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RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 6:53:41 AM   
DommesLesEnigma


Posts: 108
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: risktaker9

I'm about positive Kalikshama wasn't referring to you as the vanilla DommesLesEnigma, seems to me that she was using an example for her sentence to explain the acronym to you.

Since we're all about giving tips today, you can go back and change your post for about an hour, there is an edit button that disappears after that.


I admit when I am wrong. Thank you for calling me on it.


_____________________________

There are many people that have found their way. The great ones are those that help others find their way.

(in reply to risktaker9)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 6:56:08 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		There is just something about this whole thing that is nutso. When the OP posted her first thread about what she should do in her situation of her master withholding sex while she goes to clean for him and gives him oral -she got some support and people trying to help her out. Then the circus started. The OP since that time of the initial question and subsequent support, wavered about going back to the guy a couple of times and people here were kind of amazed. Then the OP starts getting aggressive in her comments and is out with her friend getting drunk and gets nasty on a thread here - remember that? A bunch of her comments got pulled.

Now she's back to 'update' us and in the mean time lets other sensitive material drop into the threads little by little. Wtf? Why would someone keep coming back for what is now disbelief and rightfully negative comments from a bunch of strangers? Why would someone keep digging themselves further into a hole by letting more and more crazy things be known about her situation because she thinks we need to be updated on her lunacy? It makes no sense to me at all. It's like the guy who is supposedly running a business but wants us all to believe he has a Domme working for him and being groomed to take over while she surfs CM during business hours and he is also on here looking for a vomiting partner for his friend?

Honestly...could you make this stuff up? I've been calling BS on so many things lately that I don't want to keep doing it and be the one-note song, but come on....really? The OP here keeps coming back here for abuse and when things settle down she lets something else be known about her situation that is bound to be inflammatory. She's got to know she looks like an idiot, it seems designed to be that way because she keeps coming back with new tales of being completely obtuse if not certifiably crazy. Her stuff makes no sense, not even within the realm of stupid things that people do and she keeps stringing things out like a bad soap opera. Watch out, someone will be diagnosed with cancer next and there will be a lingering painful death in the wings...

(in reply to risktaker9)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 6:59:38 AM   
SoftBonds


Posts: 862
Joined: 2/10/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DommesLesEnigma

My question to the OP and maybe I missed it. Why is the father so willing to go along with this. Could it be that he got a chick on the side or something she is holding over his head. Because I'm sorry but I can't see how someone can sit around and let someone use his wife and through her himself like that.

and for the poor babies. Kid's see more than people realize. They pick up things. There has got to be tension in that house. So the husband and the wife need to get it together for the kids, and boot the parasite (master out). Those kids did not ask to be brought into the world. Since they were they deserve more than a mom selfishly living for her desire. A father that stand by and let her do it. This master who simply don't give a care about their family unit.

Sometimes love or lust can blind you or brainwash you. If you ever get yourself away from the situation, than look back on it you see more clearly. Regret and shame. Really think about that. Because your heading towards a wall of regret and shame. Just hope lives aren't ruined when you get up from the crash.


Dommes Les Enigma

As a father, I was willing to put up with a certain amount of crap to keep my kids nearby. I was willing to provide a home with an extra bedroom for her to sleep in. I was willing to let her continue to be a "housewife," while providing less service than a nanny would provide me or the kids.
I expect that when the legal woes are over, I will have custody, but my kids won't have their mother any more, other than visitation and skype. That will hurt them, which in turn hurts me. I won't go into what finally broke the fragile agreement to be "roommates," that I had, but know that I thought hard about finally giving up.
I lived with her for over 6 months in a relationship that was no longer a marriage. I didn't have a girl on the side, I just love my kids...

(in reply to DommesLesEnigma)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 7:05:41 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I stand by my statement from the other thread that all of his and her behavior makes sense when viewed through the lens of Narcissistic and Borderline Personality Disorders.

OP - for the sake of your children, I strongly recommend Dialectical behavior therapy.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a system of therapy originally developed by Marsha M. Linehan, a psychology researcher at the University of Washington, to treat people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) .[1][2] DBT combines standard cognitive-behavioral techniques for emotion regulation and reality-testing with concepts of distress tolerance, acceptance, and mindful awareness largely derived from Buddhist meditative practice. DBT may be the first therapy that has been experimentally demonstrated to be generally effective in treating BPD.[3][4] A meta-analysis found that DBT reached moderate effects.[5] Research indicates that DBT is also effective in treating patients who present varied symptoms and behaviors associated with spectrum mood disorders, including self-injury.[6] Recent work suggests its effectiveness with sexual abuse survivors[7] and chemical dependency.[8]

(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 7:20:05 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14413
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoftBonds

As a father, I was willing to put up with a certain amount of crap to keep my kids nearby. I was willing to provide a home with an extra bedroom for her to sleep in. I was willing to let her continue to be a "housewife," while providing less service than a nanny would provide me or the kids.
I expect that when the legal woes are over, I will have custody, but my kids won't have their mother any more, other than visitation and skype. That will hurt them, which in turn hurts me. I won't go into what finally broke the fragile agreement to be "roommates," that I had, but know that I thought hard about finally giving up.
I lived with her for over 6 months in a relationship that was no longer a marriage. I didn't have a girl on the side, I just love my kids...


Thank you Soft.

That was kind of my point. She seems to think that because she and her husband have come to an agreement, everything will be fine.

I've been in WIITWD for 20 years in the LA community. I've seen this situation hundreds of times and I've only seen it work once...and that was when the person in question was Dom/me. Being married to the father of your children and being collared to a dominant man outside of that relationship is a recipe for disaster. Sooner or later, either the husband or the "d" will decide to push an issue, and it will explode. The children will pay the price.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 2/21/2012 7:22:58 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SoftBonds)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 7:21:01 AM   
DommesLesEnigma


Posts: 108
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoftBonds


quote:

ORIGINAL: DommesLesEnigma

My question to the OP and maybe I missed it. Why is the father so willing to go along with this. Could it be that he got a chick on the side or something she is holding over his head. Because I'm sorry but I can't see how someone can sit around and let someone use his wife and through her himself like that.

and for the poor babies. Kid's see more than people realize. They pick up things. There has got to be tension in that house. So the husband and the wife need to get it together for the kids, and boot the parasite (master out). Those kids did not ask to be brought into the world. Since they were they deserve more than a mom selfishly living for her desire. A father that stand by and let her do it. This master who simply don't give a care about their family unit.

Sometimes love or lust can blind you or brainwash you. If you ever get yourself away from the situation, than look back on it you see more clearly. Regret and shame. Really think about that. Because your heading towards a wall of regret and shame. Just hope lives aren't ruined when you get up from the crash.


Dommes Les Enigma

As a father, I was willing to put up with a certain amount of crap to keep my kids nearby. I was willing to provide a home with an extra bedroom for her to sleep in. I was willing to let her continue to be a "housewife," while providing less service than a nanny would provide me or the kids.
I expect that when the legal woes are over, I will have custody, but my kids won't have their mother any more, other than visitation and skype. That will hurt them, which in turn hurts me. I won't go into what finally broke the fragile agreement to be "roommates," that I had, but know that I thought hard about finally giving up.
I lived with her for over 6 months in a relationship that was no longer a marriage. I didn't have a girl on the side, I just love my kids...


But for a situation like this...isn't it better to "for the love of the kids" pull them out of this situation. This Dom got a strong hold on their mother and their is no telling what she might do. The fact that she will feel justified for doing it. She is already linking them together financially. Aint no telling to what extent his control is over her.... and she is clueless to see how it is wrong. So how far do you go to keep their mother in their life. When their mother from what she wrote is putting their family in jeopardy.

_____________________________

There are many people that have found their way. The great ones are those that help others find their way.

(in reply to SoftBonds)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 7:22:20 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14413
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

For a group of people who supposeably practice an alternative lifestyle seem to be a tad bit judgemental and very fast to call people liars.
I could judge you for all the things I would find weird about your alternative life. But I have no desire to make you feel bad or question your decisions. If it is right for you then I am not going to judge it and call you names for your choices.
The truth is the vanilla people I have talked to about this in the past, might not have agreed but were far less judgmental and level headed about their responses .


We have been doing this far longer than you have. We know what happens when the shit hits the fan in this situation. The fact that you're willing to subject your children to the aftermath is reprehensible.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 7:26:18 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

The truth is the vanilla people I have talked to about this in the past, might not have agreed but were far less judgmental and level headed about their responses.


I pull punches and soften words for people I care about. Strangers on a discussion board have no relationship-preserving need to coddle you.

(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 7:36:47 AM   
DommesLesEnigma


Posts: 108
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

The truth is the vanilla people I have talked to about this in the past, might not have agreed but were far less judgmental and level headed about their responses.


I pull punches and soften words for people I care about. Strangers on a discussion board have no relationship-preserving need to coddle you.


They let the punches fly at me when I mis-worded my thread, and I don't have a problem with it either. Because the thread helped me a lot to help someone else. That is the bottom line of it. Either you come out smarter for it, or you come out dumber for it, or you fight it. Whatever you do is up to you. It was your choice to post it .......

< Message edited by DommesLesEnigma -- 2/21/2012 7:43:05 AM >

_____________________________

There are many people that have found their way. The great ones are those that help others find their way.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 7:40:59 AM   
DommesLesEnigma


Posts: 108
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline 		Damned computers




< Message edited by DommesLesEnigma -- 2/21/2012 7:42:38 AM >

_____________________________

There are many people that have found their way. The great ones are those that help others find their way.

(in reply to DommesLesEnigma)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 8:30:11 AM   
VideoAdminGamma


Posts: 2233
Status: offline 		Fast reply

I would like to thank some of the more experienced posters, even when you don't agree, for stepping up to assist in keeping good communication and advice flowing. It is the members of the forum that lead through example and spirit of helping that keeps making the forums better every day.

Topics like this one can be emotional, and understandbly so, but maintaining composure to get ideas and advice back and forth keeps good discussions going without intervention.

Again, thank you to everyone.

VideoAdminGamma

_____________________________

"The administration has the authority to handle situations in whatever manner they feel to be in the best interests of the forum, at that moment, in response to that event. "

http://www.collarchat.com/m_72/tm.htm

(in reply to DommesLesEnigma)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 9:20:04 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

The truth is the vanilla people I have talked to about this in the past, might not have agreed but were far less judgmental and level headed about their responses.


I pull punches and soften words for people I care about. Strangers on a discussion board have no relationship-preserving need to coddle you.

I am not looking for coddling. I have a different view on strangers, I try to be kind and respectful and generous to all people unless they prove to need to be treated otherwise in the future. You never know who you might be speaking to. You never know how that person might be feeling, or if they are sincere...and I dont have to agree with them to be good to them. But if i feel threatened or insulted its not unusual for me to have a comment, thats human nature but the most mature thing to do is just let it go. Unless You walk in someones shoes you really dont have all the facts.
I am not a natural submissive, I have never submitted to a man in my life completely until meeting my master. I am the ALpha in my home. I call the shots and hold the power. That makes me sound like an egomaniac, but I am not, its just truth.
If I was a man with a mistress it would not seem so bizarre to people, but since I am a woman with a master it becomes extraordinary. Doesnt a man with a mistress provide gifts etc, even going as far to supply housing etc if financially able? As long as my kids are not suffering from this arrangement and doing without, how is it hurting them? They get good grades, they have friends, they are compassionate, involved in sports, dress nice, have manners...they are well adjusted children. If it came to the point it was hurting them, I would leave. At this point I am trying to prevent a divorce.
My master inspires me and gives me strength and happiness, that benefits everyone cause its true that saying "if mama aint happy, nobody is happy" He is decisive and stronger then me and I love this. He is the only one who has got thru to me on many levels. As far as the bank account, it will be only some of my funds as a safe guard, it is a gesture of good faith and trust. How do You know this man wont contribute? I will not be jeopardizing my entire savings or home or husbands money. He is very interested in meeting my children, he doesnt have any of his own, and shows interest in how they are doing. My master is a successful man who gets alot of media attention but has not gained much of a financial reward yet. He is so driven I believe he will recieve that too. I really hope he does he works so hard toward his goal. I am proud to assist him toward the goal. He tells me I will be part of his success and it excites me to be part of it.
Simply I am tired of being the pants in the family, I need a strong man who enforces rules and guides me, I wish I would have met him long ago. If it turns out disasterous, I can only blame myself, but to me its worth the chance. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 9:23:32 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		There you go again, alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 10:14:34 AM   
tameeks


Posts: 173
Status: offline 		I have to say that even when I ignored red flags in my first D/s relationship... the ONE thing that did make me decide it wasn't for me was when he started asking me for money. My job as a Mother is far more important to me than anything else in my life. I don't care if I'm rolling in dough, if you try to take one single penny that should be going to my kid then I have a problem with it.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 10:32:54 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Fuck-if he's your Master, you have sex on his terms, not yours.
This shouldn't even be an issue.

And just to add to the discussion, I've done this with chicks before for various reasons...and sometimes for extensive periods of time...as in once I owned a gal for a year and only fucked her once.

Sometimes it's about control. I control my libido, not the other way around
Sometimes it's about power(Most women are absolutely un-used to having men deny them sex when the gal wants it...and have no idea how to deal with it when they get turned down).
Sometimes it's because I want to keep things on a service only level for a period, remove anything but the purity of her servitude from the equation.
And sometimes it's because the bitch wants it so bad and begs so well, I just can't help myself but laugh in her face and watching the slut grovel and suffer

Have to say, I agree with Kana here.
My late husband was known to withhold sex, simply because he could, and he got a kick out of how frustrating it was for me.

As for the rest...it's her decision to stay with him, so obviously, she's getting something out of this relationship. And her marriage...well, that's their business, not mine...just as it's their business how they raise their own children. As long as responsiblity is taken for the results...each to their own.

I wish all involved well.

As a side note...Kana...
quote:

And sometimes it's because the bitch wants it so bad and begs so well, I just can't help myself but laugh in her face and watching the slut grovel and suffer

*drool*
that is just fucking hot

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 10:47:10 AM   
jennileigh8182


Posts: 173
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline 		FR...

OK, I thought I recalled this from the first thread: He's a very public figure, so how is this going to impact his standing when someone finds out he's involved with a married woman? I know, politicians have mistresses, but it's becoming less acceptable, and for him to be violating a family for his personal relations.....I don't imagine that standing well with the general public. If he's a public figure, someone WILL find out, and then all of you will be under scrutiny. If that happens, prepare to lose your children. The media backlash will be very, very ugly.

If you didn't want the blunt truth from strangers, you wouldn't have come here asking for advice. Let your friend be the nice and kind ones...strangers have no such obligation, especially when you admit you are brand new to the idea and the people you're asking have been involved in it for much greater lengths of time (and not citing myself with that one, but some of the other very long-term folks around here).

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 10:47:45 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		I have one person ...saying I was drunk in my previous thread because i went gambling with my friend.......I dont even drink. lol. I got aggressive in my previous thread? Well I dont know, Im kinda thinking it was provoked. I dont see any of my posts being pulled on this one, I see many other peoples posts being pulled though.

Then I am getting the cracker jack diagnosis. Let me make it simple. You think I am nuts because I came on distraught, told my story, pondered why I was being withheld things from my master and came to a different conclusion then you think i should. My master and I have spoke many times and ironed out some things since then. I am also nuts because I can take the heat of not being agreed with. Im nuts because I do what some of you cant do, and thats dare to different and stand strong. I have to have a humiliation fetish or Im a masocist because I dont run against adversity? and I just have to be lying, its to unbelieable to be true.
I am not going to apolgize for attempting to make my families life better by pursuing things out of the norm to complete it, and I am not apologizing for attempting to make someone's else life better either. Its all about supply and demand, and sharing of resources. ITs an exchange of Power. Will it work? Hell if I know but Im willing to try.
I wonder about the people who insist Im nuts, even try to convince me Im nuts and wonder if they have children. Those are the children I feel sorry for, myself, but then again Im nuts.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 10:58:09 AM   
ancilla1


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/15/2012
Status: offline 		At one point you say " He would just have a fit if he knew I was on here again lol. " and then further on you blab on about how honest you are.

If you start of this relationship lying to him, then why are you bothering in the first place? Or perhaps being collared and owned is merely a fantantistical whim for you?

Incidentally, I do have children. I still think you are coming across as playing a little game. Never would I have had a Master while I was married - for any reason what so ever. No relationship deserves to be treated so badly and with so little respect.

Still - I can at least move on from this thread knowing the following:
There is no need for me to attention seek
I absolutely do NOT lie to my Owner (who also happens to be my De-Facto Partner) nor do I have anything to hide from him
I don't pretend to be anything other then myself
I'm damn lucky I don't seek drama as some obviously do.

As you were sweetheart....

(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 10:59:22 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jennileigh8182

FR...

OK, I thought I recalled this from the first thread: He's a very public figure, so how is this going to impact his standing when someone finds out he's involved with a married woman? I know, politicians have mistresses, but it's becoming less acceptable, and for him to be violating a family for his personal relations.....I don't imagine that standing well with the general public. If he's a public figure, someone WILL find out, and then all of you will be under scrutiny. If that happens, prepare to lose your children. The media backlash will be very, very ugly.

If you didn't want the blunt truth from strangers, you wouldn't have come here asking for advice. Let your friend be the nice and kind ones...strangers have no such obligation, especially when you admit you are brand new to the idea and the people you're asking have been involved in it for much greater lengths of time (and not citing myself with that one, but some of the other very long-term folks around here).

WHen I came on a month ago I was starved for advice. I felt very confused and used. I am back to my old self and will just follow my instincts and heart. No one believes my story anyway. If I want advice I will go to people who care about me and know the situation. This is one I need to figure out with trial and error. You might see me post on CM but i wont be posting on my own private life anymore until I feel it might benefit someone in some way.

(in reply to jennileigh8182)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Update on Master does not want to have sex - 2/21/2012 11:08:57 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24


pondered why I was being withheld things from my master and came to a different conclusion then you think i should.


"He would just have a fit if he knew I was on here again lol."

You hold back things as well. You are doing something that you know would drive your master to pitching a fit but you do it anyway.

I'm not sure why he would pitch a fit when you appear to be seeking advice on what trubles you but it seems to me that if confession is good for the soul you might want to point this thread out to him in good faith submission, accept his edict on the consequences of your action and then try to move on from there, lesson learned that being submissive to your Master doesn't generally include indulging in behavior that would require him to pitch a fit were he to find out.

Good luck, chatterbox24.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 80
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