RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want!, Take 2

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/24/2010 7:58:51 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear

*sigh* kinda leaves me out since I am not seeking a Domme! Oh well....*grinz and waves at LA*

Here ya' go, Wolf2Bear: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3221481/tm.htm

Regards, Lance (always to the rescue of "his" boys. LOL!)

You're so awesome Lance! :-)

- LA

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/24/2010 9:07:11 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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Okay ... i'll take this on ... but only after a couple beers on the deck with the neighbors ... and it is late .. so i reserve the right to change my mind ... when criticism descends... but it really is ... pretty honest ... and i might just be covering my tracks, later.

What motivates you to be submissive?

Hmmm … I guess, because I like (and love) strong, self assured Women. Women, who are comfortable telling me to go to hell … when I deserve to be told this … and Women who tell me how wonderful I am … when I deserve to be told this. I guess the answer is … Women who can command respect. And have many other attributes ... that I will mention later.

Why do you identify yourself that way?

I really don’t identify myself as submissive, except in a relationship with a Domme. Generally, I am a strong, self assured man … who is not afraid … to do what it takes. But, as I mentioned earlier, there is a certain type of strong intelligent Woman … that has a powerful attraction to me.

And when I feel that attraction … I … well ... I want to do what She wants … cater to Her … love and respect Her … and sexually … submit for Her pleasure. I guess … to be brutally frank … this is an attraction too.

I like to feel I have to give sexual pleasure … especially, if whips and chains are involved.

It’s just a hot button.

What are you searching for in a Domme?

Gosh … this one is tricky. I really don’t know … exactly … because it could vary … as everyone varies.
But to take a shot at it … intelligence is extremely important to me. I cannot stand a dumb person … let alone a woman. I am not the type who likes a dizzy blonde … for long.

That said I guess … education; professional accomplishment; personal morals and values; ability to communicate; attention … yes, I love attention; care, concern and compassion for others; sense of humor … and some shared humor; great interpersonal skills; willingness and ability TO develop a relationship.

And the more I think about it … the more I think … I am wishing on a star!

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?

See above.

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?

Finding the Lady … and developing a relationship.

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?

Interest … pure and simple … if it exists … the rest is easy. Well except for ... the next question.

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

Knowing that once she has broken me down … she will lose interest.

That is basic human nature between Dominants and submissives … it is a huge piece of western philosophy … and well known and accepted … as the truth …

Which of course … is a big philosophical rational … for equality.

But regardless of how hard the Dominant will argue this … the fundamental truth is … once the conquest is made … the Dominant … does move on to the next conquest. The Dominant is NEVER happy with a conquest.

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?

I am everything I look for in a woman … all You Women do, is look at is the picture …. then move on.

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Post #: 42

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/24/2010 9:32:03 PM

LanceHughes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

You're so awesome Lance! :-)

- LA

Merci. Likewise, I'm sure.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/24/2010 9:41:00 PM

sjskuared

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I appreciate this question and the way it was asked and the manner the responses are being taken. It is more serious than usual and I think it it important to answer as best as I can, hopefully, so women will have more of an insight.

What motivates you to be submissive? I was born that way.

Why do you identify yourself that way? I don't like to be identified as a submissive in public, I am this way and society looks down on it.

What are you searching for in a Domme? First I am seeking a love relationship together with a D/s relationship. If I had to just choose one it would be love but it would be difficult to live without dominance. For me without sex there would be no point, it is sexual to me but it is other things as well. I wouldn't submit to a friend or do the things I would do for a domme without that attraction. I don't get chastity for the same reason, if I don't want to have sex I can do that alone. Next, the same compatibility has to be there as with any other relationship but in addition there has to be a fit in terms of D/s.

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme? The same qualities I look for in anyone I would want to be in a relationship with, for me that is intelligence, honesty, similar interests, similar goals and background. In D/s terms I am seeking someone who enjoys having power over a man she is attracted to and using that power for her pleasure within my limits.

What is the hardest part of being a male sub? The hardest part for me is that I am in the closet. Straight men as well as even many dominant women look down on male submissives. YES, admit it that a lot of you do. Many women say they want a powerful man who will only submit to them. What exactly does that mean and why should a man submit to you? Do you want someone you are attracted to and has all the traditional masculine qualities, handsome, good looking, high income, be honest.

The second hardest thing is the number of prodommes to what I will call lifestyle dommes. Most of the profiles from dominant women are from those who are pros or who are already in a relationship.

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme? The biggest challenge is whether or not I will be outed. Other than that I would be more open to approaching women, going to munches or sending my pictures out.

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme? I think the same fear that any dating situation presents except that sometimes the male is in the position of not being safe instead of the female.

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked? I would say my strengths are often overlooked. I see women with men who mistreat them all the time and don't get it. I am not good at "picking up women" or flirting. Seriously I think women are more into appearances than they admit. I think I am average looking or better looking than a lot of other men, I am shorter which I think is my main problem in meeting women including dominant women. I also think that a lot of women are over estimating their worth when they are looking for a corporate executive and are unemployed or from a totally different background.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 3:50:25 AM

subrob1967

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
Thank you for chiming in subrob :-) I'm wondering how much of the statement above is said in jest and how much it is really true.

- LA

I've only had an issue with one Gorean Dom, one time, other than that, it was in jest.

The funny thing is, I'm 6' and weighed in around 270, and the Dom may have hit 5'6 and weighed in at a buck forty tops, the night he thought I was getting uppity and told Holly to control her boy. if we were in a public venue, I would have brought him outside and spanked his ass, but since it was a party in a friend's home, I laughed it off and walked away.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 4:56:29 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

quote:

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

Knowing that once she has broken me down … she will lose interest.

That is basic human nature between Dominants and submissives … it is a huge piece of western philosophy … and well known and accepted … as the truth …

Which of course … is a big philosophical rational … for equality.

But regardless of how hard the Dominant will argue this … the fundamental truth is … once the conquest is made … the Dominant … does move on to the next conquest. The Dominant is NEVER happy with a conquest.

sO2 - I had to read this a few times. I know you are writing from your perspective and you know your perspective best. I can however assure you that for many of the dominant women I know, once they find the man that fits best with them, they don't want to let them go.

I have a lot of girlfriends who get discouraged when they go out on a few dates with a guy and then he loses interest and stops calling. My advice to them always is "he probably wasn't all that into you" and that might be the case here as well. And for the record, there is nothing wrong with that, it's just something we need to acknowledge. Though it might have hurt my ego, finding out that a man I was seeing ended things because he just wasn't that into me is really not dramatic. The sooner I find out, the better. But discovering whether someone is into someone or not is the purpose of dating. Dating is not a contract, it's an exploratory phase.

Anyhow, you're an intelligent man and I'm sure I've taught you nothing new ;-) but I just wanted to offer up this perspective.

Believe me when I tell you that I have been thoroughly happy with "conquests" for who I eventually experienced deep love, and in some cases, they are the ones that walk away. Not all is so one-sided.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 5/25/2010 5:06:45 AM >

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 5:04:36 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

I appreciate this question and the way it was asked and the manner the responses are being taken. It is more serious than usual and I think it it important to answer as best as I can, hopefully, so women will have more of an insight.

And you did and I'm grateful that you shared your perspective with us. It was raw and honest. Thank you. :-)

quote:

quote:

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?

I would say my strengths are often overlooked. I see women with men who mistreat them all the time and don't get it. I am not good at "picking up women" or flirting. Seriously I think women are more into appearances than they admit. I think I am average looking or better looking than a lot of other men, I am shorter which I think is my main problem in meeting women including dominant women. I also think that a lot of women are over estimating their worth when they are looking for a corporate executive and are unemployed or from a totally different background.

Kind of sounds like nice guys finish last, doesn't it. Five years ago, someone sent me a link to this article, and think that overall, it has some pretty good insights: How Nice Guys Can Stop Finishing Last. Please do let me know what you think if you get a chance to read it.

- LA

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 5:36:16 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

quote:

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

Knowing that once she has broken me down … she will lose interest.

That is basic human nature between Dominants and submissives … it is a huge piece of western philosophy … and well known and accepted … as the truth …

Which of course … is a big philosophical rational … for equality.

But regardless of how hard the Dominant will argue this … the fundamental truth is … once the conquest is made … the Dominant … does move on to the next conquest. The Dominant is NEVER happy with a conquest.

sO2 - I had to read this a few times. I know you are writing from your perspective and you know your perspective best. I can however assure you that for many of the dominant women I know, once they find the man that fits best with them, they don't want to let them go.

I have a lot of girlfriends who get discouraged when they go out on a few dates with a guy and then he loses interest and stops calling. My advice to them always is "he probably wasn't all that into you" and that might be the case here as well. And for the record, there is nothing wrong with that, it's just something we need to acknowledge. Though it might have hurt my ego, finding out that a man I was seeing ended things because he just wasn't that into me is really not dramatic. The sooner I find out, the better. But discovering whether someone is into someone or not is the purpose of dating. Dating is not a contract, it's an exploratory phase.

Anyhow, you're an intelligent man and I'm sure I've taught you nothing new ;-) but I just wanted to offer up this perspective.

Believe me when I tell you that I have been thoroughly happy with "conquests" for who I eventually experienced deep love, and in some cases, they are the ones that walk away. Not all is so one-sided.

- LA

LA ... Thanks for sharing.

Maybe i could have worded this a bit better ... it is a trust issue ... one that is quite personal and unique to me. It goes back ... maybe 15 years.

But You asked what do [I] fear, and i tried to answer it ... as best i could.

Intellectually i have been through this 1000 times ... understand it ... from every angle. But it is a deeply buried emotional scar ... that may always be there ... except .. when or if ... i find someone who doesn't want to let me go. :-)

Likewise, i have been on these boards enough to know ... there are some wonderful Ladies here ... who DO develop and maintain ... long term relationships, also.

And of course, I know this is not a one sided issue. LOL ... i hear this from woman ... both lifestyle and vanilla. Frequently.

Yet i do appreciate Your words ....

So, to rephrase my answer to Your question, a bit ... i do have a little fear ... or unwillingness to trust ... what You sometimes describe ... as a predatory woman.

But this does not stop me from trying! ;-) Cause i am a maso ... too!

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 6:23:59 AM

seekingOwnertoo

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Actually, now that i think of it ... the right answer is:

i fear ... the Women ... who hold a powerful attraction to me!

Yes, it is a contradiction ... but then too … I am a walking, talking contradiction.

maso and happy about it ...

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 8:44:44 AM

JhonDean

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quote:

What motivates you to be submissive?
Why do you identify yourself that way?
What are you searching for in a Domme?
What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?
What is the hardest part of being a male sub?
What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?
What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?
What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?

I find your questions intriguing, even thought provoking in that over the years I have quite often engaged myself in deeply honest direct examination of my feelings thoughts and motives. No conflict rages within me and I view my passions and desires as power-laden, free from the indoctrinations of submission in they are product of natural occurrences stemming from the very core of me.

Ultimately your questions dont apply to me but support my thinking in a different realm.

< Message edited by JhonDean -- 5/25/2010 8:45:50 AM >

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 9:16:30 AM

seekingOwnertoo

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At the risk of chewing up a lot of real estate here … and perhaps overdoing it …

I thought a word or two more about the fear I am subject to might be appreciated.

It is not physical fear that I feel. In fact, when playing with a few Dommes in the past, I have experienced rather typical male sexual arousal; even during intense CBT, whips and so on.

Rather, it is when the mental and emotional start to click in … that I sense the tension of fear.

I don’t run from fear. It is a sort of aphrodisiac, in its own way. And I will stick with it … as long as the Lady doesn’t push me away.

Yet this fear I speak of does require ongoing real life personal interaction to develop. It is not something that comes from email and or the phone. So I feel safe sharing it here.

Finally, I do hope these thoughts contribute positively to the thread.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 10:05:12 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sjskuared
Straight men as well as even many dominant women look down on male submissives.

I do so wish this was not true. I agree that it is in many cases. But it's worth pointing out that not ALL straight males... not even straight, vanilla, dom males, think this way. Throughout my life I've known a great many men who (in hindsight now that I have the terminology and concepts to say it) were submissive. It honestly never occurred to me to think about that as a yardstick to measure someone by. I am and always have been more interested in things like "honor", "integrity", and "strength".

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 10:13:53 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: sjskuared
Straight men as well as even many dominant women look down on male submissives.

I do so wish this was not true. I agree that it is in many cases. But it's worth pointing out that not ALL straight males... not even straight, vanilla, dom males, think this way. Throughout my life I've known a great many men who (in hindsight now that I have the terminology and concepts to say it) were submissive. It honestly never occurred to me to think about that as a yardstick to measure someone by. I am and always have been more interested in things like "honor", "integrity", and "strength".

I think that "straight men" and dominant women look down on the caricature of the submissive male, the one from porn, and the blind guys that follow that role and behave in that manner in public places, in the way they approach women and in how they present themselves to others. The simpering, "I am a worthless worm," types who get off on feeling alienated or rejected or "less than" and basically enact their own living BDSM scene when they walk into a room.

Fortunately, most submissive men are not *that guy*. No submissive man I have ever dated or had on my arm would garner anything but respect from peers, both vanilla and kinky.

The male doms that just have a chip on their shoulder, unconditionally, about "any male submissive" are just dealing with their own baggage, or their perception of these wankers that label themselves "subs" and give all men a bad name.

Akasha

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 10:29:51 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

The male doms that just have a chip on their shoulder, unconditionally, about "any male submissive" are just dealing with their own baggage, or their perception of these wankers that label themselves "subs" and give all men a bad name.

Interesting.

I've still, after over two years, not had the slightest bad vibe from any male dom on this site. I've had it from all other groups - including femdoms (especially the occasional pea-brained wannabe femdom who sees malesubs as 'not real men') - but never that group.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 10:43:34 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

The male doms that just have a chip on their shoulder, unconditionally, about "any male submissive" are just dealing with their own baggage, or their perception of these wankers that label themselves "subs" and give all men a bad name.

Interesting.

I've still, after over two years, not had the slightest bad vibe from any male dom on this site. I've had it from all other groups - including femdoms (especially the occasional pea-brained wannabe femdom who sees malesubs as 'not real men') - but never that group.

I'm not talking about online forums, I'm talking about parties, clubs or other social venues.

Akasha

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 11:17:57 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

The male doms that just have a chip on their shoulder, unconditionally, about "any male submissive" are just dealing with their own baggage, or their perception of these wankers that label themselves "subs" and give all men a bad name.

Interesting.

I've still, after over two years, not had the slightest bad vibe from any male dom on this site. I've had it from all other groups - including femdoms (especially the occasional pea-brained wannabe femdom who sees malesubs as 'not real men') - but never that group.

I'm not talking about online forums, I'm talking about parties, clubs or other social venues.

Akasha

Same applies, from my own experience.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 2:03:53 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I think that "straight men" and dominant women look down on the caricature of the submissive male, the one from porn, and the blind guys that follow that role and behave in that manner in public places, in the way they approach women and in how they present themselves to others. The simpering, "I am a worthless worm," types who get off on feeling alienated or rejected or "less than" and basically enact their own living BDSM scene when they walk into a room.

Fortunately, most submissive men are not *that guy*. No submissive man I have ever dated or had on my arm would garner anything but respect from peers, both vanilla and kinky.

i agree, Akasha. Even i sometimes get embarrassed by the "i'm a worthless worm" types. It is such a caricature. Moreover, most of the Dommes that i know don't respond particularly well to that approach.

But personally, i have never been given anything but respect by others in the BDSM community. i have gotten a bit of flack for being a male sub here on CM, but never in real life.

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 3:42:00 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I think that "straight men" and dominant women look down on the caricature of the submissive male, the one from porn, and the blind guys that follow that role and behave in that manner in public places, in the way they approach women and in how they present themselves to others. The simpering, "I am a worthless worm," types who get off on feeling alienated or rejected or "less than" and basically enact their own living BDSM scene when they walk into a room.

Fortunately, most submissive men are not *that guy*.

Fortunately! If they were, I wouldn't date submissive men.

quote:

No submissive man I have ever dated or had on my arm would garner anything but respect from peers, both vanilla and kinky.

This is my experience as well.

- LA

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 3:45:56 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

Rather, it is when the mental and emotional start to click in … that I sense the tension of fear.

sO2, everyone's experiences are different, and if this is how you experience it, than it is absolutely valid. I know from what I've read from you that you are a pretty solid and smart man. This fear happens to be one of your buttons. Being aware of it is the only thing that matters!

I'm glad that after reflection, you realised this morning that Dommes does not equal succubus ;-)

- LA

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/25/2010 3:49:31 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JhonDean
I find your questions intriguing, even thought provoking in that over the years I have quite often engaged myself in deeply honest direct examination of my feelings thoughts and motives. No conflict rages within me and I view my passions and desires as power-laden, free from the indoctrinations of submission in they are product of natural occurrences stemming from the very core of me.

I think everyone has conflicts. Some are more aware of them than others, but ultimately everyone does. A person with no inner conflicts has no complexity.

quote:

Ultimately your questions dont apply to me but support my thinking in a different realm.

And what realm might that be?

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 5/25/2010 3:50:49 PM >

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