What do you find most irritating in the "Online BDSM Community"

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What do you find most irritating in the "Online BD... - 2/25/2007 10:43:49 AM

HarryVanWinkle

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To me, the most irritating things I see in the so called "Online BDSM Community" are what I call, "One True Wayism" and "It's all about MEism."

What are your pet peeves?

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 10:45:24 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Well to a certain extent the internet IS all about me- I choose what I read, what I respond to, how I respond to it.

For me it's people who think certain things DON'T happen in the scene because it's just "too out there."

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 10:48:09 AM

angelic

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That i actually have to say it is my opinion.

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 10:48:39 AM

juliaoceania

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quote:

Well to a certain extent the internet IS all about me- I choose what I read, what I respond to, how I respond to it

I absolutely agree with this...

What do I find the most irritating? Well recently it is "people" that talk about performing sexual acts on other members of this site that are nonconsensual and think this is cute and funny... then they do not understand why the people they are making these comments to get uptight about them

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 10:56:57 AM

MistressDoMe

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Many here seem to want to argue and flame, name call, tease and ridicule.
That is why so many never bother to post.
It seems you are not free to disagree or view things differently here.
Things here often turn into a circus or a side show, I need to go get some
more popcorn.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:02:50 AM

Squeakers

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The thing I find most annoying is the game of 'follow the leader'. I guess that sort of goes along with the 'true way'. For example, a person claims a submissive should have no eye contact with their Dominant and all of a sudden it's a 'rule'. If anyone deviates from that hypothetical 'rule' then they are either a newbie or a wannabe.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:04:43 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers
The thing I find most annoying is the game of 'follow the leader'. I guess that sort of goes along with the 'true way'. For example, a person claims a submissive should have no eye contact with their Dominant and all of a sudden it's a 'rule'. If anyone deviates from that hypothetical 'rule' then they are either a newbie or a wannabe.

I just laugh at that now.

"OMG this is SO awesome, I can BE WHO I AM! Totally FREE! No more yucky vanilla rules! Always what I've dreamed of! Yay!

Now, can someone tell me exactly how to do this right and what I should say/do/act/wear to fit in?"

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:05:37 AM

susie

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People who assume they know things about someone when they have never spoken to them. People who are narrow or small minded. And of course the "One true wayism" And all those dominants who think that because you are a sub or a slave you are not allowed to have a mind of your own.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:07:51 AM

kyraofMists

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The use of the words real, true, fake, wannabee or other words designed to try and get someone to think less of what they do or how they feel. "You are not a real/true submissive/dominant if you do X" or "You are just a fake/wannabee because you won't do X"

Of course this happens off-line as well. I went to a workshop one time where the presenter made a point of stating how much she disliked the way the word real was being used, "you are not a real submissive if..." Then she gave out a handout that listed the qualities of a "true submissive". I just have to shake my head over that inconsistancy.

Knight's kyra

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:13:20 AM

MistressDoMe

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That is funny kyra, just like most of the forum posters on here.
My way, my views, my opinions, my ideas, are right.
Any one that feels, thinks, lives, believes any different is wrong.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:14:04 AM

BitaTruble

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From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

To me, the most irritating things I see in the so called "Online BDSM Community" are what I call, "One True Wayism" and "It's all about MEism."

What are your pet peeves?

I don't get irritated as often as I get disappointed. It's the Internet and letting oneself get so affected by an anonymous poster or someone whom they don't know is very thinned skinned at best. What I find disappoints me the most is when people get involved with personal attacks rather than debating an idea which has been presented. I have learned to live with such disappointment. ::chuckles::

Celeste

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:14:25 AM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

To me, the most irritating things I see in the so called "Online BDSM Community" are what I call, "One True Wayism" and "It's all about MEism."

What are your pet peeves?

Bullshit

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:18:49 AM

MrRodgers

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The so-called 'experts' who couldn't possibly know all that they say they do and thus have little if any real advice...accept on safety and just being careful. There are no 'experts' on feelings for sub/slaves and how he makes you feel when with him.

There are a few somewhat standard presumptions and prejudices here many of which are a blossoming seedling...planted by the experts. We have even created our own lexicon of anonymics to speak of such prejudices.

No such thing as a 'dominant lover.'

Just what is a HNG (horny net geek) and what do they produce that most others don't ?
One characteristic I think is that they come to HNG websites...like this one.

Recent Post: Something like how often does a sub choose oral sex as a way of pleasing his or her dom. Let's call that one the HF of Head-Factor.

Is there really such an affair as D/s & M/s online...only ? We can call what we have here all that, but...I can see that as only prelude to meeting and trying the actual experience. like the song says: 'There ain't not'n like the real thing baby...ain't not'n like the reeeal thing.

Yes, we can enjoy any of this and in anyway we choose, what I don't like to see is the resulting value judgements, that some are superior and others are just wankers or imposters.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:22:28 AM

HarryVanWinkle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
That i actually have to say it is my opinion.

I definitely have to agree with this. I've never understood the need for this phrase. After all, who else's opinion would anybody be stating?

(in reply to angelic)

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:24:12 AM

Badkitty0810

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As previously stated by HarryVanWinkle and Squeakers, that whole "one true way" thing, whether it applies to Doms or subs. From what I can see, there is no "one true way". Whatever way works for you and your partner is your "true way" and if others don't like it, the hell with them. Ok, that's not very submissive of me, but too bad!

(in reply to MadRabbit)

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:28:27 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle
I definitely have to agree with this. I've never understood the need for this phrase. After all, who else's opinion would anybody be stating?

The reality is that plenty of people have no problems speaking FOR others and suggesting that they can do so with no problem.

I just consider it a simple way to clairfy and own my own feelings

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:30:52 AM

Kalyndrah

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I often find young people with the arrogance to say that experience only goes so far, and that just because I have more experience doesn't mean that I'm more qualified. While true, because experience doesn't mean learning, I DO learn from my experience. I DO listen to those who have "been there done that" more often than I have. I DO my research and try to get out and be involved. To me, this is a much more valuable way of thinking than "I'm 18, and I've done this for 4 years and had a ton of slaves already, you don't know what you're talking about!" When, in fact, I do. It doesn't matter the relationship, multiple quickies in 4 years of the most historically confusing time of your life does not in any way equal 15 years of 2 or 3 long term relationships and the experience provided by those in dealing with the unique dynamics of any relationship. I personally think that long years of few long relationships is much more attractive in a Dominant or a submissive than a few short years of quickies. That blares to me "KINKY SEX! KINKY SEX!! NOTHING SERIOUS!" where the other says "I am realy doing this for the relationship, for the long term, for the commitment, not just to get my rocks off."

Maybe it's a mark of maturity that I, as a submissive, don't hook up with people who can't give me a couple of relationships (D/s or otherwise)that lasted over a year or so. I'll have these people as friends, sure. And hopefully try to guide them into something more meaningful and keep a close eye on their subs, but no way will I go into a relationship with a Dom who says he's a Dom just because he thinks he is and lots of kinky one nighters qualify as experience.

Oh god, this is turning into a completely different rant! Sorry!

(in reply to MrRodgers)

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:32:29 AM

BDSM05478

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The ones that think that just because this is an alt lifestyle that this is some alt way to communicate and work through them. Yes I think that wiitwd is the shite and only way for me to live mylife but I do not think that makes me special or better than anyother "vanilla" or D/s couple that is equally as content with their life. I also can not stand a lack of intropspection in people, not knowing or even caring what motivates them to do and be what they are.

Edited to add: One uppers! I can not stand them! if you have been caned they have been beaten with a garden hose filled with ball bearings, drives me nuts.

< Message edited by BDSM05478 -- 2/25/2007 11:35:42 AM >

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:35:07 AM

MadRabbit

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Okay...guess I will give some serious answers.

People who parade their "years of experience" on the boards rather than focus on simply sharing the wisdom and personal experiences obtained from those years. Everyone would be a lot better off if they would stop focusing on people's histories and on the merit of what the person is saying.

Like everyone else, the words true and fake.

The way the words submissive and dominant are used with such narrowmindness, as if to apply that people instantly stopped becomming diverse and complex human beings and instantly become these cut out predictable stereotypes upon walking threw the BDSM doorway.

The fact that "submisives" are talked about like they are predictable simple minded animals.

How people, amazingly, seem to fall into both categories of "knowing absolutely shit" and "knowing absolutely everything" at the exact same time.

Bullshit punishment threads.

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RE: What do you find most irritating in the "Onlin... - 2/25/2007 11:41:13 AM

SlyStone

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What are your pet peeves?

The idea that the D/s relationship is somehow better or more valuable or more honorable than any other kind.

I think it is the biggest lie of them all, and perhaps the one that leads to the most heartbreak and disappointment to those who believe it.

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