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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/19/2007 10:05:15 PM   
cautiousiasub


Posts: 199
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline 		Imagine where the rest of the hand is.
 
It's late and I can't get to sleep. Someone help! 

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 4461
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/19/2007 10:23:31 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Get a large block of cement, hoist it over your head, and let it fall. Sweet dreams!

How do I get off these threads???

edited 'cause I was on the wrong thread...


< Message edited by Mikal -- 7/19/2007 10:24:18 PM >

_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to cautiousiasub)
Profile   Post #: 4462
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/20/2007 2:19:59 PM   
cautiousiasub


Posts: 199
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline 		Take the cement block that I used to help me sleep last night (worked wonders by the way) and smash the keyboard. I'll send my son over to "water" the monitor, he's really good at that. Then for good measure, drop the computer tower off the roof of the house. If that doesn't work, try looking at pics of Danny DeVito in drag. After that you'll probably gouge your eyes out and won't be able to see the computer anyway.

Can I use PMS as an excuse to get away with murder?


(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 4463
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/20/2007 2:46:17 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		Absolutely. Prosecuting attornies fold like tissue paper when facing the PMS defense. Your only risk is if the judge has PMD at your sentencing. Heaven help you then.

I don't think there have been any conditions with neat acronyms to describe me. What condition is responsible for tired, grumpy, short tempered mother with teens home for summer? And how should I treat the symptoms?

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to cautiousiasub)
Profile   Post #: 4464
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/20/2007 5:32:28 PM   
SirRober


Posts: 364
Joined: 1/2/2006
Status: offline 		To fix the UM problem  2 words... Summer camp.


My ring monkey tried to bite me how can I fix that with out removing its teeth or breaking its jaw.....






Def. Ring monkey.. a person who works for a chainmaille bussiness.

< Message edited by SirRober -- 7/20/2007 5:35:22 PM >

(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 4465
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/20/2007 7:09:45 PM   
Jacobthm


Posts: 237
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline 		Feed your ring monkey loads of sugar and don't let him brush his teeth. Keep at it for a while, tooth decay is inevitable.

What's the best way to get rid of hangnails?

(in reply to SirRober)
Profile   Post #: 4466
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/20/2007 7:44:51 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		Use them in suspension play.


I can't decide what kind of tattoo to get. Should I go with cute, or shocking?

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to Jacobthm)
Profile   Post #: 4467
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/20/2007 7:56:22 PM   
Jacobthm


Posts: 237
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline 		Shocking! Get one of Mother Theresa in the nude with her pussy right where your belly button is.

What's the best place to study my in depth anatomy textbooks while I'm reviewing genatalia?

(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 4468
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/20/2007 8:04:00 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		Good thing mine's an innie, or I guess I'd have to go for the Apostle Peter.

Study your anatomy diagrams while standing at the urinals in the men's room of the bus station. That way, you can compare the diagrams to what you see on the men around you, and do an on the spot diagnosis of any problems and defects you may see.


How can I decorate my bedroom in an exciting new way, and not spend a lot of money?

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to Jacobthm)
Profile   Post #: 4469
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/21/2007 4:31:04 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		Visit the public toilets and take photos of people with your mobile phone and print them out to use as wallpaper. You will also get an opportunity to take some photos of the police as they arrest you which should add a focal point for your room collage.

What reason can I give for being on CM so much apart from the fact that I lead a very sad and lonely life filled with quiet desperation?

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 4470
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/21/2007 2:40:18 PM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		Get an image of a leprechaun protruding out of your vagina

I want to protrude out of someone's vagina.  How do I fit all of myself up in there?

_____________________________



(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 4471
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/21/2007 2:59:53 PM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		cut yourself up into smaller peices...

im having trouble finding a bone saw, anyone got any hints?

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.


Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to ready4srvce4all)
Profile   Post #: 4472
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/21/2007 3:51:17 PM   
Jacobthm


Posts: 237
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline 		Go rob the local medical school after chloroforming the doctor there.

How could I find out if anyone at the local bar is a kink?

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 4473
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/21/2007 6:23:38 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		Jump up on the bar, and shout "kneel, you lowly wretches, and serve your Master!" Then watch to see which ones kneel..........and which ones throw things.

I need a nice polite way to let the neighbor know that although I appreciate her kindness, I would not care to have a dozen jars of her home canned prunes. Any suggestions?

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to Jacobthm)
Profile   Post #: 4474
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/21/2007 6:39:53 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Eat all the prunes, and refill the jars with the stuff that comes out of you after eating prunes. Then give them back... it's called gift recycling. She should either get the idea, or... you've found a new play parter! *snickers*

How do I convince the people who hold my student loans that they are not entitled to my first born?


_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 4475
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/21/2007 6:45:03 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		Tell them if they harrass you for repayment, you WILL give them said firstborn. Send them a picture, making sure to emphasize the horns and the 666 birthmark.


I need some suggestions for sleeping better at night.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 4476
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/21/2007 7:45:15 PM   
Jacobthm


Posts: 237
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline 		Drink 2 litres of Jack Daniel's as quickly as possible, pick up two packs of sleeping pills (the non homeopathic kind). Get in your car and head to the nearest freeway.

Any ideas on the best way to prevent hair growing back on my head?

(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 4477
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/21/2007 7:52:29 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Pour lighter fluid on your head and flame away.  Hair doesn't like scar tissue.

How can I stop my doggie from snoring?

(in reply to Jacobthm)
Profile   Post #: 4478
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/21/2007 8:15:53 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		Take the free end of his collar.....pull tighter......tighter..........


How can I stop my husband from snoring?

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 4479
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/21/2007 8:16:34 PM   
Jacobthm


Posts: 237
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline 		Good idea! I'll get right on it! Wouldn't gasoline work better though?

Every time your dog snores grab his nose and blow really hard.

How can I go about getting my M.D. without ever having to go to class again?

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 4480
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