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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM?


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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 9/14/2010 2:28:54 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
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When I was out and about as a dominant woman I could have men half my age and I could snap up beautiful women in the blink of an eye. I went through a phase of having beautiful hand luggage, not because it made me ultimately happy but because I could. I could show off and believe me, I did
Dominant men saw me as a real threat because I often homed in on the beautiful women and because I had an excellent reputation, I often got what I wanted.
Its amazing how devious and malicious dominant men can be when they see someone who they consider a real threat

By the time I came out as a switch, I was a known quantity on the scene. My reputation was already firmly in place and I was a respected member of the community. Not a single iota of prejudice has been shown towards me on the UK scene.
People who were nervous about approaching me as a dominant, now felt they could. Some subs felt disappointed because I was a fantasy in ruin but Im sure they will get over it, and some dominant men rubbed their hands gleefully because I was no longer a threat to their chase!

On here it is different. On here we have a people who can hide behind keyboards and spit out their ignorance in a venomous way.
On here and in rl we can get anything from open minded people and closed minded idiots. Both these sorts are easy to spot on here and in rl, but the closed minded Dobodoms in the real life scene are usually the ones that people snipe about and warn others to stay away from.

Stand tall, be proud and ignore the Dobodoms


_____________________________

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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 9/15/2010 2:54:30 AM   
BentUnit


Posts: 897
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I've been in serious talks with three male Doms since joining here as a Switch.
I've always identified as a Switch even though I had broken up with my Master.
I put this down to being very open and honest about my needs.  When a Dom approaches me I tell them what I need and ask how "flexible" their orientation is? Would they be willing to offer their back to me and my sadism?  It's either a Yes or it's a NO.

All three gents were only too happy to make allowances and cater to my Switchdom and if not they themselves then allowing play with others.
Remember Sadism doesn't have to be fed by sex...<grin> though in my case there had better be someone there I can nail once I'm finished shedding blood or there will be fucking hell to pay!

Mind you one chap simply couldn't get his head around it....he knew it intellectually but I guess he had me set in his mind as a sub.
When I informed him the extent of my Sadism he professed a squeamishness and a devout reluctance to watch me at play.
His inability to process it didn't stop him from offering to acquire a sub of my own to play with and allow me to Top bottoms at play parties.

Anyway, what my point is Dom(mes) will and can cater to a switch if you are honest about what you want.

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 9/16/2010 6:45:12 AM   
TactileTorture


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/20/2005
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Im a switch although my profile doesnt mention it because I'm predominately Dom. However, im only into receiving pain and torture in the hands of a switch or Domme and normally on a one on one conversational level. My ego is too big to slip into "yes Mistress, no Mistress" mode. Both giving and receiving pain is a big turn on for me.. I have a very high threshold and can use my body as a canvas to teach novice switches or Dommes some techniques. I believe accepting the physical pain also helps to make me a better Dom. But in many cases im still in control.. "ok put that clamp on my right nipple..now the left one.." :)

< Message edited by TactileTorture -- 9/16/2010 6:46:01 AM >

(in reply to AspX)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 11/3/2010 5:17:23 AM   
jinxmagic


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Joined: 6/29/2010
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I have been wandering about that actually alot of fetish folks have a problem with switches. I t kind of reminds of years ago when I would enjoy the Lesbian bars back home and if they new you were bi-sexual some would have a problem with that, I have a problem with any one being judgemental about anyone's perference whether they are gay/str8/or lesbian or Dominant/submissive or switch. I am at this time involved with a Domme` that is somewhat novice in our world, myself on the other hand am not I have lived in our world now since I was 17 years old many years ago. I went from being a Pro-submissive to a slave 12 years ago and I have been in slave training ever since. However I do continue to evolve in my journey I realized how much I missed being involved with a female the emotional connection, the intensity, the friendship that goes with it. But sometimes when were together I question myself wandering if I am a switch. Example: Mistress is a ProDomme` and she has sessions with male submissives and slaves and I assist her in these sessions being that I am more experienced in this life another side of me comes out during these times. And sometimes Mistress even tell them that I am a switch, it's very confusing for my journey to evolve in what is my heart and soul's desire. I truly need advice here from switch fetish folks. I would appreciate all the help I can get..
ty for everyone's time
jinxmagic

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/2/2011 5:47:23 PM   
grumpiguy


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/16/2011
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For me, The concept of being a switch is quite simple. I call it the 'water theory'. Depending on the circumstances (or for myself, the person) I can rise above, blot out the sun with my dominance and then rain down upon them with the full fury that only water can bring. Other times, I will float along with those I have no need to rise over or under, like the swells in the ocean. And rarely, I will sink deep below, into the hidden cisterns on my world, waiting for that person who does loom over me to draw me from the depths.
This is not about greed or being wishy washy. It is about finding balance.
Long days and pleasant nights
Grump

(in reply to jinxmagic)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/3/2011 8:47:11 AM   
DeviantMan


Posts: 131
Joined: 5/27/2011
From: Greece
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Perhaps, it's because, as Switch, we, consciouscly, or subconsciously, reject the definiton of roles. Unlike the "only sub" or "Only Dom/me" we are shifting between roles, following our personal moods and desires. As much as I am in love with myself, and my switch side, I can't fail to see that, being a switch makes us..

1) Less appealing to subs, because we are never "Dominant enough" (Not that we are actually not, but the idea of asking them at some point to switch roles, can be a turn-off to the totally submissives)

2) Less appealing to Doms/mmes, because We are not "Obedient enough" (Ok, this is more true, at least for me.)

At least, this is my personal opinion/observation.

_____________________________

And, what if I told you that it's more sick to live a masquerade life, hiding your nature, until old age turns you into a bitter, and sore caricature of your former self?

(in reply to grumpiguy)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/3/2011 3:01:16 PM   
orchid77


Posts: 125
Joined: 5/20/2011
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Yes I notice prejudice of switches. You either have dominants who try to control you or submissives who try to manipulate you. Any email from a dominant or submissive stating they can switch for the right person-means to me they don't really know who they are. Or are trying to be controlling and engage you into a battle that is so not worth the energy or time.

However, I will say your comment to this person would likely elicit a response as they did. So I don't think they were being prejudice against switches but just with you and your comment. And since this is the reason for you question- I would just be mindful and considerate of everyone. Everyone is entitled to be who they are, but if they contact you- you have now stepped into their business. STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE. And allwill be fine.

Take care

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/20/2011 10:18:43 PM   
errantgeek


Posts: 156
Joined: 6/20/2011
Status: offline
Whee, thread necromancy!

I have, very much. I am a switch as well, but I never do role reversal and I keep my Dominant and submissive activities exclusive -- and more often than not, once I have entered talks with a Domme or sub I cease to act as that role for the duration of the contact/relationship. I am predominantly submissive, but on occasion there is a girl who really draws out my Dominant side. The preconceptions from both Dominants and submissives that switches are just greedy, indecisive, top from the bottom, or can't control a submissive just disgust me, especially coming from a community which claims to be open-minded and accepting of alternate lifestyles. Argh.

I feel very disingenuous for it, but it's to the point that I scrubbed my profile of all switch/dominant references a long time ago and ended up making an alternate "Dominant" profile just to approach submissives.

(in reply to orchid77)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 6/26/2011 9:44:14 AM   
BiSalemOR


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline
I have noticed that many people in this lifestyle to be prejudice or rude or close minded etc.  Not necessarily any more than people are about anything else.  I have seen some very rude comments from people but that just means I'm going to avoid them even if they are someone that fits what I am looking for otherwise.  I have also seen people that are very nice and open minded and voice their opinions without being asshats.  There are those that think if a woman enjoys climbing on top of a guy there is no way she can be submissive because it isn't a "submissive position".  Same goes for guys being submissive if they enjoy being on top and the woman is submitting to them.

I personally believe there are many different definitions of whichever label that you want to put on yourself or label that others want to put on themselves.  I have gotten upset when people very rudely and dismissively disregarded my own thoughts on how I want to be submissive/switch.  While their own ideas of the definition is true so is mine.  My own version of submitting to a woman is sort of complicated but still very simple at the same time.  I would love to have a gf/wife that plays the traditional gentle submissive feminine role with me in every day life as well as sexually.  I don't want someone that is without some sort of independence or own mind.  I want someone I can share my life with and have equal say and opinion.  That type of woman is very nice to have sex with because if they want a position they just do it or talk with me about it and don't try to seek permission first.  If she were a FWB then it is almost identical but can have variations.  This is being switch to me.  I have been with many women that cared about how they were pleasing me that I believe would have been just as caring if the roles were reversed.  So that is what I'm looking for as a switch or even sub.  I want a woman that knows what it is like to be submissive with a person and wants to help me explore that side to see if I like it.  I know I don't want the Goran type of relationship with anyone.  I don't want to be spanked, have to kneel there for hours etc like I have seen many do or ask from others.  I often think of what I want is 2 normal every day people in a stereotypical loving relationship that want to explore different roles in a sexual way.

As for being sub to guys.  I'm wanting it to be much the same as what I want with women.  I don't want to be a switch though with guys, just a sub/bottom.  There I think of a guy that remembers what it was like to have bi curious feelings and can slowly get me to the point of meeting and experiencing being the sub/bottom.  I don't want to be versatile with a guy for a few very important reasons.  One reason is that like many many guys I lose desire after I orgasm and it turns to a kind of disgust.  I know that with how I feel when in this bi curious mode it shouldn't be that way but it is.  Another reason is because I have always been top with women and I love that role and know it well and want women to be with in that role.  For the sub/bottom role is what I would want to be with a guy.  With all the opinions from women that say a guy just want to blow his load and go to sleep or leave I have to say that is wrong.  Mostly because that is not me at all but secondly because it is so hard to find a guy that wants that with me.  Almost every one of the guys that contact me want to have both the top and bottom roles.  It has been extremely difficult to find that guy that wants to have me give him an orgasm and leave.  I am sure that with women it is more likely that they might be that way though.

So in short though, I do notice a lot of prejudice and other things when it comes to switches or even bisexual men.  I have seen many bisexual women be completely against men being bisexual.  I can understand if they don't want to be with a bisexual guy but they take it to the hate/bashing point.  I completely disagree with switches being greedy.  Yes there those that can be.  I have seen submissive/bottom women and men be greedy as well.  But to limit it to just switches as being greedy I disagree with the statement.  I know for what I want while being switch is not greedy at all, it is exploring my sexuality and the intimacy of having a woman guide me through it.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/10/2011 11:50:26 PM   
JKat


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/17/2011
Status: offline
Yes, ever since I have posted on sites that I am a switch I have gotten almost zero response from anyone. But I have to be honest.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/11/2011 3:45:45 AM   
Sunny27


Posts: 140
Joined: 10/9/2010
Status: offline
Ok I'm a switch but I'm only ever my Masters Slave/sub, I would only ever be playpartners or me a dominant to a girl. My Master was delighted to hear that I'd never want to play with another man and when I told him it was because I've never even cheated on a guy in vanilla in my life, he could understand! I'm only bi at the moment as when I become Ungoths wife. I'll be completly monogamus and will never kiss another girl in my life!Thats what I've decided to do myself, thats just me!

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/21/2011 12:53:52 PM   
mrsexxychocolate


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Joined: 11/24/2010
From: another planet I am not a human
Status: offline
I always felt every relationship was different and there are no set rules.... it's determined by the people involved in play with each other!!

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Mrsexxybbc aka Mrsexxxychocolate

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(in reply to Sunny27)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/21/2011 7:43:46 PM   
Giermo


Posts: 77
Joined: 7/12/2011
Status: offline
Does she hate bi-sexuals as well?

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/8/2011 4:55:04 PM   
subbingforyou


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/10/2011
Status: offline
Basically, I think it's fine for anyone to say what he/she personally wants. It becomes silly when someone tries to dictate what others should want. So, AspX, in this case, I'd say you were wrong to try to argue that someone who has clearly said she doesn't want a switch should be open to switches. I mean, what business is that of yours?

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/11/2011 6:37:53 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
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Screw em...

(in reply to AspX)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/12/2011 6:22:52 AM   
fallenangelLissa


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Joined: 8/10/2011
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new to this 'switch' label. i am not embarrassed by the fact that i seek a new window to out look at the world. and the number of 'get on your knees you where you belong you fat bitch' emails i have gottn is outrageous. only makes me wanna ram a spiked heel up their ass and show em who belongs on their knees

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/12/2011 11:47:00 PM   
MrSprocket


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/10/2011
From: Cyberspace
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fallenangelLissa

new to this 'switch' label. i am not embarrassed by the fact that i seek a new window to out look at the world. and the number of 'get on your knees you where you belong you fat bitch' emails i have gottn is outrageous. only makes me wanna ram a spiked heel up their ass and show em who belongs on their knees

some people don't seem to realize that the banter is meant for after an agreement has been set... I understand that people make BDSM a lifestyle, but there still has to be a certain amount of respect, since not everyone is on the same page.

_____________________________

I am a meat popsicle.

(in reply to fallenangelLissa)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/13/2011 5:16:21 AM   
fallenangelLissa


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Joined: 8/10/2011
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I agree that the agreement must be set first. But it infuriates me to no end that just because i wish to explore this path does not give anyone a right to call me a "fake". i am real. I am a woman. I am simply trying to find my happiness just like everyone else.

(in reply to MrSprocket)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/13/2011 12:21:14 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
Funny thing is I really hadn't had negative experiences here on CM because I identify as a switch. I have had a few who couldn't wrap their mind around the concept of how with some people, the submissive aspect is in full force and with others, the opposite is true.


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to fallenangelLissa)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/13/2011 6:18:45 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline
pretty much the same wolf, the only people i have come across who question the legitimacy of being a switch are the fucking male-supremacist uber doms, and their opinion is worth shit anyway.

of course not actually seeking, and having a couple's profile, perhaps my experiences on the other side are skewed.


_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)
Profile   Post #: 80
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