RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom?

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RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/8/2009 8:30:23 AM

Posts: 2309
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
I dont get why you reprimanded the above person? He handled the offender appropriately. He didnt toanything but say he was angry and tell the offender he wouldnt like how he was delt with if he did it again.

If you reread Master Raid's post that I replied to, you'll no doubt read the part where he says "If he refuses training or still causes pain or problems to the subbies, beat the shit out of him." Master Raid is under no illusion as to what I was referring to when I answered him, hence his comment that he feels passionately regarding the safety of submissives. I have already noted my stance on the use of violence and why it rarely solves an issue and in my opinion, anyone that suggests behaving as Master Raid has suggested, is behaving no differently than the abusive jerk these submissives he's wanting to protect and if you seriously think this kind of behaviour is justifiable, then it's my turn to start with the eye rolling.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/8/2009 9:20:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
I dont get why you reprimanded the above person? He handled the offender appropriately. He didnt toanything but say he was angry and tell the offender he wouldnt like how he was delt with if he did it again.

If you reread Master Raid's post that I replied to, you'll no doubt read the part where he says "If he refuses training or still causes pain or problems to the subbies, beat the shit out of him." Master Raid is under no illusion as to what I was referring to when I answered him, hence his comment that he feels passionately regarding the safety of submissives. I have already noted my stance on the use of violence and why it rarely solves an issue and in my opinion, anyone that suggests behaving as Master Raid has suggested, is behaving no differently than the abusive jerk these submissives he's wanting to protect and if you seriously think this kind of behaviour is justifiable, then it's my turn to start with the eye rolling.

Unless he edited and I saw something different....

quote:

"I want you to resist or you will feel intense pain" he then proceeded to punch her in the stomach and shove her down a flight of stairs. I told him if I ever hear of him scening again without knowing what in the hell he was doing he would not like our next meeting and that I was incredibly angry with him. A few days later he came to me asking for hep and I sent him to a freind for training. I hear he is doing better.

It doesnt say beat the shit out of..

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/8/2009 9:26:57 AM

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
I dont get why you reprimanded the above person? He handled the offender appropriately. He didnt toanything but say he was angry and tell the offender he wouldnt like how he was delt with if he did it again.

If you reread Master Raid's post that I replied to, you'll no doubt read the part where he says "If he refuses training or still causes pain or problems to the subbies, beat the shit out of him." Master Raid is under no illusion as to what I was referring to when I answered him, hence his comment that he feels passionately regarding the safety of submissives. I have already noted my stance on the use of violence and why it rarely solves an issue and in my opinion, anyone that suggests behaving as Master Raid has suggested, is behaving no differently than the abusive jerk these submissives he's wanting to protect and if you seriously think this kind of behaviour is justifiable, then it's my turn to start with the eye rolling.

Unless he edited and I saw something different....

quote:

"I want you to resist or you will feel intense pain" he then proceeded to punch her in the stomach and shove her down a flight of stairs. I told him if I ever hear of him scening again without knowing what in the hell he was doing he would not like our next meeting and that I was incredibly angry with him. A few days later he came to me asking for hep and I sent him to a freind for training. I hear he is doing better.

It doesnt say beat the shit out of..

lushy, you must have just missed it. It's still there if you go back and read it. It's more toward the beginning of his post. It does say "beat the shit out of him".

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/8/2009 10:04:27 AM

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Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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**This Post is directed at NO ONE in particular it is simply discussing on the Topic of Policing the Community which is what is being discussed most on this thread right now**

There is a reason I only get involved in communities where there are a set list of standards, a Board to discuss community issues, and an open forum for all conserned to voice those conserns regardless of status within the community. I do not feel one person should speak for everyone. Nor do I feel one persons personal feelings should dictate the communities ability to flourish, unless that one person is responsible to the community whole.

Prime Example, we have the TOS agreement, by logging on you AGREE to not do certain things and carry yourself in a certain way, if you break those rules your voice is removed and if you continue to violate or commit a seriuous infraction you are simply removed completely. But there are people set in place to monitor these exchanges and so noting is really atonomous everyone follows a specific code of conduct if you will.

One of the best communites I ever visited before attendance and personal lives got in the way and the board disbanded and eventually the munch stopped was EATUM (Enthusiasts of All Things Unusual Munch) It was a Pan Sexual Munch and everyone was invited as long as you were going to follow the attendance rules otherwise the Hosts of the munch and the Owner of the establishment it which it was held would ask you to leave and not return.

The Rules were simple:

*No means No - respect people personal space
*Dress Appropriately this is a Restaraunt not Sex Club
*The Hosts and Board Members wear Blue Arm Bands, They are there to direct the munch and keep the conversation and munch topic on track if they are saying something it most likely is important try to pay attention.
*Anyone wearing an Orange Arm Band is a Greeter, any questions you have or problems you are having they are who to talk to. Don't just leave if you are having a hard time Talk to someone about it.
*No one here is subhuman if that is a part of your dynamic leave it at home when you come, everyone is encouraged to communicate while here this is a place to meet and greet not sit in a corner in silence.
*Your Opinions are your Own, you are welcome to discuss them but no ones view is better or worse than someone elses.
*It's a Big Place if someone is bothering you take the things dangeling off your butt and use them to move, if the problem persists grab an Orangie and they will help or bring it to the Hosts attention.
*Drama is a High School Credit Class...... Lets leave it there.

I LOVED this Idea. It was organized and every munch you went to was something different and people talked about everything from Paddle Techniques to Figging to Full Body Latex Coating. Each Week was a different topic and people came to hang and not just to get laid. The best part of it was when someone got "Douche Like" there was an immediate Stop to it and if they got buligerent there was an instant "Out ya Go" moment.

When one person has to, or feels they have to make these decisions for the community at large toe get stepped on everywhere.

This Thread was started about how to Help a problem dom. Well it's the same as how do you help an Alsoholic or an Abused Partner, you can only help them if they want help, you didn't break them and you can't fix them. If they do not see anything wrong with their actions then trying to change them is a near impossible task to begin with and to many people could be construed as you knowing more about what is best for a person than that person does.

I don't think that what is wanted as it has been understood in this thread is going to be productive. I see a few places where the tone of the OP lead to some conclusions being jumped too. The disdain that it obvious that LadyH feels for this guy makes the context of what she has said sound as if she is more interested in getting rid of this guy than helping him. If I am reading more into this than is the truth I am sorry. My comments have been based on policing a community and not necessarily on what is going on with LadyH. I hope that clears up some of the confussion and misconceived mud slinging.

Steel

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(in reply to MissMorrigan)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/8/2009 12:13:02 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

I've related the story on these boards before about being invited to go see and spend some time with a submissive that I was interested in. I did go to see her, took time out of the office and everything. We spent a pleasant three days and two evenings together. I woke up the third day with my bag dropped by my head and these words "you have 15 minutes to get dressed and get out or the cops will be here." I didn't argue, I just left. I spent my whole trip through that state looking in the rearview mirror for flashing lights. I'd be willing to bet that my visit was a source of "badddddddddddd dominant" material for at least several conversations at her next munch/club meeting. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. I'm not saying that there aren't predatory dominants out there. So do a class on what newbies should watch for in male dominants. But here's a question...how about a class for new male dominants about what to watch for in predatory/psycho submissives?

Hijack over.

Just goes to show you how crazy people can be and why knowing aperson a little more than afew days before playing is warranted. Istill think public play is still the safest because it is monitored and you can find out about reputation on either end of the flogger.

That's all fine and dandy, the idea of public play but there are several questions that come to mind after your post in response to my post.

1. The second part of my post was written to illustrate what I'd stated in the first part of my post about rape. Why break the two portions apart and give the second portion context of its own when its context is TIED to the first post?

2. As noted, public play is fine and dandy when all you want to do is play. But many clubs frown on sexual interaction during play and many more downright forbid it. What then is the alternative for those who like sex with their play on occasion? What about an instance such as the one described above in which we both were aware and had agreed to the fact that sexual interaction was going to be a part of the play?

3. Where is the outrage over her actions? The disappointment over her "mis-use" of a newbie dominant? Or is it a given that because I am male AND a dominant one at that, that I should just chalk it up to "lesson learned"? Because in the end, that is what I did...chalked it up to "lesson learned" and began analyzing what I should have seen and viewed with suspicion...the total messiness of an apartment owned by an alleged "systems analyst", the presence of only a few pieces of furniture in this apartment---mainly in the bedroom, the nagging question that kept being asked in the back of my mind, self-deprecating though it is; What does a beautiful woman, 20 years younger than me, want with someone who is...let's face it...fairly average?

4. Finally, why not have two classes? One to educate newbie submissives on safety with dominants and one to educate newbie dominants on how to spot predatory/psycho submissives.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/8/2009 1:51:19 PM

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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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Good post steel tho way to formal for my liking and I wouldn't attend but to each there own.

To me this post is about how to deal with ppl you don't like or agree with<the OP admitted that> and how do I convince the group this person is a asshole and get rid of the guy. All in the name of BDSM, Jesus, Buddah, whatever.

So instead of being direct telling the person I dont like you nor agree with the way you treat ppl. <which is none of my busisness AnyFuckingWho> I invent a issue,problem such as this person likes to make girls cry or a rapist <firsthand knowledge the OP says not second hand like she siad orginally> Then I politic the crowd with "something MUST be done"

It's the old adage if you can't Dazzle them with brilliance baffle them with bullshit! So I can get this person out of the group. I have seen this dynamic happen countless times in the groups I have belonged to over the years. Use any excuse to get rid of them.

When truly if this person was so evil I suspect they would be in jail. ehhh that is how I see the post.

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 4/8/2009 2:03:37 PM >

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(in reply to CreativeDominant)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/8/2009 2:06:18 PM

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I can see this thread is causing issues and many are reading My statements and forming thier own opinons aboutthem rather than asking for clarification. I recently received a message from MissMorrigan about how some of her thread was edited or deleted by the Mod's. Please allow Me the time to make a few statements and clarifications in the hopes to straighten this out. (My appologies if it goes too long)

1. I am a very passionate Dominant about the saftey of submissives and slaves. I make act the part of an overbearing and scary Dominant but that is more for the cheap seats and for the thrill of My belle and any other sub/slaves that know Me personally. While I am apt to be a strong advocate of thier saftey I do know the difference between playtime and harmful behavior to others.

2. MissMorrigan's original post to Me about the anger management was taken by Myself in jest. ( A person who disagreed with My statement and made a funny.) I took it in a lighthearted fashion and ended it there. MY statement about beating the shit out of him was also a jest. (Apparantly I should make these statements in crayon so they are easier to understand as a joke). My appologies.

3. colouredin, yes I sent him to another because I knew at this moment I had issue with his methods and I felt he would prosper under another Dom I knew who was more qualified than I to instruct him. Also this decision was made because after discussing with BOTH he and his submissive I had found three things. One niether of them had any real training or experience in safe BDSM play regardless of what they were saying. Two the submissive was not happy with many of the scenes allthough she was staying out of being thought of as a whip sub or fake. And three though he was a "nice" guy openly he had two problems that he needed to fix one was to learn properly and get his attitude changed of arrogance and motis operandi, and two he had a wife whom he was telling everyone a statement of "she knows his lifestyle and is ok with it but wants no part of it". This was a lie and was one of the major reasons I wanted to not be around because I knew his wife out in the world and would not be caught in a situation that would be harmful to My Home.

4. As for any sticking my nose or violence of dealing with any Dom. The only times I have ever employed violence (and yes I have done so) is when the physical saftey of a subby in in clear present danger. Sorry folks but you cannot just sit idly by and watch an innocent newbie to the lifestyle walk into danger and think your hands are clean. Also you cannot let a submissive who obviously does not have the moral fiber to know when enough is enough or when the Dom they are with does things that go to far. The OP of theis thread had stated that she would see subbies crying after sessions with this man. I would say that is too far. I am not saying a man hunt to preplan harm or do some form of beatdown to a man that is illegal but I am saying a word or two to the sub and if something is going too far at a play party I am at as DM or Host you better believe I would toss the man out of the Home on his ear and state he is not allowed to return. That to Me is an acceptable situation where sticking My nose where it is not wated or violence should be shown. If you are a Dominant you have a responsibility to your sub and anyone who could be inappropriatly harmed by one who is a predator.

5. MissMorrigan, you can eyeroll all ya want doll, I don't mind. (chuckles) All I ask is when you do not understand you ask first. My thoughts and views are My own and may not be like everyone elses. I may not be all that eloquent in explaining that Np, I really do not wish any harm to com to this Dom the OP is speaking of but I do feel someone needs to step in before a subby is harmed. No, I do not advocate physical harm to handle these situations but Yes I will throw a man on his ass if I ever see him doing things that will harm another when he obviously has no experience and is just doing it for the thrill. There are times to be mental and comforting and there are time to act to prevent harm.

6. luscious, yes it did say that, it was just a feble attempt at humor.

7.Last, again I will say that MissMorigan sent Me a mail about her post being deleted or edited, I do no't know what that is about as I see noting she wrote being poorly worded towards Myslef. All I have seen her write has simply been her views (and actually a quite polite way of stating them) So to the Mod's I would like to say please do not step on someone simply because they are disagreeing with Me. I am a big boy I can handle some beratement. If I could not then obviously I could not handle My belle as shes is the worst of the lot when t comes to berating Me. Maybe that is why I love her so, that Italian fire that makes Me want to choke the shit out of her(damn someones not going to get that one, here we go again)

_____________________________

First rule in dealing with the Devil............................
..................................................................DON'T!

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/8/2009 2:21:53 PM

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The club I go to allows sex. It is a members only club and you can not pay at the door.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/9/2009 12:20:27 AM

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Raid, let me clarify. The post that was deleted was not part of this thread. I had created an entirely new thread in which to accommodate an apology I felt you deserved from myself in response to my comments to you on this thread. It was a sincere apology given the way I had injected snarkiness into my response to you. It's good to know that you were not offended by my post, there was no malintent but rather a more than clumsy attempt at a little tongue-in-cheek humour in my retort to you. I didn't achieve it and personally felt it was below acceptable. The thread was deleted without notification of why or which TOS I may have violated - it's helpful to know so that I do not repeat the error and I was unaware that my post had infringed any TOS. Now that is out of the way, let me reply to the points you have made.

In point 2, you suggest your comment about beating the shit out of someone if they did not respond favourably to training or continues to cause pain/be problematic the shit should be beaten out of him. I'll provide the entire quote for clarification:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRaid If he refuses training or still causes pain or problems to the subbies, beat the shit out of him

Kindly explain where the humour was injected b/c I certainly missed it, I read it as a suggestion of seriousness of how to deal with a person should they not 'fall in line'. Perhaps you should use Crayola, I'd further suggest alternating colours for each letter. The idea of a joke is that it's not just you that shares it and it's done to provoke laughter, not derisively either. Perhaps there is a playful side to you and it was a practical joke, we're now on 9th April - you're eight days behind schedule (crayola moment).

With regard to point number 5. I did not misunderstand, or I would have asked for clarification - see my response above.

Point 7. Consensual violence gets the thumbs up - continue choking.

I am thankful that there are vigilant DM at clubs who will step in and take action if behaviour falls below what is required. Too many times people don't step in as they don't feel it their place to interject themselves into someone else's situation even when they see it is getting out of hand. It's just knowing the appropriate way in which that should be done that seems to be lacking - that was not a comment directed at you, Raid.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to MasterRaid)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/9/2009 6:08:52 AM

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I’ve read every post in this thread. The following is a compilation of things I felt were important throughout.

LadyHib:I'd just like to see this guy's eyes opened.

So would I. I have wanted that for a long long long time.

Lynnxz: someone needs to sit him down and inform him that being kinky is not an excuse for having godawful social skills

People have tried that – over and over again – for many years.

LadyHib: My friends and I actually lied to him to keep him from just showing up to one of our parties---because THAT is how big a jerk he can be.

At first, I was going to say “just say no.” But then, I realized that with this person, it never works that way at all (even though we all wish it could).

Pinkpolkadots: It sounds also like he is the kind of guy who is always bringing some new girl he just met online, a girl who hasn't a clue, to parties?

DING DING DING!!! You got it! Not sure if he's meeting them online though or just coming through the door, but either way...it's the new girls that he focuses on.

RedMagic1: LH, do you have personal, direct knowledge of things, or have you "just" noticed a pattern? That is, things people have told you over the years, etc.

Well, I can tell you that if LadyHib does not, I certainly do – 10 YEARS of direct knowledge. And NO I didn’t just sit back and take it. There were MANY MANY times that I and others on my behalf tried to do something about it - to get him to just leave me alone. Nearly every submissive woman I know has their own personal story – things they have direct knowledge of – things they have experienced themselves. Some of the stories are difficult to hear. Some are simply that of a pest that won’t leave them alone. And some are of people (like me) who when new, were scared to death of this person because he Just. Will. Not. Stop. Ever. And frankly, most of what he does is not prosecutable - at least in my experience. Furthermore, even if he IS prosecutable, heavy duty concerns remain regarding our involvement in this life and what the publicity of prosecuting this might do to our jobs and custody situations – so we tend to keep our mouths shut (yes, I know, it’s all OUR fault huh?)

LadyHib: I also say that how do we know the difference between bad dom and bad date?

The difference between a bad dom and a bad date is when over and over again, when you relate a bad date story to someone (without mentioning names), they say “oh, you must’ve been out with ______. I remember when he did that crap to me too." That’s when you realize you weren’t just out on a bad date. You just became one of a very large group of female submissives targeted by a bad dom.

LadyHib: And, I would like to help this guy see what he is doing.

But here’s the thing LadyHib: He approached YOU – known for being pretty darn compassionate toward others – also known for having significant clout in this community. He’s not approaching the folks he’s done things with and to in order to make amends. He’s not changing what he’s doing one iota. He’s pulling on your heart-strings and he’s hoping that he will find a sympathetic ear - and hopefully a supportive voice.

SimplyMichael: One person making accusations is one thing, lots of people? At some point, you just have to act. You are not putting someone to death here...it is okay to do so simply to serve as a lesson for others.

This is precisely what’s happening right now over here. Unfortunately, he’s not, nor has he ever been able to recognize the lesson. Banning him, so far, has been the only thing that’s gotten his attention.

Emperor1956: What you are doing is repeating gossip.

What she is doing is asking, if there was someone YOU knew of who was causing problems of such a magnitude that it was stopping MANY submissives from attending functions, etc, what would you do? She’s asking men because she wants a male perspective. Understand, that this stuff has been going on for MANY years.

Emperor1956: We're only getting one side of the story and all of it bad press. I'm going to play devil's advocate and ask for proof. Not hearsay from sobbing submissives that had their balloons popped.

So at what point is it no longer gossip? This is what drives those submissives you say should say something to not say a darn thing and what feeds his ability to continue on doing what he’s always done. There is the near to overwhelming realization that no one will believe us anyway.

SteelohUtah: If she mentines him specifically or makes it obvious who she is talking to then Yes she is Black Balling and attempting to remove him from the Community.

LOL. She would NEVER have to mention his name or even give any sort of particulars. We ALL know who he is. At a gathering about a year ago, there was a question posed: “Has anyone ever had problems with harassment at public parties.” No names were mentioned; no details were provided prior to asking this question. And out of a room full of women, only 2 did not raise their hands as having had this happen. The women were shocked. They looked back and forth to each other and finally a name was spoken. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THE WOMEN WHO HAD THEIR HANDS RAISED NODDED BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL TALKING ABOUT THE SAME PERSON. And yes, I was there and yes, I had my hand raised as well, so this is not just a story told second or third hand.

SteelofUtah: I called the authorities on a Neighbor who likes to beat his wife and the police officer who came to find out what the matter was TOLD the guy that I had called them, Even though I did not give a name or my address. The guy came down and confronted me and my wife about calling the cops on him

This is EXACTLY what we’re afraid of - or rather, what I am afraid of (I don't want to speak for others.) Many years ago, I opted for the silent treatment since nothing I ever said registered with him. Then, when I met my Master, suddenly, he was ingratiating himself with my him (“we ALL love juliet”) and wanting to suddenly be his best friend (“cause juliet means sooo much to us and if SHE cares for you then we want to get to know you too!!”). And then, apart from my Master, confronting me and quietly ranting (because loudly would have drawn attention to him) “Is THIS why you wouldn’t talk to me? Is THIS why you treated me so terribly?”

And to everyone:

LadyHib is but one person in a long line of people who have attempted to give this person leeway, to help him see what he’s doing, to find some way of dealing with his actions. I do wish you knew her other than just through her posts. She is NOT trying to find a way to get rid of this person. If that was the case, she’d not have posted at all. The deed is done and he’s been banned from some functions around town. You have to understand that she’s just doing what so many have done before – and that’s to try to help him reach some resolution of this problem in a way that helps him, not ostracizes him. And no, she does NOT have to actually LIKE him in order to do this.

No, this person isn’t evil incarnate. In fact, on the plus side, he’s always ready to lend a hand to organizers and put in the work it takes to get things set up. He is actually a DM at one of the events around town (one I’m obviously NOT attending). And he does have his circle of friends. But, what he does is frightening to many of us. Even as I write this, I worry that if he reads this, his next step will be to corner me to “talk” about this and to “explain” himself. There is no talking to him. He talks over anything you say to him. He pushes until there is just no where to go. I can’t even go to get my Master a soda at a private party this person’s been invited to without him following me inside. (It took my Master watching him follow me inside and then having to come after me himself to keep this person away from me – and I’m just NOT that alluring!) To this end, I no longer attend some of the functions around here. I’m both afraid to and not allowed to. My Master did as LadyHib is doing and as I did before her and as so MANY people have done. He tried to find ways to reach this person. He tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. But eventually, he too realized that it was just far better for me to give this person wide berth than to expect that he would be able to change.

Please though. Try to keep in mind that when I came into this life, stories were already out there about this person – and I came in 10 years ago. I did like so many do and like some have done even in this thread. I chose not to believe the “gossip” and I chose to give this person the benefit of the doubt, and as such would be polite to him etc. But when he started to push for more – and would NEVER take no for an answer, I realized that what I was thinking was “gossip” was actually people’s real experiences. When he started following me to my car without me ever asking for an escort even though I’d said that I didn’t want and/or need one, when no matter what I said or did, he wouldn’t back off… that’s when I realized that there was more to the stories than simply gossip or blackballing. And when other people – male dominants all - on FIVE separate occasions – attempted to intercede on my behalf AFTER I’d tried everything I could and THAT didn’t work either, I realized that there was a much bigger problem here than simply a lack of social skills.

Also understand that the situations LadyHib has talked about and that I’ve talked about are on the increase in recent times – both in terms of frequency and in terms of intensity.

I hope this helps in the whole notion of LadyHib trying to police the community, or speaking of things second or third hand. She is truly doing more than I’d ever bother with anymore. As far as I’m concerned, his behavior should have a natural consequence and banning is precisely that. I personally would have preferred that he realize what he’s doing a LONG time ago so that it wouldn’t have reached this juncture. But I also have to say that since it has, I’m very pleased to see the hosts of these events finally step up and do what they can.

And finally (bet you never thought I’d say that huh?)… to be fair, I don’t think that what’s happened is so much a situation of “the good old boy network” as it is people who have their own experiences with being accused of things and being reluctant to do the same in turn to someone else. However, I know that some of those hosts have done exactly that, and I commend them for taking that step - even as I still think it's too bad that the step had to be taken.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 4/9/2009 6:27:05 AM >

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/9/2009 6:47:28 AM

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julietsierra.....WOW....and

and

!

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"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to julietsierra)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/9/2009 7:27:11 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

The club I go to allows sex. It is a members only club and you can not pay at the door.

Hmmmm...4 questions asked, one answered in a manner that refers to you and your situation but does not address the overall question asked.

Why do I not find this surprising?

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/9/2009 9:10:31 AM

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
She is NOT trying to find a way to get rid of this person.

But it seems worthy of announcing that was the result.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Just an update, bye the bye... the person in question has been banned from two local events. Another one is being shown the door as well.

Congratulations or regrets are in order? No more 'crying in the bathroom' no more 'date rape' debates, no more false herpes scares; sounds like from the perspective given - the Detroit scene has purged themselves of this individual.
quote:

What she is doing is asking, if there was someone YOU knew of who was causing problems of such a magnitude that it was stopping MANY submissives from attending functions, etc, what would you do?
We're At functions that I host - he's not invited. He shows up - I escort him off site. He's at a function where I'm attending but not hosting, it's up to the host to make their own decision and act upon it.

BTW - There are quite a few people who've indicated to me that they won't attend my parties, because a certain person, or persons were invited. Usually it's because of turning down an offer to play, or an 'ex'. Their loss, or their gain depending upon who you ask. Many don't show up because they know that my parties are for 'adults'; you know, people who can handle the adult activities, adult beverages, and adult sex that often breaks out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
Try to keep in mind that when I came into this life, stories were already out there about this person – and I came in 10 years ago.

Ten years of problems and issues and just now the 'community', 'group', or certain 'individuals', finally acted? Is this a group populated with government workers? A 'blackball' represents an old school, usually fraternity, practice where everyone is given a white and black ball to put in a bag when a 'pledge' is considered for membership. One blackball disquaifies the pledge. If there are 10, 100, or the entired 'community' save one - it's still a blackball; live with it, and be happy with excerting your will and power over the pledge. Whether your reasons are personal or intented to protect the group - it matters not.

Such angst caused by one person. Over at least 10 years, he's been talked to, shunned, lied to about parties, subs hide under rocks as he walks by them; what an incredible sadist! I need to meet this guy!

(in reply to julietsierra)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/9/2009 9:16:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Such angst caused by one person. Over at least 10 years, he's been talked to, shunned, lied to about parties, subs hide under rocks as he walks by them; what an incredible sadist! I need to meet this guy!

Merc, you did, that sounds like me. Oh, and I can't wait to be hanging out with you next week. I started a rumor that I ate my last partner to compliment the one that says I collect their left labias.

I look forward to some serious debauchery, drinking, excess, gratuitous sex and violence.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/9/2009 9:16:57 AM

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From: Savannah, GA
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Merc.. I got the impression that people HAVE tried to talk to the individual many times over the years

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(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/9/2009 9:30:03 AM

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Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

To be precise, he was banned months before LadyHib was approached by him. "Announcing" he'd been banned was not so much an announcement as it was to refute accusations that LadyHib was trying to get him ousted. She became involved when the banned person approached her, not the other way around.

I'm sure sarcasm is probably your strong suit but it's really lost on those who have been having to live with this for that long.

Is it so darned tough to recognize that there have been years of trying to deal with this in the "usual manner" of conversing and all the rest? (aside of course from the fact that at YOUR parties, YOU handle things SO much better than the inept folks from around here.... whoopie zing)

But then... you're just doing what everyone else has done throughout the years... devalued what the submissives are saying because even though you don't know this person, SURELY, you have a better handle on the things that have gone down than they do.

And most assuredly, the stance you strike is no different than the stances of others - which is precisely what has enabled him to function with virtually no consequence for so long.

How nice it must be to be so all-knowing.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 4/9/2009 9:37:22 AM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/9/2009 9:35:54 AM

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Define Insanity.

Doing the same thing Over and Over and expecting different results.

Steel

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(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/9/2009 9:38:29 AM

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Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Define Insanity.

Doing the same thing Over and Over and expecting different results.

Steel

which is why the hosts of events finally took a different tact and did what you all are protesting over.

juliet

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/9/2009 10:17:12 AM

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From: St George Utah
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Seriously, Emotions are running high and people are acting like a cat in a corner with nowhere to go and ready to strike.

Some things that I keep coming back too and it seems gets ignored. Perhaps no one was talking Black Balling, perhaps people reallt genuinely wanted to help this guy.

I assumed this guy was a Newb in the community but if he's been there for 10 years with this kind of behavior I have to ask why the community is only taking steps now?

I am sure some people might not have seen this but the steps that were taken are what I said SHOULD have been taken in the first place. Rather than pulling the passive agressing play go straight to him and say "Sorry you just aren't welcome here." and amazing as it is the guy was told to go away and now he's gone.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to julietsierra)

RE: Male doms--how do you help a problem dom? - 4/9/2009 10:54:14 AM

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Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I assumed this guy was a Newb in the community but if he's been there for 10 years with this kind of behavior I have to ask why the community is only taking steps now?

I am sure some people might not have seen this but the steps that were taken are what I said SHOULD have been taken in the first place. Rather than pulling the passive agressing play go straight to him and say "Sorry you just aren't welcome here." and amazing as it is the guy was told to go away and now he's gone.

Steel

Precisely the question we, the submissives who've had to deal with this and with the underlying message that our concerns never warranted much more than a pat on the head have wondered for years.

What has changed in more recent times is the frequency and intensity of his actions until it reached a point where more and more of us started voting with our feet.

It's still not the best feeling in the world to know that in the end, what mattered most was that someone was going to lose some money. Nonetheless, action was taken and for that, I, for one, am grateful.

juliet

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

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