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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want!, Take 2


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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 5:10:32 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shallowdeep
Seriously: I like making other people happy, especially those I care about. I tend to put others first. Why? Probably partly the way I was raised. Largely because it genuinely makes me feel good. With all the kink and labels removed, assigning a very high priority to a partner's happiness would still come quite naturally for me, I think.

None of that is really particularly "submissive" though, at least not from my perspective; it would all still apply in a completely egalitarian relationship. I'm honestly not sure how interrelated my desire to please is with my attraction to the things that keep me lurking around here. Something about playing with power is immensely attractive to me, and has been for nearly as long as I've been sexually aware. It's all still a bit inexplicable and mysterious, even after trying to analyze it for years. But the appeal hasn't gone away. Devotion. Surrender. Sacrifice for the woman I love. Perseverance. A certain unfairness. A cruel, yet tender, smile at my plight. It's weird. It's also hot and, at least to me, quite romantic and intimate.


I think that is the key for a good submissive man. A lot of kinky guys want the part about the power play but don't want to the 'putting others first' part. I do strongly believe that it is the interface of these two things that make a man attractive to several Dommes eyes.

Thanks so much for chiming in. I knew we'd be getting good responses but I have to say all of you (well with one obvious initial exception) really made me smile. I hope more Dommes are reading this.

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to shallowdeep)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 5:20:10 PM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline
quote:

What motivates you to be submissive?

Hmmm.. not sure. I've always enjoyed doting on someone. Maybe there's a subconcious desire in there somewhere to make the other person happy. Seeing Her smile as a result of it always makes me giddy.

Why do you identify yourself that way?
I don't know. I just know that I'd rather spend my energy making someone else happy, as opposed to myself. Maybe it's my way of making up for some things that happened to me long ago. *shrugs*

What are you searching for in a Domme?
Someone whos patient, in a maternal sort of way. Someone who'll make me feel safe, no matter how scared I get of something (especially relationshps)

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?
Someone who'll understand how & why I feel a certain way, then take steps to alleviate that. Someone who (unknowingly) makes me want to devote my attention to them

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?
In general: the "competition".

For me personally, I'm not sure. I have never engaged in a dynamic, so I can't speak from a relationship standpoint. However, I'd have to say finding a medium between vanilla interests, and BDSM activities is fairly hard. If you engage in discussions about vanilla activities, then it seems like the person "isnt submissive enough". If you fixate on kink, then it seems like your a "do me" sub.


What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?

Are we talking online? Or IRL? If it's the former, finding common ground about vanilla stuff to talk about. If it's the latter, well.... I'm WAY too shy. 3/4 of the people I interact with on here, I would never get the courage to approach them IRL at a munch or club. Yes. I'm *that* shy.

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

Being judged before She actually knows about me. Being "disqualified" (for lack of a better term) for physical defects (scars, etc). Saying the wrong thing due to lack of experience, or saying the wrong thing because I have no idea what she's talking about.

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?
Best strength? I have a high amount of drive - if I've been given a task, I will devote a insane amount of energy completing it to Her satisfaction. I'm detail kind of person - I notice little details about things & people, and usually base an opinion on what I've seen.


< Message edited by blackpearl81 -- 5/23/2010 5:21:24 PM >


_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 5:26:07 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
blackpearl81, you seem like a sweet guy and I think in time, you'll find your right match.

quote:

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?

Are we talking online? Or IRL? If it's the former, finding common ground about vanilla stuff to talk about. If it's the latter, well.... I'm WAY too shy. 3/4 of the people I interact with on here, I would never get the courage to approach them IRL at a munch or club. Yes. I'm *that* shy.


I'd say find an outdoor event and bring that cute puppy (your partner in crime from your photo) with you and all the Dommes will flock to you ;-)

No joke, I have a shy guy friend, really cute, who could never approach women, but then got a really cute dog and many women approached him!

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to blackpearl81)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 5:30:41 PM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

blackpearl81, you seem like a sweet guy and I think in time, you'll find your right match.

quote:

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?

Are we talking online? Or IRL? If it's the former, finding common ground about vanilla stuff to talk about. If it's the latter, well.... I'm WAY too shy. 3/4 of the people I interact with on here, I would never get the courage to approach them IRL at a munch or club. Yes. I'm *that* shy.


I'd say find an outdoor event and bring that cute puppy (your partner in crime from your photo) with you and all the Dommes will flock to you ;-)

No joke, I have a shy guy friend, really cute, who could never approach women, but then got a really cute dog and many women approached him!

- LA



Thank You for the compliment :)

That's happened before. The day I picked him up from the store, I had to walk through the mall with him. By the time I hit the escalaters (about 15-20 feet away) I had like 4-5 women around me. Watching me talk to them.... was literally like watching a train wreck.

=o/

I'd love to go to an event, but going by myself has always intimidated me.

< Message edited by blackpearl81 -- 5/23/2010 5:32:00 PM >


_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 5:34:54 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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Well I don't even like public events, so I'm not going to push you in that direction. Perhaps the puppy in the pic will work it's magic here ;-)

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to blackpearl81)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 5:47:54 PM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Well I don't even like public events, so I'm not going to push you in that direction. Perhaps the puppy in the pic will work it's magic here ;-)

- LA




Lol. I should clarify one of my answers to Your question(s):

Other attributes that I'm looking for, are monogamy & stability. I'm somewhat greedy, (at least, with respect to ones attention) so I think I'd have a hard time in a poly relationship. I don't want to feel like I'd have to "best" the other submissives in a poly household to gain the Madam's attention. While I think I have what it takes to be the alpha male, I'd (personally) become fearful that Her attention would drift from me, to another.

With regards to stability, one thing that I've noticed, (at least from profiles on the other side) is that the "younger" Dommes seem to flit from sub to sub. One small mistake (intentional or otherwise) and they're replaced like a broken dish. If I'm going to be the best I can be for my Domme, I'd need to learn from whatever mistake was made - that only has two benefits: 1. it makes me a better person and 2. it gives me a better understanding of Her.

Maybe that's because I'm a Taurus. LOL

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 6:05:14 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Well I don't even like public events, so I'm not going to push you in that direction. Perhaps the puppy in the pic will work it's magic here ;-)

- LA




Lol. I should clarify one of my answers to Your question(s):

Other attributes that I'm looking for, are monogamy & stability. I'm somewhat greedy, (at least, with respect to ones attention) so I think I'd have a hard time in a poly relationship. I don't want to feel like I'd have to "best" the other submissives in a poly household to gain the Madam's attention. While I think I have what it takes to be the alpha male, I'd (personally) become fearful that Her attention would drift from me, to another.


Some men can deal with it and some men can't. I think knowing whether you can or not is paramount before you get involved in anything. Also, things might change and one day you might feel secure enough with one woman to accept her taking on another sub. We never know where life will take us.

I like you, and monogamous. I've done poly and it was fine when it was just lovers and such but the moment I started having real feelings, I only wanted to be with that one guy.


quote:

With regards to stability, one thing that I've noticed, (at least from profiles on the other side) is that the "younger" Dommes seem to flit from sub to sub. One small mistake (intentional or otherwise) and they're replaced like a broken dish.


That's something that everyone growing up needs to learn. I see this as part of the experimentation stage. No matter whether someone has a dominant or submissive disposition, they are going to go through this growth process. I know, I went through it myself, though I don't remember throwing any boys away, just things not working out.

quote:

If I'm going to be the best I can be for my Domme, I'd need to learn from whatever mistake was made - that only has two benefits: 1. it makes me a better person and 2. it gives me a better understanding of Her.

Maybe that's because I'm a Taurus. LOL


Maybe it's because you are human? :-) I think everyone who is invested in their relationships wants to be better for the other. When I'm with a man I adore, I want to be a better Domme for him.

Yeah, you have got the right stuff going on between your ears. Hang in there :-)

- LA



_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to blackpearl81)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 6:15:18 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

What motivates you to be submissive?

There is no motivation.  i am just being me.

Why do you identify yourself that way?

Even before i discovered D/s, i was always submissive in relationships.  Early in life, i was a doting boyfriend.  i always catered to, pampered, and even spoiled my girlfriends.  To me, it just seemed like what i was supposed to do for the woman that i cared about.  But my girlfriends' friends always thought that i was unique.  They'd always say "where can i find a boyfriend like him?"

Then, the first time i ever dated a dominant woman, my eyes were opened.  It was probably similar to what a gay person feels like the first time they are with a person of the same gender.  i just knew that this was where i was supposed to be.  The old vanilla relationships seemed lacking in comparison.  The Domme and i seemed like opposite sides of the same coin.  We were just meant to be together.  i don't mean to sound corny, but literally we "completed" one another.

What are you searching for in a Domme?

A lover, a friend, a confidante.  Same things i'd look for in a vanilla woman.  Only She's dominant, and desires a female-led household.  She recognizes that i'm a strong, smart, successful alpha male who is dominant in all other areas of life, but who chooses to submit to Her (and ONLY to Her).

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?

Intelligence.  More than anything else, intelligence is key.  The mind is the greatest sex organ we have.  True domination is mental.  Sexiness is primarily mental.  control is mental.  Creativity is mental.  All of those qualities are necessary to be a good Domme.

Despite incredible beauty or innate sadism, without a keen mind, a woman can't be a great Domme (IMHO).  It all begins and ends in the mind.

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?

Finding a quality Domme.  Finding a self-described "Domme" is easy.  But most of the "Dommes" i meet have no idea what they're doing. 

Finding a woman who wants to be spoiled is easy.  Finding a woman who is bossy is easy.  Finding a woman who is sadistic is easy.  Finding a true alpha female with the capacity to lead is very difficult..

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?
 
Because i am so dominant in vanilla life, it is difficult to find a Domme who is strong enough to stand up to me.  i can't just submit to any Domme.  Because i am an alpha male, i can only submit to a very strong female.  My personality tends to swallow up a lesser woman.  It amazes me how many "Dommes" end up wanting to submit to me.  i hate that.

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

i never have any fears.

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?

My greatest strengths would be my intellect, my extremely outgoing personality, and my sense of humor.........and my 10 inch penis.  All of those attributes are often overlooked........except for one.  



< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 5/23/2010 6:28:46 PM >


_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 6:46:37 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?
 
Because i am so dominant in vanilla life, it is difficult to find a Domme who is strong enough to stand up to me.  i can't just submit to any Domme.  Because i am an alpha male, i can only submit to a very strong female.  My personality tends to swallow up a lesser woman.  It amazes me how many "Dommes" end up wanting to submit to me.  i hate that


I've heard of this quite a bit.

I was seeing a submissive man a few years back who was actually a really big tough guy who went through this a lot, until he met me. Funny thing is, months into us seeing each other, he tried to turn the tables on me but he didn't get very far.


quote:

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

i never have any fears.


Of course *you* haven't, oh fearless one ;-)

Thanks for chiming in, of course! And I knew you'd find a way to work in your 10 inch penis. But you know I settle for nothing less than 12 inches, right? ;-)

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 6:58:21 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Now and then I like to look at threads I started 5 years ago and see how things have changed. In looking at one entitled Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want!, I noticed that we got a lot of great responses, but more importantly, all the boys have changed. Not only that, I've changed as I'm more likely to call them men than boys now, but that's a whole other thread ;-)

So I'm going to repost the exact same questions today and see what kind of responses we get. As like last time, this question is addressed to male subs more specifically but in collarme tradition, everyone is welcomed to chime in.

More often the not, you hear about the expectations that Dommes have of male subs. Let's turn the tables now and see what kind of responses we get.

- LA



*sigh*  kinda leaves me out since I am not seeking a Domme!  Oh well....*grinz and waves at LA*


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 7:08:45 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear

*sigh*  kinda leaves me out since I am not seeking a Domme!  Oh well....*grinz and waves at LA*



Awww Bear! Sorry, you know I didn't leave you out intentionally ;-) If I was a male Dom, I'd be picking your brain, believe me!

- LA


_____________________________

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 7:39:49 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

And I knew you'd find a way to work in your 10 inch penis. But you know I settle for nothing less than 12 inches, right? ;-)



10 is when it's soft. 

BTW, you knew that i couldn't write a response that long without adding some levity to my reply.  But at least i saved it until the end. 


_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 7:41:25 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

And I knew you'd find a way to work in your 10 inch penis. But you know I settle for nothing less than 12 inches, right? ;-)



10 is when it's soft. 

BTW, you knew that i couldn't write a response that long without adding some levity to my reply.  But at least i saved it until the end. 



Good boy. You still get your cookie ;-)

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 7:45:06 PM   
PeonForHer


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Oh!

This reminds me of the convo that you and I were having a few weeks ago, LA.

I will try to answer - promise! But it's zeds time for me, I'm afraid.



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(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 7:58:32 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Oh!

This reminds me of the convo that you and I were having a few weeks ago, LA.

I will try to answer - promise! But it's zeds time for me, I'm afraid.




Night night and I look forward to your answer in the morning!

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 8:04:51 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
What motivates you to be submissive?
It is a release from my work life. It sets me free. At work I am in charge. I make hundreds of decisions a day, constantly having to tell what people to do. I draw up the plans, set the direction, guide the activities. A non-stop battle from the minute I walk into work until I leave. Being submissive is a release for me. Its a chance for me to enjoy not having to decide.

What are you searching for in a Domme?
I am searching for a Domme who enjoys TPE. A Domme that enjoys having a sub bound and helpless. A Domme that is talented at slowly breaking down my physical body and breaking my mind at the same time. A Domme who enjoys taking the sub to this point. Its not easy and not many Dommes enjoy this type of play.

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?
The biggest part for me is that the Domme truely enjoys what she is doing. I want to see the excitement in her eyes. Feel the electrcity in her touch. Here the giddiness in her voice. Height, weight, looks do not matter. She must have a fun outlook on life. Doesn't take life too seriously. Knows how to enjoy life.

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?
I enjoy being a sub. The hardest part for me is finding a compatabile Domme. Not many are as heavily into the bondage aspect as me, so the Domme's who enjoy the same things I do tend to be a little more rare.

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?
I really do not see it as a challange. I simply ask some key questions to see if their interests are similar to mine. If they are then we discuss further. If I get the"How dare you ask about your fetishes" you should be asking what do I like. I simply move on as this person does not understand the concept of mutual interests.

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?
I always feel like a little school boy when I first meet a new Domme. Getting past that first introduction to get the butterflies out of my stomach. One would think after 15+ years this would go away. But I think its kinda cool it still happens. It just tells me I am really excited to meet someone new.

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?
I think that I am a fairly well rounded person. I travel a lot for work. I travel globally. One of the strengths due to this is being able to understand there are many different cultures and ways the people do things, act, etc. Understanding that the way you would do something is not necessarily to only way things are done to me is huge. I think the hard parts about stregnths and attributes is that you really do not show these in an email. So until the person gets to know you in person, many time a person's strengths go unnoticed.

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/23/2010 8:13:29 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
quote:

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

I always feel like a little school boy when I first meet a new Domme. Getting past that first introduction to get the butterflies out of my stomach. One would think after 15+ years this would go away. But I think its kinda cool it still happens. It just tells me I am really excited to meet someone new.


That is really cute :-)

Thank you so much for your contribution as well.

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/24/2010 8:45:53 AM   
subrob1967


Posts: 4591
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

What motivates you to be submissive? 
I am just wired this way, even as a unmentionable, my best friends have always been female, and I've gone out of my way to make them happy.

Why do you identify yourself that way?
Lack of a better term, I feel that I'm more than just a gentleman.

What are you searching for in a Domme?
I've found my Domme's

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?
Assertiveness, Confidence, Boldness

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?
Explaining to male doms, and sub females that they're going about it the wrong way
Seriously, the lack of respect from doms and femsubs.

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?
Actually, once I set my mind to entering into a BDSM relationship, finding and meeting Domme's wasn't an issue. Must be my charming personality But I come across completely different in real life as opposed to on here.

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?
Like most people, rejection. Or lack of chemistry.

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?
I'm a great guy to know, I' have a wicked sense of humor, can cook my ass off, I'm outgoing and make friends easily.
My sense of humor is often overlooked because I believe my Domme's have no sense of humor


- LA


(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/24/2010 6:54:26 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

quote:

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?

Explaining to male doms, and sub females that they're going about it the wrong way
Seriously, the lack of respect from doms and femsubs.


Thank you for chiming in subrob :-) I'm wondering how much of the statement above is said in jest and how much it is really true.

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to subrob1967)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/24/2010 7:35:05 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear

*sigh*  kinda leaves me out since I am not seeking a Domme!  Oh well....*grinz and waves at LA*



Here ya' go, Wolf2Bear: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3221481/tm.htm

Regards, Lance (always to the rescue of "his" boys. LOL!)

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)
Profile   Post #: 40
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