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submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 12:51:09 PM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Do you think one submissive/slave could mentor another? Or can a mentor only be someone who is more dominant?

If you are a sub/slave have you ever mentored someone else?

The person being mentored gets the others advice, wisdom and experience but what are they giving back?

I would really like to find somone to provide some mentoring for me but I feel it is wrong to ask someone for something and I would be willing to give in return but I don't know what I could give.

Post #: 1

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 12:57:56 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Do you think one submissive/slave could mentor another?
Yes, why not.
I think to a certain extent some of the more experienced doms/masters, slaves/subs in here give mentoring to all those who ask for advice on the boards. Ok its not one on one but still very helpful and similar in my opinion.
If you are a sub/slave have you ever mentored someone else?
No, i havent got the experience to mentor anyone.
The person being mentored gets the others advice, wisdom and experience but what are they giving back?
Maybe the person mentoring just gets the satisfaction of heping someone.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 2

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 1:01:28 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

There are several BDSM groups in Colorado...and most include mentoring programs. Generally mentors are 'same sex'; an experienced femsub with an inexperienced one, a male Dom mentors a less experienced male Dom, a FemDom for another FemDom...a male-sub with experience would mentor one with less experience.

What is the mentor given back? The joy of giving back what they got when they discovered 'The Lifestyle'. People never quit learning...you would probably be a joy for anybody mentoring you.
Choosing someone who is a submissive also prevents that age old problem of 'transference' ...where the sub or the Dom cross mentoring-bounderies and begin playing or worse; confuse D/s with the mentoring (a perfect way to mess up a mentoring relationship!).

beverly

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 3

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 1:05:54 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Kisshou,

If you give a mentor courtesy, respect as you feel due them, truth and honesty in how you are feeling and what you are seeking from them, they will be well paid for the time and effort they give to you. If you, in your turn do the same thing one day, then you also give them honor for passing along their knowledge to someone new.

I'd suggest having at least a few people mentor you rather than just one. This way, you get a diversity of input and where your mentors intersect and where they divurge can be easily seen and enable 'you' to make the choices you need so as to enhance your journey.

I have mentored for about 12 years or so .. although I can't claim that the number exceeds double digits. ::chuckles:: In fact, I take it so seriously, that in those dozen or so years, there have been less than 10 that I could say that I've truly mentored because I don't care to spread myself to thin. It's not fair to me or to someone I've agreed to mentor if I'm simply unavailable because there are so many who need attention. (It's why I take claims of people who say they've mentored in the 100's with a grain of salt.)

In addition, I won't take on the role of mentor for more than one person at a time. If there is someone you'd like to bounce ideas off of, someone who speaks to your heart that you view as a mentor, you should feel free to write to them and ask them if it's a job they'd like to take on. If they feel they need 'payment' for taking on the role (in the form of play, sex, $ etc), think long and hard before asking them to mentor you because mentorship is volunteer work, not a for-profit business. :) You, of course, have the luxury of the forums where everyone and their brother will be happy to give you advice. ::chuckles:: But for one-on-one, it's almost like finding a dominant or a submissive.. the good ones are mostly taken and are few and far between, so be a bit picky in choosing a mentor. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 4

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 1:06:23 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I've mentored submissives and dominants alike. We are all on different levels and I am much more dominant than many dominants.
I have more education in the lifestyle than most out there.
Seen much more....it makes me a prime candidate. Though I have never actively searched out anyone to mentor. It takes a lot of time and effort.
What does a mentor get in return...well freindship. Usually one for life.
If you are searching for a mentor, find someone you respect and ask them. Most who go out and "offer" to mentor are usually people who want to use you for some reason. That has been my experience anyway.
A mentor should never cross the platonic boundries ever.

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 5

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 1:08:59 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou
Do you think one submissive/slave could mentor another? Or can a mentor only be someone who is more dominant?

I think if more dominants took on submissive mentors that we'd have a much higher level of behavior from dominants in general.

quote:

If you are a sub/slave have you ever mentored someone else?

Not formally.

quote:

The person being mentored gets the others advice, wisdom and experience but what are they giving back?

The opportunity for the mentor to grow in their own perspectives and methods. A good teacher always learns as much from the student as the student learns from them.

quote:

I would really like to find somone to provide some mentoring for me but I feel it is wrong to ask someone for something and I would be willing to give in return but I don't know what I could give.

Someone shouldn't offer mentoring unless they accept what they will receive to begin with.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_519882/mpage_1/key_mentoring/tm.htm#519990
What exactly is a mentor supposed to do for/with a submissive?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_95421/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#95421
Mentors/Protectors for newbies dom/domme?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_139851/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#139851
Out of my depth, patience and its virtues

http://www.collarchat.com/m_149477/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#149477
My advice for novice female submissives

http://www.collarchat.com/m_210166/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#210166
Mentors, what are they and how do they help?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_283883/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#283883
Mentors

http://www.collarchat.com/m_493886/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#493886
Mentors (2)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 6

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 1:47:16 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

Do you think one submissive/slave could mentor another? Or can a mentor only be someone who is more dominant?

If you are a sub/slave have you ever mentored someone else?

The person being mentored gets the others advice, wisdom and experience but what are they giving back?

I would really like to find somone to provide some mentoring for me but I feel it is wrong to ask someone for something and I would be willing to give in return but I don't know what I could give.

There's actualyl a whole school of thought that if you want a slave trained properly, have another, more experienced, senior slave train them. I think there's a lot to be said about that school of thought.

Offer service. Even other slaves like to have chores done for them.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 7

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 1:49:52 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I think in a strict sense of mentoring that another submissive should be the mentor to a submissive.

What does a mentor get out of it? I think if a person chooses to be a mentor that they are one, probably like the person they are mentoring and two, probably enjoy talking about the thing they are mentoring and sharing their knowledge and wisdom. In general people like to feel important and that they can make a positive difference.

I cannot say I have ever mentored anyone but I can say I have been a main sounding board for several people as they took there relationships to 24/7.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 2:22:16 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

Do you think one submissive/slave could mentor another? Or can a mentor only be someone who is more dominant?

Personally, I believe that a mentor should be someone of the same gender/ orientation as the person being mentored.. only with more experience.

I have a hard time understanding how a male dom is supposed to help a female submissive understand what it is she is feeling, needing, etc (outside of the actual D/s relationship which is a totally different animal than mentoring).

I think when you find someone of the same gender and orientation, they are much better able to help understand what is going on inside someone. Kind of a been there done that thing.

To me this is no different than an apprentice/journeyman type relationship.. how many drywall apprentices do you know are going to learn the trade from an electrician journeyman?

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 9

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 3:02:21 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

Do you think one submissive/slave could mentor another? Or can a mentor only be someone who is more dominant?

Yes. I feel that there are certains situations and feelings only another sub/slave can understand and relate to, or at least understand and relate easier and better.

quote:

If you are a sub/slave have you ever mentored someone else?

Yes, informally. A dominant, actually.

quote:

The person being mentored gets the others advice, wisdom and experience but what are they giving back?

I get the joy of helping someone else. It's to be helpful. I feel that people coming into the lifestyle need help and grounding, along with advice on how to be respectful and ensure the safety of everyone involved. People did it for me (still are really), and now it is becoming my turn to help and guide others as much as I can.

quote:

I would really like to find somone to provide some mentoring for me but I feel it is wrong to ask someone for something and I would be willing to give in return but I don't know what I could give.

I feel mentoring helps prevent dominants who feel they can slap a collar aorund any old neck, regardless of consent, and prevents submissives run around calling me "sister" without permission and playing the "I'm more subbly then you!" games. I'm an only child, you aren't my friend and I don't care if you clean your dom's dog's toes off with your tongue. Frankly, I view mentoring as something that doesn't need to be repaid because you are helping yourself by ensuring a lack of stupidity in community.

PS. Not there that is anything wrong with calling other subs "sister" or "brother" if they approve of it. Or licking your dominant's dog's toes if that is what works for you. Though I think the dog would think you are insane.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 10

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 3:26:41 PM

MmakeMme

Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline

I believe a sub / slave could mentor another, provided there is input from the Dom (if sub or slave is training another for a particular Sir). My Sir has asked that I train sub sisters when I have learned more about my own submission, but I will have access to His input.

If there is no Sir or Master to guide, I believe a sub / slave could very well train another. Who better to do it than the one who walks the walk?

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 11

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 3:32:44 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

Do you think one submissive/slave could mentor another

Personally, I am of the belief that if one was to look for a mentor, they should look in their 'own back yard'. Submissives /submissives, slaves/slaves, Dominants/Dominants, Masters/Masters

That is just my own thinking though.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 12

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 5:50:40 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

My Mentor was a Dom but i learned much from his submissive she in a way assisted him in the training. If there is something he wanted to teach me that i was not getting sometimes she could help me understand it by putting it in different terms. She was a big help to me. So i do no see why a submissive cannot be a mentor.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 13

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 6:10:45 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

Do you think one submissive/slave could mentor another?

Absolutely. My oldest CM friend is another female slave who has been there for me, to listen to all my questions and musings that I had and provide some insight that made me very happy to have that kind of information at my disposal. She knows how important she is to me, I remind her often.

My wish is that one day, we will meet in person. She's on one coast, and me... the other.

quote:

Or can a mentor only be someone who is more dominant?

No.

quote:

If you are a sub/slave have you ever mentored someone else?

I don't consider it "formally mentoring," but I have befriended some subs who asked me for advice at times or have wanted to have an open dialogue with someone likewise oriented who has experienced similar things.

quote:

The person being mentored gets the others advice, wisdom and experience but what are they giving back?

Perhaps the other side of the coin, a fresh perspective, a new idea... perhaps their questions prompt growth and introspection for the person who is considered the mentor.

quote:

I would really like to find somone to provide some mentoring for me but I feel it is wrong to ask someone for something and I would be willing to give in return but I don't know what I could give.

I don't think it's wrong to ask. If I felt that way, I may be stuck in the same spot that I was over a year ago. You could give your friendship... there's always going to be a day when the mentor is just going to need a shoulder to lean on as well...

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 14

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 6:38:46 PM

darksdesire

Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

Absolutely. i felt a strong need for a mentor my first year and would have been delighted to have a more experienced sub from whom i could get advice and support. i don't think a Dom could have mentored me...well, mine was already doing that wasn't he? But another woman, who had been on this road a bit longer would have been great. b.com actually has a list of women who are experienced and are offering their support as mentors. It can be so isolating, particularly if all of your friends are vanilla.

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 15

RE: submissive mentor - 12/7/2006 7:49:42 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I think this is getting into the definition game again. To me a dominant actively engaging with a submissive is not a mentor. There is zero independence. If a person needs a fancy name for a casual relationship, I think a trainer would be best used.

A dominant not actively engaged or another submissive can mentor someone and probably depends on the persons involved who might be better but, a mentor is someone that is parting their knowledge on someone who is striving to be like them and on the whole all things equal that would mean a submissive would make a better mentor to a submissive and a dominant to a dominant. Of course all things being equal is a gigantic disclaimer.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to darksdesire)

Post #: 16

RE: submissive mentor - 12/8/2006 4:14:56 AM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

I have been blown away by everyone's kindness and would like to thank you all for taking time for giving me such great, well thought out answers.

Much food for thought for me. :)

A few months back I had asked a male dominant if he had some time to mentor me , he said sure but in reality he didn't have the time. Or the desire to make any time, and I don't mean hours on the phone or anything , just enough for a few emails.

So I had gotten really discouraged. This is like someone before a first munch , longing but too scared to go.

It would be really great if someone started a formal mentor program across the US, where people could go online, sign up and be paired up with someone else.

Thanks again all.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 17

RE: submissive mentor - 12/8/2006 6:24:47 AM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Greetings..~smiles~

First off kisshou..from just reading your responses since being on CM..I can't say your in any need of a mentor as far as living the life you've chosen. You have a great head and mind, and a genuine understanding of what being a slave for you and your Owner means.

As far as maybe venturing out into a more specific area then anyone that lists themselves already doing that thing is good..Dominant or otherwise and the more the better so as to not limit your intake. If it is a quest for something specific..I'd start off with getting the Owners input on it first for a base, and then go from there.

Honestly just finds that having persons to chat with that share a more detailed likeness to your Owners and yours views is a Godsend.

Well Wishes

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 18

RE: submissive mentor - 12/8/2006 6:25:34 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

Greetings,

is He waiting for you to ask the questions?
Were specifics discussed or did things happen in the course of life that were unexpected?

This one can understand needing a mentor and often times feels the need to learn is pretty much like floundering when the House is busy but this one tries to remember her place, third on the chain and LDR on top of it soooooooooooooo she tries to learn as she can and asks specifics in the books to Master in our weekly sessions the rest she brings to the boards.

wishing you well

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 19

RE: submissive mentor - 12/8/2006 6:29:15 AM

SirDiscipliner69

Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

can a mentor only be someone who is more dominant?

I do not believe in dominant mentors as from My personal experience many many times they are wolves in sheeps clothing

Ross

Bon D' Age' : BDSM
http://tinyurl.com/ygblqt
Designermite :
http://tinyurl.com/ueov5
Soul of Motorcycle Art
http://tinyurl.com/ybg73a

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 20

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