How Do I get my wife to agree????

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How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 5:09:31 AM

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I am a straight Dominant man. Not much experience. My wife is 100% vanilla, .01% bi. Totally old school. We have very limited sex life due to her asthma and other issues. Both 50 yrs old. How do I get her to suggest or welcome a younger slave into our marriage of 30+ years. I'm looking for simple dominance, a sex / domestic slave who obeys. My wife has no idea of my desires of dominance but knows I am dominant as she also is. She has no idea of this lifestyle or that a "slave" even exists.

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 5:18:26 AM

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Wow. Seriously?

Please tell me this is a terrible attempt at trolling. I promise I'll laugh.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 5:19:35 AM

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Start with a copy of The Joy of Sex book and add from there. Once you get her reading, then bring up the subject of bringing another female into the mix.

Best of luck.

(in reply to trustandesire)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 5:20:37 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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I don't know, but I'd say looking to cheat on her with another woman as your profile indicates is unlikely to work. It would take a huge quantity of trust and open communication to make this work even if she is open to the idea. I would guess that finding out that you have been keeping another woman to visit mid-week for kinky sex would pretty much remove the chances of her ever being willing to work towards this with you.

Just something to think about.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 5:22:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: trustandesire

I am a straight Dominant man. Not much experience. My wife is 100% vanilla, .01% bi. Totally old school. We have very limited sex life due to her asthma and other issues. Both 50 yrs old. How do I get her to suggest or welcome a younger slave into our marriage of 30+ years. I'm looking for simple dominance, a sex / domestic slave who obeys. My wife has no idea of my desires of dominance but knows I am dominant as she also is. She has no idea of this lifestyle or that a "slave" even exists.

Let me see if I have this right.

You've been married to each other since you were teenagers. You've been on this site almost a decade, but your wife has no idea. You say she is dominant but knows nothing about dominance? Frankly, that implies that you don't either. You say you are dominant but if you've had any experience clearly it was on the sly and only in a bedroom somewhere. Now you want a slave to meet your needs.

Holy crap.. you've been having fantasies for at least the 10 years or so you've been a collarme member, and you haven't shared any of it with your wife? But now you're hoping there are some magic words that will make your wife like the idea of her being unappealing to you, so you're looking for some hot little sex slave to move in?

Cmon' now, fess up.
You're looking for a way to freak out your wife so she'll divorce you, right?

< Message edited by evesgrden -- 8/11/2013 5:24:11 AM >

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 5:28:16 AM

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Give her credit for her intelligence. Be honest. Provide unbiased information. Ask for a delayed reaction. Have all your ducks in a row. Be prepared for refusal. Accept your life as it is for you chose it to begin with.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 5:31:01 AM

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My initial reaction is that this couldn't be for real but I also didn't read the OP's profile. I guess realistically, its more common than I'd like to believe. It just sicks me a bit though ...... You've been married roughly as long as or longer than I've been alive and now you want to bring in another, younger woman to fulfill your sexual needs.

My suggestion, once I get past how ego-centric this whole idea is, is this: how about you introduce the notion of bringing in a slave by suggesting a younger, hotter, male slave to serve your wife first? Whether she uses him for sex or even just to wash the dishes, its up to her. (And him.) Maybe she'd enjoy the idea so much, she wouldn't care if you got one of your own. She wouldn't have to be bi either.

I have to agree with Athena. Finding out that you've been cheating on her isn't likely to help your cause.

_____________________________

“Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes.” ~Tori Amos

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 5:41:36 AM

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In your journal you ask why it's so difficult to find a young submissive since you're being honest and sincere.

Tell me, how is

quote:

Not looking for 24/7 live in. I'm looking for someone to relocate near me and get her own apartment and a job. I will help you with monthly expenses if all goes well. I will usually visit during the week.

appealing?

Why would a young woman give up friends and family to move somewhere new, not have any friends or family there, never be able to bring a date anywhere, to be alone on weekends and holidays, not have any hope of future or family, just so she can be an older guy's pussy on the side and provide bj's on demand.

Best part yet... she'd have to find a job working nights so that she could be available during the weekdays for him. If she gets sick, he can't be there for her. Her friends and family now live far away.

Oh joy... who could resist?

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to trustandesire)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 5:51:40 AM

lizi

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Your wife is entitled to have a marriage and a sex life on her terms, she doesn't have to agree or be tricked into having a relationship with a manipulative cheater. If you want a better sex life my sincere advice would be to be a better person so your wife would be attracted to you again, and open to making things work between the two of you, however, I don't see that happening.

Your question is really beside the point, I don't see a younger sex slave wanting to join in on your fantasy - what's in it for her? A relationship with an older married man who has no honor, and has a wife that isn't on board, meh, that's a dime a dozen. You have nothing to offer the lovely unicorn that she would want, there are so many more seekers around that could tempt her with better. I'd suggest strongly the part I mentioned before about making things work with your wife, either that or dissolve the marriage - your wife deserves better.

(in reply to trustandesire)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 6:08:18 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

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Well, first off if you intend the new female slave will be for SEX (as opposed to simply domestic service), I'd recommend you do the honorable thing: get a lawyer and file for divorce so your vanilla wife can find a better match.

The fact that your wife "has no idea" of your desires for dominance says a lot for the communication in your marriage...and you should note that a GOOD dominant (as well as a slave/sub...or spouse) puts communication at the forefront of the relationship so that trust can develop, which has been discussed on several other threads.

I now see your screen name...how ironic that you'd choose the word "trust" when you are seeking to cheat on your wife.

quote:

ORIGINAL: trustandesire

I am a straight Dominant man. Not much experience. My wife is 100% vanilla, .01% bi. Totally old school. We have very limited sex life due to her asthma and other issues. Both 50 yrs old. How do I get her to suggest or welcome a younger slave into our marriage of 30+ years. I'm looking for simple dominance, a sex / domestic slave who obeys. My wife has no idea of my desires of dominance but knows I am dominant as she also is. She has no idea of this lifestyle or that a "slave" even exists.

(in reply to trustandesire)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 8:10:18 AM

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quote:

how about you introduce the notion of bringing in a slave by suggesting a younger, hotter, male slave to serve your wife first? Whether she uses him for sex or even just to wash the dishes, its up to her. (And him.) Maybe she'd enjoy the idea so much, she wouldn't care if you got one of your own. She wouldn't have to be bi either.

This has my vote.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 8:17:49 AM

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No offense but I don't think you are looking for a M/S relationship I think you are just bored with your sex life and want a casual sex on the side ( friends with benefits thing). I doubt your wife ever agrees.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 8:21:00 AM

Rule

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Love your wife!

Forget about your mid-life crisis.

Or get yourself into a monastery.

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"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

(in reply to trustandesire)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 8:55:52 AM

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You just ask her. If she says no then leave it alone. It's not gonna change. You should have thought about all of this before you were married.

If she says no you have two choices....stay and be satisfied and happy in your current relationship or end your marriage.

Good luck.

ETA: oh wait, your profile suggests cheating on your wife? Yeah...you're screwed. You will be divorced in less than a year.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 8/11/2013 8:58:04 AM >

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 8:58:18 AM

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What makes me most sad about this post is that your wife probably thinks you were happy with her.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 9:03:31 AM

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You seem resigned from the get-go that you will be unable to "get" your wife to "agree". The very wording sounds like you are you are trying to coax her towards a voluntary root canal.

You are in a sexless marriage with a sick person. Many people with sick partners manage to split things down the middle and eke out some kind of sex life. For what ever reason, you have not.

I recommend that you google "I live in a sexless marriage" and get some support and insight from other people in the same boat as you are.

A lack of kink -crazy making as that is- is really the least of your problems. Hard choices and painful discussions await.

Good luck.

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 9:08:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: trustandesire
I am a straight Dominant man. Not much experience. My wife is 100% vanilla, .01% bi. Totally old school. We have very limited sex life due to her asthma and other issues. Both 50 yrs old. How do I get her to suggest or welcome a younger slave into our marriage of 30+ years. I'm looking for simple dominance, a sex / domestic slave who obeys. My wife has no idea of my desires of dominance but knows I am dominant as she also is. She has no idea of this lifestyle or that a "slave" even exists.

You know, I started to actually write a helpful response. I convinced my wife of that and more. But then I read your profile where you are hoping to cheat on your wife and I realized any method I might recommend is well beyond your capabilities. The way I did it was by being what generally might be called a good person.

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(in reply to trustandesire)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 9:44:19 AM

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Dude, turn off the porn.

Why does the new girl need to be younger? Why does your profile insist she be attractive? You're looking for a hot fantasy to replace your wife.

Come clean. Saying that your sex life is limited to "asthma and other issues" is bullshit. Lots of asthmatics have full sex lives. The "other issues" indicate that your relationship is seriously strained and you don't know how to fix it.

Why is it important that your wife agree, anyway? Your profile says you want to keep your other girl "discreet".

So let me get this straight. You don't even really know what Dominance is. You have been married for 30+ years and never discussed your kinky tendencies. You're "sure" she's Dominant even though you've never discussed it with her. (ANd how do you know she's 0.01% bi?) Your marriage is not going well. And your intent is to start over with a new woman, while staying married.

There are several paths forward.

1. Do it the right way. Slowly explain the lifestyle to her. Make this a two way street - don't just tell her your fantasies - ask her what hers are as well. Be prepared to find that she's totally vanilla and not curious. Or that her fantasies mismatch with yours. This will give you experience with resolving issues and conflicts. Since a Dominant needs to assume responsibility for his relationships, this will provide you with some experience in making them work, which you absolutely need. This will take several years to do properly, with no guarantee that she'll want another woman. (Hint - she'll never agree to another unless she feels completely safe in her relationship. This will start her along that path.)

2. Separate from her and start over. This will surprise you, to find out that 50 year olds with no experience are not in hot demand. But if you persist and have a good personality, you can get somewhere although it will take a few years. This is the course I followed.

3. Just say the hell with it and cheat. Finding a woman who'll be your dirty little secret won't be easy.

4. Forget about it, and try to improve the relationship with your wife.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 9:55:21 AM

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You're planning to keep her on the side and pay for her to be your mistress. So why rub it in your wife's face? Except that you want her to be the one to suffer.

Just call an escort and meet at a hotel. Wear a condom because your wife doesn't deserve to get a disease.

Your sex life died because of unexpressed expectations and years of resentments. Better if you just jerk off and go for marriage and individual therapy.

If not, tell your kids the truth, that you broke up their home because you were too lazy to do any work to fix problems. But be prepared for them to follow in your path and not do any work in school.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/11/2013 10:06:30 AM

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-fast reply

The OP posted a question about how to find a "sincere" sub back in 2004. I guess he's taking the long view.

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