RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want!, Take 2

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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/28/2010 6:26:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

Rather, it is when the mental and emotional start to click in … that I sense the tension of fear.

This fear happens to be one of your buttons. Being aware of it is the only thing that matters!

- LA

LA … thanks for Your insight.

On further review … i realize You hit this awfully close.

Actually, deep intimacy and love are HUGE hot buttons for me. The fear i feel … is the fear of success …

Sometimes i do struggle with the words to express this … because i guess … it is still an open issue in my life.

But i am walking away from this thread now … with a bit of a deeper understanding.

And i thought it appropriate to thank You, right here.

Well this is a treat! I love when people have moments of deeper understanding. And you are very welcome, but you realise, you did all the work ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/28/2010 6:28:09 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mcbride

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Aha! I knew you could post about something other than religion and politics ;-)

Well, the judge said I had to interact with those guys in religion and politics, or serve out my time, y'know? *g*

Ha ha! You may be more of a masochist than I initially suspected ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to mcbride)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/28/2010 6:31:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KYsissy

quote:

And I love the avatar!

Thank you Lady Angelika. I have loved Rosie the Riveter from the the moment my 10 year old eyes fell upon her.

And in addition to rehabbing old houses and swapping transmissions, I made spice rubbed pork with mango salsa this week. It was VERY Yummy!!!

Multi-disciplinarian, I see! :-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to KYsissy)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/28/2010 9:32:38 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

And you are very welcome, but you realise, you did all the work ;-)

A successful CEO once told me "yes, the staff did all the work, but I KNOW Your leadership, enabled it"

tout la meme, Lady Angelika ...

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 5/28/2010 10:06:28 AM >

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/29/2010 3:49:32 PM

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Joined: 1/6/2005
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I did read the essay years ago and either I failed at doing what it said or I still need a makeover.

I am looking for a relationship dominant not a pro. I don't think I am wrong about the numbers. What would be clear if there was a search box to exclude married and pros is that there wouldn't be too many dominant women left.

Anyway, has this thread answered your questions or changed your mind about anything?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/30/2010 10:19:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sjskuared
I did read the essay years ago and either I failed at doing what it said or I still need a makeover.

Well maybe there are better ones out there. I think in general a lot of modern advice given to just about any (heterosexual) man about how to court a woman can work. There are links to some in one of my journal entries: http://www.collarme.com/personals/i/976722/viewjournalentry.htm

quote:

I am looking for a relationship dominant not a pro. I don't think I am wrong about the numbers. What would be clear if there was a search box to exclude married and pros is that there wouldn't be too many dominant women left.

That might not be a bad ideas. You can write to support and make the suggestion. I'm not sure everyone will use it appropriately. Also, there might be legal ramifications. I'm not the expert on this.

quote:

Anyway, has this thread answered your questions or changed your mind about anything?

I got more answers than I could have imagined, and they were great. But I wasn't looking so much for answers for me but rather to sort of expose something. I hear from a lot of submissive men that they feel their needs silenced so I wanted to give them a voice. It's something I find to be ultra important in my personal relationships.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to sjskuared)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/31/2010 12:58:16 PM

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I think it's been a very interesting thread, and I really appreciated the honesty and thought that has been put into the answers.

I agree that a lot of the time, people seem to feel that the male submissive's needs should automatically all be met by pleasing their Domme (I don't feel that expectation is there, or at least not to the same extent, with femsubs). While that is a very important aspect of a D/s or M/s relationship, I think it's important for the submissive's needs and at least some of their desires to be addressed as well.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/31/2010 4:08:21 PM

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Anda, thanks for chiming in. To be honest, I'm not sure why someone would not want to know everything about their potential partner and what turns a potential partner on. Knowledge is power!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Andalusite)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 5/31/2010 6:44:47 PM

Posts: 506
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From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline

*FR*

I want a Canuck, like Lady A.

(Don't mind me. I'm in "brat" mode, sorta.)

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 6/2/2010 2:53:49 AM

PerfectSurrender

Posts: 22
Joined: 1/29/2006
From: Saint Petersburg, Florida, USA
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It was a pleasure reading through a lot of the responses to this and in an effort to actually start communicating here I thought I'd respond as well.

What motivates you to be submissive?

Because I am not comfortable as anything but that. Also, it is the sensation that I am fulfilling another on a level that a relationship based on "equality" can not reach (at least not for me).

Why do you identify yourself that way?

I generally don't identify myself any way.

What are you searching for in a Domme?

A stable, serious relationship that has a strong focus on role-reversal and her needs.

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?

I haven't found a Domme yet, but what I'm looking for is one that is at least as intelligent as myself, someone who is powerful and passionate not just in sexuality but in other important aspects of her life.

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?

Being subject to the fact that most communication outlets related to D/s are entirely inundated with creeps, cretins and assholes that have completely bonkers ideas about what it is they want out of a relationship and thus set up a precedent whereby legitimate Dommes are sometimes weary of communication. Further, by being male and having a "fetish" I'm therefore a dime a dozen because there are so many guys in front of me that just want to get their rocks off; I have yet to even have a single communication from a serious Domme on this website since I signed up years ago.

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?

I'm sometimes shy.

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

That they'll be the type of person that really believes in absolute female supremacy. As kinky as I am, I'm not delusional and expect my partners to be the same.

I'd also likely be worried about embarrassing myself by not being graceful because I'm inexperienced in this type of lifestyle and how to communicate with people who are heavily into it. I'm all too used to women that expect me to be domineering and have played that role successfully for years whether I liked it or not and I worry those habits will ruin an otherwise good encounter.

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?

I am creative, provocative, well-read, giving, sincere, quirky and understanding of the more esoteric sides of life. These are not overlooked by anyone that knows me.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 6/3/2010 5:02:58 AM

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Thank you for chiming in PerfectSurrender :-)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PerfectSurrender
What is the hardest part of being a male sub?

Being subject to the fact that most communication outlets related to D/s are entirely inundated with creeps, cretins and assholes that have completely bonkers ideas about what it is they want out of a relationship and thus set up a precedent whereby legitimate Dommes are sometimes weary of communication. Further, by being male and having a "fetish" I'm therefore a dime a dozen because there are so many guys in front of me that just want to get their rocks off; I have yet to even have a single communication from a serious Domme on this website since I signed up years ago.

I can totally understand your frustrations, but at the same time, I urge you to not give up. The good men always seem to find ways to get themselves noticed to the right women ;-)

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 6/3/2010 5:03:22 AM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to PerfectSurrender)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 6/3/2010 8:08:51 AM

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LA, I'm not ready to start looking yet, and most of the people who've posted are too far outside of my geographical area, but I enjoy getting a better understanding of how people "tick," and what drives their behaviour, their emotions, and the core of who they are.

PerfectSurrender, if it has been a few years without a single positive response, I would urge you to ask for feedback on your initial contact approach. I peeked at your profile, and it seems fine, although I'd suggest a different photo if you have a better one (or can get someone to take one for you. You're cute, but have a somewhat silly expression in that particular one. If you're shy and have difficulty sending out those initial e-mails and freeze on what to say, I'd suggest contacting people from the forums to ask them about a post, or compliment them on it. Just be friendly, and perhaps deliberately select people from outside of your geographical or age range, or even gender, so there isn't any pressure to be anything more than friendly. Once you are consistently getting interesting responses and are able to carry on a "conversation" of sorts via e-mail for more than a single exchange, start contacting people you are interested in. Even if they did not respond in the past, their circumstances may have changed since then.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 6/3/2010 11:07:47 AM

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Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sjskuared
I am looking for a relationship dominant not a pro. I don't think I am wrong about the numbers. What would be clear if there was a search box to exclude married and pros is that there wouldn't be too many dominant women left.

Have faith. Most of the local femdom events I attend, the women equal or outnumber the men. Online you'll see a lot more skewing.

There are fewer non-pro dominant women who enjoy hanging around on adult sites to be barraged by the clueless, the sexually aggressive and the illiterate rude. If you look at what happens to women on these sites, you'll understand why. I removed my non-pro social profile long ago, because the longer I hung out here, the more sexually aggressive ugliness piled up in my inbox, and the angrier and more negative my profile got. Finally when I about was one step short of writing in capital bold letters on the front of my profile something to the effect of DO NOT SEND ME ANY MORE FUCKING DICK PICTURES OR GROSS DESCRIPTIONS OF HOW YOU WILL LICK MY PUSSY, FUCK YOU ALL, YOU PEOPLE SUCK, I decided I did not really like the person I was when I was on this site.

It was not much fun to be sleazed over by dozens of rude asses who were shoving their dicks in my face and ignoring the fact that my profile said I was looking to make friends first and primarily. You know, actual buddy-buddy friends, with shared vanilla interests, stuff like that. Not fuck buddies, not insta-submissives. Friends. That's what my social profile said, and it didn't freaking help, because the majority of the mail I got was obscene pictures or explicit kinky propositions from strangers. That was seriously yucky and no fun for me, so I quit.

When I decided to dip my toe back into pro work, I got back on here with this profile. I feel much calmer and more centered participating here as a pro, because the transactions are simple, and they involve fair give and take on both sides. I'm not being unilaterally used as a *thing* to masturbate over, or having my wishes for genuine friendships and relationships being abused by sexual aggressors who aren't capable of these things and who just want to use me to get their kinky rocks off. I get paid for my time and energy in situations like that, and that is fair on both sides. I am not being used, and neither am I taking advantage of anyone else. So that's fine with me.

Currently I seek friends and personal play partners in my local BDSM community, and online is for pro work, pretty much. Not that I'm completely closed to making connections online, and posting in the forums is for my personal amusement only. But honestly, the only way I am willing to deal with a hardcore meat market atmosphere is as a pro. It became No Fun when I was only here for personal reasons and taking a really annoying amount of random drive-by sexual abuse for it. If I hadn't gotten back into pro work, I would not be on this site at all.

There are other venues online and in person that don't have as much of the meat market aspect that drives women away. I do recommend you try those.

< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 6/3/2010 11:08:16 AM >

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to sjskuared)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 6/3/2010 11:37:15 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

quote:

ORIGINAL: sjskuared
I am looking for a relationship dominant not a pro. I don't think I am wrong about the numbers. What would be clear if there was a search box to exclude married and pros is that there wouldn't be too many dominant women left.

Have faith. Most of the local femdom events I attend, the women equal or outnumber the men. Online you'll see a lot more skewing.

There are fewer non-pro dominant women who enjoy hanging around on adult sites to be barraged by the clueless, the sexually aggressive and the illiterate rude.

{Long Post abbreviated}

LNT, Thank You very much for this post!

It's funny ... just yesterday i was mulling similar thoughts ... and You just provided feedback that is really helpful.

While You didn't address this to me .. for a moment .. i thought You were reading my mind!

Thank You for sharing! i for one, really appreciate it!

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 6/3/2010 2:30:52 PM

PerfectSurrender

Posts: 22
Joined: 1/29/2006
From: Saint Petersburg, Florida, USA
Status: offline

Thanks for the advice everyone.

I won't give up on it and I went ahead and updated my photos.

(in reply to Andalusite)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 6/5/2010 3:40:05 AM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PerfectSurrender

Thanks for the advice everyone.

I won't give up on it and I went ahead and updated my photos.

One should never give up on finding what it is that she or he wants. I'm glad to hear you will persevere.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to PerfectSurrender)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 6/5/2010 4:01:25 AM

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Joined: 5/9/2010
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What motivates you to be submissive?
I have no idea, it literally has always been "inside" me, and the sexual D/s part of it developed around my 12th year.

Why do you identify yourself that way?
See above, it's inner nature...

What are you searching for in a Domme?
A woman that knows what she wants, if it what she wants is to hurt and correct me once in a while, she becomes the center of my attention in daily life. (although never a Goddess, that's a silly term for me)

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?
I would like for her to also be caring. I am putting myself in her hands, so a complete bitch would never work for me. She's caring but demanding. In a way, she should also be the perfect mother, tough, but when you need her, she's there, when you have had a bad day, she doesn't care about spanking you, but she cares about your day. However, when you've done something wrong...

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?
Going against society's expectations of a man

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?
Usually I find online Domme's only to be interested in making money out of me. I do not have enough experience with real life Domme's, since it's still a big step to take for me to go to local s&m bars, since I don't know any Domme in real life.

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?
There's just a tingling feeling inside of you when you approach them. Not really fear, healthy nervousness.

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?
My biggest strength is probably that I don't know anything else than the "sub site". Even in my vanilla relationships, the only relationships I had so far, I was just out there to please her. I have often literally said to my gf's: "You know what, I am here to make sure you have a lovely evening." Are they overlooked? Come see me if I ever manage to get into a real Femdom relationship..

_____________________________

If they say why, why?
Tell 'em that it's human nature

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 6/5/2010 4:27:46 AM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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Thank you for sharing your perspective gedienstig. I have a question about this particular comment:

quote:

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?
Going against society's expectations of a man

I always saw submission as chivalry. In that sense, it is very much in line with society's expectations of a man, well at least at some point it was.

I think that manhood is not necessarily enhanced or diminished by being a submissive to one woman. A doormat to everyone is a different story. However, most of the men who have been submissive to me would fit into society's expectation, not that they are trying to at all cost.

So I guess I'm trying to understand your perspective of this.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 6/5/2010 4:28:03 AM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to gedienstig)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 6/5/2010 4:36:40 AM

Posts: 155
Joined: 5/9/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Thank you for sharing your perspective gedienstig. I have a question about this particular comment:

quote:

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?
Going against society's expectations of a man

I always saw submission as chivalry. In that sense, it is very much in line with society's expectations of a man, well at least at some point it was.

I think that manhood is not necessarily enhanced or diminished by being a submissive to one woman. A doormat to everyone is a different story. However, most of the men who have been submissive to me would fit into society's expectation, not that they are trying to at all cost.

So I guess I'm trying to understand your perspective of this.

- LA

Well, I more have a feeling that society wants men that take charge everywhere, including in their relationship. It could of course also be the rather rural environment I grew up in, but over here, men do not lay down before women. Also, looking in my circle of friends, men usually are in charge. e.g. Even doing the dishes is considered to be getting a bit too feminate with some. Although this is not with all of my friends, but should they ever find out how deep my submissive feelings are, and that I really want to put myself in second place and make my partner's life as easy as possible, it would turn a few eyes. And then the masochism along with it, and the real D/s slavery, well, I have a strong feeling that the environment as I live in (so my society) would perceive that as being very weak, and a poor excuse of a man...

_____________________________

If they say why, why?
Tell 'em that it's human nature

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you wa... - 6/5/2010 5:01:41 AM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gedienstig

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Thank you for sharing your perspective gedienstig. I have a question about this particular comment:

quote:

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?
Going against society's expectations of a man

I always saw submission as chivalry. In that sense, it is very much in line with society's expectations of a man, well at least at some point it was.

I think that manhood is not necessarily enhanced or diminished by being a submissive to one woman. A doormat to everyone is a different story. However, most of the men who have been submissive to me would fit into society's expectation, not that they are trying to at all cost.

So I guess I'm trying to understand your perspective of this.

- LA

Well, I more have a feeling that society wants men that take charge everywhere, including in their relationship. It could of course also be the rather rural environment I grew up in, but over here, men do not lay down before women. Also, looking in my circle of friends, men usually are in charge. e.g. Even doing the dishes is considered to be getting a bit too feminate with some. Although this is not with all of my friends, but should they ever find out how deep my submissive feelings are, and that I really want to put myself in second place and make my partner's life as easy as possible, it would turn a few eyes. And then the masochism along with it, and the real D/s slavery, well, I have a strong feeling that the environment as I live in (so my society) would perceive that as being very weak, and a poor excuse of a man...

I understand what you are saying. However, I will tell you that what people project on the outside and what happens in intimacy is something completely different. Relationship power dynamics are not defined by who does that dishes.

I think that throughout history, there has been much more male submission, men in service to women, than people are willing to realise and admit.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to gedienstig)

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