RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM?

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RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 12/15/2011 3:10:38 AM

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From: Chicago, USA - Touring Internationally
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Never felt prejudice against switches... most of them I like or am neutral on, like all categories of people.

Only switches that 'ruin it' for me are the ones who clearly are angling for a 'switch moment' with me... when I am clear that it is not an option. I'm just not that... as long as I & those around me are respected, I will offer equal respect regardless of the kink identification of the other party. Don't get why it should matter to anyone outside of those involved.

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Sadist with a sense of humor... your predicament amuses me.

(in reply to MariaB)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 12/15/2011 3:58:22 AM

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quote:

My question would be, assuming one must have a passion to submit or to dominate to live this lifestyle, then how does one "switch" their passions unless the person is conflicted or really has no special passion? It is not meant to be a judgemental question even though it might sound like it, and perhaps it is really, which is why there might be a predjudice here, if the OP is correct.

I wasn’t going to comment on this thread but after reading your question I felt you offered a thinking that at one time I encumbered myself with. Passion, the driving force to dominate or submit unfolds in everyday life, in every walk of life, the force driving the business man to climb the corporate ladder to its highest rung or the self-employed man standing alone and answer to none. A dominant, controlling and influencing others even though shackled to conducts and behaviors that best serve his employees and therein submissive to those looking to him for steady employment. The business man guided by a belief every employee is worth salvaging while making demands upon them that challenge the metal and measure of each and every one of them. When does the so-called dominant stop serving when he is tightly bound by acting in the best interest of those looking to him for direction?

< Message edited by Arienos -- 12/15/2011 3:59:36 AM >

(in reply to Arturas)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 12/15/2011 4:12:48 AM

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I often run across journal entries written by people who have no interest in black dominants for any number of reasons. Does this mean there is a prejudice against black dominants on CM? No. It means people have their preferences and opinions which is their right.

Would I waste time sending them a message trying to "enlighten" them? Nope. Their opinion is based on either on their actual experiences or their version of reality, neither of which I will be able to change.

If you challenge someone's belief or opinion, don't expect them to lay down and take it. Especially when the only thing between you and them is thousands of miles of fiber optic cable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AspX

Ran across a journal entry the other day that said:

"could never, ever, EVER submit to a man who would submit to another woman...my submission requires that i have the utmost respect for a dominant, i could never respect you if you would submit to anyone else...i am completely inflexible on this issue..."

So, I sent a message saying:

"As a switch, I think your attitude is completely wrong because even the most dominant man in the world submits to others many times throughout every single day (although I agree that submitting to another within a monogamous relationship is still a violation of that covenant)...

However, this is about finding the right person for you and I totally respect anyone who is willing to state their preferences and prejudices to find that match. Good luck in your search... "

To which I got the reply:

"switches are greedy and confused...i need no commentary about covenants and such from a greedy, game-playing, ultra abhorrent switch such as yourself..."

This is the most blatent of the messages I have received that have totally rejected the idea of ever considering someone who is a switch but it is really only the latest in messages, journal entries and posts that I have seen on CM. So, my question to the switches on this forum is whether they have noticed this same reaction within the CM community and whether it is something that they have run into on other sites?

_____________________________

Do you have any idea how many bones you have left for me to break? - Batman

(in reply to AspX)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 12/25/2011 1:20:30 PM

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As a dominant gay male Master I have no issues with switches in either female or male forms both serve me well and I find that although I am not always attracted to females in general they are very loyal, worth having around and do from time to time recruit better than male subs do for increasing my household. I have had sex with females and males alike. I prefer males but have had good sexual realtions with women as well. A male I can love a female I can't. Internal wiring. None the less, in a dark room sex is sex, male female nearly the same. One difference I can milk a mans organ.. but I have no interest in breast milking.

(in reply to AspX)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 12/25/2011 2:57:49 PM

HotTallFitSwitch

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wow I think I am on the wrong site or I have a lot to learn lol

(in reply to wnycumfarm)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 12/25/2011 3:15:15 PM

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Hiya hows you doing?

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More come backs than Frank Sinatra

(in reply to HotTallFitSwitch)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 1/23/2012 9:57:48 PM

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I've seen some bias-but there's a lot of people who are full of themselves (among other things) around here.

Personally, there's a lot of things about being Dominant that I enjoy.

And, there's a lot of things about being submissive that I enjoy.

Why would I want to limit myself to just one side of the whip? I want to enjoy my partner to the fullest. Sometimes that means kneeling at her feet and orally pleasing her. Sometimes that means feeling her warm, welted ass cheeks up against my abdomen and admiring my rope work on her bound arms.

And having been on one side makes me better when I'm on the other.

I get that everybody has their own kink that they have to wrap their heads around. But for someone who only gets off playing one role...I can't help but feel that they are missing out on the full experience.

(in reply to Chrisincuffs)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 1/24/2012 9:11:08 PM

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I suppose you just get to be a domme if you say you are? Not in my experience. Only a true Domme may know her true power if she has been in her sub's shoes whether physically or through empathy. When I was trained professionally to be a Dominatrix, the other girls and I would practice being in the sub role. I would not be as passionate of a Domme if I too hadn't felt the need to worship and bow down in awe of another. If my partner needs discipline, restriction, binding, limits pushed and trusts that I can assist in love and understanding-it makes me happy and turns me on. The submission of power to me is understood and deepened when he shows me what he wants done to him. Trust! PS When I occasionally let him take control, it makes him realize how hard a Domme's work is... The appreciation deepens, the loyalty too. We don't abuse our power over each other.
The best subs I've ever met are total Doms all day! They are powerful men. And it melts my heart to have them begging at my feet. Dommes I know work like slaves all day. Never mind the primping and prepping to achieve the glam and prepare the "surprises" I call them. It's a lot of work! I try to stay away from labels although I am an experienced Domme. It's moderne, there is erotica on both sides of the coin, you just have to find balance. XX

(in reply to AspX)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 3/28/2012 10:12:03 PM

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This is a little bit of an old thread, But I just joined and Have something to say. I consider myself a true sadomasochistic dominant/sub (switch). Now I may be unique in my thinking but to me my sadistic side feeds my masochistic side (and vice-versa), while my dominant side feeds my submissive side (or vice-versa). I find that the experiences and my way of thinking make me a better dom or sub.

I have dominated a woman and you could not tell that I was submissive in any way. In fact I am a very strict and sadistic master and I think that is in part due to my knowledge/feeling/thinking of masochism and submission.
When I have submitted to my Goddess, I am the most humble pain slave you would want. I am always respectful and loving, feeling the urge to please and fulfill my Goddess. The only control I try to exert from a submissive position is making sure my Goddess understands my hard limits (piss, shit, drugs, breaking bones/serious injuries or just plain stupid things like electricity + water or around heart etc).
When I am in a relationship with a pure, I do not expect them to ever switch with me. I don't want that. I can be happy as either a 24/7 sub or 24/7 master. Again I don't know if I'm just different or if other switches simply haven't put it so directly.

To me being a switch is about finding a person I am truly interested in and accommodate them. It is more about attraction than simply role for me. Being a switch allows me to find someone I can be happy with and also makes me the best fit for them.
The people who think switches are 'less' of a dominant or submissive are idealists. There is no such thing as 100% submission or domination, only 99%. Think about it I don't want to take up too much time explaining it. To those people who still believe in 100% domination or submission, I guarantee you I am both a more sadistic/dominant master and a masochistic/submissive slave than you. And it is because I am a switch. Stop being so idealistic / prejudice.

(in reply to MissModerne)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 4/13/2012 6:58:28 AM

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From: Toronto, Canada
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I think many people DO have a negative opinion of someone who identifies as a switch, just as they do for someone who identifies as Bi. Personally I think the reason for this is that such people - who have fixed themselves to a singular role - are insecure about their decision and need to bolster themselves by denigrating others.

In my day to day life I am a very confident and aggressive personality. I gravitate towards submission because it is a tantalizing release from that day to day experience... a letting go that is exciting, sensual and very erotic.

I'm currently a Dom in a 24/7 relationship and I draw heavily on my natural persona for that... but I also bring to the table a deep insight into the needs and desires of the submissive. My sub is a similar personality to me so I understand her well on both levels, and I can bring my own submissive esthetic and experience to bear to enrich and expand her submissive experience. It also gives me a superior sensitivity to boundaries... in where they are, and especially in how they can be pushed.

Most importantly... because both me and my sub are switches (although we have agreed to hold our current roles for the foreseeable future) I feel there is a foundation of understanding, equality and trust that underlies even our most extreme play. Without that underlying understanding of trust in fundamental equality, I don't think we could have been able to reach the heights of experience and play that we have... and the ceiling keeps rising!

Human beings are rich and complex personalities who cannot be accurately defined by stereotypical labels. If you resist such labels as absolute definitions, then stand tall and know that you are accepting the tools that will let you handle all that cums... and go far!

(in reply to Andalusite)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 5/19/2012 4:54:34 PM

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Yes!

DrG

No!

DrG

< Message edited by doctorgrey -- 5/19/2012 4:55:36 PM >

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landing itself was nothing
we touched upon a shelf of rock selected by the automind
and left
a galaxy of dreams
behind

(in reply to Bhruic)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/15/2012 2:14:34 AM

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Yeah I've notice d aprejudice. However, I don't give a fuck. I'm only into the play aspect of BDSM, I don't view it as a 24/7 lifestyle. I've met oppostion from those who do. I say to them "I don't judge you, so don't judge me." They have no intelligent response to that.

(in reply to Andalusite)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/29/2012 12:57:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AspX

quote:

I could never, ever, EVER submit to a man who would submit to another woman...my submission requires that i have the utmost respect for a dominant, i could never respect you if you would submit to anyone else...i am completely inflexible on this

So what we have here is a submissive saying she could never respect someone who would ever submit to anyone else. I wonder what that tells us about the amount of respect she has for herself?

(in reply to AspX)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/29/2012 5:38:07 PM

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I'm sure this was covered TWO YEARS AGO when this was first posted.

quote:

So what we have here is a submissive saying she could never respect someone who would ever submit to anyone else. I wonder what that tells us about the amount of respect she has for herself?

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(in reply to ardmore64)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 7/30/2012 11:50:56 AM

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I have seen this prejudice on many sites and in person, from people experienced in BDSM and those new to the life. I know what people have been saying here is true, "if they don't want a switch, move on" but sometimes it just gets a bit much.

I had been having a very mutually fulfilling relationship with a sub, (that I had met on CollarMe), for several weeks and she repeatedly told me how much she was enjoying everything, both vanilla and BDSM. Then out of the blue, I get, "I can't be with a switch, I want a Dominant" via TEXT!! After the investment of time and yes, money, I had put into this relationship, this was a bit of a shock. I asked for some explanation and was threatened with the police if I tried to contact her again.

Now I don't care that we aren't together anymore, she's obviously not all that balanced, but what a stupid reason for blowing something that was working very well and getting better as it went. Being a switch has given me a better understanding of both sides and a clearer picture of what I am looking for in both a sub and a Domme. It is the person with the prejudice that is missing out, as with all prejudices, but it's still not nice being run down simply because you like a wider variety of experiences than someone else.

(in reply to Andalusite)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/1/2012 5:56:31 PM

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Well, I would say something, but I just can not bring my self to talk to a penis.

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yep

(in reply to KiwiTop)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/1/2012 10:24:52 PM

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I know what you mean, I can't bring myself to talk to a pussy!

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/2/2012 12:08:00 PM

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KiwiTop - it's against the TOS to show genitalia in your avatar or primary pic. IOW:

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(in reply to KiwiTop)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/2/2012 6:14:09 PM

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No....not...no.

(in reply to AspX)

RE: Have you noticed a prejudice against switches on CM? - 8/8/2012 5:24:51 PM

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First, let me say that the comment about talking to a pussy was a joke, a pun, pure and simple and not meant maliciously as it was apparently received. Also, I did not mean to offend anybody with the pic and if there are people on here that were, I apologise.

I am surprised that on an adult website that is about all facets of BDSM, that a photo showing half a penis is deemed offensive but it is so it's gone, and fair enough. I must question however, why is that so wrong and yet you can use pictures that are copyrighted, unless you took these cat pic's and therefore own the copyright.

(in reply to kalikshama)

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