Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM?

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Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 12:27:34 PM

AspX

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Joined: 3/23/2010
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Ran across a journal entry the other day that said:

"could never, ever, EVER submit to a man who would submit to another woman...my submission requires that i have the utmost respect for a dominant, i could never respect you if you would submit to anyone else...i am completely inflexible on this issue..."

So, I sent a message saying:

"As a switch, I think your attitude is completely wrong because even the most dominant man in the world submits to others many times throughout every single day (although I agree that submitting to another within a monogamous relationship is still a violation of that covenant)...

However, this is about finding the right person for you and I totally respect anyone who is willing to state their preferences and prejudices to find that match. Good luck in your search... "

To which I got the reply:

"switches are greedy and confused...i need no commentary about covenants and such from a greedy, game-playing, ultra abhorrent switch such as yourself..."

This is the most blatent of the messages I have received that have totally rejected the idea of ever considering someone who is a switch but it is really only the latest in messages, journal entries and posts that I have seen on CM. So, my question to the switches on this forum is whether they have noticed this same reaction within the CM community and whether it is something that they have run into on other sites?

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 12:38:56 PM

Posts: 5587
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From: Charleston, WV
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Why do you care what her opinion is? If she has expressed her belief in her journal, it has nothing to do with you and simply means you need to move on and find someone who does appreciate switches. They exist. That you wrote her out of the blue condemning her opinion, it indicates that you aren't comfortable with yourself either as are thereby easily offended.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to AspX)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 12:40:43 PM

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Think of the switch label as a bullshit detector. The people that will make assumptions about you without knowing you aren't worth the time or even the email you sent this person.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to AspX)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 1:07:14 PM

AspX

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Joined: 3/23/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Why do you care what her opinion is? If she has expressed her belief in her journal, it has nothing to do with you and simply means you need to move on and find someone who does appreciate switches. They exist. That you wrote her out of the blue condemning her opinion, it indicates that you aren't comfortable with yourself either as are thereby easily offended.

Master Fire

Actually, I don't care what her opinion is and I wasn't offended by the opinion she wrote in her journal (although I was offended by her reply to me, since I didn't personally attack her in any way in my message). However, I thought that if she is bitching that she can't find anyone (like everyone else here does) and automatically discards an entire class of people out of a prejudice about an entire class of people, then maybe a conversation might be helpful for her to open up her mind to the possibility. I have had that conversation with others that have posted statements like that in journals and have become friends with them, so I don't see anything wrong with genuinely opening up a conversation on the subject.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 1:24:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Think of the switch label as a bullshit detector. The people that will make assumptions about you without knowing you aren't worth the time or even the email you sent this person.

Pretty much.

Some people need to generalize a group in order to justify their beliefs. If they choose to see a label instead of me, the actual person, then it makes it that much easier for me to avoid wasting my time.

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 1:31:20 PM

Posts: 5587
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From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AspX

Actually, I don't care what her opinion is and I wasn't offended by the opinion she wrote in her journal (although I was offended by her reply to me, since I didn't personally attack her in any way in my message).

Trust me, emailing someone out of the blue, saying, "As a switch, I think your attitude is completely wrong..." will most often be seen as a personal attack.

Again, find people who are open to relationships with switches and simply leave the rest alone. Be yourself and look for others who will appreciate it. It then doesn't matter if there's a stigma about switches or not.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to AspX)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 2:25:29 PM

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I just don't give those people the time of day. Clearly they are more interested in a label than the person behind it. I am friends with a submissive heavy switch. The only reason he is dominant at all is because his fiance is submissive. He loves the woman that she is, and puts his submissive nature aside so he can help fulfill her. He cares about the person she is, not her label, and those are the kinds of people I prefer to associate with. I wouldn't even waste my time, if I were you. That person clearly has no desire to change her perspective.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 3:00:40 PM

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Switch can mean a lot of things. It can mean that you need both someone to submit to and someone to dominate, which rules out monogamy. It can mean that you need to both submit and dominate with the same person, which rules out anyone else who is not a switch, and it can simply mean thgat you are open to many possibilities. I think being disgusted by a switch is silly, ruling them out as potential partners is limiting, but I can see how it would make sense for some people. I personally only rule out switches who want me to switch since subbing is not at all fulfilling for me.

(in reply to Mishna)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 3:19:07 PM

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From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nineveh
It can mean that you need both someone to submit to and someone to dominate, which rules out monogamy.

This is only true if the bdsm they engage in is sexual in nature. It doesn't have to be.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Nineveh)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 4:04:29 PM

Posts: 83
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Well, I'm going to actually respond to the question given here, which was whether other switches have noticed this as a common response to the label...

Before we had a couple's profile, I had a switch profile. Eventually, I just changed my profile to say dominant (since I'm sort of an unbalanced switch leaning much more dominant anyhow). I did this because I had read many profiles or journal entries that sounded much like the one you mention here. What percentage of the labeled submissives have some sort bias against a switch (as a partner) is hard to say, but I'd guess it could be a fairly large (over 50%) porition.

(in reply to AspX)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 4:56:42 PM

AspX

Posts: 69
Joined: 3/23/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pwnerandpwned

Well, I'm going to actually respond to the question given here, which was whether other switches have noticed this as a common response to the label...

Thank you for the response.

(in reply to pwnerandpwned)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 5:08:34 PM

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Joined: 6/17/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AspX

So, my question to the switches on this forum is whether they have noticed this same reaction within the CM community and whether it is something that they have run into on other sites?

To quote the Rockman from "The Point".....

quote:

You see what you want to see and hear what you want to hear.

If you look for it, you'll find it.

Anywhere.

(in reply to AspX)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 8:02:51 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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Yep, you see what you look for.

Now, sometimes it's so blatant, that you can hardly avoid it. But generally, I don't see it, because I don't care. I am what I am, I do what I want and need to do, and sleep well at night.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/28/2010 9:32:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nineveh
It can mean that you need both someone to submit to and someone to dominate, which rules out monogamy.

This is only true if the bdsm they engage in is sexual in nature. It doesn't have to be.

Master Fire

People keep saying that. Sex isn't the only kind of cheating, and if it's not intimate I'd be rather surprised if it is fulfilling.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/29/2010 3:23:36 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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I am neither driven, nor compelled by my enjoyment of topping or bottoming, to feel the need to rob my integrity to pay for my pleasures.

I've never cheated. Not sexually, and not emotionally on any of my partners..

I'm monogomous. I've been in poly relationships, because while I'm monogomous minded, I'm just as capable of loving many people when that is what they desire and need for themselves. I add that little bit of information for clarification. It really has no bearing on the fact that I'm monogomous, and I'm also a switch.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nineveh

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nineveh
It can mean that you need both someone to submit to and someone to dominate, which rules out monogamy.

This is only true if the bdsm they engage in is sexual in nature. It doesn't have to be.

Master Fire

People keep saying that. Sex isn't the only kind of cheating, and if it's not intimate I'd be rather surprised if it is fulfilling.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 6/29/2010 3:26:31 AM >

(in reply to Nineveh)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/29/2010 8:53:53 AM

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Can't stand them myself. A very wishy washy group of people. I never have embraced the wishy washy. Their wishy washiness was a complete put off.

Death to the switches!!!

< Message edited by domiguy -- 6/29/2010 9:00:24 AM >

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(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/29/2010 9:02:52 AM

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I kinda like Level......... can we keep him?

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"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/29/2010 9:16:56 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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I kinda like Level too......

I nominate him for Ambassador of Switchtown, in the hopes he can negotiate a peace treaty for the switches.

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/29/2010 9:19:51 AM

Posts: 14844
Joined: 10/30/2006
From: the edge of darkness...
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
...
Death to the switches!!!

Can I be the first? Please?

_____________________________

Never mind the man on the edge of the darkness... he means no harm...

"Community, Identity, Stability." ~ A Brave New World, Aldous Huxley, 1932

If you don't like my attitude, QUIT TALKING TO ME!

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/29/2010 6:28:30 PM

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Joined: 1/25/2009
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Two people told me I couldn't/shouldn't post in Ask A Mistress because I'm a switch, even though one of them is a switch herself. A bunch of people responded that I can post anywhere I feel like it.

I didn't run into any anti-switch sentiment on the other side, when I was looking last year. I do agree with MasterFireMaam that you were out of line to write and criticise her journal posting. She's not interested, so leave her alone. If she had posted that in a public forum thread, you'd be perfectly justified in responding.

(in reply to sappatoti)

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