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"Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 10:30:53 AM

darkinshadows

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This is a statement used over and over again. And I have just read through two recent threads where people make this announcement.

My question is - how does a person earn respect? Length of time - how long does it take? What does a person have to do? And are we entitled to be rude until 'respect' is earned.

What actually is 'respect'?

Peace and Rapture

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 10:33:09 AM

MagiksSlave

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Respect comes when ones words match ones actions (I feel trust and repect go hand and hand) and when someone treats others how they wish to be treated. Common curtisy is not nessisertaly respect but when one can show common curtisy to a stranger who has had no way of earning their respect yet, I find that act alone to earn said respect.

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< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 5/21/2007 10:34:03 AM >

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 10:40:11 AM

earthycouple

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Respect is as individulized as the persons giving or earning. I may have respect for someone who shoots straight from the hip while you may not have any for someone like that. (just an example, of course, I don't know you).

I respect people who are honest, have integrity, say what they mean and don't mince words. I respect people who respect themselves. Respect can come as quickly as a first conversation and can die as quickly as the end of said conversation if I see discrepancies in the person.

Entitled to be rude? Is anyone entitled to anything? Rude is as individualized as the person being so or feel as if someone was....

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 10:40:46 AM

jaunty1

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You earn respect not only by your words; but by matching your actions to your words.

In my own dealings with others; I give respect to all. Right off the bat. It is then the other person's responsibility to either keep that respect by their actions and words; if I see that their actions do not match their words; they lose my respect.

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 10:41:17 AM

adoracat

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i'd have to say for me *personally*, everyone gets a certain amount of respect to begin with. if that person proves to be honorable and trustworthy, they garner more from me. if they prove to be not worthy of trust, they lose respect, and more than likely my company also.

i cant exactly say what respect *is*. i know when i feel it. those whose word i can trust, whom i know to hold themselves to a high standard, who act honorably even when it would be easier to *not*..they have my respect.

i try very hard not to be rude. there are a few people whom i will break that rule for, though. i strive to act with honor, and show myself to be a credit to my Sir....

.....even before i HAD a Sir. i think there is a baseline of respect/courtesy in interaction that we hold to with people...and then as we know them, they either rise or fall in our esteem.

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 10:41:35 AM

mercurialis

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It's the same as earning trust...both people show qualities that show they can be trusted and respected. They follow through, they do what they say they do, they don't do things that would undermine that trust or respect.

You are not entitled to be rude before respect is not earned...there are different levels of respect. Even a stranger you have some respect for, because they are human and faultless in your mind.

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 10:44:11 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

And are we entitled to be rude until 'respect' is earned.

You're confusing courtesy with respect.

quote:

cour·te·sy

excellence of manners or social conduct; polite behavior.

quote:

re·spect

esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability:

You can be courteous to someone that you don't necessarily respect.

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 10:45:01 AM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

My question is - how does a person earn respect?

A better way to think of respect in the way it is commonly used is admiration.

Respect and honor tend to go hand in hand.

Honor being adherance to a particular code of standards.

And respect being admiration for that person's honor.

The real question is what is the code? Like morals and ethics, its subject to opinion and changes constantly.

Some people think that brutual honesty regardless of the other person's fealings is an honorable standard. Its something I see in the Gorean forums a lot and plenty of people show respect to the people who adhere to this code. However, at the same time, there is always a handful of people who have zero respect for this honorable behavior.

So you earn respect by adhereing to a code of standards (honor) and receive respect from the people who agree with your code.

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

Length of time - how long does it take?

Much like trust, it depends on the two people involved and the experiences that happen between them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

And are we entitled to be rude until 'respect' is earned.

What your thinking of is probably more along the lines of common courtesy. Everyone deserves common courtesy because its what greases the wheels of civilized society. However, whether they deserve respect past this common, shared courtesy is entirely based on the invidividuals.

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 10:45:03 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I'm actually one of those crazy people who give respect automatically. And no, I'm not confusing this with common courtesy.

I give it to them on a basic level until they prove they don't deserve it.

I find my life is a lot more pleasant that way.

As well, I live by the statement that "someone else's lack of manners is NEVER a reason to forget one's own"

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 10:55:45 AM

darkinshadows

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I didn't want to just post my own personal thoughts immediately, as I didn't want the thread to become onesided or influenced.

I agree OG - respect is often if not nearly always confused with courtesy and I was really looking to also include those who feel that respect means that you can't be polite. You so often see people say, 'so-and-so hasnt earned my respect yet' - and continue to be rude simply using 'respect' as an excuse - that is what I was getting at.

Maybe my question should have been "why do people use the fact that people havent earned ones 'respect' as an excuse for feeling entitled to rudeness.'

Peace

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 10:57:13 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

Maybe my question should have been "why do people use the fact that people havent earned ones 'respect' as an excuse for feeling entitled to rudeness.'

Peace

Because it lets them do whatever they want to do anyway without having to face their own inconsistencies AND still feel upset when someone does the same to them.

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 11:16:35 AM

szobras

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In context of your question, my understanding and opinion of respect is that it really is based on the judgment of another. If I am to earn something, there are expectations placed on my actions by myself and or another. I live as I do, and treat others as I do, because I feel it is right for me to do so. Should someone respect me for that, it is of their judgment and free choice to extend it. I do not expect it. If I do, I am surely to fall short at some point, from some one, regardless of my actions. Perhaps why we may find ourselves so upset from another’s actions towards us, though we may not have felt it warranted by our actions
For me to extend respect quite simply, falls within my judgment. Courtesy I think is based more on manners, and etiquette.
Rudeness, I believe is the act of showing disrespect, or being discourteous.

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 11:27:06 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

This is a statement used over and over again. And I have just read through two recent threads where people make this announcement.

My question is - how does a person earn respect? Length of time - how long does it take? What does a person have to do? And are we entitled to be rude until 'respect' is earned.
What actually is 'respect'?

Peace and Rapture

I give everyone courtesy and civility. Respect is something that they earn, just like trust, when I am dealing with individuals who I know nothing about. Now, if they are a college professor...then they have the respect that their title has earned them until they prove their thoughts or their actions to be wildly out of sync with their title. The same goes for every other walk of life.

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 11:49:16 AM

softness

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for me there is respect and Respect.

I have respect for every person I meet, it is the acknowledgement that they are thinking feeling valuable people in their own right. that respect drives me to show the manners and consideration in my dealings with them I would like to have from people.
People will retain that repsect from me until they show that they are not deserving ...i do not withdraw my manners until the last resort.
however there is Respect, something more ,... something deeper and more profound. real respect is something that can only be earned, and must be maintain. Real respect comes from people seeing that intention and action are linked. It comes from behaving with honour and integrity.
I should .. as a decent human being .. show everybody respect. Whether that initial respect deepens into something more is entirely up to them and they interact with me.

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 11:51:26 AM

spanklette

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At first, I thought that my answer would be different depending on the medium that I'm interacting on. But, after a little thought...that's just not the case. I tend to give respect immediately and without question, at first. I don't require that people jump through hoops to "earn" my respect.

Keeping my respect is a different matter entirely. My respect for a person can be lost just as easily as they gained it. And, the reason for the loss of respect is purely subjective. If it's something that is in discord with me and my values then I've probably lost some, if not all, respect for the person.

All that being said, I do try to treat people with courtesy, whether I respect them or not. I have found that the people that I have lost respect for do say and do things that prove valuable to me. I don't discount the person entirely...they just fell a few notches.

Now, my admiration and loyalty come with a cost...both are invaluable and not given away freely.

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 1:47:37 PM

leatherette

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Maybe we are talking about the difference between "earn respect" and the emotion and actions of
"giving, trusting and submitting"?

Trust versus repect? Can we respect someone, yet not fully know them?
- But to totally have earned true trust ; is yet another story.

Ya know?

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 2:07:18 PM

slavejali

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Fast Reply:

I don't think I agree with the earning respect thing , mostly its such an ego orientated statement by the individual making it. I think the only ones who could put the medal of repsect on someone else deeming they deserve it, would be someone who is actually respectful themselves and I don't really think there are many people who actually live within a respectful manner in this world towards other people or the world in general..so there arent that many respectful generals out there who are qualified to give the "should be respected medal" to another in terms of human nature.

Our assessment capabilities are faulty at best, its a rare bird who can really see things as they are. So for me, all I can do, because I am not qualified to know who is who and what is what, is be generally respectful of life itself and everything and everyone in it.

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 6:01:26 PM

Calandra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

This is a statement used over and over again. And I have just read through two recent threads where people make this announcement.

My question is - how does a person earn respect? Length of time - how long does it take? What does a person have to do? And are we entitled to be rude until 'respect' is earned.
What actually is 'respect'?

Peace and Rapture

Many years ago a very studied person cleared this up for Me. Many words have more than one meaning, and "respect" seems to be one of them. I was told that from the root words involved there were two main definitions:
1.) an act of giving particular attention (the focus is on "behavior" with this definition) So the protocols you'd find in a courtroom or in a dungeon could both be considered under this definition. The idea here is that in a courtroom (for example) authority is already granted specific individuals and the ettiquette is standardized, such as addressing the judge as "Your Honor". By the same token, people are not wrong when they say that "common courtesy" is equated with respect.

2.) high or special regard : esteem. (the focus is on feeling or emotional response with this definition) So if you began to develop especially high regard or esteem for someone, your behavior naturally reflects that.

Within the lifestyle you may address all Dominants as "Sir" in order to show the first type of respect... but you only call your Dominant "Master" because He has EARNED it.

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 6:08:46 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

This is a statement used over and over again. And I have just read through two recent threads where people make this announcement.

My question is - how does a person earn respect? Length of time - how long does it take? What does a person have to do? And are we entitled to be rude until 'respect' is earned.
What actually is 'respect'?

Peace and Rapture

The people I have most respected were never trying to earn my respect. They did not give a good god damn about my opinion of them. They lived by a code of ethics, and that code was something I respected. They lived by it because they respected themselves

If someone gives me respect it is not because I earned it. No one can merit respect or trust, these are gifts people give each other. I do not feel I can earn respect from people, they grant it to me. I say this because if I earn something I am entitled to it in my mind. I am not entitled to the good will of good feelings of anyone.

There is also a thing called common decency, which is about respecting myself, not other people. I respect myself so I project common decency towards other. The way we treat others is about who we are, not who they are. I treat others well because that is the kind of person I want to be, it has nothing to do with them.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/21/2007 6:12:29 PM >

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RE: "Earn Respect" - 5/21/2007 6:12:20 PM

MsParados

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please keep in mind that this is only my .02 but alot of people seem to confuse respect for admiration. I give everyone respect in the beginning, it is only with time and their own actions that I lose respect for them or grow to admire them.
I've seen it too, that whole "you have to earn my respect" sorry if I have to earn your "respect" our interactions will be short lived cause I do not have that much time. usually they really mean if you want my admiration you have to kiss my ass and I only rim one person on this planet.

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