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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 12:31:50 AM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Borrow someone else's car.

I recently moved and my clothes are still in my duffel bags. How can I motivate myself to unpack?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 2841
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 1:43:39 AM   
ShreveportMaster


Posts: 899
Joined: 10/6/2004
From: Dallas, Tx
Status: offline 		Do a tribute to "The naked guy" through the entire month of Dec.

I find Myself incredibly attracted to a much older woman, how do I cure this?

_____________________________

"And to sooth the Bosk, there was found a Singing Cowboy. To soothe the Cowboy, a kajira is needed."

Riders of Gor
Book 37, Pg 298 ;-)

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 2842
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 1:53:25 AM   
unownedredhead


Posts: 498
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Electrolysis!  trust me one a week for a year of a needle stabbing your pubic area over and over and you will never complain of  a headache again.

I have been invited to a gorean party as a free range slave.  should I get really drunk first?

< Message edited by unownedredhead -- 12/12/2006 1:56:54 AM >

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Kneeling trembling at your feet

(in reply to dorsaisgirl1)
Profile   Post #: 2843
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 2:30:34 AM   
Kittykit


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/5/2006
Status: offline 		Yes but make sure you don't wear underwear


How can I get ink stains out of a shirt?

(in reply to unownedredhead)
Profile   Post #: 2844
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 3:31:40 AM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		You can throw a little bleach on it or just cut out the ink stain part and sew in a  patch...Or even better  wear the shirt with the ink stain but don't wear any pants,  everyone will be to distracted looking at a naked tush to notice the ink stain.


There is a racoon in my living room, what should I do?




denika

(in reply to Kittykit)
Profile   Post #: 2845
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 3:33:27 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kittykit
How can I get ink stains out of a shirt?


Take it to SMP's older woman; the wisdom of age encompasses all - including the removal of ink stains. Meanwhile, this will also solve SMP's problem with his attraction to her, as she will be much too busy removing the ink stain to worry about his attentions.

There are not enough sexual puns in this thread of late. What question can I ask which will result in more examples of this classic British artform?

E

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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to Kittykit)
Profile   Post #: 2846
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 3:36:47 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: denika

There is a racoon in my living room, what should I do?



A racoon? Why not a cat or a beaver? Racoons make for poor sexual innuendo. Feed it and play with it, and remember to wipe the rabid froth from its mouth as this will result in more stains.

Should I grow a handlebar moustache? Its meant to look distinguished you know? And I fancy a few kinky Victorian style games, for which such a moustache is an obvious accessory.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to denika)
Profile   Post #: 2847
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 6:07:22 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
Should I grow a handlebar moustache? Its meant to look distinguished you know? And I fancy a few kinky Victorian style games, for which such a moustache is an obvious accessory.

E


It depends on the quality of your diabolical cackle. If that's your "go-to" mating call, then a handlebar moustache to twirl around your finger is an absolute necessity. Otherwise, handlebars are really only useful accessories on submissives.


i discovered a serious problem on my way home from shopping last night. i bought a fresh, tasty loaf of sliced bread, then cleverly placed a case of soda on top of it, reducing it to a mere 1-1/2" in height. How can i restore its previously proud, plump profile?

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 2848
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 9:05:45 AM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i discovered a serious problem on my way home from shopping last night. i bought a fresh, tasty loaf of sliced bread, then cleverly placed a case of soda on top of it, reducing it to a mere 1-1/2" in height. How can i restore its previously proud, plump profile?


It's simply a matter of physics, reducing the surroundings to a near-vacuum causing the air in trapped in the bread to puff out again.

The simplest technique is to send the bread up in the space shuttle and ask them to set loaf outside but positioned where the sun or shuttle vents can keep it from freezing.

Of course you have to eat it there too, or it will partially collapse again upon return.

Er, Daved has left the planet. How can we help him continue to communicate on CM?

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 2849
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 9:50:21 AM   
pinkkeith


Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio
Er, Daved has left the planet. How can we help him continue to communicate on CM?



Watch Star Trek and soon you will learn how to make a sub-space communicator. Build one send it out to him so that he can connect to the internet and talk on CM.

I need a good joke to say or do before giving my big speech at the company party. What should I say or do?

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 2850
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 12:25:34 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		I'm sure one of Murphy's Laws says that you'll hurt yourself in some amusing way before the speech. So all you have to do for humor is tell the story.

I can't stay warm, no matter what the temperature in the apartment is. How can I fix this?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to pinkkeith)
Profile   Post #: 2851
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 1:14:07 PM   
PALittleGirl


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Get a dozen cats and make them all sleep on your bed, the combined body heat will keep you warm.

How do I tell CalliopePurple that I thinkwe have a mutual aquaintance without being all creepy stalkerlike about it?

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 2852
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 3:36:57 PM   
jblack


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Post a message on a board and . . .  wait a minute, you were just . . . I feel so used. So terribly dirty and used. Do it again!

Nearly all of my condoms expire within a week (it's been a dry year for me, people). How can I put them to the best use?


(in reply to PALittleGirl)
Profile   Post #: 2853
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 8:00:30 PM   
Kittykit


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/5/2006
Status: offline 		Give them to your grandmother..

My ex is a crazy stalker what should I do

(in reply to jblack)
Profile   Post #: 2854
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 8:52:57 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		Stalk them back. It will freak the hell out of them.

I want to redecorate my apartment, but am low on cash. Help?

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to Kittykit)
Profile   Post #: 2855
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 9:00:52 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Fingerpaints.  Everything will look WAY different.  Just get used to the crunch once it dries.

I have too much stuff and not enough room... what should I do?

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 2856
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 9:13:10 PM   
jblack


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Burn down your house and everything in it (except you and your darlings, of course). You'll end up with no stuff, and your new ceilings will be sky-high.

On another note, I miss puns, too, LadyEllen.

My nephew needs to get a flu shot, but he's too scared of the needle. How do I convince him that there's nothing to fear from a little prick?

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 2857
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 9:36:56 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My nephew needs to get a flu shot, but he's too scared of the needle. How do I convince him that there's nothing to fear from a little prick?


For a little prick, might I suggest a penile implant?

Black's nephew is getting a penile implant. What kind of get-well card should we get him?

(in reply to jblack)
Profile   Post #: 2858
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 11:02:58 PM   
DiamondOrchid


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		A well endowed one.
 
I'm tired, cranky and bitchy. And I don't want to go to bed. Any advice?

_____________________________

Relationships are like full time jobs and should be treated as such. If your boy/girlfriend wants to leave, they should give you two weeks' notice and severance pay. Also they should have to find you a temp.

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 2859
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/12/2006 11:11:22 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Advice: Don't wear a white suit when riding in an open jeep through a mud puddle.
 
I'm tired of writing exams and just want to hibernate. What should I do?

_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to DiamondOrchid)
Profile   Post #: 2860
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