RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/22/2010 3:31:38 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Only a DIVORCE is truly a DIVORCE.

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/22/2010 3:57:04 PM

OttersSwim

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ambyant

Just been contacted by a submissive male; he wants all the grand sensation play and he's married - "eventual divorce".
I am curious if even chatting with one like that is jsut another dead end?

How to tell if a contact with a married "submissive male" is a dead-end, or worth consideration:

You just say - "Please give me your wife's contact information. I will contact her, and if she approves, we can continue speaking."

99.999% of the time, the line will immediately go dead and you will have your answer.

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/22/2010 3:59:25 PM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ambyant

Just been contacted by a submissive male; he wants all the grand sensation play and he's married - "eventual divorce".
I am curious if even chatting with one like that is jsut another dead end?

How to tell if a contact with a married "submissive male" is a dead-end, or worth consideration:

You just say - "Please give me your wife's contact information. I will contact her, and if she approves, we can continue speaking."

99.999% of the time, the line will immediately go dead and you will have your answer.

Good to know that I am not the only one that uses that foolproof technique!!

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/22/2010 6:43:20 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
How to tell if a contact with a married "submissive male" is a dead-end, or worth consideration:

You just say - "Please give me your wife's contact information. I will contact her, and if she approves, we can continue speaking."

99.999% of the time, the line will immediately go dead and you will have your answer.

Good to know that I am not the only one that uses that foolproof technique!!

I'm the very same way.

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/22/2010 8:32:46 PM

Andalusite

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Ambyant, I wouldn't play with or date someone who was in the process of getting divorced, even if their soon-to-be-ex was ok with it. I think there's just too likely to be a lot of stress and drama that would have a negative effect on me. I'd also worry that I might interfere somehow with their process of working things out, and wonder if they might have been able to mend things if I hadn't been involved.

LH, I agree that if someone is involved, it is very important to me to discuss things with their partner, though I prefer in person rather than over the phone. My playpartner and I just did a scene in her home, while her husband was busy with a project. The three of us chit-chatted comfortably before and afterward, and I think they're both lovely people.

I never want to feel like someone's "dirty little secret."

LP, I agree that those are pretty much the only options available to people who decide that they are kinky or need power exchange when they are already in a relationship. If they can't be honest or communicate with their wife or girlfriend or whatever, I don't feel they have the integrity or communication skills I need in a potential partner. It's not so much "if he'll lie to her, he'll lie to me," as much as needing to be on actively good terms with everyone involved, being able to communicate in all directions, and having a good opinion of their character.

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/22/2010 11:33:44 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You are presuming that the marriage is still emotionally viable. That's one hell of an assumption. I know a lot of people, especially in this economy, who can't afford to divorce and have their children be unscathed. If the marriage is dead, and they are more roommates than anything else but with a lot of bitterness between them, then there is no chance there will be either emotional or physical fulfillment by the spouse.

It isn't an assumption at all. The OP states it.

quote:

the overall context is that this is all happening within the context of what i generally consider to be a happy marriage.

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/23/2010 5:46:25 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Good to know that I am not the only one that uses that foolproof technique!!

Hmmm. Not sure it'd be an advisable ploy in all circumstances.

She: I used to be married to Don Corleone. Now we're divorced and I'm on the run from him and his hitmen.

Me: Right, well I'll give him a call and ask if it's all right for me to bonk you, then.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 6/23/2010 5:47:17 AM >

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/23/2010 7:00:22 AM

cloudboy

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quote:

The OP

I'm impressed by how he managed this thread.

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/23/2010 7:10:00 AM

LadyPact

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You mean by making two posts and splitting? It was probably the best option. This topic doesn't tend to go well. No worries though. There will be another person wanting to hide their kink from their spouse within a month.

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/23/2010 8:41:17 AM

Andalusite

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Peon, in that situation, it wouldn't be wise to get involved with her without his permission, either.

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/23/2010 6:29:59 PM

hereyesruponyou

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My favorite is the "we're just sharing the house but we're not together anymore", but don't call me at home because i try not to rub it in her face....uh huh

or "we are only still together because of the children" who are 23 and 25 and have their own families....

sigh...personal experience, i made friends with a married sub talking football of all things, and it eventually turned into ok, i'll believe that your wife says it's ok. Leads to a collar. Feels good. Then he goes on a trip for work and is out there feeling out other dominant women for play while away from both of us. Bad me for breaking my own rule...

I can honestly say I will never interact with anyone without some real information and if they are married, in a relationship, without the partners full permission and limits.

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/23/2010 6:35:58 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Peon, in that situation, it wouldn't be wise to get involved with her without his permission, either.

I don't think I'd consider myself a sage even asking for his permission.

Don C - if you're reading - I've never met your ex-wife and have no interest in her.

Gawd. Nightmares about waking up with a horse's head in my bed. (I'm not referring to your ex-wife's no doubt lovely head, Don C.)

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/23/2010 6:51:05 PM

VaguelyCurious

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Hang on, the Mafia are Catholic, right? So no divorce for Signora C...

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/23/2010 7:33:17 PM

LPslittleclip

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now to be honest there are some spouses that do approve mine being one of them. it is a happy marriage my wife just dosent want to beat me. she and my Mistress have met set ground rules for O/our play. ours is a rare one but it is very loving and open. the only way that it can be for you is to tell your spouse and/or invite her to see a session with a pro domme and see what it is that you desire. then the two of you can decide on what path to take but you must tell her and accept what she says and feels as well.

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/24/2010 7:17:09 AM

Andalusite

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VC, Catholics can get divorced, but only civilly. If they want a church wedding to a new spouse, they have to meet the criteria and wait for an annulment (I'm not Catholic, so I'm not sure what the exact requirements are).

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/24/2010 7:19:57 AM

mnottertail

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oh, they suck. I did it once, but didn't marry. fundamentally, there has to be a deception of some sort proved, as in the jesus thing-----the only reason to grant a bill of divorce is infidelity.

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/24/2010 7:30:20 AM

Andalusite

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If someone were high up in the mafia, and wanted to be free of his wife, I doubt he'd quibble about lying and falsely accusing her of adultery, and she'd go along with it rather than get harmed, most likely. I think standards vary from one church/parish to another, or maybe another level up.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 6/24/2010 7:32:29 AM >

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/24/2010 7:33:53 AM

81song

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Trust the the key in any relationship and I think one has to be open. If you are a married or with someone way before hand one should sit down and have a very good long talk. If the trust is not there then it will not work.

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/24/2010 9:15:18 AM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: 81song

Trust the the key in any relationship and I think one has to be open. If you are a married or with someone way before hand one should sit down and have a very good long talk. If the trust is not there then it will not work.

So does your girlfriend really GET what you are doing? How are you handling finding a dominant? (and this is not a challenge, I am just interested---it's impossible to type with tone-of-voice)

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RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve - 6/24/2010 10:39:33 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

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As long as there's been kink, there's been married men looking behind the wife's back. And they'll always be somewhat surprised to hit a wall with lifestyle dommes who don't go for that.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 6/24/2010 10:40:39 AM >

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