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Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 6:42:05 AM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline 		I’m feeling paralyzed by fear. I don’t even know where to turn for answers. I am hoping that TOS guidelines won’t interfere with a rational and informative discussion of this topic. I simply seek clarity. These are my questions:

Question 1

Is a Daddy Dom a pedophile psychologically, but he behaves physically/sexually only with adults?

I believe people are sexually unique for three reasons:
1) Born that way
2) An early event linked sexuality and (fill in the blank/fetish)
3) Choice.

Question 2

So, if a guy is sexually aroused and attracted to all things youthful and he acts on it, it’s a crime and a horror. But, if that same guy channels those feelings into mutually consensual behavior with another adult, or adults, then I think we’d all want to support that “use” of those feelings, right?

Question 3

Daddy Doms and pedophiles “groom” the focus of their attention, using praise, gifts and a sense of dependence. But do they share these other qualities as well:

-a self-image as being younger than they really are?

-inability to maintain peer relationships?

-a need for isolation, control and secrecy?

-shame, self-loathing, but with a charming façade?

- (fill in the blank with your own observations)?

Question 4

To anyone who has seen the film, “The Woodsman,” which shows how a woman accepts a pedophile’s need to express his sexuality in specific ways with her, do you agree that the Daddy Dom relationship is much like this?

Question 5

As a submissive who is also a parent, how do you handle both your own emotions, and your responsibility to protect, knowing the Daddy Dom’s preference for youth?

Question 6

As an aging human, how does it feel to be with a guy who is attracted to a look – an illusion – that will become more difficult to create with each passing day? I’m assuming that this feels good, or at least okay, but I wonder how that is achieved.

Question 7

To Daddy Doms & those they partner with & with everyone in our community…

What is being done already to protect innocents from harm? (This is at the core of what frightens me… is there a difference, if so, how can we tell?)

I sincerely hope we can skip the defense of the kink… THAT is not the issue, and there is an abundance of that point of view already. Could we focus on this other concern, please?

Thank you, Everyone.







_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 6:51:02 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		You seem to be starting from the premise that "Daddy = pedophile". You're wrong, of course so I won't answer your slanted questions.

I'm 48 years old and while I have dated younger ladies, for most of my life I've been with ladies my age or older (I admit, as I get older, I haven't dated that many ladies significantly older than I am)

You could really benfit from a bit more information about what a daddy really is.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to TwoHeartsBeatOne)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 6:55:45 AM   
cordeliasub


Posts: 528
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		I have to say I agree. The idea that a man is a Daddy Dom so he can legitimately express pedophilia is....really offensive.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 6:55:51 AM   
Switcheroo1983


Posts: 238
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline 		Well, I read the bottom disclaimer, so I will not come to the defense. I will answer your questions, however, how I MYSELF see it, in the order you asked.

1. I see it as a mixture of both choice, and a desire to protect/nurture. Many Daddy-Dom's never had a chance to have children of their own, and this is an outlet for regrets/what ifs.

2. You would have to describe your own personal view of youthful. I am 29 years old, so youthful to me would likely mean something way different to a 59 year old man. An Octogenarian would likely see "youthful" as maybe even someone in there 30's-40's.

3. No. Many Daddy Doms are actually well successful in personal and business life. Pedophiles tend not to be. The few Daddy Doms I have met are well-off, mentally stable, no hisotry of abuse in their life, ect. The numerous pedophiles I have interacted with (before becoming disabled I was a CO, correctional officer). Their (pedophiles) behavior is NOTHING like a Daddy Dom and vice-versa.

4. Have not seen and therefore can not give an honest opinion.

5. I am a "submissive" and a Father. My children would not be around such things. Thqat is not to be offensive to ANYONE HERE, please do not take it as such. I want to my shelter my daughters as much as possible. Also, I am more bedroom-kink than lifestyle-kink (I am not a pro, Gorean, ect.), so my answer may not be the best.

6. Can't answer. Not with a Daddy Dom.

7. Again, cannot answer.

Hope this helped i any way, and if I offended/hurt anyone, I do so apologize, as that is not at all my intention.

(in reply to TwoHeartsBeatOne)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 7:07:40 AM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		I believe you are being sincere in merely wanting to understand the "Daddy/daughter" complex, Two Hearts... I really do. However I also think you're going to get eaten alive by the posters.
I'm learning that although these forums are meant to (among others things) educate, if you question (in any way) something that enough people are into, they feel personally ATTACKED and their answers become a human hailstorm. That said...

I have to admit that I don't understand the premise, either.

While you question the "Daddy/daughter" complex against pedophilia, I've considered (after reading some of the profiles of interested parties and visiting the chat rooms) if this isn't some underlying incest interest.
Comments like "come sit in Daddy's lap while he runs his hands under his little girl's skirt?" "Wearing Daddy's favorite panties." "Squirming in Daddy's lap to get him excited."

I'm putting on my suit of armor now! LOL





(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 7:10:33 AM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		Is dating younger ladies merely what being a "Daddy" means?

If we could "really benefit from a bit more information," then why don't you enlighten people????????
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I'm 48 years old and while I have dated younger ladies, for most of my life I've been with ladies my age or older (I admit, as I get older, I haven't dated that many ladies significantly older than I am)

You could really benfit from a bit more information about what a daddy really is.



Peace and comfort,



Michael[/color]


(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 7:11:06 AM   
Switcheroo1983


Posts: 238
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline 		Also, I must say this; While some Daddy Dom relationships are sexual, many are not. Some of these Daddy Doms do honestly treat their "child" as their real, actual child, and could not fathom ever having a sexual relationship with their own. There is much to the Daddy Dom lifestyle. It is not for me, the only people who call me Daddy are my girls, but for some, it's their "thing", whether sexual or not.

(in reply to EsotericLady)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 7:15:25 AM   
cordeliasub


Posts: 528
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		I admit I did get a bit defensive. For me, when I called Sir Daddy and he called me babygirl, it came from a place of....that protection and affection dynamic. For example, I had to have a brain tumor removed several months ago. In the days right before my surgery, we interacted a good bit as Daddy/babygirl.....because He made me feel safe, and I could literally and figuratively climb into his lap and have him kind of...take over my fears, stroke my hair. It was okay to be afraid and cry and express it as his little girl. Not sure if that makes sense. There is also kind of a sense of innocence that goes along with it. I never actually had the fantasy that a Daddy was having sex with me nor did he have a fantasy of actually having sex with a daughter. It was more about that childlike faith and intimacy.

I hope that explains it more.

(in reply to Switcheroo1983)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 7:16:02 AM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline 		I would suggest that all questions are slanted/biased, according to the experiences, knowledge, or lack thereof of the individual. Please give your best answer(s) anyway.

This post IS my attempt to gain clarity. I seek other people's opinions. I'm not going to find these answers in vanilla world. Here, where we at the very least, tolerate, the variations in consensual kinks, would seem to me to be the place to have a discussion.

I did search here for threads that dealt with this, but none exist. Before asking, I spent months reading up on Daddy Doms and on the variations within, both here, and on other fetish web sites. There are legal limits to how much searching I can do in "vanilla world." This is delicate.

I was hoping that by beginning my post with "need for clarity" and by ending with "could we skip the defense of the kink -THAT is not the issue" that I could have avoided a thread full of that.

My original post is my agreement with you that I could benefit from more information - but I am looking for information beyond each individual's notion of what a Daddy Dom is. That's another topic.


Be well.


_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 7:18:29 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

Is dating younger ladies merely what being a "Daddy" means?

If we could "really benefit from a bit more information," then why don't you enlighten people????????


There are two reasons for this:

A) It's not my place to do other peoples' research for them

2) Mathew 7:6

3) I already posted a link in another thread and it turns out that the link is now disabled (The site was vanilla-not.com, I believe). While I have the original text, redacted versions can still be found online.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 2/6/2013 7:30:01 AM >

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to EsotericLady)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 7:20:10 AM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		Hi Switcheroo! : )

I'd like to question one of your comments that I high-lighted below, if you please?

There are newsworthy pedophiles that have been sports coaches, boy scout leaders, religious youth group leaders,
teachers, doctors, pastors, etc... positions that people consider "safe" around their children, and that are looked up to if not even admired.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Switcheroo1983


Many Daddy Doms are actually well successful in personal and business life. Pedophiles tend not to be.


(in reply to Switcheroo1983)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 7:30:08 AM   
Switcheroo1983


Posts: 238
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

Hi Switcheroo! : )

I'd like to question one of your comments that I high-lighted below, if you please?

There are newsworthy pedophiles that have been sports coaches, boy scout leaders, religious youth group leaders,
teachers, doctors, pastors, etc... positions that people consider "safe" around their children, and that are looked up to if not even admired.




Indeed there are some who are. I am speaking from personal experience of the men we housed. There was nothing successful about them. They were also some of the most deviant shits I have ever encountered. They are also incredibly needy. I'm sure I have met numerous pedos "in the world" and have never known it. I should have clarified better.

Hello to you as well!

(in reply to EsotericLady)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 7:39:48 AM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cordeliasub

I have to say I agree. The idea that a man is a Daddy Dom so he can legitimately express pedophilia is....really offensive.


Fair enough. I wasn't thinking "legitimately express pedophilia" exactly. My head is more in a space of confusion and a desire to learn. Think of the shared qualities of cops and robbers:
1) operate outside of laws common to most
2) love of adrenaline-inducing situations
3) street smart, etc...

The difference is that cops do not violate the rights of others, and robbers do. (generally and hopefully, speaking)

It is in this way I am questioning Daddy Dom psychology versus pedophile psychology. I should qualify that to a certain subset of Daddy Doms, perhaps? blank-player, is not even listed in the BDSM interests on CM, which is why I just typed the word "blank-player" here.

This is difficult to discuss because the word pedophile tends to inspire a knee-jerk, "shoot him" reaction. I am thinking differently.

IF - a Daddy Dom of that subset, is psychologically the same as a pedophile, but only interacts with consenting adults, isn't that person a hero, of sorts? Isn't he someone who has taken intense feelings and channeled them into a harmless, and perhaps even, wondrous, relationship? Yes, that may gross many out, but so do a lot of kinks. To each their own.

I am using the word pedophile in that sense. A word describing a person who has sexual feelings that deviate from the norm.

Here, in the BDSM community, it's okay to feel what you feel, think what you think and do what you do... between consenting adults.



_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to cordeliasub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 7:46:56 AM   
cordeliasub


Posts: 528
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		I cannot speak for a DaddyDom...but perhaps it is not so much the attraction to a child as it is an attraction to someone who can be childlike? I never actually wanted to be a child per se - but being childlike was freeing. That may not make sense.

(in reply to TwoHeartsBeatOne)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:00:01 AM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cordeliasub

I admit I did get a bit defensive. For me, when I called Sir Daddy and he called me babygirl, it came from a place of....that protection and affection dynamic. For example, I had to have a brain tumor removed several months ago. In the days right before my surgery, we interacted a good bit as Daddy/babygirl.....because He made me feel safe, and I could literally and figuratively climb into his lap and have him kind of...take over my fears, stroke my hair. It was okay to be afraid and cry and express it as his little girl. Not sure if that makes sense. There is also kind of a sense of innocence that goes along with it. I never actually had the fantasy that a Daddy was having sex with me nor did he have a fantasy of actually having sex with a daughter. It was more about that childlike faith and intimacy.

I hope that explains it more.


Hi cordeliasub,

First, I'm so sorry you had to endure so much and I'm so happy you got through it! I'm also happy that your Daddy eased your pain. :)

I admit I don't have a grasp on how "childlike faith and intimacy" are separate from any woman's personality. Isn't that simply a part of all of us?


_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to cordeliasub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:03:53 AM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Switcheroo1983


quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

Hi Switcheroo! : )

I'd like to question one of your comments that I high-lighted below, if you please?

There are newsworthy pedophiles that have been sports coaches, boy scout leaders, religious youth group leaders,
teachers, doctors, pastors, etc... positions that people consider "safe" around their children, and that are looked up to if not even admired.




Indeed there are some who are. I am speaking from personal experience of the men we housed. There was nothing successful about them. They were also some of the most deviant shits I have ever encountered. They are also incredibly needy. I'm sure I have met numerous pedos "in the world" and have never known it. I should have clarified better.

Hello to you as well!


Hi Switcheroo,

I was going to echo EsotericLady's question. Thank you for clarifying.

My thought is that your experience as a C/O may have exposed you to those who could not afford the perks that only money can buy in our legal system. In other words, those who are more advantaged, also have more access to the loopholes. So, the imprisoned population does not always reflect the "actual" population.



_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to Switcheroo1983)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:04:24 AM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline
1. Or come down from your pedestal long enough to be kind and helpful. (Even though the word "DADDY" is part of your screen name.)

2. If you are referring to a bible passage, I'm afraid I don't have one in my studio.

3. I can see now that I should have paid closer attention to the words beneath your avatar.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

Is dating younger ladies merely what being a "Daddy" means?

If we could "really benefit from a bit more information," then why don't you enlighten people????????


There are two reasons for this:

A) It's not my place to do other peoples' research for them

2) Mathew 7:6

3) I already posted a link in another thread and it turns out that the link is now disabled (The site was vanilla-not.com, I believe). While I have the original text, redacted versions can still be found online.



Peace and comfort,



Michael


(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:07:56 AM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		Interesting comments about your experience around them, Switcheroo! Thanks for sharing!
quote:

ORIGINAL: Switcheroo1983


quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

Hi Switcheroo! : )

I'd like to question one of your comments that I high-lighted below, if you please?

There are newsworthy pedophiles that have been sports coaches, boy scout leaders, religious youth group leaders,
teachers, doctors, pastors, etc... positions that people consider "safe" around their children, and that are looked up to if not even admired.




Indeed there are some who are. I am speaking from personal experience of the men we housed. There was nothing successful about them. They were also some of the most deviant shits I have ever encountered. They are also incredibly needy. I'm sure I have met numerous pedos "in the world" and have never known it. I should have clarified better.

Hello to you as well!


(in reply to Switcheroo1983)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:09:46 AM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Switcheroo1983

Well, I read the bottom disclaimer, so I will not come to the defense. I will answer your questions, however, how I MYSELF see it, in the order you asked.

1. I see it as a mixture of both choice, and a desire to protect/nurture. Many Daddy-Dom's never had a chance to have children of their own, and this is an outlet for regrets/what ifs.

2. You would have to describe your own personal view of youthful. I am 29 years old, so youthful to me would likely mean something way different to a 59 year old man. An Octogenarian would likely see "youthful" as maybe even someone in there 30's-40's.


Switcheroo,

By "youthful" I mean, not of an age of consent. I am unsure of what I can type here, so I'm trying to write around it.

Incest play is at the heart of what I refer to.... however, I think for clarity's sake, I'd prefer to keep the questions open to any types of Daddy Dom relationships. I'm here to learn.


_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to Switcheroo1983)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:14:35 AM   
Switcheroo1983


Posts: 238
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

Interesting comments about your experience around them, Switcheroo! Thanks for sharing!


You are welcome. I will admit, I am by no means impartial. I do not like them.

(in reply to EsotericLady)
Profile   Post #: 20
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