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What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 9:36:37 AM

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Some people complain that we coddle new posters too much and some people complain that regulars are too mean. Staff does enforce a welcoming and constructive attitude in the Introduce Yourself forum.

We don't want to chase new posters away but we don't want to coddle them either. Please share your thoughts.

Inspired by:

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4603560

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleForDaddy31
My advice is to not be so rude to newbies. I get that there's a clique of like 30-35 of you who post here on a regular basis, but you do have trouble seeing beyond your tea cups here, and it should be called out.

Actually, my advice would be to tell the newbies to learn to read the fucking ToS, read the sticky posts, browse around and take note of how things are done BEFORE you waltz in and open your gob.
This applies to any forum, anywhere, not just on CM.

And what do we often see?
A newbie that comes flouncing into the forums, bold as brass, spouting as if they know the world and everyone on the forum that doesn't like what they gotta say is either a troll or something equally abusive or obnoxious.
WTF?? Where are their manners?
Where are those social norms that everyone wants to see?
Do they always behave like this in a strange bar or restaurant?? No, they don't.
But they think it's ok to do that on the net because... well, it's the net.

And then, we get those cotton-wool packers that think everyone needs to be wrapped up and coddled and treated with super-uber softly-softly kid gloves.
How dare someone else think they should be grown-up and know how to tow-the-line and fucking behave like an adult!!
Oh jeeez no.... we might offend the kiddies.

Sorry LFD, your attitude towards a lot of us on here is just... well, stupid and obtuse.
To use your analogy: if you don't drink tea, don't go to a tea party.

If your skin is too thin to take criticism because you've behaved outlandishly, ignored the site rules and ettiquette, then you shouldn't be on the net let alone an adult kink site.

< Message edited by VideoAdminGamma -- 12/17/2013 9:40:37 AM >

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 9:47:19 AM

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Make the profile side more social. For example, photo privacy so some pics can only be seen by your circle of friends. Same for journal entries, etc. If the profile side retains people who like kinky social networking, the participation on the forums will go up. There's a whole community of people on OkCupid who aren't seriously looking anymore, but they love taking, and talking about, the silly tests on the site.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to VideoAdminChi)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 9:47:44 AM

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Well, from my perspective, lets call it forum mentors. Lets say you have someone who really shits one up.

Remove the post.

Then you have a forum mentor......not under their real name of course. And have a earnest talk with them, and maybe even help them edit the original to resubmit. If the person goes off, you know what you gotta do. If they accept the correction.....then maybe everybody sits nice.

_____________________________

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(in reply to VideoAdminChi)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 9:50:59 AM

LittleForDaddy31

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You've chased me away; and I only stuck up for a new poster who didn't make the perceived correct first impression the regulars wanted to see.

When i first started here, i posted a thread asking if people in small communities had trouble finding other BDSM folks to meet with. And because I was using a mobile device, I didnt even properly see forum rules. Make sure the forum rules are visible, please. I made a harmless mistake in which thread I posted my question, and since then I have seen off-putting and cold, even rude behaviors from the clique who frequents these forums.

And now as a result of speaking up, i'm being monitored for 3 days. Lovely. Welcome, welcome.

This will be my last post in these forums due to how big brotherish this whole thing is.

(in reply to VideoAdminChi)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 9:56:46 AM

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I'm double checking with Gamma, but it does not appear that you are under moderation. He said

quote:

ignoring staff warnings posted in a topic gets you a 3 day moderation.

Since you did not post after that, you were not moderated (for that reason, anyway.)

(in reply to LittleForDaddy31)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 9:59:04 AM

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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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I think that is a great example and a good cross section of what CollarMe is and what it offers. The Op was a good soul with a serious desire and he stayed behind his guns, adjusted his approach and thanked those teaching him. You can't ask for more than that from a forum. He got schooled on where to go and how to approach it correctly when he got there. You can't ask for more than that.

I think the oversensitive little girl was hilarious and even the OP told her to back off. Now if the OP had been a douche bag, he would have started crying and/or run away. I don't think we are supposed to save those that want it on a silver platter or don't want it bad enough to stick to their guns. I don't owe them anything and neither do you.

How do we retain new posters? Exactly like the example in your link if you ask me. I bet the OP of that thread is very happy with his experience here so far.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 12/17/2013 10:00:02 AM >

_____________________________

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I give good thread.

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RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:00:51 AM

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:)

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:01:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleForDaddy31

You've chased me away; and I only stuck up for a new poster who didn't make the perceived correct first impression the regulars wanted to see.

When i first started here, i posted a thread asking if people in small communities had trouble finding other BDSM folks to meet with. And because I was using a mobile device, I didnt even properly see forum rules. Make sure the forum rules are visible, please. I made a harmless mistake in which thread I posted my question, and since then I have seen off-putting and cold, even rude behaviors from the clique who frequents these forums.

And now as a result of speaking up, i'm being monitored for 3 days. Lovely. Welcome, welcome.

This will be my last post in these forums due to how big brotherish this whole thing is.

I am happy that they monitor the boards.
I have gotten a gold letter or two in my time.
pretty innocently too because I didn't even realize what I was doing was wrong, even though I had made a point to read tos, my comments didn't occur to me as being that abrasive, because I understood my own tone.
that said I was grateful because I was able to go back and fix it with people.
I like to get along with all of the people on here in general.
if you don't then I'm sure there are plenty of places that you can post where people can be genuinely rotten to you without anyone getting in the middle of it to keep the boards in an adult tone.

it really is a nice place with a lot of nice people...

(in reply to LittleForDaddy31)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:01:53 AM

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quote:

Make the profile side more social. For example, photo privacy so some pics can only be seen by your circle of friends. Same for journal entries, etc. If the profile side retains people who like kinky social networking, the participation on the forums will go up. There's a whole community of people on OkCupid who aren't seriously looking anymore, but they love taking, and talking about, the silly tests on the site.

While that is an excellent idea, suggestions that do not require coding will have a much better chance of being implemented.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:05:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleForDaddy31

You've chased me away; and I only stuck up for a new poster who didn't make the perceived correct first impression the regulars wanted to see.

When i first started here, i posted a thread asking if people in small communities had trouble finding other BDSM folks to meet with. And because I was using a mobile device, I didnt even properly see forum rules. Make sure the forum rules are visible, please. I made a harmless mistake in which thread I posted my question, and since then I have seen off-putting and cold, even rude behaviors from the clique who frequents these forums.

And now as a result of speaking up, i'm being monitored for 3 days. Lovely. Welcome, welcome.

This will be my last post in these forums due to how big brotherish this whole thing is.

Has anyone ever told you to just stop whining and crying, shut up and learn a little bit? Even the guy in that thread told you to back off. Now the mods tell you to chill and you think taking your marbles and leaving is hurting anyone but you? You are the one that needs to learn, not us. You should spend a little time reading instead of preaching.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to LittleForDaddy31)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:06:39 AM

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I would suggest you follow the course of the those in the thread that spawned this one. I would not call the treatment being molly coddled or rude. The OP from that thread was adult enough to take to heart the constructive suggestions offered to him and move on.

The cry of clique and meanness happens all the time and at times it's been true. More often than not though it's just a cry for attention by someone who wants to play the white knight or is seeking a chance to be a victim of the "mean kids".

_____________________________

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~Storm Jameson

(in reply to VideoAdminChi)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:13:32 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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FR

I think it has been mentioned before, but I wonder if a 'newbie' section or a 'basic questions' sub-forum might be a good idea. An area which encourages people who are brand new, perhaps not yet sure about where they stand. They can be allowed to ask those somewhat repetitive questions that regulars get tired of, and people can be told to play a bit gentler there. Those regulars who have little patience for the 101 level questions can stay clear and perhaps some of the more patient regular posters can be recruited to lurk there and give people gentle nudges in the right direction.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Mezrem)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:13:37 AM

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From: Chicago, IL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminChi

Some people complain that we coddle new posters too much and some people complain that regulars are too mean. Staff does enforce a welcoming and constructive attitude in the Introduce Yourself forum.

We don't want to chase new posters away but we don't want to coddle them either. Please share your thoughts.

This is a site self selected for a high percentage of sadists. So to some degree it is necessary for posters here to have a thick skin as every poster will inevitably get roughed up by someone.

A problem that is harder to solve is the BDSM world is very broad and, no matter how it is claimed otherwise, most people really don't respect everyone else's kink. So anyone discussing legit topics on the lifestyle part of the board is going to get a broad range of opinion which other posters are going to vehemently disagree with. Especially on subjects like safe words and how to play safely this sort of thing can overwhelm and potentially scare off newbies to the lifestyle.

Ultimately I'd suggest finding some volunteers to engage and encourage new posters.

(in reply to VideoAdminChi)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:15:20 AM

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I am relatively new, and have posted a few "newbie-ish" posts. But for the most part, I am really enjoying it over here. It seems that those that post ridiculous threads as newbies really have no intention of sticking around. They are entertainment for the regulars.

I like Ron's idea. He kinda actually did that for me, when I first popped up over here.
Maybe collectively we could PM new posters. To privately welcome them, if their initial post is well thought out. And to "guide" them if it is not.

Not sure of the practical implementation of this... Considering the high volume of messages newbies get... Just a thought.

_____________________________

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RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:19:01 AM

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I don't know if you can really change this much with the exception that the members who have been here the longest need to CHILL OUT. They scare every single newbie that comes here. Then others jump on the bandwagon. Some think that what they have to say is GOLD- but it isn't. Then they hijack the newbies threads. Yes you will get trolls and losers on any forum but you don't have to have the groupies come out to make people feel like their question is meaningless or worse they are meaningless. Online does not give people right to be hurtful. Freedom of speech or not one should have some manners.

When I was an Operator of an channel on IRC (internet relay chat) we allowed everyone in to talk and we made sure if people misbehaved they were devoiced for a period of time. Some were even kicked from the channel or worse banned (but then unbanned). However, one thing for sure we treated everyone with respect even the TROLLS! It got to the point that the trolls stop trolling and they started talking with us and became a part of our community. The old members became sorta helpers and allowed mods to handle the naughty ones. It wasn't a member's job to correct others...it was their job to enjoy the channel and talk and have fun. 12 years later I still have a connection with many of these members.

The only thing that needs to change is people's attitude. Welcome newbies and let newbies talk and be themselves. Let the mods do their job and the old members just enjoy themselves making this a fun place to be instead of a humiliating one.

< Message edited by SweetAnise -- 12/17/2013 10:20:35 AM >

(in reply to VideoAdminChi)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:19:04 AM

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I have been here awhile.
I don't think it is the site's responsibility to make it so the guidelines and rules are easily visible from every device one might be posting from.
You agree to follow the rules and it is your responsibility to know what it is you are agreeing to.

Nearly everyone who posts makes an error at some point and posts in the wrong section.
It is NOT a big deal to have a post moved and it shouldn't be a big deal to be told you posted in the wrong place.

That said, there is an issue when people who have been counseled regarding proper posting placement just disregard it and post their whatevers where ever.
It says that they don't care about inconveniencing people and is just poor netiquette.

I think we can forget what it is like to be new.
People post here to begin with to ask questions is because they are looking for connection with people who may understand.

There are people who post who just will take offense at anything that is offered.
They sort themselves out easily enough.

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(in reply to LittleForDaddy31)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:28:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminChi

quote:

Make the profile side more social. For example, photo privacy so some pics can only be seen by your circle of friends. Same for journal entries, etc. If the profile side retains people who like kinky social networking, the participation on the forums will go up. There's a whole community of people on OkCupid who aren't seriously looking anymore, but they love taking, and talking about, the silly tests on the site.

While that is an excellent idea, suggestions that do not require coding will have a much better chance of being implemented.

This is exactly why I no longer volunteer for the site. Structural changes are the only things that really matter. You're asking about small things that will maybe make a fraction of a percentage difference.

But if you're interested in small things, I think it's a mistake to lock a thread started by an enthusiastic OP. That seemed like a fairly significant error to me.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to VideoAdminChi)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:38:20 AM

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Well I think what may be at issue is that posters first be treated to a basic respect as well as their posts. Objectively assess opinions and questions without going to profiles first and then...don't shoot-the-messenger.

Once done, I believe it creates a much better start to an OP and the author feels respected and welcome. I've exchanged emails with members who totally disagree with me yet...we kept it very civil and remain forum friends. I thus can disagree with posters but also agree with them at times even though we may be politically and intellectually opposed.

The key is to think and objectively as possible...without prejudice.

< Message edited by MrRodgers -- 12/17/2013 10:54:19 AM >

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:38:36 AM

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quote:

But if you're interested in small things, I think it's a mistake to lock a thread started by an enthusiastic OP. That seemed like a fairly significant error to me.

I locked it to give posters a chance to read the staff warnings and have now unlocked it.

< Message edited by VideoAdminChi -- 12/17/2013 10:39:05 AM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/17/2013 10:45:25 AM

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I'm not innocent when it comes to having a go at someone but I'm just as likely to do that with a veteran member as a new member, if I think they are talking BS.

I actually think some of the snide, nasty comments made towards some new posters (who mostly don't deserve it) are awful. I hate the band wagon mentality that I see here all too often. I used to say something but now I just keep away from the victims being attacked. There is little sympathy, compassion, patience or friendliness unless you are well known and popular member. FD said its the same on every forum site. I disagree because the dog forums, horse forums, climbing forums and two other fet sites I use don't behave this way. What's the solution? Unless you can attract a lot more posters, there really isn't one.

I started on here about nine years ago and my very first post was attacked venomously. I left the site for a good year but came back because my new partner was a frequent visitor here. Apart from IC and one other site, there was little else back then. Things are very different now.

I think one of the things this site needs to do is take away those silly titles on the avatar. Labelling someone vanilla just because they are new to the site is very off putting, especially to new members who have been around on the BDSM scene for some time and may well have something interesting to write on the forums. The title is demeaning and tends makes some of the older members presumptuous about the new members lack of experience.

There was a 'vanilla' person on the bondage section recently. He wrote some fairly decent stuff but was called out on his 'bullshit'. He is on another sites bondage section and this guy does some absolutely stunning rope work. On the other site he's a liked and popular member within certain groups and he's a real mentor when it comes to ropes. On here however he was treated unnecessarily badly and after just a few posts he deleted his profile.

I have noticed more recently that the forums are stagnating. That doesn't surprise me because there are very few regular posters on here. A lot of long term members have flown the nest and those who have stayed see the same old topics doing the same old circuit. That can't be helped, even on a site like FL the topics get samey.

I would like to see a few more forum sections. 'New to BDSM questions' would be good and so would one for 'Fin Dommes'.

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(in reply to LittleForDaddy31)

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