Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Page: <<   < prev  144 145 [146] 147 148   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/15/2006 9:18:07 AM   
pinkkeith


Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiamondOrchid

DOM68005 is now dead. How do we hide the body?


Stand him up in the living room and put a lamp shade over his head. No one will ever notice!

DiamondOrchid doesn't like the smell that is coming from the living room. How can we make it smell better for her without using chemicals or burning anything? 

(in reply to DiamondOrchid)
Profile   Post #: 2901
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/15/2006 11:13:35 AM   
jblack


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		I suppose it was inevitable that our advice led to death. That's what is causing DiamondOrchid's aromatheraphy problems. My recommendation is to hire a medium, hold a seance, resurrect Dom68005, and have him leave the house of his own volition. This way, the house will be clear of guilt and ghostly spirits and will smell like leather and roses.

Because I love the smell of leather and roses so completely, I would like to turn it into a perfume. How do I go about making such a scent?

(in reply to pinkkeith)
Profile   Post #: 2902
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/15/2006 11:16:44 AM   
DOM68005


Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline 		Grind into a fine power and disolve in water or light cooking oil.

A large tree limb fell into my yard.  How can I reattach it to my tree?  It's such a lovely tree with that branch where it belongs.

(in reply to jblack)
Profile   Post #: 2903
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/15/2006 11:51:50 AM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

A large tree limb fell into my yard. How can I reattach it to my tree? It's such a lovely tree with that branch where it belongs.


Get 3 large 1600 penny nails at least 5 feet long. You will also need a 600 pound claw hammer and a 55 gallon drum of superglue. Then ask pinkeith to repair it, specifying that failure is not an option.

Help! pinkeith has been found nailed to a tree! What can we do to help?

(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 2904
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/15/2006 12:49:27 PM   
DOM68005


Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline 		Tie him to the tree to insure he does not fall down and remove the nails.  Insert drainage tubes in the nail holes to let the blood drain.

---------
The traffic light just changed and I want to cross the road.  Baby, it's cold outside!!
I can see a truck coming and he has the green light that just changed. When can I cross the street?

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 2905
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/16/2006 12:51:57 PM   
jblack


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Cross the street whenever you feel like it. Trucks will stop for you, and drivers will wave at you graciously with their middle fingers.

Sadly, I have terrible dandruff. What can I do?


(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 2906
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/16/2006 1:02:31 PM   
SohCahToa


Posts: 563
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		Go grey it’s the new black

I suffer from ‘itchy flaky scalp’ as seen on all good hair care infomercials. Worse still I’m tempted to collect the flakes up put it in a bowl and call it breakfast. How can I stop eating my scalp?


_____________________________

ڪ০મ໒คमՇՕΔ
- Pax vobiscum -

"Come ride with me through the veins of history. I'll show you a God who falls asleep on the job." - Muse

(in reply to jblack)
Profile   Post #: 2907
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/16/2006 1:22:31 PM   
DOM68005


Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline 		Wash carefully with lye soap and dirty water before eating.

The neighborhood kids are playing in the park next to me,  How can I get some sleep?

(in reply to SohCahToa)
Profile   Post #: 2908
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/16/2006 1:38:42 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The neighborhood kids are playing in the park next to me, How can I get some sleep?


Invite the kids in for candy and hot-tubbing in your Michael Jackson playroom. Your neighbors will see you get plenty of isolation after that.

DOM68005 wants to bulldoze his neighborhood kiddie park, but he doesn't know how to drive heavy machinery. Can someone give him lessons?

(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 2909
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/16/2006 4:30:20 PM   
PALittleGirl


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		I will get both my cat and my neighbor, who is blind and deaf to do so. That sounds like fun!

I don't have a Daddy to yell at me for not cleaning my room. How can I motivate myself?

_____________________________

Clothespins aren't just for clothes anymore.

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 2910
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/16/2006 4:33:27 PM   
DOM68005


Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline 		Invite Mother over for just that purpose and no other reason.

You found a clothesline full of clothes on clothespins. What do you do?

(in reply to PALittleGirl)
Profile   Post #: 2911
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/16/2006 5:09:41 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Take the clothespins off and use them for nipple clamps, then donate the clothes to Goodwill.

PALittleGirl looks a lot like my ex-girlfriend. How can I stop being reminded of this?

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 2912
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/16/2006 5:58:14 PM   
FullCircle


Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline 		Use those Superman laser beam eyes of yours to cut a little square out of your screen in the location of where she appears.

I’m bored what should I do next I have a pencil, a bar of hotel luxury soap (miniature soap), an Amtrak ball point pen and a pair of scissors?


_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 2913
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/16/2006 6:07:09 PM   
jdtallfem


Posts: 180
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		FIrst, take off all your clothes.  Put the soap up your ass.  Poke one eye with the pencil.  Write HELP ME! across your stomach with the pen.  Use the sissors to cut all of your hair off. Then waddle outside naked holding the sissors, the pencil and the pen and scream, "He did it to me, he did it to me!" at the top of your lungs, and point wildly to the house you just left.  Don't stop screaming until the police come.

I am supposed to be meeting a sub tonight who is now two hours late for our meeting.  What should I do to him when and if he finally arrives?

(in reply to FullCircle)
Profile   Post #: 2914
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/16/2006 7:44:56 PM   
DOM68005


Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline 		Make him welcome as if nothing is wrong.  After he agrees to be YOUR sub, you can have him read the time every 5 seconds until his voice gives out.

I keep getting emails from sub candidates that live too far away for me to travel.  Example: I live in the midwest.  One of my best contacts lives in Florida.
What should I do?  I have vanilla commitments here that I cannot put aside.

< Message edited by DOM68005 -- 12/16/2006 7:46:52 PM >

(in reply to jdtallfem)
Profile   Post #: 2915
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/16/2006 8:23:05 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Wish really hard for Star Trek transporters to be invented so you can go back and forth easily.

I have to spend the night at my grandparents' because the power at home is out. How can I get the power company to work faster?

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 2916
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/17/2006 12:06:35 AM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

I have to spend the night at my grandparents' because the power at home is out. How can I get the power company to work faster?


Here in Florida we solved the problem by switching from the Old Sparky electric chair to lethal injection. (In executions, WE'RE NUMBER 2! WE'RE NUMBER 2!)

Since Callioipe lives in Washington, he's knocked Microsoft off the power grid. That solved the power problem, but unfortunately Microsoft's outage has caused widespread unemployment in India. What can we do to avoid an economic catastrophe in the Indian subcontinent?

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 2917
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/17/2006 1:43:22 AM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Give them all jobs as telemarketers. If people can't understand what they're saying, there's a better chance they'll buy the product.

Some people I know say the most inappropriate things when drunk. How can I get them to stop doing so in my presence?

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 2918
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/17/2006 3:04:28 AM   
DOM68005


Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline 		Take them to the local adult novelty store and talk them into purchasing gags. As drunk as they are they will tie them in place themselves.

Callioipe's electric company traced the power outage to his computer.  They want to take it out of his house, so it won't happen again.  What should Callioipe do?

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 2919
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/17/2006 10:29:16 AM   
ShreveportMaster


Posts: 899
Joined: 10/6/2004
From: Dallas, Tx
Status: offline 		buy a steam powered computer.

I'm thinking of starting a company building steam powered computers, but I can't find enough Indian telemarketers to promote them, so I hired Nigerian romance scammers instead. Now My employyes are all getting rich scamming My customers and I'm not seeling enough steam powered computers to show a profit. What should I do?

_____________________________

"And to sooth the Bosk, there was found a Singing Cowboy. To soothe the Cowboy, a kajira is needed."

Riders of Gor
Book 37, Pg 298 ;-)

(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 2920
Page:   <<   < prev  144 145 [146] 147 148   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Page: <<   < prev  144 145 [146] 147 148   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.157