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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/1/2007 2:18:44 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MmakeMme
I'm a little (lot) randy with no playmate in sight. What ever shall I do about it?


Follow the advice in your sig line, from the Dalai Lama... happiness comes from your own actions and so on.

My house looks like a tip after last night's mini party. How can I get it all cleared up without singing a happy tune like Snow White and having local animals do the job?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to MmakeMme)
Profile   Post #: 3061
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/1/2007 1:57:39 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Hire a maid or three. The price will be worth you not having to help clean it up.

My right wrist is really sore from making fudge, but I still want to be online. How can I make it stop hurting?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 3062
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/1/2007 10:32:17 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		You can use the trick my grandfather always used to recommend- smack yourself in the forehead with a ball-peen hammer. It will take your mind off your sore wrist.

i have an unsightly dent in my forehead. What can i do to get people to stop staring at it?

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3063
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/2/2007 1:23:00 AM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Have someone tattoo a Charles Manson style X in the dent so everyone will be too afraid to look at you.

I want to eat everything salty in my house. How can I keep from bloating like a corpse shoved in a lake and left there for three days?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 3064
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/2/2007 7:20:11 AM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		First eat everything sweet and go into a diabetic coma. The salt craving will fade.
 
How can I explain to my chiropractor that I cannot remove the steel collar from around my neck?

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
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MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3065
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/2/2007 12:04:54 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Let him/her attempt many times to remove it, -then- mention it can't be removed.

I need to get out of the house today, but I'm deathly afraid of new public transportation systems. How can I deal with this fear?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 3066
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/2/2007 12:08:44 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		Don't shower for 2 weeks and get blind drunk- you'll fit right in and feel really welcome on the bus.
 
My hot water heater is not making the water hot enough. How should I fix it?

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3067
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/2/2007 1:45:56 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		Light a fire underneath it using the old carpet remnants under the stairs.


I want a penguin for a pet but dont have a big enough bathtub... what can I do?

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 3068
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/2/2007 2:25:47 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		Get daily deliveries of dry ice to keep your house cool. And, btw, encourage your penguin to sit on the (dry) ice to keep cool!
 
If I make my kids do their own laundry, am I abusing them?

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 3069
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/2/2007 6:14:33 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Of course. Children should have everything done for them by their parents so they grow up with a sense of entitlement.

An army of working mothers is attacking me for that comment. What should I do?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 3070
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/2/2007 6:22:40 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		Go eat lots of salty food!
 
What should I get Master for His birthday?

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3071
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/3/2007 2:43:44 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		A gift certificate for a Dominatrix's services.

There's not enough snow here to cross-country ski. How can I indulge my love for skiing?

(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 3072
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/3/2007 2:25:46 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Create a skiing simulator for the Wii.

I love energy drinks, but they're not cheap unless I manage to find them 2/$3. What can I do?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 3073
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/3/2007 2:30:43 PM   
TreSwank


Posts: 1165
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

Create a skiing simulator for the Wii.

I love energy drinks, but they're not cheap unless I manage to find them 2/$3. What can I do?



Develop a ravenous cocaine habit.  Spending a few bucks on a energy drink will seem like child's play when you've hit rock bottom.  Afterwards you'll be like. "I should have stuck to Red Bull."

I've just moved to a ghetto, crack-infested neighborhood.  Any survival tips?  (Seriously........I really DID move into fucking Crackville, U.S.A.)

< Message edited by TreSwank -- 1/3/2007 2:36:49 PM >

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3074
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/3/2007 7:58:29 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		Open a methlab and convert your neighbors from foreign-grown crack to good old american capitalistic meth!
 
What should I wear to a Bar Mitzvah in Orlando? (and don't suggest anything Mickey-- that's too easy!)

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to TreSwank)
Profile   Post #: 3075
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/3/2007 8:32:18 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92
What should I wear to a Bar Mitzvah in Orlando? (and don't suggest anything Mickey-- that's too easy!)


Just a yarmulke and a smile!

i resolved to lose weight over the new year. How can i do this without having to do anything sucky like exercising or eating less?

(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 3076
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/3/2007 8:35:43 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		Go on the new bark diet. You can eat as much bark as you want and you'll still lose weight!

Its 11:30 pm, I'm out of alcohol, the stores won't sell me any this late and theres no bars within a 30 mile radius. What do I do?

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 3077
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/3/2007 8:54:06 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		Take some oxycodon or vicodin- you won't care.
 
My snake is hungry, but I've decided I don't believe in killing rodents. How can I get him to eat a tofu rat?

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 3078
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/3/2007 9:34:30 PM   
Bluebird


Posts: 384
Joined: 2/17/2006
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

My snake is hungry, but I've decided I don't believe in killing rodents. How can I get him to eat a tofu rat?


I think if you attempt that, you should at least offer him your fingers and toes to tide him over until he gets used to the unique deliciousness that is tofu.
 
I am tired, but have tons to do.  Not wanting to try LadyEllen's heroin remedy or TreSwank's cocaine habit, what is the next best option?

_____________________________

Love is patient, love is kind. I am neither. Get over it.

(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 3079
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/3/2007 9:41:53 PM   
CH3CH2OH


Posts: 57
Joined: 12/17/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		There's always tomorrow.  Your bed's probably really comfortable, and there'll be cartoons or something on in the morning.  It's not THAT important, right?

(Unfortunately, this was my last semester of college.  I don't really suggest this.)

I want to go back to being 18 and not caring about much of anything.  How do I do this?


< Message edited by CH3CH2OH -- 1/3/2007 9:44:12 PM >

(in reply to Bluebird)
Profile   Post #: 3080
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