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RE: Not a sucker - 9/13/2011 4:10:46 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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quote:

I think it's clear that Awareness's thoughts are his own and his opinions are too? ..with or without the red pen.

agirl

All the words in red were added by MDA

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(in reply to agirl)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/13/2011 4:12:15 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
I don't want a man to be with me just for what he thinks maybe I will one day become I want him to be with me for who I am right now and just enjoy what I may become later, later.
When you're bringing less to the table because of past issues, that's baggage. Dealing with your baggage is your responsibility. If you have no commitment to dealing with that and expect a dude to be cool with that, then you're aiming for a guy without standards.

It's not like you're the plump girl in school the guy's hooking up with because he thinks he can turn you into a supermodel. Oral is a pretty fundamental part of sex. I wouldn't bother with a sub that said "no oral, but maybe one day in the future" - fuck that. That's gameplaying around one of the fundamentals of a sexual interaction. It's your past, your issues, you should already have the commitment in place to deal with it - none of this crap around "see what happens".

quote:

I never said I want to stagnate, in fact if you knew me you would know stagnation is one of my biggest fears. I am one of the most ambitious people you will ever meet constantly reaching for the stars and pushing myself to grow but that doesn’t mean I don't want someone that will take me as I am right now.
You're prepared to stagnate on this issue and expect a Dom to tolerate that. No Dom worth his socks actually will. Progress is expected and demanded.

quote:

If you don't want me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best.
First off, you're not Marilyn Monroe. Second - you're damn right I don't. I expect your best. I'm not going to enter into an interaction with someone whereby they make excuses for not bringing their A game to the table.

I disagree, why are my hard limits any less valid than someone elses just because mine are routed in past abuse? Someone here said it and they were right, a hard limit is a hard limit period end of story.

This is part of an issue I have been working on getting over my entire adult life but sometimes you have to see that some things are too painful emotionaly to simply solve. That doesnt mean you dont continue to work on them and it also doesnt mean that even if you continue to work on them that you will succeed in fixing it all.

Nothing wrong with it at all, but you asked whether it might be considered less *subly/bottomy*....well, to some people it might well be.

M would certainly have been fine if I had a problem with something but wouldn't have been fine if I produced it as a *limit*. You wouldn't choose M and he wouldn't choose you.

All things considered, it comes down to WHO you want to be with and why. And that's ALL it is.

agirl

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(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/13/2011 4:13:55 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

I think it's clear that Awareness's thoughts are his own and his opinions are too? ..with or without the red pen.

agirl

All the words in red were added by MDA

Erm......hence my *with or without the red pen*

agirl

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(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/13/2011 9:26:06 PM

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I wishI was the blue smiley.

(in reply to Mr4sg)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/13/2011 10:00:00 PM

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This has been an interesting thread for me to read through... I can relate in part, only because I used to LOVE performing this 'task'. The last jackass I was with before I met my husband ( and former "dominant") brutally raped me. He did so every which way but the 'normal' way. I attempted to do as most women more than likely would have when he began to force me to give him a blow job and that resulted in me getting the crap beat out of me... So, for those dumb fuckers who want to tell me I should have just bitten him....I tried......
Within the last year as my marriage to my husband (and his slave) became more and more futile I attempted to do something about my sudden inability to pleasure a man orally.... I needed some things from him however... They were two simple requests: one was not to smell (not *smell* exactly but it's the best descriptor I can come up with) and the other was to shave. He chose to do neither and he got none in return...
I was addressing this issue with the therapist I was seeing at the time. I was fully prepared to overcome this issue with him. He chose to do nothing and in return got nothing....
Now my exemplary performance waits for the next man,

Good luck!!
Kali

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~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to fallon0627)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/13/2011 10:41:20 PM

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We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the tone of voice in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us.
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(in reply to Kalista07)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/13/2011 11:40:36 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Thank you very much MistressDarkArt!

De nada, SweetPea. Nothing bugs me more than some supercilious douchecanoe steam-rolling his one-dimensional agenda over an individual's personal struggle that is obviously very distressing to him/her/you.

Awareness, dude, try some compassion. You might like it.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/14/2011 12:37:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
I disagree, why are my hard limits any less valid than someone elses just because mine are routed in past abuse? Someone here said it and they were right, a hard limit is a hard limit period end of story.

Look, there are multiple ways I can approach this:

A) I can point out that if you propose to be a slave, you don't have any hard limits.
B) I can refer to the fact that you're calling it a hard limit to avoid dealing with it.
C) I can simply point out that every sub makes a judgment call on any dominant she interacts with. Dominants will do the same and those who value themselves most highly will be the most demanding. Such men do not have any expectation that you can hide away an aspect of your sexuality and expect that to stand.

quote:

This is part of an issue I have been working on getting over my entire adult life but sometimes you have to see that some things are too painful emotionaly to simply solve. That doesnt mean you dont continue to work on them and it also doesnt mean that even if you continue to work on them that you will succeed in fixing it all.

I understand that. You're not the first woman I've encountered who's dealt with such things. I'm not saying that a Dominant who interacts with you can't approach the subject with respect for what you've endured and an understanding of your emotions around the issue. What I'm saying is that I wouldn't accept an unwillingness to work on it. You responded by saying you want to be valued for who you are and I'm pointing out that everything factors into that valuation, including your willingness to deal with such issues. A sub who demonstrates a willingness to do so will be more highly valued than one who doesn't.

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(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/14/2011 12:39:42 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
you somewhat palatable, Awareness, and to bring your ahem...awareness...back into focus where it belongs. You're not the be all and end all of male dominants in my opinion so don't attempt to make blanket statements for every male dominant out there. It's pretty obvious MagiksSlave is doing all she can to put her 'A' game out there...what are you doing?

Any woman who doesn't understand that all viewpoints are inherently subjective wouldn't get past the gate because she'd be too stupid to even have a hope of keeping up with me.

You, for example, simply would not qualify. Too little understanding, too many issues. I am not going to qualify all my statements so that your precious little ego isn't threatened. You're an adult, everyone's viewpoint is subjective - deal with it.

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(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/14/2011 1:22:48 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

This is part of an issue I have been working on getting over my entire adult life but sometimes you have to see that some things are too painful emotionaly to simply solve. That doesnt mean you dont continue to work on them and it also doesnt mean that even if you continue to work on them that you will succeed in fixing it all.
I understand that. You're not the first woman I've encountered who's dealt with such things. I'm not saying that a Dominant who interacts with you can't approach the subject with respect for what you've endured and an understanding of your emotions around the issue. What I'm saying is that I wouldn't accept an unwillingness to work on it. You responded by saying you want to be valued for who you are and I'm pointing out that everything factors into that valuation, including your willingness to deal with such issues. A sub who demonstrates a willingness to do so will be more highly valued than one who doesn't.

Brace yourself. Are you sitting down?

We agree.

(in reply to Awareness)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/14/2011 2:49:31 AM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

This is part of an issue I have been working on getting over my entire adult life but sometimes you have to see that some things are too painful emotionaly to simply solve. That doesnt mean you dont continue to work on them and it also doesnt mean that even if you continue to work on them that you will succeed in fixing it all.
I understand that. You're not the first woman I've encountered who's dealt with such things. I'm not saying that a Dominant who interacts with you can't approach the subject with respect for what you've endured and an understanding of your emotions around the issue. What I'm saying is that I wouldn't accept an unwillingness to work on it. You responded by saying you want to be valued for who you are and I'm pointing out that everything factors into that valuation, including your willingness to deal with such issues. A sub who demonstrates a willingness to do so will be more highly valued than one who doesn't.

Brace yourself. Are you sitting down?

We agree.

I do too (holy shit the end of the world is nigh!)...just not in reply to MS who has stated that she's working on it.

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The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/14/2011 6:26:41 AM

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

I was actually diagnosed with TMJ last year (sevear facial pain, neck aches sore upper jaw, reduced mobility and clicking, all do to stress and subsaquent clenching of my teeth.) This isn't the reason I feel unable to give a bj, I never really thought about and if it would make me unable as it wasn't anything I was able to do to begin with but now that you say it... just fuck... even if I was able to work on the emotional reason behind it, I may not actually physically be able to do it X_x lets just throw another wrench in the system why don't we?

I think this "clenching of teeth" would accelerate my compassion and understanding at quite a rate of knots.... We'd certainly have great syncrosity in the stress department.

Focus.

LOL Yes I think this is a very good reason for any man to want to leave this limit alone... I never really thought about it... "Sure Ill give you a BJ.... oh by the way I have a bad habit of clenching my teeth, I can't really control it..."

Oh damn, now that you've quoted me, I've just spotted the awful spelling error (synchronisity). lol

Focus.

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(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/14/2011 6:35:41 AM

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quote:

I needed some things from him however...: one was not to smell (not *smell* exactly but it's the best descriptor I can come up with)

Stink.

holly de Thesaurus

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(in reply to Kalista07)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/14/2011 6:40:47 AM

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The willingness to work on something does not however guarantee any success.
And that's what Awareness is missing, the fact that Magik has been working on this for years and is still unsuccessful. And may well never be able to overcome this problem.

At some point, it's a waste of time and effort to keep working on an issue when you cannot get any further along with it. At that point, announcing you are going to spend your time and energy on things you can change is the smarter option.

My ex didn't much like oral. The Man loves it. Each man is different.

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/14/2011 6:50:52 AM

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quote:

Even just getting on my knees in front of the man with the intention to TRY gives me a complete melt down... panic attack-hyperventalation the shakes... Kills the scene dead.

Oral is nearly impossible for hubby and i. My history of jaw fractures means a huge amount of pain for me and a very dangerous situation for him because my jaw dislocates so easily...and clamps.

The focus should be on the many things you CAN do, not the one thing you can't do.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

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(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/14/2011 9:10:14 AM

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quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
you somewhat palatable, Awareness, and to bring your ahem...awareness...back into focus where it belongs. You're not the be all and end all of male dominants in my opinion so don't attempt to make blanket statements for every male dominant out there. It's pretty obvious MagiksSlave is doing all she can to put her 'A' game out there...what are you doing?
Any woman who doesn't understand that all viewpoints are inherently subjective wouldn't get past the gate because she'd be too stupid to even have a hope of keeping up with me.

You, for example, simply would not qualify. Too little understanding, too many issues. I am not going to qualify all my statements so that your precious little ego isn't threatened. You're an adult, everyone's viewpoint is subjective - deal with it.

I so agree.

_____________________________

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(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/14/2011 9:15:53 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
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quote:

just not in reply to MS who has stated that she's working on it.

Not meaning to argue semantics, but wouldn't that make it a soft limit?

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/14/2011 11:25:22 AM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Buzzzz

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
you somewhat palatable, Awareness, and to bring your ahem...awareness...back into focus where it belongs. You're not the be all and end all of male dominants in my opinion so don't attempt to make blanket statements for every male dominant out there. It's pretty obvious MagiksSlave is doing all she can to put her 'A' game out there...what are you doing?
Any woman who doesn't understand that all viewpoints are inherently subjective wouldn't get past the gate because she'd be too stupid to even have a hope of keeping up with me.

You, for example, simply would not qualify. Too little understanding, too many issues. I am not going to qualify all my statements so that your precious little ego isn't threatened. You're an adult, everyone's viewpoint is subjective - deal with it.

I so agree.

Ahhhh, kids these days.

I've dealt with 'subjectivity' for the last 52 years and understand it quite well. This 'ain't my first rodeo'. It's when you allow subjectivity to trump compassion (as you aptly demonstrated here Awareness), you become diminished. So deal with your diminished self. Since the only thing either of you can actually know about me is I call both of you on your shit, I'd say...you two enjoy each other! PS: Buzz, did you get the ass pic off your profile yet?

On the other hand, boys...don't change a thing. It makes it quite a simple matter for women seeking an actual loving human connection to bypass you both.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 9/14/2011 11:34:02 AM >

(in reply to Buzzzz)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/14/2011 11:46:03 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
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quote:

Anyway… I wanted to get an idea of what you domly like people thought of someone who would not give oral, at all.

Is it a must?

No it is not a must, but she would have to be some kind of wonderful in other ways to get me to overlook that.

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(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/14/2011 12:00:03 PM

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Joined: 11/28/2010
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quote:

On the other hand, boys...don't change a thing. It makes it quite a simple matter for women seeking an actual loving human connection to bypass you both.

Sweetie, I am not changing a thing , everything is very well, with me.

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(in reply to Arpig)

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