Like Stella, I don't define people by their chosen role but by them as a whole person. How boring would life be if I was only interested in the submissive side of a subs personality. I hear all these dominants talking about 'how a sub should be and how they will kick them to the curb if they don't come up to scratch' the more they try to sound like 'the real McCoy' the more they sound like they are playing out a role, an act, a game. I see them as thespians (working towards excellence in a high school theater setting)
What is a switch anyway???
Is it submitting and dominating? is it topping and bottoming? Perhaps but not for all. I hate being spanked or dominated but I may say to Steve, 'do you fancy putting a hundred needles down my spine on Saturday night?' I don't bottom to him when he's doing this. We laugh, we talk, we communicate as equals. I may say to him, 'lets go through the medical kit and experiment with each other, find a speculum and ask him to take a photo of my cervix!! Stick a sounds down his urethra and give him some e-stim stimulation. Does knowing and understanding each others bodies explicitly and experimenting with different stimulation make us confused about our role? Does allowing Steve to be adventurous when stimulating me make me any less dominant? Do I want to be one of these dominants that constantly fears being judged for my dominance!! What a boring and frustrating place that would be! Doing all of these things makes us no less dominant than the next one. All it means is we don't need a role together. We don't need to be dominant or submissive or top or bottom with each other we just need to be incredibly open minded and this allows us to be very adventurous.
With my submissive I am 100% dominant. I enjoy that 'role' because its my biggest and longest fantasy and I am able to 'play' that fantasy out without being delusional about it. When I dominate it feels so real, so natural and so highly arousing. I get the opportunity to be creative, daring and unleash that energy in me that was locked in me for so many years. When I'm dominant it doesn't feel like an act but actually I can pull myself away from that role at any given moment. If my mother walked through the door my sub would know not to behave overly subserviently, the floggers and paddles would quickly be put away. Anyone who has the ability to do this when necessary is playing a role when its appropriate to do so and as far as I can see, that's a very healthy way to be, so for me, dominance is a place I go to when I can but not a place I always need to be.
If that makes me a switch then YAY. I think its pretty healthy. If people who believe they are more dominant or more submissive because they have to continually be in 'role' then leave them to it I say. And lets remember that BDSM isn't just about D/s, its about so much more.
< Message edited by MariaB -- 12/12/2011 6:34:32 AM >