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ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
should I get all butthurt that tmb has ignored my last couple of responses to her?

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I am a sadist, I do not have to be sexually attracted to someone to enjoy hurting them.

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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I resemble that remark.

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ORIGINAL: IrishMist

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However, no matter how you slice it, BDSM is always about sex.  

Nope. Sorry. Have to disagree.

There are actually some of us out there who after a very satisfying 'session', want nothing at all to do with sex. For some of us, it's all about the feelings that occur while we are getting our asses kicked...once the kicking is over, we are done and want nothing more to do with the person who did the kicking

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

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ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
should I get all butthurt that tmb has ignored my last couple of responses to her?

OK, color me a BDSM virgin and all that, but I thought "butthurt" was what happened after a good sound caning. :)

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ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

no. it is not "all about sex". it is, however all rooted in the sex drive, so it is an expression of sexuality. of course, any actual relationship will include a whole fuck of a lot outside of the dynamic, but the dynamic itself is sexual in it's nature. you can dress it up any way you want, but in the final analysis, it's a form of sex.

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This just isn't true. It just is not "all rooted in the sex drive".

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ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

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There are a lot of people that lean this way NuevaVida. When I scene with people it is like a dance. It is spiritual and there is nothing to compare the intense energy exchange. Sex is just sex. It is in a file of its own where I am concerned.

I understand but keep in mind, I wasn't talking about scening and sex, I was referring to "it" as in my relationship. Sex and kink is part of that relationship, but not the whole. I didn't interpret the OP as asking about kink specifically. Maybe that's where my mix up was. When asked what we get out of "it," I was still referring to my entire relationship when I said "joy."

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Removing sex from BDSM is akin to cutting the roots of a tree; afterward the leaves will brown and the tree will die. To argue that BDSM is not sexually based is walking up a steep hill with a heavy pack of dubious astrology books on your back.

BDSM is not a church-like affair, despite its rituals, protocols, authority dynamics, punishments, rules, and sacred paraphernalia. But, its easy to see how some might confuse religious feelings and spiritual sacredness with BDSM excitement.

So, I agree with H, The root driver of BDSM is one's sex drive. For comparison, consider Homo-erotic relationships -- even with their candles, poems, fancy clothes, co-mingling of finances, lay therapy, exercise regimens, and other non corporal mores --- sex is the gas which that fuels the gay, pink bus against the grain of genetic oblivion. (Although marriage allowances might end up killing the sex part....)

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started at 12 did ya?

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ORIGINAL: JWriter

]Wow! That's amazing. Amazingly amazing, because, when I started, 30 years ago, everything you just said right there would have been disgusting VANILLA SPEAK, since only vanilla people thought that BDSM was all about sex, and, that was exactly the trite bullshite we were all trying to keep out of it, so that it would not be degraded down to a pornorific good time for everyone, that mostly ignored all the good mental, spiritual and social aspects of BDSM.

Everything that you just said, would have gotten you blacklisted. My, how times do change! You let a few fetishists slip through, and, the whole barrel is spoiled. lol