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Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 11:16:18 AM

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Ok, so I am back and kinda maybe sorta thinking about looking for a dom like person again, but just maybe sorta :D

I have been very vanilla for the last 3 years and away from these boards for a long while. I know I probably asked this question sometime in the past but there is new blood here now and anyway I can’t for the life of me remember what was said to me (I swear I searched with little luck finding a thread if I did indeed start one.)

Anyway… I wanted to get an idea of what you domly like people thought of someone who would not give oral, at all.

Is it a must? Is the girl less subly if she won’t suck you? What if the hard limit is there for a good reason? Do you work on it with her or do you let it be? If you take the girl on in hopes of being able to work with her enough to be able to but it turns out she may never be able to do you stay with her or do you leave?

I am wondering if this is a strange limit for someone who identifies as sub/bottom whatever, to have?

Have any of you ever delt with a sub that wouldn't?

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 9/11/2011 11:17:47 AM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 11:28:48 AM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I've dealt with women where it never got sexual. If any relationships did go there, though, they did suck me. I'm not saying it would be a deal breaker (two out of three ain't bad), but unless she had a damn good reason, it would bother me.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 11:33:50 AM

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've dealt with women where it never got sexual. If any relationships did go there, though, they did suck me. I'm not saying it would be a deal breaker (two out of three ain't bad), but unless she had a damn good reason, it would bother me.

Thank you for the response Steve-see with me I don't play casually so any person I would be interested in having a relationship with would be for the whole 9 yards so this very well could pose a problem... however I feel the reason for my limit is very good so...

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 11:51:17 AM

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

Well, I'm not a dominant male, but I've known plenty of girlfriends of mine that never perform oral sex on their partners. Their long-time partners seem to be okay with that, I guess. So, if there is that percentage of (presumably) vanilla men who are okay with it, then I would have to assume there is also a percentage of more dominant men who are okay with it. It's just a matter of finding the right match for you. Is it strange? Well, we're all just a little bit strange, here. :) (You should see what my real list of wants and don't-wants is. I sound like a fucking nut on paper.) But it is specific. There will probably be a smaller pool of men available to you because of it.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 11:52:56 AM

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I suppose you just have to find someone that's on the same page as you and doesn't like blowjobs. I've met a few men who didn't so they do exist.

Or your other option is to meet a man who meets all your other needs and desires and if he he still requires bjs then you have to be open to allowing him something on the side.

That's the best advice I've got.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 11:56:45 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

Daddy is quite fine to have me not suck him, but I want to, so I do, but if I didn't he wouldn't force the issue.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 1:01:22 PM

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline

If she has a good reason and is someone special I'm willing to work on it, but in general I insist on the basics from the get-go. I cannot picture the rest of my life without oral, though, so it would have to be a 'let's work through this together' and not a 'we're never approaching the subject.' I'm not going to hold it against you or be mad if you have a good reason and just never want to go there, but neither am I going to try and build a life on that basis.

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 2:31:58 PM

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

I feel the reason for my limit is very good...

Care to share said "very good' reason? Inquiring minds want to know...

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 2:50:50 PM

Posts: 232
Joined: 9/5/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

I feel the reason for my limit is very good...

Care to share said "very good' reason? Inquiring minds want to know...

This.

_____________________________

We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the tone of voice in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us.
~Friedrich Nietzsche

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 3:27:07 PM

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

I feel the reason for my limit is very good...

Care to share said "very good' reason? Inquiring minds want to know...

I wasn't transparent here but I think I was open enough that most can infer the why here.

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 3:41:47 PM

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

If a sub has a hard limit of "No oral" then she has a hard limit of "Not with Hilly". I tell her good luck and godspeed.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 3:45:45 PM

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Ok, so I am back and kinda maybe sorta thinking about looking for a dom like person again, but just maybe sorta :D

I have been very vanilla for the last 3 years and away from these boards for a long while. I know I probably asked this question sometime in the past but there is new blood here now and anyway I can’t for the life of me remember what was said to me (I swear I searched with little luck finding a thread if I did indeed start one.)

Anyway… I wanted to get an idea of what you domly like people thought of someone who would not give oral, at all.

Is it a must? Is the girl less subly if she won’t suck you? What if the hard limit is there for a good reason? Do you work on it with her or do you let it be? If you take the girl on in hopes of being able to work with her enough to be able to but it turns out she may never be able to do you stay with her or do you leave?

I am wondering if this is a strange limit for someone who identifies as sub/bottom whatever, to have?

Have any of you ever delt with a sub that wouldn't?

Even with a willing sub, "forced" oral isn't just about a blowjob, it's one of those defining acts of domination (and submission).

So in your case, I'd revert to one of my most basic standards of dealing with my sub - that I'll accept a valid reason for anything, but NOT an excuse. That and I'd assume we have enough mutal chemistry to look past something that I'd otherwise consider normal for a D/s relationship (or vanilla, too, but I ain't going there anymore).

Now I'm not gonna pry into your personal reasons, assuming it's private, but I am curious about a related aspect. Since I refer to it as oral service and mostly consider it an act of domination (rather than sex), I don't always proceed to what most would consider the obvious conclusion or outcome. Often, I just enjoy making her work it with her mouth, including just teasing and slapping her about the face with it. Then there's the look on a sub's face, whose eagerness to please is halted just short of her lips etc.

In other words, *sucking* doesn't necessarily include climax. Ok, more often than not, but still not always.... My question would be whether your reluctance/unwillingness is with just the sucking, period, or with your man cumming in your mouth?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 3:46:43 PM

Mr4sg

Posts: 99
Joined: 9/2/2011
Status: offline

BDSM isnt about sex for me.

That being said, I only play with someone I'm in a relationship with. And yes relationship also includes sex. Not including oral in a relationship isn't going to change how I feel about someone.
It does however create great angles for compensation behaviour.

_____________________________

Don't argue with idiots. It lowers you to their level where they beat you with experience.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 3:49:58 PM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Well I can't infer diddly, but you are welcome to your preference :)

I lost about a third of my jaw mobility after my first reconstruction (age 17). If you like teeth, i'myour gal, and there is a heap of stuff I can do, but no deep throating, sorry. I was lucky in that I seemed to hook up with men who didn't dig oral. The others...wanted a demonstration.

From my observation/experience the mens really like oral sex. A lot. I would drop yur bombshell early on.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 4:20:44 PM

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Ok, so I am back and kinda maybe sorta thinking about looking for a dom like person again, but just maybe sorta :D

I have been very vanilla for the last 3 years and away from these boards for a long while. I know I probably asked this question sometime in the past but there is new blood here now and anyway I can’t for the life of me remember what was said to me (I swear I searched with little luck finding a thread if I did indeed start one.)

Anyway… I wanted to get an idea of what you domly like people thought of someone who would not give oral, at all.

Is it a must? Is the girl less subly if she won’t suck you? What if the hard limit is there for a good reason? Do you work on it with her or do you let it be? If you take the girl on in hopes of being able to work with her enough to be able to but it turns out she may never be able to do you stay with her or do you leave?

I am wondering if this is a strange limit for someone who identifies as sub/bottom whatever, to have?

Have any of you ever delt with a sub that wouldn't?

Even with a willing sub, "forced" oral isn't just about a blowjob, it's one of those defining acts of domination (and submission).

So in your case, I'd revert to one of my most basic standards of dealing with my sub - that I'll accept a valid reason for anything, but NOT an excuse. That and I'd assume we have enough mutal chemistry to look past something that I'd otherwise consider normal for a D/s relationship (or vanilla, too, but I ain't going there anymore).

Now I'm not gonna pry into your personal reasons, assuming it's private, but I am curious about a related aspect. Since I refer to it as oral service and mostly consider it an act of domination (rather than sex), I don't always proceed to what most would consider the obvious conclusion or outcome. Often, I just enjoy making her work it with her mouth, including just teasing and slapping her about the face with it. Then there's the look on a sub's face, whose eagerness to please is halted just short of her lips etc.

In other words, *sucking* doesn't necessarily include climax. Ok, more often than not, but still not always.... My question would be whether your reluctance/unwillingness is with just the sucking, period, or with your man cumming in your mouth?

Focus.

Even just getting on my knees in front of the man with the intention to TRY gives me a complete melt down... panic attack-hyperventalation the shakes... Kills the scene dead.

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 4:22:49 PM

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Well I can't infer diddly, but you are welcome to your preference :)

I lost about a third of my jaw mobility after my first reconstruction (age 17). If you like teeth, i'myour gal, and there is a heap of stuff I can do, but no deep throating, sorry. I was lucky in that I seemed to hook up with men who didn't dig oral. The others...wanted a demonstration.

From my observation/experience the mens really like oral sex. A lot. I would drop yur bombshell early on.

Yeah, I know thats the concern, even when I was vanilla I got a hard time for not delivering.

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 4:29:14 PM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Maybe try another position? Heaven knows I don't kneel for anyone....maybe sit next to him while he's lying on the bed? Obvy I don't suck on the mens submissively,but the intent is similar.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 4:32:47 PM

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Maybe try another position? Heaven knows I don't kneel for anyone....maybe sit next to him while he's lying on the bed? Obvy I don't suck on the mens submissively,but the intent is similar.

It isn't the position its the idea of what I am about to try and do that dredges up feelings and memories better left burried far far beneath the surface and the reaction I have to them.

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 4:39:18 PM

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

I've known men to whom oral wasn't a big deal. I mean sure, most guys like it, but there are some out there that would be fine without it. Just put it out there fairly quickly and make sure anyone who sticks around knows it is a hard limit obviously. There are always the ones who are going to think they can cure you or want to try. I'm sure you've run into that already.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Not a sucker - 9/11/2011 8:42:43 PM

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

FR

I actually have never dated a man who was insistant upon oral. They like it but there's lots of other fun stuff to do that it's never been a must-have, vice versa I'm indifferent towards receiving oral, it's nice but there's lots of other stimulating things to do if a mouth isn't one of them.

(in reply to Killerangel)

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