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RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:23:23 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

You come across as contemptuous of adult behavior. Are you accustomed to child-like individuals?


  Do you mean childish behaviors like throwing little temper tantrums all over the place and pouting about having to repeat a task until it is done right?

  I suspect we have very different defintions of maturity and immaturity.  I'll stick with mine thank you.




I'll be happy to leave you with as many piddly puppies as you could possibly desire.


He is in a happy relationship, Im sure he knows what he is doing.


For that particular relationship-only.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:25:08 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

For me personally this thread has become much more than a discussion on punishment.
It has brought to light a lot of judgemental posters who cannot see past their own noses.
It also raises the question of communictaion about important matters. There appears to be a lack of it between certain subs / doms here and that really isnt healthy.
Then theres the name calling, i alone am a loser who is selfish and in need of proffesional help.
We all have our opinions about things but when a person begins to state theirs as fact it is worrying for all those involved with those people.
 


I never reffered to you as a loser-you did that.

why?


I'm not going to bother flicking back to find your many insults. I'll just say that ive seen many of your posts before this and have always noticed your judgemental, i am always right posing.
All i can say is that you didnt appear to start this thread for any other reason than pandering to your ego. Again just my opinion.
 

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:25:33 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
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My guess is that you are either dating up, or dating down.
 
If you are dating up, you are interacting with people that have lots of baggage, which is why they are dating you in the first place.
 
If you are dating down, you haven't yet met that person that you desire so much, that you are willing to make accomodations to be with them.

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:28:08 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

For me personally this thread has become much more than a discussion on punishment.
It has brought to light a lot of judgemental posters who cannot see past their own noses.
It also raises the question of communictaion about important matters. There appears to be a lack of it between certain subs / doms here and that really isnt healthy.
Then theres the name calling, i alone am a loser who is selfish and in need of proffesional help.
We all have our opinions about things but when a person begins to state theirs as fact it is worrying for all those involved with those people.
 

I used to have an anxiety disorder called PTSD. I had a problem with guilt. I still have trouble with guilt. When my father died I blamed myself as a child. I thought I had way more control over the universe than I did. In ways when a submissive releases control this can be cathartic  with the right dominant. But as agirl states, there is a time to forgive oneself and then we can move on to the next lesson.

We are all fragile naked apes aren't we? Hairless and weak in the jungle of life and that can be very overwhelming. None of us are completely mature.. mature things have totally ripened and then they fall off the mother plant and die... Im not dead, so I am not completely mature.. neither are you, life is like that... don't be hard on yourself, life is hard enough as it is..smiles

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:29:10 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

For me personally this thread has become much more than a discussion on punishment.
It has brought to light a lot of judgemental posters who cannot see past their own noses.
It also raises the question of communictaion about important matters. There appears to be a lack of it between certain subs / doms here and that really isnt healthy.
Then theres the name calling, i alone am a loser who is selfish and in need of proffesional help.
We all have our opinions about things but when a person begins to state theirs as fact it is worrying for all those involved with those people.
 


I never reffered to you as a loser-you did that.

why?


I'm not going to bother flicking back to find your many insults. I'll just say that ive seen many of your posts before this and have always noticed your judgemental, i am always right posing.
All i can say is that you didnt appear to start this thread for any other reason than pandering to your ego. Again just my opinion.
 


Shrugs, and I'll stop pandering to yours.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:30:33 PM   
lilninotchka


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I've had past girls who thought I was an absolute bastard, for a certain attitude I had. You see,I won't punish. I don't think I should be enforcing someone keeping her word to me. And I don't feel that I should be catering to a girl atoning for HER guilt-when she childishly insists on beating herself up for screwing up.

Here's why. I won't be held responsible for someone eles's lack of emotional self control. If I cater to this nuerotic impulse, I only further reenforce it. I really hate having my time wasted by someone moping around-when there are things to be done. Get the fuck over yourself and deal with it, bitch.
And drama only encourages more.
You see,taking punishment is very catholic. There's really not a lot of consequence in avoiding the sin-if all you have to do is to pay some quick and easy penance. What I want to see happen, is work.
I can try to all the outside reenforcement in the world-and it usually won't work. The real nitty gritty and improvement comes when you force someone to take the proper personal accountability-and make them do the internal work, that corrects the attitudes and feelings that made the problems to begin wih.
Rather than slapping a bandage on the "boo boo".


Not undesrstanding why this is setting some people off here. Or maybe it does, and just doesn't think it should set them off (personal opinion of course). So he is refusing to enable behavior he finds unacceptable. That is a problem? Especially for people who are not contemplating a relationship with him?

A few other comments - not seeing anywhere where he said anybody was worthless, he has stated that he is not the one who can or will help them with 'big' issues that cause self-destructive behavior. Why would anyone want to deal with that anyway? That's what professionals are for...and speaking of professionals, not seeing where anybody 'diagnosed' anybody else here either. Personal opinion of possible diagnosis, yes. What is wrong with that?

This was so obviously intended to differentiate among those here who exhibit behaviors he doesn't like.

OP - hope you found the answers you were looking for from the ones you wanted them from. It's a real bummer when you find that someone is not really what you hoped they were or what they claimed to be. Sorry you were mixed up with some you found unacceptable and good luck finding the one that is. :)

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:31:42 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
never realised u were pandering to mine in the first place *laughs*.


_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:31:43 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

For me personally this thread has become much more than a discussion on punishment.
It has brought to light a lot of judgemental posters who cannot see past their own noses.
It also raises the question of communictaion about important matters. There appears to be a lack of it between certain subs / doms here and that really isnt healthy.
Then theres the name calling, i alone am a loser who is selfish and in need of proffesional help.
We all have our opinions about things but when a person begins to state theirs as fact it is worrying for all those involved with those people.
 

I used to have an anxiety disorder called PTSD. I had a problem with guilt. I still have trouble with guilt. When my father died I blamed myself as a child. I thought I had way more control over the universe than I did. In ways when a submissive releases control this can be cathartic  with the right dominant. But as agirl states, there is a time to forgive oneself and then we can move on to the next lesson.

We are all fragile naked apes aren't we? Hairless and weak in the jungle of life and that can be very overwhelming. None of us are completely mature.. mature things have totally ripened and then they fall off the mother plant and die... Im not dead, so I am not completely mature.. neither are you, life is like that... don't be hard on yourself, life is hard enough as it is..smiles


I did get the feeling that a lot of this was a disorder of some sort. I am admittedly not a trained therapist. So it became very irksome to be expected to perform as one. That's what my issue with this sort of thing is-why would a bottom set a Dominant up to fail like this?

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:32:28 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

    When you bring a new puppy home, do you expect it to behave like a properly trained adult dog?  Making a choice not to employ a physical punishment is fine but things don't happen just because we want them to and would rather not be bothered with the process. 


We are adult humans entering into adult human relationships.  We're not children, or "new puppies" in need of house-training.

There will always be mistakes - more in the beginning than later on, if it's all done right.  But we're still *already* adults, before entering into the relationship.





       I'm standing by my analogy.  I guess Cezar Milan will be working for years with all the people who associate puppies with children.  They are not.  A puppy is an extremely trainable innocent from the day they open their eyes.  They desire only to please who they love but need to learn how.  Exactly what I would want in a new sub/slave if I were seeking one.  Stay away from negative reinforcements and neglect and they will never screw up to get attention (though one might shit at the foot of your bed to make a point).

     

(in reply to ImpGrrl)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:33:33 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

never realised u were pandering to mine in the first place *laughs*.



Grins,I begin to wonder which is bigger,shall we toss a coin?

Let's just agree to disagree, and maybe we can both learn something. Stranger things have happened.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:34:47 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

   When you bring a new puppy home, do you expect it to behave like a properly trained adult dog?  Making a choice not to employ a physical punishment is fine but things don't happen just because we want them to and would rather not be bothered with the process. 


We are adult humans entering into adult human relationships.  We're not children, or "new puppies" in need of house-training.

There will always be mistakes - more in the beginning than later on, if it's all done right.  But we're still *already* adults, before entering into the relationship.





      I'm standing by my analogy.  I guess Cezar Milan will be working for years with all the people who associate puppies with children.  They are not.  A puppy is an extremely trainable innocent from the day they open their eyes.  They desire only to please who they love but need to learn how.  Exactly what I would want in a new sub/slave if I were seeking one.  Stay away from negative reinforcements and neglect and they will never screw up to get attention (though one might shit at the foot of your bed to make a point).

    


Puppies come with clean slates,subs arrive with baggage.

BIG difference.

(in reply to WyrdRich)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:35:02 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr
It's a much more peaceful way to live.


Oh please. Neither your initial rant nor any of your bellicose rejoinders gives the least sign of coming from someone at peace.

You didn't post to answer a question nor to ask one, which seems to leave wide open the range types of replies that would be appropriate.

Here's mine.

You came on here today either simply to piss and moan or to advertise your goods in the hope of attracting a partner. While your mission in starting the thread is ambiguous between these two interpretations, the personal impression you have given is a clear one.

The impression I get from your contributions to this thread:

You're a very bright person but kind of narrow--and bitter. You are a person who feels that a large class of people with a dynamic and/or kink you don't approve of is worthy of your public derision. Of course you have never even met most of these people and have no idea what this dynamic might mean to them in the contexts of their own lives and experiences. Kind of like the vanilla blowhards who "know all about" kinky people and dimiss them as a group rudely. One wonders whether they do this based on a few unrepresentative personal experience or perhaps based on some of their own repressed fears.

But back to my impression of your presentation in this thread.

Interestingly you're very pleased to engage in name-calling as part of your diatribe against emotional immaturity.

You lack patience, which of course is a variety of self-control.

In terms of communication style you seem adversarial, eager to control every inch of territory you can, on the thinnest pretext, and unwilling to pause to consider viewpoints which run opposed or at angles to your own.

You've had partners in the past but now you find yourself alone again. Still, you want to be with someone. In reference to your previous relationships you don't have a word to say about what in your behavior or approach contributed to the demise of those relationships. In each case, "they" seem to have been been the problem, your most culpable act having been again and again and again to choose losers or selfish people.

You have some significant unresolved issues having to do with relgion. The good news for prospective partners is that you won't consciously ask them to help you deal with them. The bad news is that you lack any intention to deal with these issues yourself but would rather wallow and even glory in them in just the same way that you find unacceptable for others with their own issues.

In tone this rant of yours and your follow-ups manage overall to sound self-pitying, arrogant and pissy all at once.


If you just came here to piss and moan I hope you've got it out of your system so that we can look forward to some of your more stimulating contributions. If you came here primarily to advertise, well, I suppose there are subs out there who will bite on that kind of bait. There are all kinds.

I've read a lot of your other posts, Caretakr. They have to varying degrees given different impressions of you. Overall I have gotten the impression of a fairly substantial person and I'll bet that's an accurate impression. It isn't as though I keep a list but you are one of a couple dozen people here I find consistently worth reading, partly because when you aren't sounding so pre-menstrual/oppressed-by-your-sad-fate you bring worthwhile observations from a point of view different from mine. This tends to be true whether we happen to agree or disagree on a given subject.

This thread, though, sounds like it was started by a puffed-up little whiner who needs to get laid.

There. Now we have both freely expresed our unsolicited opinions on topics of our own choosing. Isn't this great?

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:37:52 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr


I'll be happy to leave you with as many piddly puppies as you could possibly desire.


      No thanks...  I'm not interested in dealing with your damaged goods.

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:41:43 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
Oh, hi Noah!

Sure yes indeedy, I have my own baggage. Which I am trying to sort through.

The reason I am whining about this issue, is that I beat myself up over it on occasion. I'm trying to understand where it comes from, for I seemed to attract this sort.

I think it had a lot to do with my origional, rather silly "white knight healer", idiocy. Eventually, I got slapped around by enough of these women to get over it.

Still I run across the occasional one who sort of makes me shrink back down inside,very bad memories. And it's a knee jerk preservation reaction.....insanity in close proximity can be contageous.

So I pretty much look for the opposite now.

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:42:50 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr


I'll be happy to leave you with as many piddly puppies as you could possibly desire.


     No thanks...  I'm not interested in dealing with your damaged goods.


No one does,but you have to spot them first. Half of this thread is as a service to my bretheren.

(in reply to WyrdRich)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:44:08 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

He is in a happy relationship, Im sure he knows what he is doing.



     Well, you got the first part right, but as for knowing what I'm doing.....
      Just doing what seems best one day at a time and trying to never repeat the mistakes of the past or let delusions about how it's all "supposed to be" get in the way of just how good it is.

      Thanks for the compliment

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:46:18 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

never realised u were pandering to mine in the first place *laughs*.



Grins,I begin to wonder which is bigger,shall we toss a coin?

Let's just agree to disagree, and maybe we can both learn something. Stranger things have happened.


Well i've learnt that apparently i have a big ego lol.
So yep stranger things and all that.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:47:24 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

never realised u were pandering to mine in the first place *laughs*.



Grins,I begin to wonder which is bigger,shall we toss a coin?

Let's just agree to disagree, and maybe we can both learn something. Stranger things have happened.


Well i've learnt that apparently i have a big ego lol.
So yep stranger things and all that.


Ego is fine, just know where it comes from.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:49:41 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

.....insanity in close proximity can be contageous.





     Ok, this gets an AMEN!!!  Preach on Caretakr!!!! 

   And not even 1200 posts before it happened....   It could be the monkeys typing Shakespeare thing but I'm hoping it's a speck of gold.

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Getting over it - 7/22/2006 12:49:53 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
And Noah?

I have an enormous amount of patience-but only when I see potential actually being sought.

If not, it's pretty much impossible for me not to become apathetic, and lose interest.

For a fire to burn, it must be fed.

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 100
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