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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/18/2007 2:23:24 PM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		A condom from a mens room 5 years old, a picture of an old lover that is now behind bars, the number to your parole officer, and a laminated card that says, "my credit score is 420."

I want to start a sperm bank.  How do I recruit donors, what do I pay them?

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(in reply to IEvolve)
Profile   Post #: 4441
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/18/2007 5:22:12 PM   
Shanghaid


Posts: 76
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		Tell them a Hooters VIP card, expired drivers license, a probably-expired condom, bottle opener, cash, and a small glassine envelope of blow.

<puts wallet back in pocket>

My headaches seem to be getting worse after I drink. Do I have a tumor?

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上海的

(in reply to IEvolve)
Profile   Post #: 4442
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/18/2007 5:27:01 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Keep drinking, eventually the headache will go away and you won't give a damn about any tumor!

I just advised someone to keep drinking. How can I tell if my advice worked?

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Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to Shanghaid)
Profile   Post #: 4443
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/18/2007 5:27:38 PM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		No, drinking only hurts the liver.  So as your head only hurts, I suggest drinking more, you're just fine.

I need to know the best way to find a discreet and reputable alcohol rehab facility for someone.  How can I tell the good from the bad?

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(in reply to Shanghaid)
Profile   Post #: 4444
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/18/2007 6:21:15 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		Drink yourself stupid then try em all.

How do I get my slave to work instead of post here all day?

*ahem* *S*

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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to ready4srvce4all)
Profile   Post #: 4445
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/18/2007 6:49:48 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hog tie your slave and put him in a cage in a dark corner for a week. That should cure him of his internet obssesion. If that fails, get yourself a new slave.

I have yet to find someone who is able to tame this wildness in me. Isn't there anyone who is able to do this?

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 4446
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/18/2007 8:18:52 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

I have yet to find someone who is able to tame this wildness in me. Isn't there anyone who is able to do this?


Roseanne Barr, in leather cat suit and spiked heels, with a bull whip.......she would either tame the wildness, or would put you into a complete traumatic coma. Problem solved.


I just evoked a mental image that is scaring even myself. What should I do?


_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to beargonewild)
Profile   Post #: 4447
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/18/2007 8:39:52 PM   
butchy14


Posts: 16
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline 		Call a movie director and screen writer. Put it on the big screen and make lots of money from it while scarring the rest of the population. Just include all sex scenes.


I have to black marks on the floor from my Miss's heels, what is the best way to get them up in less than 10 minutes?

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To live completely is to give completely

(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 4448
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/18/2007 9:13:14 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Cover them with blood stains - just open up your wrists and let it flow.

What's the safest way to have anonymous sex?


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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to butchy14)
Profile   Post #: 4449
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/18/2007 10:16:46 PM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		Same way as everyone else...make a new profile on here and work that keyboard .... just put a condom over it first!!! taptaptap   tap tap tap   ohhhhhh yeah

How do I let someone know that I think they are boring without hurting their feelings?



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Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
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(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 4450
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/18/2007 10:22:39 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		Well first you call them a ....oh, you DON'T want to hurt there feelings?  In the case I have no clue.  Usually I just let the truth fly and let the pieces fall where they may.

I just discovered that I haven't had an angry rant in my journal for well over a month.  Where can I find something to complain about?


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I walk the lonely road,
the only one that I have ever known.

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 4451
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/19/2007 12:17:06 AM   
KMsAngel


Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		go to an anger management course and say inflammatory remarks to the rest of the patients there. take notes, come back to your computer and go wild.

i was expecting my doctor to get cranky with me and she was nice in a caring way that scared me. how do i make myself feel better about this?

(in reply to HydroMaster)
Profile   Post #: 4452
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/19/2007 1:40:15 AM   
FleurduSang


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/3/2007
From: Aporia
Status: offline 		Start stalking your doctor...I mean twenty-four...breakfast, lunch, dinner.  Make sure she sees you peering through her office window while she's munching on chips.  Then the kindness really won't matter.

I have to write a boring paper about Kant...how do I make it go smoothly?

_____________________________

They flee from me, that sometime did me seek,
With naked foot stalking within my chamber :
Once have I seen them gentle, tame, and meek,
That now are wild, and do not once remember...
--Sir Thomas Wyatt

(in reply to KMsAngel)
Profile   Post #: 4453
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/19/2007 2:12:03 AM   
Jacobthm


Posts: 237
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline 		"
Grab a lead pipe and tell him to use it instead of his feet.

I just pulled of the freeway and coasted into a service station, because the temperature gauge on my instrument panel says it's nearly 300 degrees. What should I do?

Pull into the service station, right next to a gas pump, get a REALLY BIG KNIFE poke holes in your radiator, it'll piss green radiator fluid everywhere. Don't worry the green stuff is bad for your car. Buy a 1lb bag of sugar, uscrew the gas cap. Pour all the sugar into the gas tank. Car's need their CARBS! It's atkins friendly! Sit in your car, (still running) and hold the accelerator, blast showtunes and wait and chant "God is great" in arabic.

What's the best way to tell your vanilla girlfriend that you want some more spice in the relationship?

< Message edited by Jacobthm -- 7/19/2007 2:13:34 AM >

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 4454
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/19/2007 10:53:04 AM   
FleurduSang


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/3/2007
From: Aporia
Status: offline 		Chuck a bunch of spices on her as you tie her down.

What is the best way to pack my stuff for moving?

_____________________________

They flee from me, that sometime did me seek,
With naked foot stalking within my chamber :
Once have I seen them gentle, tame, and meek,
That now are wild, and do not once remember...
--Sir Thomas Wyatt

(in reply to Jacobthm)
Profile   Post #: 4455
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/19/2007 11:52:55 AM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		Pack your china and crystal first, as it is the most delicate; put it at the bottom of the crate, then set heavier objects on top to protect it.


I wish there was an easy, painless way to remove unwanted hair from legs and underarms.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to FleurduSang)
Profile   Post #: 4456
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/19/2007 1:37:57 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Get a couple of shots of novocaine, a blow torch, and hairless skin grafts.

I need to figure out how to bribe a few of the people here on CM to move closer to me. Advice?


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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 4457
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/19/2007 3:12:36 PM   
SirRober


Posts: 364
Joined: 1/2/2006
Status: offline 		Take out a loan and offer to move them at your expense. Barring that offer *gasp* favors *wink wink* and to have their first born..


My ring monkey is acting up what should I do.

< Message edited by SirRober -- 7/19/2007 3:14:50 PM >

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 4458
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/19/2007 3:55:41 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		well, having no idea what a ring monkey is, i can only offer the following advice......

use the ring on the monkey for suspension play, and drip water on his head constantly, while shining a bright light in his eyes.........you might wanna use kevlar lined leather gloves for this tho......

i think i just told a guy to risk being mauled by a monkey, but then i wonder if its some strange piercing on him, and he will fall trying to do alone suspension play......how can i get over the guilt?

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it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to SirRober)
Profile   Post #: 4459
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/19/2007 8:50:38 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Offer yourself to him, to be used in any way he sees fit, no limits or safewords.

How do I get the image of a finger protruding from a guy's urethra out of my head?


_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 4460
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