Domme?

A strong, confident, intelligent, articulate, spiritual, open minded woman.

quote:

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?

Here on CM? Writing a Domme knowing full well there are 10 other sub males demanding her attention and how likely pissed off at wankers/one-liners/unimaginative folks she likely is, yet then trying to introduce yourself to her in a honest and memorable manner. Then the waiting. Did she read the short note I just spent hours writing & rewriting? Will she reply? And then a few days/weeks later -- when you've just about given up, hope swells upon seeing a notice of a new message on CM. Then the crushing emptiness that comes when you realize it wasn't her responding (and is instead some barely-legal bombshell from 3000 miles away demanding I look at her profile and $ubmit now).

quote:

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?

I'm highly independent, strong etc -- but I'm far from an alpha extrovert and I suspect most Dommes still want to be courted in a traditional manner.

quote:

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

Not fear as much a little general anxiety (will I miss subtle clues etc).

quote:

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?

Loyalty, devotion, etc... And yes these attributes are easily overlooked because they generally become expressed as the relationship matures (and not during the pass/fail getting-to-know-you phase).

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/27/2010 2:46:58 AM

mcbride

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So when LadyAngelika caught me peeking and suggested I answer these questions....well, really, folks, who am I to decline such a gracious offer?

Why do you identify yourself as a submissive?

That's just who I am. When I fell backwards into D/s in 1997, quite by accident, I walked around for about three weeks with my jaw hanging open, for two reasons: because a Domme had pushed buttons I didn't know I had, which caused me to read everything I could get my hands on -- and thanks again, AkashaWeb -- and because lots of previous experiences suddenly made sense. Some time later, I briefly tried domming, to great reviews, but it did nothing for me compared to the journey a submissive takes.

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?

Even in 2010, women are still socialised to be submissive. There are a few who buck that, and know perfectly well what they have, and are quite casual about using it on men, and quite straightforward about coaxing those men across lines the men -- and polite society -- never thought they'd cross. Those women just leave me gobsmacked, and that kind of relationship can become intensely intimate. There's a strong psychological element to it, obviously.

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?

The social stigma. If the people whose bosses I used to browbeat for the public good ever got a whiff, my career would be toast. Also, the very occasional male dom who thinks my submission has anything to do with him.

The irony for me is that I think, "i am not worthy" bellycrawlers notwithstanding, it takes a stronger, more secure sense of self to be open to going down this path.

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?

Numbers. Male subs outnumber Dommes by about 11 to 1. She'll be deluged by endless waves of clamouring subs and subs-if-it-gets-me-off, so it's a bit like being the fifth saleman to approach a customer on the car lot. Secondly, distance.

What are your biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

That would be encountering one of the ubiquitous cash seekers, or a not-so-Domme. The latter come in two types: The dress-up, who figures she'll roleplay until she has a man and the pretense can be dropped, and the princess, who doesn't want subs quite so much as she wants footmen. Obviously there are male fakes as well.

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes?

Well, I cook, I can make a proper cup of tea, I don't think the Goldberg Variations was a Penthouse publication, and I take myself myself very, very seriously. Oh, wait, not that last one. But I think I'm serious about this, about where that journey goes.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/27/2010 3:57:48 AM

KYsissy

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What motivates you to be submissive?
I think my brain is hard wired that way. I mean this.

Why do you identify yourself that way?
After years and years of resisting it, I have finally embraced it.

What are you searching for in a Domme?
First and foremost, good company. If we could not go out and have a good time in a vanilla sense, then anything beyond that just isn't going to happen. Since I am still a newb pretty much, almost anything that happens would be new and exciting.

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?
Intelligence. Creativity. A sense of humor for sure. Sharing some of the same interests I do. Pretty much like someone I would want to date.

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?
Maybe if I ever meet the right Dom I will be able to answer this and not sound like a totally clueless newb LOL.

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?

On the internet? None, I lay it out who I am and try to give them a little personal flavor of me as an individual and not just another doormat who needs a spanking.

Face to face. Major insecurities LOL. I hesitate to show that side of me to anyone and with someone new it is extremely hard for me until there is some level of trust. But it must be done at times.

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?
When initially meeting I just have the usual nervous butterflies.
Not a fear so much.We can meet and I can say "no thanks" and so can they with no hard feelings.

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?
I am TRULY service oriented. If its in a house or a car, I can fix it or replace it. I can cook. I can clean, I have created Excel spreadsheets that one of our software vendors uses in his classes and demos to demonstrate the capabilities of His product. I have ALWAYS wanted to take care of the women in my life It is just my nature.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/27/2010 4:43:19 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

quote:

quote:
What is the hardest part of being a male sub?

Here on CM? Writing a Domme knowing full well there are 10 other sub males demanding her attention and how likely pissed off at wankers/one-liners/unimaginative folks she likely is, yet then trying to introduce yourself to her in a honest and memorable manner. Then the waiting. Did she read the short note I just spent hours writing & rewriting? Will she reply? And then a few days/weeks later -- when you've just about given up, hope swells upon seeing a notice of a new message on CM. Then the crushing emptiness that comes when you realize it wasn't her responding (and is instead some barely-legal bombshell from 3000 miles away demanding I look at her profile and $ubmit now).

Gosh, I hear this one often, and in all honesty, my heart goes out to you guys for this. I will admit for those of you making an honest effort of wanting to meet someone, it could get discouraging. I'd be curious to know however, if over time, you might have developed some "tells" that help you distinguish bogus profiles from real ones. That might be an interesting topic for another thread.

quote:

quote:

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?

Loyalty, devotion, etc... And yes these attributes are easily overlooked because they generally become expressed as the relationship matures (and not during the pass/fail getting-to-know-you phase).

But a sense of wanting to be loyal and devoted can be communicated early on. Every submissive man that I've dated was able to demonstrate glimpses of this to me in the beginning without dropping at my feet in surrender. I do think it is important early on in the "getting to know each other phases" to drop sincere hints about the potential of what you can be in the right dynamic. Yes, it opens one up to vulnerability, but it also lets the other get a peak in, like some kind of foreshadowing.

Thank you for sharing omkfy. I do appreciate it very much.

- LA

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/27/2010 4:54:14 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mcbride
So when LadyAngelika caught me peeking and suggested I answer these questions....well, really, folks, who am I to decline such a gracious offer?

Aha! I knew you could post about something other than religion and politics ;-)

quote:

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?
Even in 2010, women are still socialised to be submissive. There are a few who buck that, and know perfectly well what they have, and are quite casual about using it on men, and quite straightforward about coaxing those men across lines the men -- and polite society -- never thought they'd cross. Those women just leave me gobsmacked, and that kind of relationship can become intensely intimate. There's a strong psychological element to it, obviously.

On the whole, I agree, though I will tell you that my own mother never raised me to be submissive but rather assertive and take charge, and I actually had to buck against that early on (like I did almost everything else) before I realised that I should stop fighting this dominant woman within me and that some men would want a strong woman. Ok, this isn't about me, but I just figured I'd share that bit ;-)

quote:

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?
The social stigma. If the people whose bosses I used to browbeat for the public good ever got a whiff, my career would be toast. Also, the very occasional male dom who thinks my submission has anything to do with him.

The irony for me is that I think, "i am not worthy" bellycrawlers notwithstanding, it takes a stronger, more secure sense of self to be open to going down this path.

I agree with this part a great deal and that is one of the qualities I find most appealing with submissive men.

quote:

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes?

Well, I cook, I can make a proper cup of tea, I don't think the Goldberg Variations was a Penthouse publication, and I take myself myself very, very seriously. Oh, wait, not that last one. But I think I'm serious about this, about where that journey goes.

You forgot brilliant sense of humour ;-)

- LA

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/27/2010 5:03:18 AM

LadyAngelika

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Firstly, thank you for chiming in KYsissy. And I love the avatar!

quote:

I hesitate to show that side of me to anyone and with someone new it is extremely hard for me until there is some level of trust. But it must be done at times.

It is hard to trust someone enough to let one in. But look at mcbride's post right above. I agree with him that being a submissive man is about courage to take this path.

quote:

I have ALWAYS wanted to take care of the women in my life It is just my nature.

That is sweet and that is of course what you need to get across. I find that this gives you the edge of being authentically submissive and not just in it for kicks. :-)

- LA

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/27/2010 5:20:04 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009Peon,
Sorry to hear that you're not feeling good about the forum right now. Of my fellow male subs, your opinion is one of the ones that i most respect and enjoy reading. Hope you'll be back in full participation soon.

Thank you, Rochsub. :-)

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/27/2010 9:36:30 AM

seekingOwnertoo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

Rather, it is when the mental and emotional start to click in … that I sense the tension of fear.

This fear happens to be one of your buttons. Being aware of it is the only thing that matters!

- LA[/font]

LA … thanks for Your insight.

On further review … i realize You hit this awfully close.

Actually, deep intimacy and love are HUGE hot buttons for me. The fear i feel … is the fear of success …

Sometimes i do struggle with the words to express this … because i guess … it is still an open issue in my life.

But i am walking away from this thread now … with a bit of a deeper understanding.

And i thought it appropriate to thank You, right here.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/27/2010 3:39:30 PM

mcbride

Posts: 333
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Aha! I knew you could post about something other than religion and politics ;-)

Well, the judge said I had to interact with those guys in religion and politics, or serve out my time, y'know? *g*

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/27/2010 3:39:53 PM

KYsissy

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Joined: 5/12/2005
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quote:

And I love the avatar!

Thank you Lady Angelika. I have loved Rosie the Riveter from the the moment my 10 year old eyes fell upon her.

And in addition to rehabbing old houses and swapping transmissions, I made spice rubbed pork with mango salsa this week. It was VERY Yummy!!!

< Message edited by KYsissy -- 5/27/2010 3:42:30 PM >

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