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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/23/2007 9:18:44 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I was offered a very cute puppy today, and I'd love to have him, but I know he will grow into a big dog, and I can't have a big dog. What should I do?


Have the little guy stuffed right away. PRESTO! Instant permanent puppy!

I fear animal rights activists will attempt to have me run over by a bus due to my last post. What can I do to make sure that doesn't happen?

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"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/23/2007 10:39:11 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Pour sugar into the gas/diesel/whatever tanks of all the buses in your state. That way, no bus can run you over.

Should I tell a family member to bite me? To my knowledge, they aren't kinky, but I'm worried that they may be diseased.


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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/24/2007 1:59:41 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mikal
Should I tell a family member to bite me? To my knowledge, they aren't kinky, but I'm worried that they may be diseased.


Tell them first to bite that awful cousin of yours that has always creeped you out...wait three months for any diseases to emerge.

How do I find out exactly which days and times the cute guy I know goes to my gym without ending up in jail for stalking?

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Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
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(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 4283
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/24/2007 6:12:29 AM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		Buy the gym, and make everyone sign up for gym times like tee times at a golf course.  When he reserves his time, you can block all others.  

A lady I know bought a gym just to meet a really cute guy, but the guy is gay.  How do I tell her she just wasted a shitload of money?

< Message edited by ready4srvce4all -- 6/24/2007 6:13:04 AM >

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/24/2007 11:21:20 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Ask her if she noticed this guy always wearing chaps for his workouts.
 
I know, I know.... The comment above was a terrible stereotype just to get a laugh.  How should I make it up to anyone I offended?

(in reply to ready4srvce4all)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/24/2007 11:28:06 PM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		Send money to my nigerian bank account immediately to take care of the trauma and offense that everyone here has forthwith experienced.... I am a religious and very skilled DOMINATE - I will make sure that everyone else gets some of your multiple kindnesses and will be much gratified when you go to heaven.

I worry that so many others on this thread are funnier than me, how can I get rid of the opposition?

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/25/2007 9:56:16 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I worry that so many others on this thread are funnier than me, how can I get rid of the opposition?


Form your own country. Join the nuclear arms race. Gain large amounts of weapons of mass destruction. Start World War 3. Oh... build a bomb shelter first.

I need to get a Crock Pot for my oldest son. He is getting his own apartment but I do not have the money for it right now. How can I get one without paying for it?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 4287
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/25/2007 11:22:37 AM   
IEvolve


Posts: 543
Joined: 12/22/2006
Status: offline 		You've heard of becoming a "crock whore"?!


I tell my friends that I will answer to any name not ending in "hole".  Why do they continue to think I'm ignoring them?


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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/25/2007 4:32:09 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Because you are an ass*emptyspace*. Hard to pay attention to empty space.

I have to return a defective book, but I'm lazy. What's the quickest way to get it to the post office?


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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/25/2007 4:46:19 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mikal

  I have to return a defective book, but I'm lazy. What's the quickest way to get it to the post office?



hit the postman upside the head with it........

how should i know the correct  voices in my head to listen to?

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it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 4290
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/25/2007 8:36:34 PM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		The best way to know is the "death test".   If you wake up dead, you chose...poorly.

How can I properly explain what the hell "waking up" dead means to someone?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/25/2007 10:27:03 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		You can't. You have to make them experience it for themselves... just make sure you have a really good lawyer on retainer when you do.

I think I just advised someone to try to commit murder. Should I be concerned about this?


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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to ready4srvce4all)
Profile   Post #: 4292
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/26/2007 5:02:43 AM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		Of course not my dear, I'm your leprechaun...trust me...what time do the banks open in Canada, and do you have a mask and a gun?

I'm wondering if I should spend the money on myself from Mikal's bank heist, or should I bail her out instead?

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Profile   Post #: 4293
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/26/2007 5:30:10 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ready4srvce4all

I'm wondering if I should spend the money on myself from Mikal's bank heist, or should I bail her out instead?


spend it all on you....her brothers vinnie and slasher will come thank you personally.....

i bit the inside of my cheek yesterday and now i keep biting the same spot and it hurts...how can i stop this?

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to ready4srvce4all)
Profile   Post #: 4294
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/26/2007 5:35:27 AM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		Just keep going till there's a hole, then you can start chewing on straws.

I'm thinking about opening a business, how do I find trustworthy employees?

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Profile   Post #: 4295
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/26/2007 5:37:49 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ready4srvce4all
I'm thinking about opening a business, how do I find trustworthy employees?


just put an ad on the "services sought" thread and demand only twue twustworthy folks reply...be sure to mention the $10k buy in for each of them so its not a surprise...

i cant think of a question to ask now.........does this mean im not creative enough?

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to ready4srvce4all)
Profile   Post #: 4296
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/26/2007 5:40:57 AM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		It only means you are twue, so invite everyone to chat with you, to share the twue-ativity

I have 10 Calvin and Hobbes books.  Who should I will them to?

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Profile   Post #: 4297
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/26/2007 8:20:47 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I have 10 Calvin and Hobbes books.  Who should I will them to?


Spongebob.

It is supposed to get wickedly hot over the next few days. Any thoughts on how to stay cool?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ready4srvce4all)
Profile   Post #: 4298
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/26/2007 9:10:06 AM   
IEvolve


Posts: 543
Joined: 12/22/2006
Status: offline 		Keep thinking of images of Sam the Butcher boinking Alice.


If a bear shits in the woods and no one is there to hear it....does the Pope have lips?


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Attention: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message. However a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

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Profile   Post #: 4299
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/26/2007 10:07:03 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		my advice is to never talk about the pope and bears at the same time unless you also mention dolphins too because you are gauche otherwise...sheesh I thought everyone knew this!  Tis like a martini without an olive or onion.

I want to make sure Robert gets this position today.  How can I influence his potential new employer but without Robert's knowlege?



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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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Profile   Post #: 4300
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