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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/9/2006 4:50:52 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Cut off your hands. Then, even if you manage to get the key in the safe, you still can't turn it.
 
I'm hungry and there's no one at home to cook for me, and I can't order in 'cause I need the money for Christmas presents. What should I do??????????

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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/9/2006 5:01:02 PM   
jblack


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Order in some pizza and give the empty box as a Christmas present. Hey, some two-year-old nephew is bound to love it.

All of my sexy stockings have runs in them, and I don't have time to buy new ones before my date tonight. All I have left are control tops with reinforced toes in that pale beige color. What should I do?


(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 2802
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/9/2006 5:08:58 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jblack

All of my sexy stockings have runs in them, and I don't have time to buy new ones before my date tonight. All I have left are control tops with reinforced toes in that pale beige color. What should I do?




Cut and paste. Take two good legs from all the pairs you have, and wear them. In case of different shades, use spray paint to harmonise. If you dont have two good legs to mix and match, then wear several pairs one on top of the other so the holes in one pair are covered by the second. Or, just wear them with holes and ladders in them and make a new fashion statement.

All my stockings are fine - no holes, tears or ladders, because I dont have some guy ripping them off me. How can I solve this problem?

E

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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/9/2006 5:15:41 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

All my stockings are fine - no holes, tears or ladders, because I dont have some guy ripping them off me. How can I solve this problem?

E

Change your name to LadyEllenHSV
(I know...that was bad.  Shoot me)
I'm feeling really rude tonight.  What should I do to be nicer?

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 2804
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/9/2006 8:40:49 PM   
PALittleGirl


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Everytime you say or do something rude, put your hand on a hot curling iron. You'll learn eventually.

I have a nasty tonsil infection but I can't afford the doctor visit and the antibiotic prescription. What should I do?

(in reply to Aileen68)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/9/2006 9:56:03 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PALittleGirl

I have a nasty tonsil infection but I can't afford the doctor visit and the antibiotic prescription. What should I do?


Visit the threads dealing with clitoridectomy and lobotomy.

How much is the Ronco Toe-B-Gon?

(in reply to PALittleGirl)
Profile   Post #: 2806
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/10/2006 6:50:23 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio


How much is the Ronco Toe-B-Gon?



Like all Ronco products; 29-99 plus post and packing, please wait 28-280 days for delivery, depending on whether we get enough orders to warrant buying another container load of this crap from Hong Kong or somewhere.

How much semtex is required to explode a penis? Some guy said he wanted his blown, and I have no idea how much to use.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/10/2006 6:55:56 AM   
pinkkeith


Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

How much semtex is required to explode a penis? Some guy said he wanted his blown, and I have no idea how much to use.



Hmmmm, that's an unusual kink. The formula is for every inch the penis is use one fourth of a gram of semtex.

I can't find the gift my nephew really wants for Christams, and I would really like to give it to him. What is the best way to find the gift?

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 2808
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/10/2006 12:25:28 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith
I can't find the gift my nephew really wants for Christams, and I would really like to give it to him. What is the best way to find the gift?


Break into your neighbours' houses a day or so before xmas, and rummage around in the gifts below the tree - pick neighbours who have a son about the same age as your nephew - sooner or later you'll find what you need. Or you'll be in prison, in which case you dont have a problem as you'll miss xmas as Bubba will be unwrapping your package.

I'll be at home alone this xmas (oh dear, boo hoo etc). What should I do to distract myself from my loneliness and from this annoying, overhyped, commercialised holiday, which doesnt involve drink, drugs or suicide?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

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Profile   Post #: 2809
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/10/2006 1:58:44 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Spend your day here in the forums. There will be many people just as lonely and looking for random hilarity to distract themselves from it all.

I need a haircut, but don't have the money. What should I do so my dyed black mop stops resembling a teenage emo kid's?




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Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 2810
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/10/2006 8:29:59 PM   
PALittleGirl


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Get a pair of scissors and cut it yourself. Be random with the cuts you make. Different lengths make it interesting.

My cat likes to sit on the toilet seat and look at the water in the bowl. I'm afraid he will fall in some day. How can I prevent this?

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 2811
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/10/2006 9:44:09 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Throw him in, close the lid, and flush. He'll never go near the toilet again.
 
Back aches, bra's too tight, boobs shake from left to right. I'm waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy too tired, but I can't seem to break cm's hold on me... what can I do?

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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

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Profile   Post #: 2812
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/10/2006 9:47:56 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Put your head down on the keyboard.  You can stay near us ALL night, and just have to figure out how to explain the funny little marks on your head tomorrow.

I have a to of stuff to pack for my move, and I am not sure it is all going to fit in my car.  Any suggestions?

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If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

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VampiresLair

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 2813
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/10/2006 11:02:07 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Sell some of it on eBay. That way you have more money for food during the actual move.

I can't gain weight no matter how hard I try. Can anything be done about this?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 2814
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/11/2006 12:05:53 AM   
DOM68005


Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline 		Go on a fast and exercise several hours a day.

My car headlights won't work.  How am I going to get to Hawaii from the Mainland??

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 2815
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/11/2006 1:02:31 AM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		I said I can't gain weight, not lose it.

But to answer your question - Put your car on an aircraft carrier bound for Hawaii and sneak yourself onboard.

I want caffeine even though it's the middle of the night. Should I have some?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 2816
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/11/2006 1:08:58 AM   
DOM68005


Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

I said I can't gain weight, not lose it.



true.  but you gotta admit my answer would be "Really, Really Bad Advice" which is the name of the game,

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 2817
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/11/2006 1:28:19 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

I want caffeine even though it's the middle of the night. Should I have some?



Hell yes. Anytime is coffee time. Intravenous drip works best I find.

I have lost the will to live. Where should I look for it? I checked under the sofa and down the backs of the chairs already.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 2818
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/11/2006 1:39:43 AM   
DOM68005


Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline 		Try an Attorney  ///  They make wills.

I took interest in someone on the coast which is over 1000 miles away.  I don't cyber.  Should I invite her over for dinner?

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 2819
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/11/2006 8:31:12 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DOM68005
I took interest in someone on the coast which is over 1000 miles away.  I don't cyber.  Should I invite her over for dinner?



This is a perpetual issue for all cannibals. Sea food or local? Go with local and save her for a special occasion.

Why?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 2820
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