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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM?


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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/14/2011 12:42:47 PM   
switchman9999


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For me 'switch' doesn't mean I have to switch rolls in the same relationship. It is all about the dynamic of who I am with.

Some women I want to submit to, others I want to top. I don't need both to fell satisfied or fulfilled. Would I like to meet another switch and open the whole spectrum of play?

Sure, but it not necessary.

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/14/2011 3:43:03 PM   
Arpig


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~FR~
No, but I'm not a switch, and I'm pretty much oblivious to what doesn't directly affect me.

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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/25/2011 9:26:54 AM   
hangemhigh1953


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I chose to switch because I want to be able to fulfill my partner's needs/desires no matter what role they want. Submission has little or nothing to do with wanting to please your partner, in fact, I'm starting to think the Dom side is more like that.

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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 10/15/2011 4:06:04 PM   
MistressLilliana


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This is why I do not tend to "go for" switches and of course, this is my reasoning and don't expect others to think the same.

With a switch they can either be Dominant or submissive and enjoy both, perhaps one more than the other. What I would worry about is, since I am looking for a 24/7 slave, I don't know if they would have the ability (for lack of a better word) to submit entirely as a 24/7 without wanting or craving to be Dom once in a while or, even by accident, topping from the bottom. If they enjoy both I would rather them find someone or others who can give that to them rather than have a relationship with me not work out down the road because of foreseeable issues.

I have nothing against switches, I have friends who are switches, I just want to be with someone who needs and wants to submit, that's it.

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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 10/15/2011 5:17:08 PM   
HarbingerInNotts


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Don't worry. Anyone that Doms who has also subbed at some point just means they have alot more experience. There is only so much you can experience from a Dom point of view so broaden your mind and lets all be happy switches together lol

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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 10/15/2011 5:23:15 PM   
HarbingerInNotts


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I get what you re saying and this is a concern. I personally am a switch but would happily be 24/7 sub/slave and not have the switch part as an issue. I think people assume a switch needs to have both sides in their lives but its not always the case. Will just take asking to find out.

(in reply to MistressLilliana)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 10/15/2011 7:20:55 PM   
LillyBoPeep


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quote:

ORIGINAL: HarbingerInNotts

I think people assume a switch needs to have both sides in their lives but its not always the case. Will just take asking to find out.


i assume that, too. it's important enough to them to refer to themselves as "switches" and not just one or the other, so i could feel like i was limiting them.


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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 10/15/2011 10:05:36 PM   
Hisprettybaby


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I have noticed a prejudice against switches in the exclusively online community, but not in our realtime local kink community. In our local community, there seems to be a large percentage of switches and all of us, including the switches among us, seem to get along quite well and enjoy each other's company with no problems.

On the other hand you, OP, wrote to someone regarding her Journal Entry. Her Journal Entry was about her feelings and she is totally entitled to them, whether you or anyone else agrees with them or not. I can see why she was upset at you. I don't agree with her assessment of switches, lol, but I can see why she took offense to your judgment of them.

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to AspX)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 10/18/2011 10:44:12 AM   
Arturas


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quote:

"As a switch, I think your attitude is completely wrong because even the most dominant man in the world submits to others many times throughout every single day (although I agree that submitting to another within a monogamous relationship is still a violation of that covenant)...



Interesting.

You believe dominant men submit to others? I do not. I do believe when a man does what he must to take care of business he is submitting but not to others. He does indeed submit but that is only half the story, as in the statement "republicans voted down Obama's jobs for America bill" one hears all day, which is certainly true, but it is also true the Senate with a Democratic majority could not get all the Democratic senators to vote for it and that in combination with the republican vote is what really killed it. But back on who Doms submit to, they do submit daily but not because they need to submit, instead, he submits to himself in the context of meeting his accepted responsiblity, perhaps to provide for himself and his family as an example. But he does not submit to others because of his need or passion to submit and there is the difference and it is a critical and defining difference in the context of your statement.

My question would be, assuming one must have a passion to submit or to dominate to live this lifestyle, then how does one "switch" their passions unless the person is conflicted or really has no special passion? It is not meant to be a judgemental question even though it might sound like it, and perhaps it is really, which is why there might be a predjudice here, if the OP is correct.


< Message edited by Arturas -- 10/18/2011 10:46:00 AM >


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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 10/18/2011 10:45:50 AM   
SpanishMatMaster


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AspX
Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM?

Nope.
Against real human beings, yes, specially if you have a life. That, yes.
Maybe that's the problem.

< Message edited by SpanishMatMaster -- 10/18/2011 10:47:40 AM >


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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 10/18/2011 10:49:08 AM   
Arturas


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quote:

ORIGINAL: switchman9999

For me 'switch' doesn't mean I have to switch rolls in the same relationship. It is all about the dynamic of who I am with.

Some women I want to submit to, others I want to top. I don't need both to fell satisfied or fulfilled. Would I like to meet another switch and open the whole spectrum of play?

Sure, but it not necessary.



There it is, no real passion for either role to satisfy one's needs perhaps distinquishes a switch whereas a sub or Dom are chasing their passion and must to be fulfilled.


_____________________________

"We master Our world."

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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 10/18/2011 11:38:23 AM   
ProlificNeeds


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas


quote:

ORIGINAL: switchman9999

For me 'switch' doesn't mean I have to switch rolls in the same relationship. It is all about the dynamic of who I am with.

Some women I want to submit to, others I want to top. I don't need both to fell satisfied or fulfilled. Would I like to meet another switch and open the whole spectrum of play?

Sure, but it not necessary.



There it is, no real passion for either role to satisfy one's needs perhaps distinquishes a switch whereas a sub or Dom are chasing their passion and must to be fulfilled.



Disagree with that, as a switch I have a passion for both topping and bottoming, I don't lack for passion in either, instead my passion is dictated by the partner I am with, not the internalized need to feel one specific way all the time. I can do either, but I cannot exist(happily) in a relationship that has no power exchange.

(in reply to Arturas)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 10/18/2011 1:05:44 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

Disagree with that, as a switch I have a passion for both topping and bottoming, I don't lack for passion in either, instead my passion is dictated by the partner I am with, not the internalized need to feel one specific way all the time. I can do either, but I cannot exist(happily) in a relationship that has no power exchange.


Agreed. I've *never* been accused of lack of passion, whatever side of the kneel I'm on.

I don't think switches are so much prejudiced against as woefully misunderstood. Quite a few of the comments in this thread betray that bias: a switch will need both dom and sub partners, a switch will try to switch with ME, a switch will automatically top from the bottom, a switch is someone who does not understand themselves well enough to decide.

I've heard it all and it's all bullshit. I've changed many people's minds about switches just by spending time with them and being my natural self. As people get to know me, it seems to click: "the only thing that explains this person is that she really *is* a switch."

It's happened so often it doesn't even surprise me anymore.



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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 10/18/2011 7:26:39 PM   
Hisprettybaby


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas
There it is, no real passion for either role to satisfy one's needs perhaps distinquishes a switch whereas a sub or Dom are chasing their passion and must to be fulfilled.

Imagine seeing you here! You sure get around. This is ASK A SWITCH and you are not a switch....are you? You just made the statement just a few hours ago in Ask a Master that women were not supposed to answer because they're not male. By your own reckoning, the only "Ask a...." forum you should be in is Ask a Master.

Commenting on what you said in the quote: In MY OPINION you are wrong. I am a switch and have passion BOTH for submitting to my own Dom AND for Dominating my own submissive. I would not be happy in a relationship with no power exchange and, ultimately, I am the happiest when I can Domme one person and submit to another.

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to Arturas)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 10/19/2011 1:03:37 AM   
hangemhigh1953


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas



There it is, no real passion for either role to satisfy one's needs perhaps distinquishes a switch whereas a sub or Dom are chasing their passion and must to be fulfilled.


Why wouldn't there be any passion? The whole reason I am a switch is because I feel a passion for fulfilling the needs of others. And before you say "Well, that's called being a submissive", remember that my personality combined with my love of taking the sub role means it's even more fulfilling for me to give someone else that experience I so often crave.

_____________________________

"Chains of love got a hold on me,
when passion's a prison you can't break free"

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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 10/23/2011 1:09:37 PM   
Matildax21x


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There are a lot of prejudices to a lot of things on this site and of course switches are one of those things. Pro-Dommes, panty fetishists, foot fetishists, new people, fat people, the list goes on. I'm not going to tell you to ignore your feelings. Voice them. Break the hivemind. Someday we will all be glad you did.

(in reply to Andalusite)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 11/1/2011 3:43:50 PM   
hardbody0224


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How can someone make such outrageous comments about you when they don't even know you? Ignore the ignorant bitch. Be yourself and never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. I am a switch and I am proud of it.

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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 12/9/2011 11:08:32 AM   
deferent


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Only from moronic people that would add nothing to my life anyway.
It is satisfying in some respects but annoying how few worthwhile people there actually are.

Doesn't keep me down though....no double entendre there

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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 12/11/2011 3:38:13 PM   
stellauk


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

Disagree with that, as a switch I have a passion for both topping and bottoming, I don't lack for passion in either, instead my passion is dictated by the partner I am with, not the internalized need to feel one specific way all the time. I can do either, but I cannot exist(happily) in a relationship that has no power exchange.


Agreed. I've *never* been accused of lack of passion, whatever side of the kneel I'm on.

I don't think switches are so much prejudiced against as woefully misunderstood. Quite a few of the comments in this thread betray that bias: a switch will need both dom and sub partners, a switch will try to switch with ME, a switch will automatically top from the bottom, a switch is someone who does not understand themselves well enough to decide.

I've heard it all and it's all bullshit. I've changed many people's minds about switches just by spending time with them and being my natural self. As people get to know me, it seems to click: "the only thing that explains this person is that she really *is* a switch."

It's happened so often it doesn't even surprise me anymore.




Also agreed.. I relate to an individual human being as an individual human being, I don't relate to a dynamic, nor a role, nor to any label, but to a complete person.

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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 12/12/2011 6:27:19 AM   
MariaB


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Like Stella, I don't define people by their chosen role but by them as a whole person. How boring would life be if I was only interested in the submissive side of a subs personality. I hear all these dominants talking about 'how a sub should be and how they will kick them to the curb if they don't come up to scratch' the more they try to sound like 'the real McCoy' the more they sound like they are playing out a role, an act, a game. I see them as thespians (working towards excellence in a high school theater setting)

What is a switch anyway???
Is it submitting and dominating? is it topping and bottoming? Perhaps but not for all. I hate being spanked or dominated but I may say to Steve, 'do you fancy putting a hundred needles down my spine on Saturday night?' I don't bottom to him when he's doing this. We laugh, we talk, we communicate as equals. I may say to him, 'lets go through the medical kit and experiment with each other, find a speculum and ask him to take a photo of my cervix!! Stick a sounds down his urethra and give him some e-stim stimulation. Does knowing and understanding each others bodies explicitly and experimenting with different stimulation make us confused about our role? Does allowing Steve to be adventurous when stimulating me make me any less dominant? Do I want to be one of these dominants that constantly fears being judged for my dominance!! What a boring and frustrating place that would be! Doing all of these things makes us no less dominant than the next one. All it means is we don't need a role together. We don't need to be dominant or submissive or top or bottom with each other we just need to be incredibly open minded and this allows us to be very adventurous.
With my submissive I am 100% dominant. I enjoy that 'role' because its my biggest and longest fantasy and I am able to 'play' that fantasy out without being delusional about it. When I dominate it feels so real, so natural and so highly arousing. I get the opportunity to be creative, daring and unleash that energy in me that was locked in me for so many years. When I'm dominant it doesn't feel like an act but actually I can pull myself away from that role at any given moment. If my mother walked through the door my sub would know not to behave overly subserviently, the floggers and paddles would quickly be put away. Anyone who has the ability to do this when necessary is playing a role when its appropriate to do so and as far as I can see, that's a very healthy way to be, so for me, dominance is a place I go to when I can but not a place I always need to be.
If that makes me a switch then YAY. I think its pretty healthy. If people who believe they are more dominant or more submissive because they have to continually be in 'role' then leave them to it I say. And lets remember that BDSM isn't just about D/s, its about so much more.

< Message edited by MariaB -- 12/12/2011 6:34:32 AM >

(in reply to stellauk)
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