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Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 8:24:59 AM

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I am curious to hear the experiences of other Masters on this site. In the short time I have communicated with potential subs/slaves, I have found 99.9% of them are only "pretending".
As soon as they are faced with actually backing up what they say in their profiles, they either delete their profile or get "cold feet" and stop responding to questions.
Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you!

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 8:26:45 AM

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Meh, there are many people on either side of the fence with velleity.

Somewhere, someday, somehow the rubber will meet the road with someone.

Let it go, grasshopper......................

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MasterA56)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 8:28:48 AM

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Another wannabe thread already?

Oh how the time flys.

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(in reply to MasterA56)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 8:44:22 AM

Posts: 81
Joined: 7/3/2007
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Personally, we have had no luck on CM, lots of promises, many wannabees, but nothing, I personally hate to cyber, and that seems to be all the potential slave females want to do, gotta love that famous question "whatcha going to do to me"??? heaven forbid if you don't write a 3 or 3 page introduction, so the potential slave or sub can either read it and not respond, delete it unread, or ignore it altogether, so if you write a couple of lines that’s just wrong (that means you didn't want them anyway) and please don't ask them to look at your profile, that’s rude, oh and if they invite you to chat do not even think they have read your profile first, that would take the surprise out of that next question "what are you looking for"??? now be careful with this one, if you answer with anything that your profile stated, they are offended or" I don't like that" or they are gone not even goodbye, I could go on, but these are a few of my adventures on CM. It seems to be getting worse, (even in our short time on CM) the female profiles do not have any substance, one girl has three profiles shes dom, switch, and submissive, on her dom profile she says its her business what she wants to be, I have seen lots of new profiles with the same old pictures, I really wish I knew the answer, honestly I think meeting someone locally is the only way to go, it seems no one here is honest or real at all, (although I am sure there are real lifestylers here, keep the flaming down now people) its just that we put time and effort in our search,and so far its for nothing:( I wish CM would have a true screening method for each of us, even a phone interview, I know we would not mind, heck a home visit to see if each person here is honest and real,) yea, I know its a pipe dream, but there has to be something that the moderators can do to help with the fakes???

(in reply to MasterA56)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 8:50:49 AM

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Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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But...what IS a fake? Someone who wants to keep it online? Someone who just wants to dabble in it? Someone who's idea of what is BDSM is different than mine?

I like whips and knives and needles and things that leave marks that last at least a week. Do you? If you do not, should I consider you a fake?

Just curious,
beverly

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(in reply to chathamvahere)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 8:53:10 AM

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Joined: 10/2/2007
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I think it is easy for curious people to 'test' how it feels talking to someone online. Many people have just not had experience. Like window shopping for a new hat, you put one on, see how it feels, tell your friends to look, see how they react, take it off and put it back on the shelf. Most times, walking out the door and thinking "i guess I don't look good in hats. . . i'll take that off my shopping list."

Is it frustrating when 'wanna bes and try ons' contact you? Absolutely, however I hold hope that one will decide to take the hat to the checkout counter and say, I'll take this one.

I don't think all are disingenuine, I clearly think they don't know what they want.

Mistress CJ

(in reply to chathamvahere)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 9:01:36 AM

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Joined: 5/30/2007
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I think its just the fact that those of us who are looking for something deep and fufilling are extremely put off by those on CM caiming to want something equal but really don't know if they do or don't.

It can be very aggravating!

(in reply to MistressCJ1960)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 9:01:47 AM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline

It's a free site and ...you get what you pay for.

I have met quite a few people from cm since I started here. The others before were from clubs, alt.com and small groups of people I knew. 'Free' draws plenty of scammers and the fantasy-wankers (their kink or beginners) as well as a bunch of interesting and diverse real time friends. Hang out, meet some in the forums and...'Let it go grasshopper'... (wink)

< Message edited by YesMistressIrish -- 10/15/2007 9:04:50 AM >

(in reply to chathamvahere)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 9:03:21 AM

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Joined: 10/11/2007
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In my case, Bearlee, I am refering to those subs/slaves who "flee"...they get freaked out and just plain leave. As I mentioned, they either delete their profile (which I find a bit humorous), or they stop responding (which I find extremely rude and ignores a very basic rule of respect for any Master, regardless if they own the sub/slave or not).

It seems there are many sub/slaves who are here because they realize there is a deep-rooted desire within themselves, yet they cannot summon the courage to act on it. I realize this is a dichotomy within each person and acting on the desire for domination means they must FIND the courage...which is a contradiction in itself.

(in reply to Bearlee)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 9:08:13 AM

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Joined: 7/3/2007
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Well let me clarify what I consider a fake (now keep in mind its just one opinion) a person who creates a profile on CM with no intention of ever carrying out any real life meetings,(without stating this upfront) or worse gets their jollies from stringing someone along while the party on the other end is honest, hopeful, and yes even attached to the fake person playing an online game, when this person decides to, they either stop communicating, block the other person, or delete the profile,( now I understand there can be reasons for this), but lets just say they got tired of chatting with the person on the other end, could they not say politely goodbye, or something??? At the top of the fake heap is a person who creates a profile just to try to extort money from the person on the other end these are what most people rant about on here, not generally the persons preferences of lifestyle.

(in reply to MasterA56)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 9:09:47 AM

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**shrugs** OP what you should remember, is that for some, taking that step,(sometimes a 1st step.) can be scary. For alot of reasons. Now they may have felt they weren't ready to make it real.(could be scared of their desires.) Maybe there was something about you that they didn't like, or trust. Maybe they have general trust issues. the list could go on and on. My advice to you is: (if you havn't.) Get involved with your local community. Go to munches/discussion groups, classes/workshops/demonstrations, events. meet people, connect. By limiting your search to online, you will have a harder time in finding what you are looking for. Good Luck!

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Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

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I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 9:26:02 AM

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Joined: 5/16/2007
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Hi there...I read Your profile, and honestly- I think You are making a bit of a leap here:

"When I approach a potential sub/slave, it is important to establish control immediately. It is up to you, my potential sub/slave, to decide if you do or do not TRULY desire to be collared/owned."

Establishing control ~immediately~? Without trust? Without the sub having any respect for You? Without knowing if You and he are even remotely compatible?

Just because a submissive is not immediately submissive to You, does not mean he is pretending at being a sub. I'm a submissive woman- but only once I enter into a relationship with someone; nobody has ~immediate~ control over me- I'm on equal footing with everyone else until I ~decide~ to surrender my power to another. That decision is one that takes time and a LOT of consideration- as for me this is not a casual thing. My submission as something both valuable and fragile. I only intend to give it to a person that I feel understand it- and who will protect and nourish it.

_____________________________

There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength to yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip away another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked. Yaldah Tova

(in reply to LadyLynx)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 9:36:14 AM

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Joined: 9/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetNsmartBBW

Hi there...I read Your profile, and honestly- I think You are making a bit of a leap here:

"When I approach a potential sub/slave, it is important to establish control immediately. It is up to you, my potential sub/slave, to decide if you do or do not TRULY desire to be collared/owned."

My thoughts exactly. I think the OP is expressing some seriously unreasonable expectations of strangers.

_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to sweetNsmartBBW)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 9:40:11 AM

Posts: 183
Joined: 12/23/2006
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In response to the OP, and an upfront apology as I am not a Master/Dominant except of my ownself. However, taking the step into this lifestyle is a difficult one when we are changing direction, contemplating the ideas of providing authority to others, relinguishing our guards and armors to someone that little is known about.

Initially I would tend to to believe that most will flee at the slightest of noise and I would bet a good many have wether they make admission or not. But can you attune it to them being 'wannabe's' really, or people attempting to make definition and through time their road becomes clearer and they return with more assurity that this is the direction they truely wish to travel? Perhaps they are taking the long path around to end up in the same location but it is their life, the way in which they chose to travel it and in the shoes of their choice. I have been called a wannabe because I have taken along time to come to terms with this choice I have made, but my path is one I have sketched that is comfortable for me and when I reach my destination it will be wonderous celebration that exhibits no regret.

Unlike the submissive/slave wannabe you speak of, I am more cautious of the dominant/master that seems to have no value in whom and what he attains as long as he/she has someone that will take flight at the whim and make agreement without sound knowledge. There are many ways to express ones disappointment and fustration when one is not attaining what they want in the time frame they want it, but generalizing that any amount of the population is a wannabe is just a wrong and errous. Consider it a blessing and move on is how I see it, consider it no more time wasted, whatever soothes your pride of an lost match, or whatever. We are all wannabe's of something, whether it is a dom/sub/master/slave/cook/architect/craftman/marksman etc.; those that will will, those that won't obviously won't but at least allow everyone the opportunity to try how they wish to without slapping the wannabe endorsement on their chest.

(in reply to MasterA56)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 9:43:00 AM

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Well, we've met more people through CM contacts than we can count. Some meet us to socialize, some to play, some just to chat.

It's not a difficult process and there isn't any disappointment when some people don't show because there is never any emotion, expectation, or anticipation anxiety invested because the only on-line interaction is a discussion of basic expectations and setting a time/place to meet. They don't show - we still have a great time. We rarely, if ever, turn down an legitimate opportunity to meet. For example, as I post this, there is a pending email on the other side from a nice young gentleman from Ghana who says he wants to come and serve beth. I'm going to respond with an invitation welcoming him to purchase a ticket and fly to the US. He'll get our home address as soon as his tribute to her, $500,000.00, is wired into my bank account. Sure he could be a poser, but if he isn't and the money clears I'm going to throw a big party in LA and fly in everyone who wants to join us.

Its the same philosophy which generated the same results when I had a single profile. When people didn't show the venue to meet was always a public place where I could still have a good time. When the person showing up was a little different than they represented in the profile it didn't effect my good time. One time even the person's profile gender didn't match reality and we still shared a beer and chatted.

Wannabes, posers, and pretenders can only impact you if you keep them alive by feeding them. Their food of choice is on-line chatting to facilitate their one handed web surfing hobby. If you don't provide a free meal they'll move on soon enough. Limit you discussion to the basics regarding your 'lifestyle' and/or sexual desires. Keep the conversation focused on the stated goal - Meeting. To achieve that goal the chat should focus on making each other feel safe and secure.

Safety first, but the process of meeting new people can be fun. If nothing else its an adventure. Stay focused on your goal. If meeting and having a real time experience with someone is your goal, don't do anything counterproductive to achieving it. You never know if the "ideal" profile you contacted is representing him or her self accurately. You won't find out for sure until you meet.

(in reply to LadyLynx)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 9:52:47 AM

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From: All over now in Minnesota
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Fake = generic put down for people who do not get what they want out of people.

Meeting “fakes” on the other side. Probably all of us who have tried on the other side have come across people who were insincere in some way that the put down fake was used. Whether cyber dreamer, too scared to go into real life, cyber single/married real life, and on and on we deal with miscommunication and representation. Any of us though who actually think they know every actual reason that someone stops writing us and spins it like they are lesser human beings is too full of themselves.

If you want to look on cyber be prepared to deal with the cyber issues. Frustration is a normal feeling but becoming negative and jaded over it does more to torpedo your chances at finding someone then anything else. Negativity is a universal turn off.

As far as the 99.9% are fake, if you actually think that then I suggest looking in the mirror because that is not true and ask yourself what you can do different to get different results?

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to MasterA56)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 9:56:28 AM

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Congratulations on your being accepted into the One Twue Way club. You will find your welcoming package with your official Twue (check one) _slave _submissive _Dominant _Switch card and Twue membership handbook at the door, which will tell you everything you need to know about the One Twue Way. Thank you for choosing to be Twue!

Do not confuse lack of compatability for a lack of sincerity.

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I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to MasterA56)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 9:59:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez
Meeting “fakes” on the other side. Probably all of us who have tried on the other side have come across people who were insincere in some way that the put down fake was used.

I would like to think that I have brought the art of insincerity to a higher plane, and hope that I have not offended or mangled any psyches along the way.

MasterEuclid

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to toservez)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 10:00:41 AM

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterA56

I am curious to hear the experiences of other Masters on this site. In the short time I have communicated with potential subs/slaves, I have found 99.9% of them are only "pretending".
As soon as they are faced with actually backing up what they say in their profiles, they either delete their profile or get "cold feet" and stop responding to questions.
Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you!

*grin*
You have really awful luck, if 99.9% of your contact deletes their account or disappears.
I have had incredible luck here. Angel was LoverForDomme on here, though he deleted his account recently. Too much attention from those who like competition.
My new pet, Fox, is also from on here. AS are some of my close friends and several wonderful boys who I have met, but didnt have the right chemistry to pursue things with.
Keep trying, and maybe take a look at how you are aproaching them, and who you are approaching. It might just be the ones you are seeking out are screaming FAKE and you arent seeing it, or you just come on too strong and you scare them off. It isnt aways THEM that is the problem.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MasterA56)

RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master - 10/15/2007 10:00:56 AM

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I personally love CM. I think that when most people mention the word "fake", they're referring to those who's interests don't match their own. So what is someone's here only to experience online fantasies? I'm sure there are others who want the same and can oblige. As for those who state that they wish to serve Masters irl, then when faced with it they get cold feet. Well, I'll almost bet that you weren't the type of Master they wanted to serve. Which is perfectly alright. Mileage varies! Let them have their fun. Your search will be well worth it when you do finally find someone who has a matching personality.

(in reply to toservez)

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