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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/22/2010 7:03:37 PM   

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ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

I am neither driven, nor compelled by my enjoyment of topping or bottoming, to feel the need to rob my integrity to pay for my pleasures.

I've never cheated.  Not sexually, and not emotionally on any of my partners..

I'm monogomous.  I've been in poly relationships, because while I'm monogomous minded, I'm just as capable of loving many people when that is what they desire and need for themselves.  I add that little bit of information for clarification.  It really has no bearing on the fact that I'm monogomous, and I'm also a switch.




ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam


It can mean that you need both someone to submit to and someone to dominate, which rules out monogamy.

This is only true if the bdsm they engage in is sexual in nature. It doesn't have to be.

Master Fire

People keep saying that.  Sex isn't the only kind of cheating, and if it's not intimate I'd be rather surprised if it is fulfilling.

I did not mean to accuse switches of being cheaters.  The dynamic that needs both someone to Dom and someone to sub to is certainly not representative of all switches, however just like a bisexual who needs someone of each sex it does rule out monogamy. (and I am not accusing bisexuals of being cheaters either, I know that plenty of bi's only want one, and just don't have a preference as to gender, or are flexible in that preference)

Also, another disclaimer, I am not accusing poly people of being cheaters, if you are aware that your needs cannot be fulfilled by one person and are open with your partners about this you are not cheating by being with multiple people.

I DID however mean to call people who are in a relationship and go outside of it to seek Dominance or submission cheaters.  Even if they aren't fucking the people they submit to or dominate they are still cheating unless this sort of thing is ok in their relationship.

Wait, why can't two switches get together and have a blissful, monogamous, switchy relationship together?

< Message edited by RedStapler -- 7/22/2010 7:04:06 PM >

(in reply to Nineveh)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/23/2010 5:03:50 AM   

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a bit too idealistic, perhaps? 

(in reply to RedStapler)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/23/2010 7:08:12 AM   

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How did this thread get from the orginal question > "Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? " To a debate on Switches?


If I have to pull up my big girl panties and "Deal With It" one more time, the elastic is going to break and I am really gonna have to show my ass!! :)

(in reply to akishi)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/25/2010 9:18:24 AM   

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I agree with what Master Fire said on page 1, that the op had no reason to contact her and start with "I think you are wrong...".
Of course she will feel defensive when a stranger starts telling her she is wrong.
She is entitled to her opinion, even if others don't agree with it.
I personally do not have an issue with switches (or bisexuals either, considering I am bisexual) but as far as who I am looking for, I am only intrested in someone who identifies themselves as submissive.
Thats just me, it doesn't mean that I think everyone should be like me.
But I do think everyone should live and let live.
If you don't like someone's outlook, then move on to someone who is more compatiable with you.
There is someone out there for everyone.

(in reply to Silkers)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/27/2010 8:54:37 PM   

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I can't imagine being straight/gay, or dominant/submissive. The world is just too interesting for me to stick with one thing. I guess that other people are happy doing as they do and that's great for them. But I can't limit myself to just one choice when things are so vivid and beautiful just one field down the way!

And yes, bias is rampant. Won't stop me from loving how awesome this site and its members are :)

(in reply to MistressTonya2u)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/27/2010 11:31:30 PM   

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I've had few tell me that no one respects a switch in "real" BDSM and that no sub would ever want one. Very odd really considering how many messages I get a day.

It's a very weird thing considering a lot of those people think you have to be "trained" to be a Dom and start out as a sub.

(in reply to Andalusite)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/27/2010 11:45:48 PM   

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ORIGINAL: Chrisincuffs

I haven't gotten much shit as switch but as being Bi? I get it constantly from friends that are gay. I see it the same way.
I bow to my Master and I am extremely submissive. From a relationship standpoint I need to be with a dominate man. As far as playing I enjoy men and women and like to be Domme.
It's all great fun to me either way....Come on even if being a wonderful sub and getting your ass beaten by a wonderful Master, it's still fun to tell a girl "GET ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES AND EAT MY PUSSY!"

I feel this way. Master is my one and true love. BUT it does not stop me from wanting to smother another with my lady parts. So I feel like a sub really, but sometimes I wanna jump out into that top area.


"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars." ~Oscar Wilde

(in reply to Chrisincuffs)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/28/2010 7:20:32 AM   

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Yes,there are those that cant seem to wrap there heads around the idea of someone being a "switch". But there are those cpls that do know the advanatges of having one.

(in reply to AspX)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/28/2010 4:10:38 PM   

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I am a switch and have noticed and been the target of prejudice and other problems. One that was a message saying that I have to be either Domme or sub and I replied that I cannot be one or the other because I enjoy both. Some dom/mes see me as only a submissive or slave because of the color applied to my profile name. It is irritating and well i just let it go anyways. If a person cannot accept you for who you are, then they are not worth the time.

(in reply to Andalusite)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/28/2010 8:40:56 PM   

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I've seen a much larger percentage of people ask me to engage in textual cyber then I have had people notice I describe myself as a switch and belittle me for it. It's being honest. If they want someone who's utterly submissive all the time? Well that ain't me, move on. If they want a Domme? not me either, I don't wear those boots all day every day.
Some people who don't have the switching tendancy sometimes just don't 'get it' and instead of accepting it they just make wild assumptions. I don't much care if they do, those aren't people I'm interested in anyway.

(in reply to Andalusite)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/10/2010 8:17:52 AM   

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Saying switches are unbalanced is like saying bisexuals are unbalanced or eating from both sides of the fence.
Like having your cake and eating it.( I baked the cake and I am eating it now fuck off)
What a wonderfull hilarious and jealous concept that is.
Its like saying you can only love or hate.
I bet 80% of the strictly dom(mes) take orders on their pathetic jobs.
Coming home they feel the need to be lord of the manor.
Out in the real world they have to obey slackjawed.
On that account screw the so called strictly doms. They dont switch out of pleasure, but for the allmighty dollar, wich makes them whores, they have to cause they are too stupid to maintain their own biz.
In reply to domiguy
Just to fire up the discussion lol

(in reply to Andalusite)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/13/2010 8:04:42 PM   

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In short answer, yes I have noticed a prejudice against switches on collarme. Many seam to think those that are switch are not serious in their relationships, are usually not true to their partners or is just out for sex. I think this prejudice like most other prejudice is based on ignorance.

I wish you all well. 


Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to AspX)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/29/2010 2:38:58 AM   

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(Hi sorry, just a quick reply to the first post, didn't read the rest)

I actually understand both. If I was going super serious into it, it's true that I wouldn't be able to respect someone who ask me to do very humiliating things, and then submit entirely accepting the most degrading things... It would be like being lower than a carpet and I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

BUT, what I seek is someone who can surrender his neck to me so I can pet his long hairs, and be on top and slap him a little... like doing angry sex when you fight to get the upper hand. I find it totally hot to be both dominant and fighting. But one has to be more submissive, and as much as I hate to admit that I actually was born with a vagina and boobs, it's my role here. So the guy would have to be kind to reassure me, but also a real bad ass to possibly make me surrender.

But since I don't want to go to the extreme in any, it is doable, a sort of share of the power so both not going all the way because we have like 20% of the other side. Someone who's willing to go 100% into submission and beyond imaginable humiliation would never be able to do that unless the dominant was also that powerful.

So yes, it depends about how far you'd go. Switch belong with switches... Dominant with submissives. We're like the bis who can actually have both at the same time in one person. Like 2 shemales (?) together.

We don't have it as intence but it's ok, we like diversity. because we are bored easily with only one role.
Aren't we?

(in reply to AspX)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/29/2010 11:22:20 AM   

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I agree that he received a rude response. But considering he wasn't responding to a forum post, which by definition invites responses of people who disagree, but instead chose to argue about what her feelings were, he deserved it. Journals are about feelings, denigrating someone's feelings is always wrong.


Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LisaOfShades)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 9/7/2010 3:21:57 PM   

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You'll find many vapid and delusional people on here. Would changing yourself to Dominant or Submissive suddenly make you more appealing? That is the issue with life in general, people are too afraid to be themselves. A switch is somebody that has no boundaries. The sun is a submissive/dominants horizon, while the endless black depths of space is ours. We are without limit, and can always explore the unknown in confidence.

(in reply to AspX)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 9/11/2010 7:55:09 AM   

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ASPX - Unfortunately I do not know what yours and CM readers definition of switch is but, Yes I do find a prejudice probably closer to loathing, towards those that label themselves as switch.

Be Well

(in reply to AspX)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 9/12/2010 3:37:34 PM   

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To OP and others:
Maybe it's me...but "switch" doesn't have to mean multiple partners, anymore than "bisexual" implies it. (which to me, it does not)

I was with the same woman for many years in  a monogamous relationship. We both identified as bisexual (which turned out to be a damn good thing for me, since I transitioned and became a guy halfway through our marriage) and we both ID'd as switches.  This also worked out well--most of the time I bottomed to her, but she also loved certain activities (and I'll refrain from listing here. the world is too small and I'll respect her privacy) that I was able to indulge her in.  We started our relationship with the roles reversed--I was her top, she bottomed to me.  Over time, as our relationship grew, she found that she enjoyed being the Domme, and I happily obliged to be her boy.

I have no objection or issue with those who wish to be 24/7 slaves, Masters, Mistresses, submissives etc. or those who have no interest in exploring the other "side."  I fully respect that. But it was often these "black and white thinking" folks that seemed to take issue with the fact that on any given night in the dungeon, I might be the one on the cross, or the one wielding the flogger. To me, I had a wide repertoire of activities that gave me and my partner pleasure. 

I don't see this as wishy-washy--I see it as versatility.

< Message edited by hausboy -- 9/12/2010 3:38:17 PM >

(in reply to SirGuy68)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 9/13/2010 2:27:09 AM   

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If I were to look in on our relationship I would see many things. I would see two people very much in love, I would see a huge amount of D/s going on in the subtlest of ways, I would see a very adventurous sex life, I would see an openness that went way beyond anything I had seen before and I would see a real world that could easily intermingle, with out changing levels, with the vanilla world. Our vanilla friends know we have an incredibly deep closeness, I'm pretty certain they know we are kinky but they see us as we are, there doesn't have to be any secrets.
My previous relationships have been as a dominant woman. In those relationships there was never that deep bonding that I feel with Stephen. This, to me, feels like an incredibly equal partnership. There is no higher archie, no trying to convince myself that this fantasy world is real. I don't need fantasy type foreplay 24/7 I need reality.
The sort of people who scoff are the same sort of people that lead a sub around on a collar and leash or put their sub in a cage whilst they watch tv. They are the ultimate game players. they are the ones that can't ever bring their lifestyle out into public circles because they can never be seen as equal. I don't want to curb down how I am when with family and vanilla friends. I don't want to have secret signals or be in a position of trying to remember not to use titles. To me that's just silly and all I can say is, I don't want or need to live in lala land all the time.
Some say that switches are just kinky. I would say that's right about Steve and me. We are hugely kinky. We both get off on hot raw, no bars sex.
We are both of a dominant nature but neither of us want a sub where we have to continually play a role. We have a wonderful sub female who is not only our sub but our best friend. She knows we can be mean, cruel and pushy but she also knows we can be fun, loving and caring. She doesn't expect us to play a role, in fact she's been in this lifestyle as long as we have and has experienced the role of 'ME DOM you sub' type relationships and just like us, she eventually found it boring and unrealistic.

Steve loves my strengths and my determination in life. He loves it that I don't take any bullshit and the way I don't take any of this too seriously too! and he loves the way I refuse to bow down to him without some real force on his part. He is naturally a leader and he has a natural ability to make even vanilla women and men subservient to him (in a non kink way) he has an authority about him that doesn't come from an act but from a personality that is incredibly strong, confident and intelligent. He is dominant without so much as giving it a second thought. Up until meeting him I didn't know such a person exhisted. I had never witnessed such a strong personality and he says that I came as a shock! I was the first woman in his life that had the ability to stand up to him and give as good as I get.

That makes one hell of a powerful relationship and not one that can or should be mocked by some silly dominant that, to be honest, either of us could eat alive in minutes


S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of

(in reply to hausboy)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 9/13/2010 1:12:13 PM   

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If you plan to survive "the only useful switch is a hickory switch" attitude of the BDSM community in general, you can't be insecure or oversensitive.  Plan to survive as a switch?  You better grow some thicker skin. 

Yes, I notice prejudice against switches on CM . . . and at my local BDSM munch, the public dungeon and private play parties.  It's not just regional, it's on an international level.  I presume you are new if you are just noticing it.


-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to allthatjaz)
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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 9/13/2010 6:58:49 PM   

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Prejudice is everywhere. Who cares. I always laugh speaking to men (and it is predominately men) who have no idea who they are (D/s/Switch). They have multiple profiles, or a dominant profile and speaking to me about needing to submit at 100% even after I have said I am Switch. Or all the aggressive talking (calling me names) as if I am suppose to bend my knees and lower my eyes, as they tell me they don't submit to anyone, after I have I said I am Switch, or worse someone who says they are Switch and then turns around and says...I really want to submit. But I tell them...I am a Switch! Dumb Nitwits! All about THEIR NEEDS. THEIR WHIMS. THEM THEM THEM.

I simply enjoy their show and keep it moving.

(in reply to Chrisincuffs)
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