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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/2/2010 8:17:52 PM   
Zevar


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I keep reading through the posts here about chivalry = opening doors for a woman, pulling her chair out, etc...

wonders if any subs/slaves here ever actually do those things for their Doms/Masters...I mean it just seems kinda backwards to me.



I know for myself when my beloved companion was alive she would serve me in ways that were surely indicative of acts of respect, love and deep with kindness. She would also give herself in a way that brought to my heart a feeling of irreplaceable devotion and a silken beauty in her submission toward myself. I did indeed in all times treat her in a dignified and respectful manner AND she respected me with a devout respect that was richer than gold, silver, diamonds, pearls or rubies.

I was her Knight of Honor, she would say. She held me in high regard. She was My Beloved Lady, worthy of anything and everything that I could give her or provide for her. Our relationship was rich with love that was mutual in our giving. Yet our roles were distinct. I her Irish gentleman master and also her Knight of Honor AND she My Beloved Lady that I cherished more than my own life.

Take good care of you!


< Message edited by Zevar -- 8/2/2010 9:09:29 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/2/2010 11:03:39 PM   
Lordandmaster


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Yup, that's about right.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

so while you might serenade a lady, write poetry for her... woo her with your exemplary knightly skills, you would rape the peasant girl in the village without a second thought.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 1:19:18 AM   
realwhiteknight


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quote:



Greetings DesFIP:

A thought comes to mind in reading your entry. I question how it is that women can dictate to men in terms of choosing to act in chivalrous ways toward a lady and yet you as a woman apparently would protest if a man dictated to you regarding how you deem suitable to conduct yourself, behaviorally speaking? Did I "hear" you correctly? If not do clarify.

Further how do you equate chivalry as is related to the various terms below with Isabella Baumfree an African-American abolitionist and women's rights activist?

gallantry, courtliness, loyalty, valor, courage, bravery, magnanimity, nobility, courtesy, courteousness, politeness, attentiveness, gentility, good manners, civility, kindness and consideration.

If you would kindly explain that would be most appreciated.

Thank you!



*sigh*




_____________________________

I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.

Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time.

(in reply to Zevar)
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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 2:03:44 AM   
aldompdx


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Zevar,
Your additional perspective is much appreciated.

I find the issue of the truthfulness you describe is -- SELF-TRUTH. Just as the feeling of fulfillment arises only where it is felt, so too, the wisdom of truth is present only where one is aware of it. Some eastern philosophies call it "witness consciousness" (translated).

In my experience, internal demons are not conquered by force, but with surrender to "self truth." This is because such demons are merely shadow, which is ultimately defined by light. One cannot see a shadow in the dark! Thus, achieving a transparent ego cannot be by battle, but only by mutual surrender in harmony and resonance.

Doubt is the virus of the mind. "Yoga is stilling the nature of the mind." Patanjali Yoga Sutras, 500CE. Hence, the discipline of learning to quiet the mind is paramount to achieving surrender of false ego associations. The ultimate false ego association is between the feeling of fulfillment and an external source.

This may seem to be a paradox, but is resolved with the need for self-mastery to include mastery of surrender. Only when one has gained the wisdom of surrender can they lead another down that path.

In the end, I find chivalry to be the practice of "Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you." Sharing the light, truth, and honor of one's own heart is not sacrifice. But further, chivalry is a practice of being, not of doing. That is, free choice from self-will originates in being, and the result is the action or the doing.

In relation to your recent post on Korean women, and this topic of eastern chivalry, you may appreciate this video:
The Day My God Died


(in reply to Zevar)
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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 2:13:52 AM   
crazyml


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zevar

Further how do you equate chivalry as is related to the various terms below with Isabella Baumfree an African-American abolitionist and women's rights activist?

gallantry, courtliness, loyalty, valor, courage, bravery, magnanimity, nobility, courtesy, courteousness, politeness, attentiveness, gentility, good manners, civility, kindness and consideration.

If you would kindly explain that would be most appreciated.

Thank you! [/font]


DesFTP will be more than able to provide her own reponse to this, but here's my take -

Isabella Baumfree would absolutely NOT have defined herself as "chivalrous", nor are the admirable qualities that you list (with the exception of courtliness - which I suspect she would not have aspired to), in any way tied to Chivalry - they are just about being a well mannered, thoughtful, empathetic human being.

It is extreme silliness to list these qualities and then imply that if one had those qualities one must also de facto be "Chivalrous".



_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Zevar)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 2:38:38 AM   
realwhiteknight


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quote:

I know for myself when my beloved companion was alive she would serve me in ways that were surely indicative of acts of respect, love and deep with kindness. She would also give herself in a way that brought to my heart a feeling of irreplaceable devotion and a silken beauty in her submission toward myself. I did indeed in all times treat her in a dignified and respectful manner AND she respected me with a devout respect that was richer than gold, silver, diamonds, pearls or rubies.I was her Knight of Honor, she would say. She held me in high regard. She was My Beloved Lady, worthy of anything and everything that I could give her or provide for her. Our relationship was rich with love that was mutual in our giving. Yet our roles were distinct. I her Irish gentleman master and also her Knight of Honor AND she My Beloved Lady that I cherished more than my own life.Take good care of you! [/font]


This is the most touching thing I've ever read on cm- which isn't saying alot *sigh*- but also the most touching thing I have read anywhere in a long, long time.I am sorry for your loss.It always seems to happen that way, to the best, not sure why...


_____________________________

I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.

Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time.

(in reply to Zevar)
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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 2:42:13 AM   
KurtAllen


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Although this thread is of interest to me I find myself aside from the rambling, chivalry as I define it is of no greater value to me as a man then any of the other honor driven characteristic making up the man of me. Often I find myself alone in a crown deeply humbled by my thoughts and I am at peace within the challenges and rewards of the past and those about to befall me. I measure the man of me based on my performances and find no interests in others measures.

(in reply to Zevar)
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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 9:32:34 AM   
porcelaine


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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Isabella Baumfree would absolutely NOT have defined herself as "chivalrous", nor are the admirable qualities that you list (with the exception of courtliness - which I suspect she would not have aspired to), in any way tied to Chivalry - they are just about being a well mannered, thoughtful, empathetic human being.

It is extreme silliness to list these qualities and then imply that if one had those qualities one must also de facto be "Chivalrous".


The qualities don't make you chivalrous. Behavior is always the tipping point. And as you and others have mentioned those that supposedly were chivalrous with some were vulgar brutes with others. However, upon closer inspection, that definition is pretty darned fitting. The mirror always has two sides and I think our historical examples and present day ones are oddly similar.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 10:08:25 AM   
crazyml


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I think I'm missing your point, for which I am sorry (I'm sure it's very well made).

The point I'm trying to make is that the attributes listed (aside from courtliness) have little to do with Chivalry per se.

I'm not sure there's a really tenable case to be made that today, people who exhibit the positive characteristics associated with Chivalry (manners, courtesy etc) also often exhibit the negative ones (violence, rape etc etc).



_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to porcelaine)
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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 10:43:06 AM   
porcelaine


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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

I think I'm missing your point, for which I am sorry (I'm sure it's very well made).

The point I'm trying to make is that the attributes listed (aside from courtliness) have little to do with Chivalry per se.

I'm not sure there's a really tenable case to be made that today, people who exhibit the positive characteristics associated with Chivalry (manners, courtesy etc) also often exhibit the negative ones (violence, rape etc etc).



I never considered the attributes mentioned as chivalrous at all.

And to suggest that those that were supposedly chivalrous were paragons of society is false as others have chimed in. He had two distinct flavors to his character. One that could be considered noble and the other its complete opposite. Flash forward today and the same holds true. Just because someone presents themselves as 'chivalrous' doesn't mean he's a dashing white knight at all. That's the tin foil Holly mentioned in her comment. It may 'appear' to be something that it is not upon closer inspection. He may simply be well behaved with his lady and a outright fool with others. That wouldn't make him a gentleman in my opinion.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to crazyml)
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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 11:11:05 AM   
crazyml


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Grin! I was being dim...

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to porcelaine)
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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 11:16:44 AM   
wittynamehere


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zevar
When I use the term chivalry I am speaking in terms of the combination of qualities especially courage, honor, loyalty, and consideration for others, especially shown by a men toward women.


I consider myself fairly brave. Honor depends on the viewpoint (I may consider myself honorable, but by someone elses' moral ruler I might be a completely dishonorable asshole). Pretty sure I'm loyal, but only once the other person has demonstrated their worthiness of my loyalty (I'm not loyal to strangers, or enemies, for example). I'm quite considerate toward others, but not especially toward women (wouldn't that be sexist?)

So if that's the definition, then I guess I'm partially chivalrous. I like to beat little girls and make them cry though, so I dunno.

< Message edited by wittynamehere -- 8/3/2010 11:17:13 AM >


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I almost never return to a thread, so if you saw my post and want me to hear your reply, please message it to me.

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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 1:00:50 PM   
realwhiteknight


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quote:



Isabella Baumfree would absolutely NOT have defined herself as "chivalrous", nor are the admirable qualities that you list (with the exception of courtliness - which I suspect she would not have aspired to), in any way tied to Chivalry - they are just about being a well mannered, thoughtful, empathetic human being.


It is extreme silliness to list these qualities and then imply that if one had those qualities one must also de facto be "Chivalrous".




I am not aware of who Baumfree even is, (well maybe I heard of her but don't remember), however, logically speaking, if we are using the popular notion of chivalry, weuldn't those characteristics- the ones that devar listed and the ones you state of being 'well mannered, thoughtul' etc., be totally in line with that popular, modern notion of chivalry?

I personally feel like people are trying to pick away at this conception, drawing tiny little straws over the details when it's really a quite clear concept. It's almost as if people are against it. Not surprising chivalry is dead in our narcissistic self-centered, immature society.

_____________________________

I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.

Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time.

(in reply to crazyml)
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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 1:05:02 PM   
realwhiteknight


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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Isabella Baumfree would absolutely NOT have defined herself as "chivalrous", nor are the admirable qualities that you list (with the exception of courtliness - which I suspect she would not have aspired to), in any way tied to Chivalry - they are just about being a well mannered, thoughtful, empathetic human being.

It is extreme silliness to list these qualities and then imply that if one had those qualities one must also de facto be "Chivalrous".


The qualities don't make you chivalrous. Behavior is always the tipping point. And as you and others have mentioned those that supposedly were chivalrous with some were vulgar brutes with others. However, upon closer inspection, that definition is pretty darned fitting. The mirror always has two sides and I think our historical examples and present day ones are oddly similar.

~porcelaine



This is a matter of semantics- but you make a good point to focus in on behavior. I would put it this way: if those qualities are a reflection of character, the person would therefore *behave*in that manner towards *everyone* because it's a matter of principle rather than a superficial artifice to what's most expedient or even proscribed by society.

It's really a matter of degree- if one were to *really* take those qualities to heart, they would have a good character and indeed be chivalrous. To everyone; never a vulgar brute.





_____________________________

I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.

Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time.

(in reply to porcelaine)
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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 1:08:39 PM   
realwhiteknight


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quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zevar
When I use the term chivalry I am speaking in terms of the combination of qualities especially courage, honor, loyalty, and consideration for others, especially shown by a men toward women.


I consider myself fairly brave. Honor depends on the viewpoint (I may consider myself honorable, but by someone elses' moral ruler I might be a completely dishonorable asshole). Pretty sure I'm loyal, but only once the other person has demonstrated their worthiness of my loyalty (I'm not loyal to strangers, or enemies, for example). I'm quite considerate toward others, but not especially toward women (wouldn't that be sexist?)

So if that's the definition, then I guess I'm partially chivalrous. I like to beat little girls and make them cry though, so I dunno.

quote:

ior is al


The issue is where we draw the moral ruler. Society has one, individuals have ones which difffer from the average. American society used to have a much higher one that it has today.

_____________________________

I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.

Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time.

(in reply to wittynamehere)
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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 1:16:27 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight
The issue is where we draw the moral ruler. Society has one, individuals have ones which difffer from the average. American society used to have a much higher one that it has today.
Really? Perhaps by that you mean during the good old days when sending children into coal mines to die of black lung was considered morally superior? Or was it the era when we decided that anyone with a black skin was sub-human? Perhaps it was the good old days when it was not possible to rape your wife?

I agree that each individual has a moral compass. In addition, society has some sort of amalgam. It's less clear to me that the overall average "goodness" has changed significantly across recorded human history. I try to be good. Most people I know fit that description.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 1:25:01 PM   
porcelaine


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quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

This is a matter of semantics- but you make a good point to focus in on behavior. I would put it this way: if those qualities are a reflection of character, the person would therefore *behave*in that manner towards *everyone* because it's a matter of principle rather than a superficial artifice to what's most expedient or even proscribed by society.

It's really a matter of degree- if one were to *really* take those qualities to heart, they would have a good character and indeed be chivalrous. To everyone; never a vulgar brute.


Gentlemen are merely that. There's consistency in his character and countenance. While he may afford his partner special treatment in deference to the role and the importance he imparts to it, he doesn't mistreat others that fall outside of that place. It's easy to tack on a barrage of self descriptors that make one appear a certain way and far harder to live according to those principles. There will be challenges, moments of discomfort, and others when you could behave otherwise. What you choose to do when the circumstances are less than appealing speaks volumes. And the gentlemen I know manage to maintain their poise and countenance irregardless what's hurled in their direction.

But they don't shout it from the rooftops or include it in every line they write or correspondence they've exchange. It's simply who he is and it shines forth to the degree that others readily recognize this without prompting or cries for validation from the subject.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 6:30:11 PM   
Zevar


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quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

*sigh*



Thank you kindly!

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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 6:41:04 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
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Greetings my friend:

The path of a man which seeks truth amidst his journey indeed does open doors that allow him to become that man he is meant to be in a most natural manner. The spiritual path does indeed route the way past the internal shadows which when defeated simply are found to have been internal projections that mirror unfounded fears. Such is the path of chivarly. Much is expected of a man that forges his way through a society where misty shadows appear in resistance to the way of a gentleman. Do I speak to posture or for validation? No, instead I speak from my soul the Truth I know to be true for this man amidst the noise of a world imbalanced AND thirsty for what it means to be a good man. A gentleman...

Your words are meaningful. Thank you can never convey my gratitude. Yet I speak so you know.

I bid you strength, courage and peace!


< Message edited by Zevar -- 8/3/2010 6:45:22 PM >

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RE: Chivalry among BDSM Community & society of Western ... - 8/3/2010 7:21:59 PM   
realwhiteknight


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight
The issue is where we draw the moral ruler. Society has one, individuals have ones which difffer from the average. American society used to have a much higher one that it has today.
Really? Perhaps by that you mean during the good old days when sending children into coal mines to die of black lung was considered morally superior? Or was it the era when we decided that anyone with a black skin was sub-human? Perhaps it was the good old days when it was not possible to rape your wife?

I agree that each individual has a moral compass. In addition, society has some sort of amalgam. It's less clear to me that the overall average "goodness" has changed significantly across recorded human history. I try to be good. Most people I know fit that description.


I have a general theory that people were 'better' in at least certain times in the past, largely because they valued the things I value, more than people seem to today- at least most of the intellectual elite seemed to. The 'they' that sent kids into coal mines were not those who had no options but the rich coalmine owners and those who had political power in society. Not the poor. Racism is based only on greed and power, what one can get away with, not prejudice. I believe the majority of people were not virulently racist or morally defunct, it was a select few which messed everything up for everyone, and the majority of people because they had it so difficult realized early on what is important in life and acted accordingly. Those who had an easy time of it and were sheltered from the pain of others found it easier to ignore it, as it would otherwise be too overwhelming. People were ignorant and stupid, and desperate, not naturally bad.

Know the story of the Buddha? When did he become enlightened? It wasn't as a sheltered, rich prince- the evils and suffering of the world purposely and specifically hidden from him. He was blind then. Happy, content, and free. But blind. A funny thing happened one day, and he saw something he wasn't supposed to see. He's sees something ugly- an old woman, infirm, dying. So he investigates, and learns that this is what the world is full of, and that it is nature, and that it is terrible. So he needs to get away and learn how to fix it. Then he goes on his travels...he searches, he is unhappy. He finds enlightenment eventually. Under a tree? Or something to do with a lotus leaf? If I understand correctly, it is about peace, self-awareness, and acceptance of what can not be changed. The tragedy of life. He needed to be in touch with the nature of life first before he could transcend it.

People today desperately live with blinders on- as everyone wants to- but now we have the technology and the social OK to do it...anything we can do to be comfortable and be blind and complacent to the suffering of others and the nature of life- mortality. No one knows what death is anymore, it's covered up, hidden away in hospital wards, picked off the street, romanticized and manipulated on tv. No one wails or grieves in public. No one values intimacy or communal solace anymore, it is replaced by pornography and the next big thing which is nothing more than a series of images and sensations. Books and articles and videos. Everything is thrown at us and we react. We do not create any longer. Everything has been done. We aren't expressing ourselves but our images. Everything is virtual. Anything that makes us feel safe, that draws us away from authentic experience, not towards it. Anything and everything to cover what lies below, what we fear (sometimes what we fear is what we really want). Except, what we fear, is the only authentic experience.

So people in the past were more naked to life's truths simply because things were harder for them. This made them either worse than they would be today, but most people- who are naturally good- were better than they would have been today because there were less distractions from 'direct experience' not mediated or interfered with - i.e., moments of communal ritual, loyalty, peace, friendship, intimacy, fortitude, spirit, inner strength, nature, death, sickness, pain. So I think *individually* people were generally more moral, yes.

P. S. - there was a major genocide that occurred in the last ten-fifteen years with no one but a few Belgians trying to curtail it and currently there are still so-called 'detainees' here in the U.S. as well as drug dealers serving jail sentences 16 times longer than that of some child molesters , so let's NOT get up on our high moral horse of contemporary era superiority, please.










< Message edited by realwhiteknight -- 8/3/2010 7:50:20 PM >


_____________________________

I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.

Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 100
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