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Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 1:59:44 PM

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Joined: 10/11/2006
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When meeting a possible master for the first time is sex a must?, something that is expected?

2 scenarios- you've met online and talked a few times and have decided to meet for coffee--is sex expected? and is a sub suposed to be ready and willing for that?

Second Scenario- you've met online and have been talking for weeks/months and He has been your online Dom for weeks even months-- is sex expected? is it a requirment here?

Both scenarios sex was not discussed prior to meeting.

I'd just like some input..i'm fairly new and would just like some general information.
Thanks Andee

RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 2:05:44 PM

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Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: andeebaybee

When meeting a possible master for the first time is sex a must?, something that is expected?

2 scenarios- you've met online and talked a few times and have decided to meet for coffee--is sex expected? and is a sub suposed to be ready and willing for that?

Second Scenario- you've met online and have been talking for weeks/months and He has been your online Dom for weeks even months-- is sex expected? is it a requirment here?

Both scenarios sex was not discussed prior to meeting.

I'd just like some input..i'm fairly new and would just like some general information.
Thanks Andee

There is no standard protocal for when to have sex with someone. It all depends on the individuals involved.

If the other person is saying that it is expected because that's the way things are done in this life...well, then I would go out of my way to prove him wrong

but that's just me lol.

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(in reply to andeebaybee)

RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 2:07:56 PM

diamonddreamlove

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Not a Master but the answer is absolutely NO to both. Be safe first get to really know them and that takes more than 5 minutes in person. If the Master EXPECTS sex on the first meet then perhaps a new master would be appropriate to look for. That said if you are into one night stands in the vanilla world having sex with whoever looks your way then maybe that is good for you. But for me even the expectation of sex on the first meeting would have the first meeting put off probably forever. I have done online and yes one can get to know the person they are talking to quite well as far as the written and sometimes voice on the phone decides to share and if they are sharing the truth. But i prefer caution and i can not imagine not taking precautions. Now if i had those precautions set in advance and there was no expectation of sex and well wow couldn't stop myself i would still stop myself lol. It just is not worth the risk to you physically or emotionally. Is just my opinion and how i operate and i sure wish someone had said that to me when i first started this journey cause i probably would not have changed how i did things but would have been more likely to hit the block button.

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RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 2:10:22 PM

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Here are a few threads that address that:

Play Sessions & First Meets

Playing on a first meeting

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RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 2:12:55 PM

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From: All over now in Minnesota
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Personally I do not care about how many times you have IMed and talked on the phone. Meeting the first time with a potential Dom is like a first date with a regular person. Safety and judgement need to apply. The reality is that it is up to both of you. I am sure some here have had sex on the first metting and some never had and some in between.

But certainly it is not something that he should push or demand on you. To me that would be a red flag run for the hills moment.

(in reply to Kalira)

RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 2:12:49 PM

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I would like to hear some more answers to this question also. I run into many Doms who either want sex or want instant obedience and I barely know them. That is why i have given up looking for now.

(in reply to andeebaybee)

RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 2:12:59 PM

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i am not a Dom so i'm not sure i am supposed to reply but i did want to say that it is really a bad idea to have sex on an initial meeting UNLESS that was discussed and agreed upon ahead of time. Some people still meet in a bar and get laid that same evening but most people would say that is rather reckless to say the least. However, it depends on what kind of dynamic you want. If you want a primarily sexual or casual-sexual relationship then use good judgement, safe sex and a safe-call. i think the first meeting will set down the first building block on the relationship's foundation so ask yourself what kind of structure are you wanting to build?

i already have booty-call friends so i don't need to meet sexual partners and i am only seeking that which has some long-term potential. i have insisted ahead of time that there will be no sex on the initial in-person meeting. i've been stood up a lot but that's just a waste of make-up and nothing more and i consider myself better off. i have also had the pleasure of meeting some really wonderful Doms and several who have remained friends even when there was no touching other than a brief kiss good-bye.

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RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 2:21:48 PM

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From: PA
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The gentleman I have been talking to for a few months has made it quite clear that the decision as to when that act is done is up to me and solely to me and most definetly not at the first meeting.

(in reply to eyesopened)

RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 2:29:22 PM

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I am a Dom. I do not want sex or any kind of sex act on the first few meetings. I want to first see if there is a connection, then respect and then obedience. So if a sub/slave meets me for the first time and wants to a sexual encounter,its not a good sign for me that this would be the right sudmissive for me. I have sex partners and not looking for anymore of them at this time. Guess that is why I still seek my true slave.

Queetee

(in reply to freyjasdottir)

RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 2:41:59 PM

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I personaly dont believe that either person should be commited into having sex before the first meeting. Perhaps if you have known each other online for several months... exchanged photos then it might be a posibility but I dont think it should be expected in any way.
People can be really nice online and assholes in person. Sometimes when you meet in person things are just plain off and dont click. It would be foolish (in my opinion) to tell someone you havent met that you are going to have sex with them. Then there is the first time sex when you find out the person does not do what they say they do

(in reply to freyjasdottir)

RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 2:55:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsnowywolf

I would like to hear some more answers to this question also. I run into many Doms who either want sex or want instant obedience and I barely know them. That is why i have given up looking for now.

I've run into the same thing as well and I hate it. I posted a thread once asking why doms expect sex on the first or second date and lose interest if they don't get it. The general response was, if a woman doesn't put out by the second date, she is leading him on. Makes it hard for women who are kinky, but not easy.

(in reply to lilsnowywolf)

RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 3:06:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsnowywolf

I would like to hear some more answers to this question also. I run into many Doms who either want sex or want instant obedience and I barely know them. That is why i have given up looking for now.

Agree!!! although I think it's cause the net has the reputation for being a breeding ground for easy sex. Or so the Add's say, just read um over ------------->
Then we wander into sites that cater to kink expecting to be taken seriously.
No different then being a memeber of Match.com in all honesty, just were more open about talking about sex then they are!! I look at any potential meet with someone new as this. Yes, they will have sex on their mind, it's up to me if they get it. Yes there is a chance too that they'll expect obedience but I can guarentee they wont see that on day 1!!

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(in reply to lilsnowywolf)

RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 3:09:21 PM

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(fast reply)

While I'm not a Master, I did want to just stop in and echo that there is no protocol other than what mutual feelings, attraction and feeling comfortable dictate. As already stated, a first meet should establish mutual attraction, (or lack thereof), and give both people a sense of whether there is potential to continue toward a real-time relationship.

While some may have entitlement issues, expecting instant submission, particularly including sexual acts, with someone akin to a virtual stranger is ridiculous. Never, ever feel anything should be 'expected' of you other than to be yourself, to be reasonably polite, and to be present at the time and place agreed upon. As mentioned, this is very similar to a 'first date'.

To demand or expect anything else reeks of someone 'playing' at being a Dominant, and apparently unreasonable in their consideration for growing such an acquaintance into a genuine relationship.

A sincere, mature and sensible man will respect you as a person, as a woman, and then as a submissive, and his behavior should courteously reflect this, IMO.

Best,

Thea

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 3:18:05 PM

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Though often when first meeting someone it has been after many months of IMs, telephone or webcam conversations, I find people can sometimes be very different in person. Though I do understand some people are confortable enough to have sex the first time they meet, I much prefer to wait. Even if it a very long distance meeting, generally you will have the chance to meet again. I much prefer to go to lunch or something of the sorts and would rarely, if ever, sleep with them.

D/s or not, take it the way you would when meeting anyone for the first time, whether or not you've been "collared" online for months.

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(in reply to andeebaybee)

RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 3:18:11 PM

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I have a standard rule that i never sleep with someone on the first date. I've broken it once

hehe but i'm still seeing Him so it's all good.

Only you can decide what is rigth for you. If someone is demanding that you put out because they bought you a coffee and a muffin, then feel free to tell them to go eat their hat. No one has the right to tell you what to do with your body. Well until you give them that right, and even then you can still say no at any time. Just means you might be single again is all.

Just because we're kinkier then other people does not mean we are more sexually easy or promiscuous then anyone else. Some people are and some people aren't

You can only do what feels right for you. Sometimes the best intention and best laid plans go flying out the window after spending a few hours together and knowing niether of you want to say goodnight.and sometimes after the first 30 seconds you just wish to heck you could make a quick exit.

I talked to a guy online for a couple months, he was great. Funny, smart, etc. When we met the first time he just totally made my skin crawl. Totally bad vibes. You can never tell through IM, chat or even phone who someone really is. It's a great way to make a connection but until you can look into their eyes you have no idea what or who you are dealing with.

Basically if someone told me i was expected to "play" on the first meeting, i'd probably never meet them. Would be a direct "thanks but no thanks, that's not how i do things" *S*

darn gremlins are moving keys around again

< Message edited by akisha -- 10/24/2006 3:20:09 PM >

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RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 7:49:24 PM

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Before I meet someone, terms are already negociated. Nothing is required outside of what has already been discussed and understood to happen beyond that.

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RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 7:57:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: andeebaybee

When meeting a possible master for the first time is sex a must?, something that is expected?

2 scenarios- you've met online and talked a few times and have decided to meet for coffee--is sex expected? and is a sub suposed to be ready and willing for that?

Second Scenario- you've met online and have been talking for weeks/months and He has been your online Dom for weeks even months-- is sex expected? is it a requirment here?

Both scenarios sex was not discussed prior to meeting.

I'd just like some input..i'm fairly new and would just like some general information.
Thanks Andee

I will give you a third scenario

You met online and have been talking for months. You travel 3000 miles to visit and meet this Dominant in the flesh and confirm to yourselves all that has been exchanged in hours upon hours of communication phone, chat and emails. When you finally met him... you know without doubt that you are his. He as asks you what you want. and all you can do is respond with "I want to be yours". He then accepts you and then uses you appropriately to satisify his desires.

This is a highlight of the scenario between kyra and myself.... I will be using her for the rest of her life.

_____________________________

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to andeebaybee)

RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 7:58:28 PM

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: andeebaybee

When meeting a possible master for the first time is sex a must?, something that is expected?

2 scenarios- you've met online and talked a few times and have decided to meet for coffee--is sex expected? and is a sub suposed to be ready and willing for that?

Second Scenario- you've met online and have been talking for weeks/months and He has been your online Dom for weeks even months-- is sex expected? is it a requirment here?

Both scenarios sex was not discussed prior to meeting.

Sex is not required nor should it be expected at a first meet. If the one you're meeting is pushing and/or demanding it especially with the old "if you don't you're not a true/real submissive" or "you have to because I'm the Master/Dom lines, then I'd move on and cut contact. Definitely not the type I'd be with or continue contact with. Just my view.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to andeebaybee)

RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 8:02:04 PM

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That is beautiful and so very different from the scenarios that came to my mind. It's wonderful to hear of the good/positive experiences in such situations.

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Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

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RE: Sex on First Meeting.. - 10/24/2006 8:05:15 PM

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I would never have sex on the first meeting with a sub. I would want to sit and chat, get to know them better and they get to know me better. If someone is rushing into sex, It makes me think that is what they are more interested in, the sex rather than the person they are meeting.

I would say since your a sub you do what YOU feel is right and not what others or even this Dom tells you. Believe me people are alot different in real life then they are on the phone/internet. So just be careful and good luck,

~Lashra

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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to andeebaybee)

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