RE: Getting over it

Post #: 61

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 11:40:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

*pokes head in to see this thread going well *

I would say a dominant does not "owe" a submissive punishment, or "punishment", for that matter. And a submissive that engages in melodramatics or topping from the bottom is doing neither themself nor their dominant a good service.

I never said a dominant owed a sub punishment so please dont put words in my mouth.
I said that a dom and sub should communicate about these things.
Telling your sub to get over it bitch is not a healthy form of communication when it comes to matters such as this.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 62

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 11:42:06 AM

BeingChewsie

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I'm still looking for the connection between this and emotional masochism. As an emotional masochist, I don't crave punishment. My emotional masochism deals with my owner inflicting emotional pain on me, which luckily happens as a by-product of who he is and how he lives his life. He won't cater to my needs specifically in that regard. Getting punished and absolved of wrong-doing wouldn't *hurt* me emotionally. I don't see the connection at all. Perhaps, you mean people who beat themselves up for doing wrong? It would seem to me they would not want to be punished and absolved of their wrong-doing. It would stop the *pain*. I don't beat myself up over things gone wrong so that is not one of my triggers. I don't get the wanting punishment though, that would stop the pain..seems totally opposite from what an emotional masochist likes.

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 63

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 11:43:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

What really gets to me, is that this kind should be in professional therapy.

So what do they do instead? Look for a freak with a whip and a hard-on to 'fix' them.

Some people's children.

My thoughts exactly.

Your judgement is pathetic - both of you.
You know nothing about what others seek and why.
Get over yourselves to quote a phrase

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 64

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 11:43:54 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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OK sunshine... I reread and perhaps misread, but we do not know what sort or "loser" "get over yourself bitch" that caretakr was involved with...smiles... and even someone with this sort of disorder may have problems, but it doesn't mean they are not redeemable...again, just my opinion

(Disclaimer: Im a bleeding heart liberal that believes all human beings are valuable)

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 65

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 11:44:45 AM

Caretakr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

I'm still looking for the connection between this and emotional masochism. As an emotional masochist, I don't crave punishment. My emotional masochism deals with my owner inflicting emotional pain on me, which luckily happens as a by-product of who he is and how he lives his life. He won't cater to my needs specifically in that regard. Getting punished and absolved of wrong-doing wouldn't *hurt* me emotionally. I don't see the connection at all. Perhaps, you mean people who beat themselves up for doing wrong? It would seem to me they would not want to be punished and absolved of their wrong-doing. It would stop the *pain*. I don't beat myself up over things gone wrong so that is not one of my triggers. I don't get the wanting punishment though, that would stop the pain..seems totally opposite from what an emotional masochist likes.

You don't get the connection, due to not being nuerotic. The ones in this thread who are, are showing it to us with thier drama. They can't help it-that's the problem.

Lack of control.

(in reply to BeingChewsie)

Post #: 66

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 11:49:20 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

I'm still looking for the connection between this and emotional masochism. As an emotional masochist, I don't crave punishment. My emotional masochism deals with my owner inflicting emotional pain on me, which luckily happens as a by-product of who he is and how he lives his life. He won't cater to my needs specifically in that regard. Getting punished and absolved of wrong-doing wouldn't *hurt* me emotionally. I don't see the connection at all. Perhaps, you mean people who beat themselves up for doing wrong? It would seem to me they would not want to be punished and absolved of their wrong-doing. It would stop the *pain*. I don't beat myself up over things gone wrong so that is not one of my triggers. I don't get the wanting punishment though, that would stop the pain..seems totally opposite from what an emotional masochist likes.

You don't get the connection, due to not being nuerotic. The ones in this thread who are, are showing it to us with thier drama. They can't help it-that's the problem.

Lack of control.

Ok, you start a post designed to cause a flame war and upset certain people, use inflammatory language about submissive kind, call women losers... and then insist they are the ones with the "drama" problem.. I think I see the problems in your last relationship.. but then again.,.. that is just my opinion and I could be wrong

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 67

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 11:50:02 AM

MHOO314

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You put it out there, you are going to get opinions from all aspects---perhaps the drama is really yours.

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Mistress Hathor

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 68

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 11:55:55 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Ok so now im a loser and selfish. I really wish i got off on being insulted by complete strangers cos then this would be fun.
How can you presume to know what is going through a subs head when she continues to punish herself unless you discuss it with her? Maybe if you took a little time to talk to your sub / slaves about these things more you would understand them a little better.
In my opinion a Master who takes no time to understand his slave is selfish and dangerous.

Hello missturbation,

While, years ago, my Master may have punished me in a *cathartic* way........it would have been impossible for that to continue. I would have HAD to move on from that position..to remain static would have implied that bugger-all he'd invested had had any impact. At some point I had to grasp that nasty nettle.....of doing some *work* on myself. In fact, the best eye-opener I had was when he told me that he was doing more work than I was and so was abdicating until I got *involved* in MYSELF. I soon got a grip.

I can't expect anyone to invest in me indefinately, if it's evident that I'm not going to utilise the skills I'm being handed....OK, it may have taken a withdrawing of support..but needs must.

If I'd sunk , then I'd certainly not be with this inspiring person in this way. How could we have proceeded if I was unable or unwilling.

I DO actually get punished..but it's not a *cathartic* ritual...it's a pretty basic *cause and effect* situation. It's not emotionally charged and it's not *play* either.

I don't punish MYSELF hugely , because if I do something, (wrongly or rightly), I pretty much went into it whole-heartedly...If I choose to flout a rule or instruction and managed to *bury my head in the sand* for a while, or was a *slave to the moment* ...I STILL know that there's a price to pay, ultimately.

My Master HAS taken the time to understand me....He's not the kind of person that *chucks away* someone because they have a basic *nature*.....He finds out, decides on the procedure that's best all round and implements it. He is probably pragmatic and unemotional. I like that.

I haven't actually *let HIM down*.. that I know of.......I have *pissed him off* a bit......and let MYSELF down quite a few times, though.

When he's read this, I'm sure he'll correct me, if I'm mistaken....lol

agirl

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 69

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 11:56:13 AM

Caretakr

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I set this up to push some buttons..The responses are very telling, and pretty much as I predicted. It only reenforces a decision I made years back.

Notice the polarization between the two camps, what does that say?

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 70

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 11:57:31 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I set this up to push some buttons..The responses are very telling, and pretty much as I predicted. It only reenforces a decision I made years back.

Notice the polarization between the two camps, what does that say?

It says that you are a divisive person not wanting to make peace, and therefore no one else can give it to you... that's all it means.. it says more about you then the people that responded to you

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 71

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 11:57:40 AM

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For me personally this thread has become much more than a discussion on punishment.
It has brought to light a lot of judgemental posters who cannot see past their own noses.
It also raises the question of communictaion about important matters. There appears to be a lack of it between certain subs / doms here and that really isnt healthy.
Then theres the name calling, i alone am a loser who is selfish and in need of proffesional help.
We all have our opinions about things but when a person begins to state theirs as fact it is worrying for all those involved with those people.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 72

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 11:57:47 AM

Caretakr

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Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Ok so now im a loser and selfish. I really wish i got off on being insulted by complete strangers cos then this would be fun.
How can you presume to know what is going through a subs head when she continues to punish herself unless you discuss it with her? Maybe if you took a little time to talk to your sub / slaves about these things more you would understand them a little better.
In my opinion a Master who takes no time to understand his slave is selfish and dangerous.

Hello missturbation,

While, years ago, my Master may have punished me in a *cathartic* way........it would have been impossible for that to continue. I would have HAD to move on from that position..to remain static would have implied that bugger-all he'd invested had had any impact. At some point I had to grasp that nasty nettle.....of doing some *work* on myself. In fact, the best eye-opener I had was when he told me that he was doing more work than I was and so was abdicating until I got *involved* in MYSELF. I soon got a grip.

I can't expect anyone to invest in me indefinately, if it's evident that I'm not going to utilise the skills I'm being handed....OK, it may have taken a withdrawing of support..but needs must.

If I'd sunk , then I'd certainly not be with this inspiring person in this way. How could we have proceeded if I was unable or unwilling.

I DO actually get punished..but it's not a *cathartic* ritual...it's a pretty basic *cause and effect* situation. It's not emotionally charged and it's not *play* either.

I don't punish MYSELF hugely , because if I do something, (wrongly or rightly), I pretty much went into it whole-heartedly...If I choose to flout a rule or instruction and managed to *bury my head in the sand* for a while, or was a *slave to the moment* ...I STILL know that there's a price to pay, ultimately.

My Master HAS taken the time to understand me....He's not the kind of person that *chucks away* someone because they have a basic *nature*.....He finds out, decides on the procedure that's best all round and implements it. He is probably pragmatic and unemotional. I like that.

I haven't actually *let HIM down*.. that I know of.......I have *pissed him off* a bit......and let MYSELF down quite a few times, though.

When he's read this, I'm sure he'll correct me, if I'm mistaken....lol

agirl

Perfect example of evolving past the problem, thanks for sharing!

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 73

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 11:58:51 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

For me personally this thread has become much more than a discussion on punishment.
It has brought to light a lot of judgemental posters who cannot see past their own noses.
It also raises the question of communictaion about important matters. There appears to be a lack of it between certain subs / doms here and that really isnt healthy.
Then theres the name calling, i alone am a loser who is selfish and in need of proffesional help.
We all have our opinions about things but when a person begins to state theirs as fact it is worrying for all those involved with those people.

I never reffered to you as a loser-you did that.

why?

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/22/2006 11:59:10 AM >

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 74

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:04:23 PM

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Hi a girl,

I am not questioning anyones ways of running their relationships. If caretkr chooses not to punish that is his perogative but to refuse to discuss it and tell his sub to get over it bitch is not healthy grounds for building a relationship.
Theres also the judgement issue which i find annoying. Caretkr does not know me and should not judge me by his own standards.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 75

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:11:14 PM

WyrdRich

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

You come across as contemptuous of adult behavior. Are you accustomed to child-like individuals?

     Do you mean childish behaviors like throwing little temper tantrums all over the place and pouting about having to repeat a task until it is done right?

     I suspect we have very different defintions of maturity and immaturity. I'll stick with mine thank you.

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 76

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:16:37 PM

ImpGrrl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

When you bring a new puppy home, do you expect it to behave like a properly trained adult dog? Making a choice not to employ a physical punishment is fine but things don't happen just because we want them to and would rather not be bothered with the process.

We are adult humans entering into adult human relationships. We're not children, or "new puppies" in need of house-training.

There will always be mistakes - more in the beginning than later on, if it's all done right. But we're still *already* adults, before entering into the relationship.

(in reply to WyrdRich)

Post #: 77

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:18:48 PM

Caretakr

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Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

You come across as contemptuous of adult behavior. Are you accustomed to child-like individuals?

    Do you mean childish behaviors like throwing little temper tantrums all over the place and pouting about having to repeat a task until it is done right?

    I suspect we have very different defintions of maturity and immaturity. I'll stick with mine thank you.

I'll be happy to leave you with as many piddly puppies as you could possibly desire.

(in reply to WyrdRich)

Post #: 78

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:20:39 PM

ImpGrrl

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In my relationship(s), if the s-type takes it upon themself to punish when the d-type has corrected/forgiven - it's a wrongful focus. It's focusing on themself and their feelings, rather than the desires and goals of the d-type. It's not how I desire my d/s relationships to run.

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Ok so now im a loser and selfish. I really wish i got off on being insulted by complete strangers cos then this would be fun.
How can you presume to know what is going through a subs head when she continues to punish herself unless you discuss it with her? Maybe if you took a little time to talk to your sub / slaves about these things more you would understand them a little better.
In my opinion a Master who takes no time to understand his slave is selfish and dangerous.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 79

RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:22:03 PM

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

You come across as contemptuous of adult behavior. Are you accustomed to child-like individuals?

Do you mean childish behaviors like throwing little temper tantrums all over the place and pouting about having to repeat a task until it is done right?

I suspect we have very different defintions of maturity and immaturity. I'll stick with mine thank you.

I'll be happy to leave you with as many piddly puppies as you could possibly desire.

He is in a happy relationship, Im sure he knows what he is doing.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Caretakr)