cooth, uncooth whose to say?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

cooth, uncooth whose to say?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> cooth, uncooth whose to say?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 12:32:20 PM

Lairaimmortelle

Posts: 28
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline

I've had an encounter with an individual, a Dom. Met on here, chatted quite a bit, and met up for the first time last night. All fine and dandy. We discussed a few more things over coffee and bingets (SP?) I was asked if I wanted to go for a ride elsewhere in the city to his favorite bar, no problem, a few drinks would be nice. Oh wait he forgot something at his house, "it will take me just a moment, please step inside" Again, no problem, not until he came up behind me, "Lets see how good of a sub you are..." as he reached down my shirt. I chicken winged that SOB and left.

Now that I've shared that I ask this: What is ok for a first date? Maybe I over reacted, but last I checked, at least for myself, true submission is gained through trust, trust is build off of respect, and for either of those you have to get to know one another. Am I wrong in this ideal? I mean he's the third one to try and pull some shit like that. I'm done.

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 12:47:20 PM

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

It is healthy to have boundaries.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Lairaimmortelle)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 1:03:48 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Would it have been ok if he was calling himself a date rather than a Dom?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 1:12:30 PM

Posts: 36
Joined: 4/5/2010
Status: offline

I think the answer might be not to go into their houses on a first date...

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 1:14:19 PM

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

Sounds like you did perfectly and the so-called Dom is nothing more than a sexual predator.

By the way, in your photos, the Imperial Stormtrooper in a kilt is freakin PRICELESS.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 1:19:11 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lairaimmortelle

I've had an encounter with an individual, a Dom. Met on here, chatted quite a bit, and met up for the first time last night. All fine and dandy. We discussed a few more things over coffee and bingets (SP?) I was asked if I wanted to go for a ride elsewhere in the city to his favorite bar, no problem, a few drinks would be nice. Oh wait he forgot something at his house, "it will take me just a moment, please step inside" Again, no problem, not until he came up behind me, "Lets see how good of a sub you are..." as he reached down my shirt. I chicken winged that SOB and left.

Now that I've shared that I ask this: What is ok for a first date? Maybe I over reacted, but last I checked, at least for myself, true submission is gained through trust, trust is build off of respect, and for either of those you have to get to know one another. Am I wrong in this ideal? I mean he's the third one to try and pull some shit like that. I'm done.

I think you trusted far too soon to be led away from your initial meeting spot, and he read your signals wrong.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Lairaimmortelle)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 1:22:23 PM

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Okay, wait a minute. You have to ask if you took that wrong? You were set up and had you not protected yourself it could have turned out far worse. You allowed yourself to be put into a situation that nearly cost you far too much. No dom... sub... date... or anything but criminal set up in my mind.

But until you get this down pat on what is right or not... I wouldn't be taking any more rides from strangers. Please figure out why you would try to make it something less. It was what it was. A set up so he could take advantage using your own interests or nature to get what he wanted and tried to take without consent. Assault.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 1:41:01 PM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lairaimmortelle

I've had an encounter with an individual, a Dom. Met on here, chatted quite a bit, and met up for the first time last night. All fine and dandy. We discussed a few more things over coffee and bingets (SP?) I was asked if I wanted to go for a ride elsewhere in the city to his favorite bar, no problem, a few drinks would be nice. Oh wait he forgot something at his house, "it will take me just a moment, please step inside" Again, no problem, not until he came up behind me, "Lets see how good of a sub you are..." as he reached down my shirt. I chicken winged that SOB and left.

Now that I've shared that I ask this: What is ok for a first date? Maybe I over reacted, but last I checked, at least for myself, true submission is gained through trust, trust is build off of respect, and for either of those you have to get to know one another. Am I wrong in this ideal? I mean he's the third one to try and pull some shit like that. I'm done.

I think you trusted far too soon to be led away from your initial meeting spot, and he read your signals wrong.

This

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to poise)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 1:48:46 PM

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Being willing to go someplace with someone is not permission to grab and take. He lied to get her into a position. If he hadn't have lied to get her there, I might say he could have misunderstood some signals but would have a hard time believing it. That was thought out. He could have had her wait in the car to pick up whatever he forgot. No... he wanted her in the house and intended to have her there. Her willingness to enter wasn't the smartest thing, but it isn't permission to do more and anyone that takes that as permission is someone that has something seriously lacking.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 1:50:32 PM

Posts: 17
Joined: 10/23/2010
Status: offline

You should not have agreed to go anywhere with him.

When he asked if you wanted to go with him, and you agreed, the chase was on.

All doms have a predator mind. That is why they are so fucking hot. It is up to you, the prey, to determine the rules for the game, and to make it clear when you are not playing.

Consent dosent just happen once, it happens step by step, he led, you followed him, he led a little more, you followed him again. Become consious of your miniute to miniute choices. DONT drink on a first meeting. DONT ever leave your non alcholic drink out of your sight. If you dont want raped, dont be raper bait.

I would not call that assault, not by a long shot. Unless he chased you, drugged you, refused to let you leave the house tied you up in the basement ect., after you clocked him. Because that was his first signal that you werent playing yet.

Next time, dont leave your original meeting space. If you decide to go somewhere else, you get in your car and meet him at the new location. NEVER get into a car with a stranger. You can bend over and smack yourself for that one right there. Good girl.

< Message edited by clitwhipscream -- 11/12/2010 2:16:04 PM >

_____________________________

Sometimes, you just have to be thankfull you have a belt to tighten!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 1:54:08 PM

Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline

What poise and Lockit said. And for what it's worth, we're glad you're alright.
Listen to the sensible advice you've been given here, hold on to that sense of self-preservation good and tight, and cease placing yourself in situations with strangers that you have not taken the time to get to know. NEVER leave the initial meeting place in his vehicle; come in your own vehicle or have a friend drop you off, and never leave the public's eye at all until you've gotten to know him better, i.e. some other time. ALWAYS have a friend you can call if you get into trouble.
Protect yourself, remember that being submissive does NOT mean not retaining the right to say "no", and always trust your instincts, for they will never lie to you.

Wishing you all the happiness with the right One that you deserve ~ the Sorceress )O(

EDITED by me, because I'm pretty sure poise is not a posie..

< Message edited by SorceressJ -- 11/12/2010 1:59:05 PM >

_____________________________

‎Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. <93>)O(

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 1:55:58 PM

Posts: 19
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

Maybe a little careless going with him instead of "Meeting him there" but on the other hand the sleazeball purposely mislead you so it says again , stay in place.

(in reply to clitwhipscream)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 2:19:33 PM

Posts: 244
Joined: 10/3/2010
Status: offline

Doesn't matter what roles you were both looking to play, that was inappropriate. Perhaps if the date had moved naturally to his place later on and you both were getting hot and heavy that might have gone over well. But he simply tried to cop a feel and use the "good sub" line to make you go along with it. Glad you ran, guys like that give real Dom's and Masters a bad name.

(in reply to TheOldMan)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 2:25:07 PM

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

Sounds more like just plain lying to me. Negative manipulation. What trust I had at that point would have dropped.

Nah, your not wrong. He f'd up with you. Don't let it make you quit....he's just a bad apple. Some people just don't get it.

(in reply to TheOldMan)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 2:32:55 PM

Lairaimmortelle

Posts: 28
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline

Thank you for your responses. I will keep this in mind from now on, and promise not to put myself in these situations ever again. Either that or carry mace/pepper spray. :)

(in reply to TheOldMan)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 2:42:54 PM

Posts: 17
Joined: 10/23/2010
Status: offline

Mace, now you are thinking. Another good trick is to give them your safeword right off the bat. If he steps out of line, use it. If he ignores it, you are not dealing with a leatherman and are fully justified in beating the living daylights out of him. Happy hunting.

< Message edited by clitwhipscream -- 11/12/2010 2:46:16 PM >

_____________________________

Sometimes, you just have to be thankfull you have a belt to tighten!

(in reply to Lairaimmortelle)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 2:46:05 PM

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I wouldn't count on mace. My ex got through a number of cans of it, eight cops and the only one's that had a problem with it were the rest of us, the cops and the fire department that had to come clean out my house. He kept on coming. He slobbered a lot, but mace didn't stop him, but eventually the eight cops did and it took all eight to do it.

Damn me for opening the door late at night on a hot summer eve. lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Lairaimmortelle)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 2:47:31 PM

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

What is ok for a first date?

Why don't you just talk about that first before the date?

Seems simple enough--and prevents misunderstandings.

(in reply to Lairaimmortelle)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 2:52:22 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

You said he's the third one to pull this on you?

First, what he did was wrong. He lied and manipulated you into his home and used that tired old line implying a good sub will let him have his way with her.

Second, if this is the tird time this has happened to you, there has to be something wrong in how you are expressing and delineating your boundaries.

Finally, I want to make it clear that I'm not blaming you for what happened. I'm just saying that if you can see a pattern in THEIR behavior, maybe you need to look inward at your own pattern of behavior that is possibly putting you into these positions.

WinD

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 11/12/2010 2:53:35 PM >

(in reply to Lairaimmortelle)

RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? - 11/12/2010 3:21:39 PM

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: clitwhipscream

All doms have a predator mind. That is why they are so fucking hot. It is up to you, the prey, to determine the rules for the game, and to make it clear when you are not playing.

This is an untrue and unfair generalisation.

My Master did not see me as prey.
Predation is not part of his make-up.

I get your point about having clear boundaries and find that to be a frequent issue with many newcomers here.

Is it ok?... is a question we see posed here quite often and the answer is that if it isn't okay for you then no, it isn't ok.
If it isn't ok, then speak up.
Respect your own boundaries.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to clitwhipscream)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> cooth, uncooth whose to say?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.103