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Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 12:31:30 PM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
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From: Hollywood Hills, CA
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ok.. i can't help but ask this of the Mistresses & Female Dominants amongst us.

can someone please explain to me why males are always complaining that some dommes want/expect/demand/require tribute.. yet not many dommes seem to complain about all of the sexual requests/wants/expectations/demands placed upon us.

for me, i don't use my slaves sexually.. i prefer dominant men. if i DID fuck my slaves he sure as hell wouldn't be someone that approached me offering that.

rather than piss and moan about it, i simply just pass these males up.

why do they think it's a submissive act to do something to us that we could get in any vanilla relationship?

so let me get this straight.. it's ok for *subs* to approach dominants with a xmas list of sexual activities they want to engage in?

i truly feel these are the males that view professional domination or dommes that accept tribute or gifts as prostitution because they primarily equate their servitude as sexual..

why is it that they have such an aversion to gifting or tributing, but have NO problem sticking their tongues up a stranger's ass, into her pussy, eating shit, being pissed on etc?

and i know i can't be the only woman that doesn't use her slaves sexually. i have done it in the past.. and i'm not saying i won't ever do it again, but anyone that approaches me SPECIFICALLY for sexual service has always turned me off- especially from someone that doesn't even serve me in any other capacity. shit, that's just a kinky booty call. what the fuck?

if someone is in a committed relationship with her slave and she chooses to utilize him sexually, i feel that's entirely different than these twats that approach dommes with a wishlist of sexual things they want from her, claiming to be a *slave* or a *sub* when in stark reality.. all they want is to get off in a kinky or fetishy fashion.

any thoughts?

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One Man's Phobia is Another Man's Fetish

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 1:11:04 PM

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Dear Mistress.

Do me, do me, do this to me, do that to me, do this other thing to me, wear these clothes while you are doing it, force me to do these other things, and by the way I expect some kinky sex acts.

Here is a picture of my big hard cock for Your pleasure. I've only sent it to 6,342 women on this site so far, so it should make you feel really special that I'm sending it to you too. I won't pay you money because pros are so selfish and demanding. You have to do all this stuff to me just because You like it, and if you don't, then obviously you are not a Real Domme.

I didn't actually read your profile and I could care less about what you are looking for or who you are as a person. I just want you to wear sexy clothes and do me. I'm married and sneaking around so discretion is a must. I expect you to stay in your dungeon and never talk to me if you happen to see me on the street with my real friends and family. I can't give You my phone number or my real name either.

But I'm really, really submissive. In fact, I am your total sex slave. To prove it here is another picture of my big hard cock in bondage. If you're a Real Domme you will write back immediately.

Submissively,

Your Slave

< Message edited by Najakcharmer -- 9/29/2006 1:24:37 PM >

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 1:22:59 PM

Posts: 5587
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From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyFtshGoddess
and i know i can't be the only woman that doesn't use her slaves sexually. i have done it in the past.. and i'm not saying i won't ever do it again, but anyone that approaches me SPECIFICALLY for sexual service has always turned me off- especially from someone that doesn't even serve me in any other capacity. shit, that's just a kinky booty call. what the fuck?

Just my thoughts:
If you don't want to be seen as a sex object, take most of the picture on your profile down. They're VERY nice, but they do rather send a message that you WANT men who are sexually motivated. You're making it hard on yourself if you're looking for service oriented men.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 1:52:55 PM

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From: Southern Illinois
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No, you're not the only Domme that doesn't have sex with their sub/slave. Just thought I'd clear that up.

MrsShadows

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"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:02:20 PM

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I don't want to fuck the subs either...I am turned on by doms not sub males. But as a pro you have to do some of the things listed by the client. As just a fun session I am not required to have sex. It's common for pros not to be sexual with clients. In fact, if you are you could be arrested for prostitution. So better not to have that kind of contact.

(in reply to TheShadows)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:19:16 PM

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From: Toronto
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyFtshGoddess

can someone please explain to me why males are always complaining that some dommes want/expect/demand/require tribute..

I don't think males are ALWAYS complaining about it, but absolute statements are noted to be the best way of arguing rationally.

quote:

rather than piss and moan about it, i simply just pass these males up.

As this thread proves.

quote:

why do they think it's a submissive act to do something to us that we could get in any vanilla relationship?

Yeah. Like cleaning a house. That's not submissive.

quote:

so let me get this straight.. it's ok for *subs* to approach dominants with a xmas list of sexual activities they want to engage in?

Free country.

quote:

i truly feel these are the males that view professional domination or dommes that accept tribute or gifts as prostitution because they primarily equate their servitude as sexual..

Kinda one of those "Do you still beat your wife" statements. If you say that they are prostitutes, you are immediately in the (obviously) less valuable category of "sexual" submissives.

quote:

why is it that they have such an aversion to gifting or tributing, but have NO problem sticking their tongues up a stranger's ass, into her pussy, eating shit, being pissed on etc?

Because many people who expect money give nothing in return, whereas the people who only want a fantasy to fulfill do not see that they return nothing to most dommes either. Really, both are looking for opposite sides of a completely impersonal transaction.

Anyway, just wanted to say how right you are in pointing us all on the path to enlightenment, and kudos (once again) to Master Fire.

Yours,

benji

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Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:22:32 PM

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I for one won't EVER pay for pro-domination. But if some FOOL wants to part with his OR HER money to pay for this stuff...thats their trip...definately not mine.
Last time I checked...Pro-domination wasn't about sex whatsoever. Its basically pay-for-play BDSM.

I'm not predjudice when it comes to my lovemaking. Dominant or submissive..it doesn't matter. As long as you have a soul and a good conscience...and have
a decent appearance and hygene habits...who cares what way you lean.

_____________________________

A great mind must be androgynous
Samuel Coleridge

The uniting of the feminine and the masculine is the highest form of human development Carl Jung

(in reply to degradess)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:24:34 PM

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Master Fire, usually I have great respect for your words but I have to disagree on this point.

If a woman dresses in a manner that she feels comfortably fits her personality wether it be construed as "sexy" or not, should still not be an open invitation for sex. If so, then all the rapists that have used a similar argument for their defense would have a valid point. Granted, this is just my personal opinion, but anyone that would determine a woman's motives based entirely upon her attire is someone I don't wish to know. If I wear a fitted black evening gown with a low neckline and a pair of high heels it is considered sexy, it does not mean I want to have sex. Anyone that approached me with that assumption would be firmly put in their place.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to degradess)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:29:14 PM

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From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
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I would have to agree with Fire on this one; you are what you protray... if she is protraying herself as a Pro trix then she needs to accept people's conclusions- hard but fact....
MASTER Rocker

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:33:32 PM

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LaT,

You know I love ya, but have you scrolled through her pics?

Sexy dress is one thing, but advertising with close ups of one's ass, and one's ass only, in one picture probably goes under "leading on ass-men."

As I've said before, communication is not about what she says, it's about what he understands. And if someone advertised with a picture of their ass, I would assume that body part has some relevance in our potential relationship, whatever form that may take.

Yours,

benji
T & A man de luxe

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:34:09 PM

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I guess a person has to be able to read to figure out that she isn't.............

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MASTERRocker)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:40:02 PM

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Benji, perhaps it all comes down to the difference between the male brain and the female brain. I honestly do not automatically assume when I see a photo of any specific body part that they want multiple people giving it oral homage. I see the pictures more as erotic photo art. Of course the fact that I am A. an artist B. a photographer C. a collector of pin-ups etc......may give me a different perspective also. When I look at a playboy magazine I don't automatically assume the woman wants the viewers to paw her parts either. I look and think wow, nice. Or, ewww bad boob job, hair, makeup, whatever. Now if the photos were explicite crotch shots, etc.......I would think differently, but their are not.....soooooooo

AND even though our brains differ, I still love you too

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 9/29/2006 2:41:12 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:42:57 PM

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From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
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I agree that men and women think, and function differently; that is what is a beautiful thing...........

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:43:31 PM

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Fetishes have sexual connotations-that's why they tend to be in adult book/video stores. I have not seen the movies mixed in with casual family fare. A major issue is managed expectations. A lack of clear communication up front is all that matters. And whether people want to admit it or ignore it, people dressed in sexually provocative outfits will have people come up to them who are sexually provoked. This is not hard stuff. As for making judgements on men sneaking around-I have seen many wives sneaking around with other husbands sneaking around, as well as unmarried. These are people issues, not gender, and maybe after you have been married for ten years or more you may have a different opinion. As for dissing other people's fetishes-what prevents them from thinking our own fetishes are not valid or inappropriate? As long as people do not hurt others, or themselves, and that is clearly communicated-then those are adult choices. Judging is a tricky thing...

(in reply to MASTERRocker)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:44:21 PM

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Reply to the OP:

I know this wasn't addressed to the submissive side, but Im going to put something in here that may or may not shed a little bit of light.

There are many ways that a sub/slave can be of service; one of them is sexual. This doesnt mean that all Dominants want that or that all dominants want any other type of service exclusively, it just means that sexual service is just as legitmate as...say....housecleaning service.

Im not clear on the undercurrent that those who wish to be of sexual use are somehow just "kinky" and those who want to clean house are "service oriented". Both (sexual and cleaning ) can be viewed as services. I mean, if a sub boy writes on his "xmas list" that he wants to be used to clean your toilet, rub your feet and wash you car, how is that really any different than one who puts on his list that he wants to used to go down on you and stick his tongue up your ass? You only need to find someone who wants to give what you want to take.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:45:16 PM

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I believe that the primary reason men pay tribute to Dommes is to avoid having to "pay" anything else -- affection, time, aftercare, etc. (The qualification of "primary" is that I understand there are a few men who actually are gratified by paying tribute, and therefore the experience of financial domination/humiliation is part of their kink. I don't get it, but I accept that it is out there.)

This is not a negative statement. I'm not dissing or demeaning financial domination, or the paying or acceptance of tribute. I'm pointing out that to both Domme and sub in a financially based transaction, it is the payment that allows the sub to set the rules regarding his lack of responsibility for other actions. In that light, the "do me" sub Najakcharmer so aptly parodies is simply expressing his side of the "bargain" -- I pay you Ma'am, and therefore here are my "submissive" demands.

As has been said in another context: "Men don't pay you to stay. They pay you to go away."

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:47:00 PM

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In other words, if a sub sent you a picture of his cock, you would not assume he wants to flaunt it? We are, after all, on a site which most members view primarily as a dating site. So any picture that gets posted should be considered from the "What will someone else think when they see this" angle.

If you choose to ignore that aspect, and say "I have the right to post whatever I want! And I also have the right to bitch when I get harassed!" then all I can do is pity anyone who can't just close the browser to get away from you.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:49:23 PM

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Using fast reply......

I just had another thought also. Alot of it could be difference in lifestyle and location. For example: a woman that lives in Hawaii, has a great body and spends alot of time on the beach would probably wear a thong bikini and think nothing of posting a photo of herself in such. If a guy from around here (podunk Iowa) saw that he would have a whole different thought process about her than a guy that also lived in Hawaii and spent alot of time on the beach.

Just a thought....

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to alliecd)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:50:59 PM

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I don't know. I'm a female and I gotta agree with Benji. A picture of one's ass is a picture of one's ass. Now, I don't believe that dressing sexy is an invitation, but it certainly can be misconstrued. Yes, one could read the profile, but how many threads have we had on "why don't (fill in the blank) read profiles before emailing me?"

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Why all submissives are all about sex?? - 9/29/2006 2:52:45 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

In other words, if a sub sent you a picture of his cock, you would not assume he wants to flaunt it? We are, after all, on a site which most members view primarily as a dating site. So any picture that gets posted should be considered from the "What will someone else think when they see this" angle.

If you choose to ignore that aspect, and say "I have the right to post whatever I want! And I also have the right to bitch when I get harassed!" then all I can do is pity anyone who can't just close the browser to get away from you.

Yours,

benji

Now benji, calm yourself. An ass cheek is different than a shot of a pussy the same as it is different than a picture of your puppy pecker. Granted there is a fine line but to ME, there is a difference. I can go to the beach with my ass cheeks hanging out (granted no one WANTS me to) but I would not get arrested.

Awwww benji, is this our first lovers quarrel???

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 9/29/2006 2:54:05 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

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