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Tributes... - 4/21/2006 8:00:22 AM

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: London, SE
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I've been off the scene for a while but one thing that I never used to see (and now seems to be quite prevalent) is a request for a tribute. This makes me rather uncomfortable (call me old-fashioned!) but I'm wondering if this practise is now an accepted part of the scene - can anyone help?

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 8:02:42 AM

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I've wondered about that myself.

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 8:09:45 AM

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There have been quite a few topics that have had it mentioned. I need to do a few things but promise to come back and hopefully shed some light or at least as far as my opinion.

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 8:13:02 AM

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
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I think requiring a tribute is a gambit used by neo pro Domme's to escape the stigma of being a pro Domme. Or even, just some woman, not necessarily even into BDSM, looking for a free ride and thinks this is a good way (given the outrageous ratio of Domme's to male subs, they may even be right).

I see it as being a little different for folks in the 24/7 lifestyle, where the interpersonal dynamics are considerably different. The slave then would already be *in* Her service, not paying to be in Her service... although I'm having a hard time putting form to my nebulous thoughts around the subject, and I'm hoping a Domme who requires tribute of her 24/7 slave will jump in and help me out <grin>

As someone seeking a 24/7 slave Myself, the "tribute" I want from My slave is his (or her) submission to Me. Do I mind gifts as further tribute? Hell, no. But I want any such gifts to be freely given, because they mean a hell of a lot more! I mean, I could see a vase of flowers and tell My slave "buy that for Me." Or I could come home one day and find that My slave had brought Me a vase of flowers. Either way, I still have the flowers... but which way truly shows the slave's love and devotion?

quote:

ORIGINAL: obedienz
I've been off the scene for a while but one thing that I never used to see (and now seems to be quite prevalent) is a request for a tribute. This makes me rather uncomfortable (call me old-fashioned!) but I'm wondering if this practise is now an accepted part of the scene - can anyone help?

< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 4/21/2006 8:19:04 AM >

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 8:16:11 AM

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From: London, SE
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That pretty much sums up my feelings - a tribute is something freely given, not requested...

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 8:22:54 AM

Posts: 84
Joined: 9/9/2005
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It's funny - it seems to me to be a matter of who you speak with. I assume you're speaking mainly of a financial tribute. I would never ask for one - however a slave I was speaking with the other night (who's been in the lifestyle quite a while) mentioned another type as well: reciprocal chores or duties.

I've been approached by a slave who only wants to be spanked - nothing else. In return, he's to do my yardwork for me and "handyman" chores around my house. This was referred to as a tribute - and that surprised me - I'd never thought of it that way.

< Message edited by newdombbw -- 4/21/2006 8:23:48 AM >

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 8:23:34 AM

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From: N. Carolina
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or demanded!

quote:

ORIGINAL: obedienz

That pretty much sums up my feelings - a tribute is something freely given, not requested...

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 8:51:45 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
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A Domina who requires a 'tribute" is simply dressing up her charging a fee in fancy language...the difference between her and the Pro-Domina who openly states that she is a professional, is really very simple...the latter is an honest practicioner of a particular rather skilled form of the sex trade, the former is a greedy shit who is lying to herself and her clients...."Oh I am not a pro...but if you want an hour with me, then you had better give me a tribute of at least $200...." Bullshit!!!, give me the openly pro pros any day rather than the deceiptful weasels.

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 8:53:47 AM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
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in regards to tribute i think it depends.

i don't demand tribute, but i do receive them. i have had random tribute sent to my paypal account before people even contact me.. and i don't even advertise my paypal account, i use it only for ebay, but it happens to be the same email that i use on my yahoo name so people take a chance and send tributes there.

that never ceases to amaze me. SOME men tribute me because they have a money fetish. which is entirely legitimate.. my belgian slave has a really bad money fetish and i REALLY try to curb him from that because if one day i release him.. he will be taken SEVERE advantage of. the same holds true for my youngest german boy.

some men tribute me randomly because they've been conditioned that this is the way to approach a Mistress. i find that a wee bit odd seeing how they never speak to me before.. or see a cam or know who i am. but that's what they've been conditioned to do.

they say it is to prove that they are *real*.. i will say this.

i've never had a male tribute me randomly that was a fake.

some dommes use an initial tribute as a barometer and that's their god given right.

a tribute is also used by pro dommes, it's not just some random word people say to avoid being a pro domme- no.. pro dommes call it tribute too.

i do NOT consider their *time* or *submission* as a tribute.. that's merely expected.. if someone wishes to tribute me, i would prefer more rubber for my fetish and photo shoots/fetish events.. or more toys to play with- not cash.

i have no problem with tributes be they financial or otherwise..

i just don't want money or gifts from random strangers because they ALL have strings attached i'm sure.

i only accept gifts from slaves i own.

it puts me off when someone demands things from males they don't own or don't know BEFORE they get to know them.

but speaking from the side of someone that DOESN'T demand a tribute upon contact.. just know that MANY men will tribute BEFORE contact.

who would turn down $100? especially if you didn't ask for it but it just arrives to your mailbox or paypal.

and typically those males are sincere.. as i've said.. no one that has ever tributed me before contact has been a fake.

with that being said, i've never asked for it. so just know.. it's not always women duping men into giving them money forthright.. naah, some do it on their own.

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 9:08:14 AM

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Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
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I agree & disagree. I would love to have more freedom in meeting potential slaves. The problem is that any high profile top is going to get a zillion thrill seekers who may not have good intentions. If I showed you the amount of email I get you’d freak & probably wouldn’t believe it. I get email from guys who need to meet me right away, that weekend and you know damn well what that’s all about. I honestly believe that many are just curious.

I won’t take money for doing a session. Not that I find this wrong if that’s what you both agree on. That, to me is a professional arrangement. As a professional consultant I charge for my phone time. I feel that I have enough experience in BDSM & Femdom relationships to help someone. If I freely opened myself up I would be doing so to curious people who might waste my time. I don’t have very much free time as it is.

There are men who have come to me & truly just want to be trained to be a good slave to a naturally dominant woman. They may not ever be my slave but their goal is to cultivate their submission into a worthy prize. Lets face it, if you’re a novice it’s hard to break the ice with a Domina who has more experience then you do. At this stage in my life I’m not so sure I’d take on a novice and go through all that training unless I was getting paid.

If a dominant woman is also generally a novice and looking to date submissive men and they equally has something to offer one another then the exchange is obvious, still I think that as a dominant woman I expect a present every single week. I don’t care if it cost a quarter or something he made. I just want to know that some time and thought was put into to creating a gift for me each week to show tribute to his Goddess.

I think that if you expect cash money or expensive gifts to see someone then call it what it is… pro-domination. I guess for all intent and purposes that still makes me a professional trainer. The difference is that I will not train according to their menu.

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 9:08:59 AM

openmindedslave

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Some one brought up earlier if whether tribute had to represent money? I have known some that seek tribute in other forms, including the exchange of professional services and labor. One that comes to mind has jobs around their home that they simply can not do them selves for what ever reason. An exchange of services can be seen as a form of tribute from a submissive .

Not to be little the value of Money to those that value the need for it ...but..the gift of cash is really a "no brainer " when it comes to giving of oneself, unless its known ahead of time that the money is trully what the Mistress needs or seeks. In fact, the giving of tribute or gift that actually required effort may be seen of greater importance to a Mistress. Its the fact that tribute to most will represent cash . And because of that , it is generally preceived to be one of a pro dom if you see it listed. And if you understand it ahead of time when you contact them, then there is no problem???

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 9:23:52 AM

MistressLorelei

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It becomes frustrating dealing with countless males on this site who after My spending time and effort getting to really know them, turn out to be unready for a long-term, committed relationship, or are not as they represented themselves.. and what they are really looking for is someone to play with them, the way they they like it, when they feel like being played with... nothing more.

At a local level, I have not asked for anything but sincerity, honesty, and effort... and all have fallen short.. I can understand how many Dommes who have experienced this frustration, would wish to require a more tangible way for a sub to show they have actual interest in making a connection.. If a male is required to 'tribute', he will only do so with those who he actually has intentions or interest in progressing with. Without tribute he can easily troll from Domme to Domme and pretend to be sincere with each one.

I have been told on more than one occassion, "you seem so real, most Dommes here require money to talk to them"). Well, to Me... this translates into 'wow, I finally found a free one'.

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 9:46:58 AM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
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i entirely agree with you on everything openminded..

my only disagreement is this:

i dont view house cleaning, or chores, providing legal aid if he's a lawyer.. or web skill if he knows flash. (ie.. providing services in fields they are good in but would normally charge someone for) as a tribute.

nope, to me that isnt a tribute... that's EXPECTED.

i have a slave that is a personal chef to someone, when i'm too tired to cook (which is rare).. and i want food.. i call him and he comes over to make me a nice gourmet meal .. often with 5 courses.

is that a tribute?

no.. that's his duty as a servant.

cash tribute is DEFINITELY a no brainer... not to be a bitch, many males whom approach we Dominas.. have no brains.

i view useful tributes as things they KNOW we need. when my norwegian slave comes here every 2 months.. he will ask me what toys do i want him to get for the visit because we do something new each time. the gifts are merely an expression of his KNOWLEDGE that paddles, floggers, violet wands, rubber hoods and vacbeds don't grow on trees.. ok so rubber grows on trees but it doesnt come off the tree totally made.

he will spend $800 - $1000 on new toys.. i don't DEMAND it.. but it's a tribute. i dont tell him.. ok, you come here, stay in my home and i train you for a week before you continue your travel, BUT you gotta give me XYZ amount of money. no- he knows that my time is valuable, it could be spent training another slave AND we need things to play with.

i view that as a tribute. if i need $500 because my car craps out on me yes, i feel it is a slave's duty to alleviate any worry i have so that INCLUDES financial sometimes. if he is in a position to assist REGARDLESS of the area... be it financial, time mowing the lawn etc.. then that's expected.. at least by me and i have no complainers. i have my longest standing slaves for over 4 years. and they're still here. if they felt used or hated our arrangement... they'd be gone by now.

like you said "In fact, the giving of tribute or gift that actually required effort may be seen of greater importance to a Mistress."

truer words have never been spoken. we need our lawns mowed, we need our kitchens cleaned, we ALL need financial assistance at times, we need this or that. and we EXPECT that- i dont view it as a tribute.. just part of slavely duties. slaves are here to alleviate worries and make life easier for the Woman they put on that pedestal. however, with that being said... i'm talking about SLAVES and not submissives. i have a few subs.. most of my males are slaves however. i expect a LOT more from my slaves than i do a mere submissive i toy with when i'm bored or when i want local errands ran.

but someone demanding anything before they even OWN you.. something is just wrong about that.

*typo edit*

< Message edited by EbonyFtshGoddess -- 4/21/2006 9:57:24 AM >

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 9:51:20 AM

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Joined: 3/17/2004
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I have recieved from many males tributes. Non that I have asked for. Well ok may be occasionally I had a sub show me a cool toy or paddle he made and I asked him to make me one. But I dont' consider that tribute. Thats both of us getting enjoyment hehehehehhe. But 99.9% of the time I have no clue I am getting them till they show up at my door. Are the best presents those we arent' expecting

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 10:08:28 AM

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: London, SE
Status: offline

This is a very interesting discussion - and thanks to everyone who has contributed. When I raised the topic of tributes I was thinking very specifically of people who say "before I talk to you I want you to give me a tribute of <insert sum here> to my <insert online payment method here>"

I have no issues with tributes that are offered by a sub within the context of a D/s relationship - they are right and proper and completely natural - and they can be either cash or, more appropriately in my opinion, some form of service.

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 10:15:43 AM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
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i knew precisely what you were talking about and that is what annoys me.

i hate when *dommes* demand shit from men that don't even SERVE them yet.

that trivializes what a *tribute* or act of gifting, financial assistance etc is.

when you serve someone and you gift/tribute them.. it's because you want to make her life better. NOT because some bitch wants you to prove your worth before she's even shown hers.

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 10:19:37 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
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quote:

that trivializes what a *tribute* or act of gifting, financial assistance etc is.

when you serve someone and you gift/tribute them.. it's because you want to make her life better. NOT because some bitch wants you to prove your worth before she's even shown hers.

If its required, its a fee...hard to trivialize a fee, since it has no real deep meaning.

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 10:39:20 AM

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
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I always equated tribute with Pro-Domming, and really just thought of it as a Pro-Domme term. (Go to any Pro-Domme page and you'll probably see the word somewhere.)
Call me close-minded, but when I see the word "tribute", I think to myself "Pro-Domme". Maybe a good one, maybe a crappy one, maybe one who doesn't even think of herself in that capacity, but Pro nonetheless.
ymmv

(in reply to obedienz)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 10:40:39 AM

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: London, SE
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyFtshGoddess

i knew precisely what you were talking about and that is what annoys me.

i hate when *dommes* demand shit from men that don't even SERVE them yet.

that trivializes what a *tribute* or act of gifting, financial assistance etc is.

when you serve someone and you gift/tribute them.. it's because you want to make her life better. NOT because some bitch wants you to prove your worth before she's even shown hers.

I couldn't agree more! :-)

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 10:46:32 AM

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Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressLorelei

It becomes frustrating dealing with countless males on this site who after My spending time and effort getting to really know them, turn out to be unready for a long-term, committed relationship, or are not as they represented themselves.. and what they are really looking for is someone to play with them, the way they they like it, when they feel like being played with... nothing more.

At a local level, I have not asked for anything but sincerity, honesty, and effort... and all have fallen short.. I can understand how many Dommes who have experienced this frustration, would wish to require a more tangible way for a sub to show they have actual interest in making a connection.. If a male is required to 'tribute', he will only do so with those who he actually has intentions or interest in progressing with. Without tribute he can easily troll from Domme to Domme and pretend to be sincere with each one.

I have been told on more than one occassion, "you seem so real, most Dommes here require money to talk to them"). Well, to Me... this translates into 'wow, I finally found a free one'.

This is a real problem and a valid concern. How does a woman know that a guy is really sincere about wanting to get to know her and not just wasting her time? If she has 15 - 20 men "courting" her for attention, how can he prove that he's honest? In real life, a woman would survey her "gentleman callers" and certainly some would look more legitimate if they took the time to buy a small gift or send flowers than those men that just called up and asked for attention or seemed to want sexual favors.

But if a woman doesn't want to be seen as a gold digger or a pro -- or a scam artist -- how does she ask for a tribute and not chase away a guy who might otherwise be sincere? I think a lot of good hearted guys would go away when asked for a tribute to prove their sincerity.

If I were single and in this boat, I think I *would* require a submissive to prove he's honest and sincere if I had a serious lack of time to spend wading through emails and IMs. But I wouldn't ask for cash -- I'd ask him to make a donation to a charity and send me the confirmation. Even if it's only $10. Then I would not be seen as a money grubber and he's forced to show some level of intent on his part. And a charity benefits.

Akasha

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